| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/5/2006 11:06:18 AM | Ok.....what is the deal? Guys say women are too needy? I have been emailing with this one guy for about 2 weeks and decided to give him my number. Huge mistake. Every day I get at least 10 text messages from him through out the day and a call at night. I hae been blowing him off lately. How do I tell him I have no interest in meeting him now when I am quite frankly a bit freaked out.  | |
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| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/5/2006 11:12:01 AM | I would e-mail him and just say, "I am sorry but I am no longer interested in possibly meeting you. I am quite frankly a bit freaked out by the 10 text messages a day. Please do not text message or call or e-mail anymore. Thank you."
Then see what he does.
Truth is always best. | |
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| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/5/2006 11:15:21 AM | Hmmm ... I would never even bother to open a text message ... I don't want that kind of communication ... don't know how to even do it. If I can't talk to him, I don't answer the phone.
If you are not interested in him anymore, you need to let him know ... just be honest with him and hope the text messages stop. | |
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| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/5/2006 11:43:57 AM | | I'm with everyone else. Another way you might word your response is, "I thought I was ready to correspond and possibly meet, but truthfully this has become a bit overwhelming and I'm not ready to take either step at this time... sorry" | |
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| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/5/2006 11:49:21 AM | | I can see why the texting would be way too much. But maybe if you responded to the first one, you wouldn't get the other 14. Kind of goes against the "rules of the game" but if you want something to work out, or in your case, you don't, either way, you have to be honest with each other. | |
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D.D.A
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Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 11 | |
| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/5/2006 12:22:48 PM | | its simple you tell him straight up be cruel to be kind. the longer it goes on the longer he thinks he has a chance. just say im sorry but all this txts n calls have freaked me out and now have been put off i feel smothered. | |
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Ryeno
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Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 12 | |
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| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/9/2006 9:20:00 AM | I am currently reading a book called "The Gift of Fear"
Google it and get it...it is very insightful..I posted about two guys at two different times who would NOT leave me alone....(and oddly, one just contacted me YET AGAIN, after about 4 months, I even reported him for harassment to the site I had met him on)
There's a whole chapter about people like you describe. And what you should do, according to the book is NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Yeah, I was surprised when I read that..
But the moral to that is.....persistent people, they like contact...ANY CONTACT. If you contatct him after 15 text messages, or phone calls, or emails, whatever....he will just learn it takes 15 attempts to get you to respond. So do nothing...zilch, nada, zero...
And he should leave you alone. If not, then seek legal help. | |
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| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/9/2006 1:31:00 PM | If a man is daring enough to be obsessive, 'nothing' would be best.
If you respond to this kind of person, no matter how kind you are, he will blast you with responses and possibly call you names. A normal man, would only require a no thank you (the truth), but this guy doesnt appear to be on the normal side. | |
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t1494
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Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 18 | |
| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/9/2006 1:40:24 PM | | Some Guys just dont get it!!!!!! I would run from a girl sending me 12 text's a day, so why would a girl be any different. Read up guys " WOMEN DONT WANT A NEEDY, LOW SELF ESTEEM GUY" . A guy that calls or text's that much is very needy!!!! No wonder most women I meet are so cautious.......... Stop screwing it up for guys that have a clue!! A guys feelings toward a girl doesn't matter at all, it's how she feels about you that matters..... Working on that is the first step!!!! | |
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| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/9/2006 1:41:09 PM | Went through this myself with my first (and only so far) POF date. Warning signs even before we met IRL, IM'ing me a couple times a day, with 'sexual innuendo' all over, but I had committed to a first 'date'... and we had a nice time out, dinner & talking... and then the "M" word came out the next morning in an IM chat...
.. and then the IM's just went through the roof, like every 45-60mins, all day long while I was working, like I have nothing better to do while working. So I started putting up an away message "Busy working, can chat later" - and she *still* was IM'ing me all day long, and starts with "your IM must be 'broken'" (uh, read the message?). It just got obsessive, 15-20x a day, all day long.
Just freaked me out. I don't mind a nightly chat or call, but it was just so obsessive I really lost all interest. Still was getting IM's for over a month after, I changed my name on POF and don't have a picture up because I just wanted to get away. | |
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| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/9/2006 1:46:33 PM | I'm going to play the devil's advocate here and say you're being a crybaby.
When me and my ex first started dating we'd text each other all the time. Even if it was just to say "Poke" or "I'm bored" or just some "Spur of the moment, I'm thinking about you" kind of comment.
Its not like a 3 word message supercedes our ability to talk and hang out or whatever when the time is right. But sitting at work it was nice to get a message at random times per day and it was nice to send a message just to say "How's it going?"
So tell the guy. Tell the guy what an uptight person you are because "OH NOES HE MAKES MY PHONE BEEP!" and that you no longer want anything to do with him
Don't do anything crazy like say "Hey man, why do you send so many text messages during the day? I'm not used to that sort of thing".
I swear, get over yourself. You're painting this guy as the problem and everyone is agreeing with you whole heartedly without even knowing what the messages say or whether or not you even reply to them.
Making this guy out to be some needy, creepy, stalkerpath is honestly the low road when from my point of view, you just seem to be inept with modern forms of communication and interaction. The problem is with you as much as it might be with him. | |
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| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/9/2006 1:53:28 PM | that is creepy.
I was talking to a girl earlier this week, she hasnt been online for 5 days or so, I sent her an email to say hello and see when she'd be online again. I felt creepy after i sent that one email, i cant imagine sending another or sending her 15 text messages. And not hearing from her would tell me she's probably not interested. So be it.
People are very needy tho, male and female. The last girl I dated was possessive and clingy, and all it did was push me further away from her. She wanted herself to be my whole life. It had only been two months and I couldnt make her understand that I was not going to ditch my friends of 10-15-20 years to hang out with her 7 days a week. At the end she was so bad I had to end it. She was a nice girl, treated me well, but she expected something unrealistic.
I try to stay away from people like that. People who want to close you in and live in a little 2 person world. I have no problem making a girl I care about my world, but I still need time for myself and time for my friends.
Most people who are clingy have severe trust issues too. Nothing I hate worst than not being trusted. I am not a cheater, im not a liar, and I dont want to be treated like one because I went out for wings with my friends and she wasnt there, or because I stayed 2 hours after the baseball game to have a few beer with the team (and even called to let her know). | |
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| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/9/2006 1:56:11 PM | i've had similar situations happen this past year at least 3 times now (3 different guys of course).
once i agree to go out with them, they kept emailing me several times a day about ridiculous stuff "just checking to see how you are" "why haven't you responded to my email?" "why don't we go out tonight??"
with one guy, i responded back that i'm busy the next couple of days, that's why we set it up to meet in a couple of days "well maybe you can fit me for coffee tomorrow sometime?" again, again and again he kept bugging me - so my 'gut' was telling me this isn't right, so i just cancelled the whole thing on him and told him my life was too busy right now for him. he then told me he'd be in town and maybe i could give him another chance, blah blah blah. needless to say i just deleted the emails and blocked his address.
two other guys, after meeting them either on the first or second date, started telling me how they think i could be 'the one' and how much they reallllly liked me and made comments about a future together - this TOTALLY creeps me out because how can you talk like that after only meeting someone twice??
so i completely understand being freaked out by men being 'needy' - at first i kept feeling like i was more like the 'man' and they were acting more like the stereotypical 'woman'.
behaviour like that is a total turn off!!!
this is a huge warning sign, i think, and you should just tell him you are too busy or something, and if you can, block him or just ignore any further contact he tries with you.
blech! | |
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| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/9/2006 1:56:27 PM | | Totally agree with anenigma! Met a guy online about nine months ago. Everything went well so we went out a couple of times. NOT good dates. So, I told him it wasn't going to work out. He called, he messaged, he emailed! I would ignore him for awhile & then think he's not going to leave me alone until I answer him. So, at first, nicely, I told him NO. Then, he says, Well, we can just be friends. Ok, I can deal with that. He called, he messaged, he emailed! This is a friend? I answered him NOT so nicely. He called, he messaged, he emailed! I was totally wasting my time in answering & getting upset about it. No matter what I said, the more I answered him, the worse it got. Luckily, he lost my phone #, but after nine months, I still get emails & messages. Click & delete. I actually feel sorry for someone that has nothing better to do with their time, but not sorry enough to waste mine! | |
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| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/9/2006 1:58:26 PM |
When me and my ex first started dating we'd text each other all the time.
Thats a big difference Ikusa. You were *dating*. She hasn't even met this guy, and he's texting her 15 times a day? There is a *big* difference between someone you haven't even met, and an established relationship. I for one wouldn't have a problem with getting some nice little IM's here and there during the day, "love you", "thinking of you", "can't wait to talk tonight", etc. But from someone I'm *IN* a realtionship with, not someone I haven't even met yet and/or have no committment to yet.
There's a big difference between "sweet little things" and "obsessive". | |
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| Have not even met and have 15 text messages from him. Huh?
Posted: 9/9/2006 2:10:03 PM | I still say the guy is probably just a little more 'hip' to modern forms of communication and a bit more laid back than the OP.
Maybe its an issue of their styles not being compatible.. but I'm not gonna throw this guy under a bus for sending a few messages.
Maybe if she says what the messages are and whether she replied to them and whether or not her replied to messages count agains the horrible total of "10" I'll see it differently.
All I see now is someone being way too uptight and way too eager to paint a picture about someone when the issue could just be a different standard of experience in dealing with such things. | |
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