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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > WSRFR Asked a good question, "Can men and women be friends 'after' ha      Home login  
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 strangebloom
Joined: 6/30/2005
Msg: 1
WSRFR Asked a good question, "Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?"Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I copied and pasted this from his original post for your discussion:

~~~~~~

I think the opposite question should be asked: Can men and women be friends AFTER having sex.

I had a female friend in her 50's who I discussed this with. I said that I thought she and I could be friends even after sex. She strongly disagreed and wouldn't even discuss it with me. She said "having sex changes everything". I shrugged my shoulders and didn't say a word, so I dropped the idea. If I gave her a hug, and I touched her bra strap, she would recoil and said "you aren't allowed there". So I said "fine...it was an accident anyway".

I did the same thing, though accidentally at a nice dinner that *I* was paying for and she reacted the same way.

I don't know...maybe she did really believe that ...and maybe she just wasn't attracted to me. Doesn't really make any difference anyway, but we are no longer friends, but not just because of that.
 trubblemakr
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 2
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 9/6/2006 10:31:17 AM
umm why not? if u were friends prior to having sex and the issue of one not measuring up to the others expectations isnt raised i cant see why this would b an issue.
 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 3
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 9/6/2006 10:33:06 AM
Having sex changes nothing.

Making love changes everything.

They are not the same thing.
 Marnie71
Joined: 8/12/2006
Msg: 4
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 9/6/2006 10:41:54 AM
Good on ya, Dr Strangebloom. Ok, contrary to the above exception, I personally believe women are better at this than men (bein just friends apres sex). I'm sorry guys, but in my experience, the man will always have an agenda in the ensuing "friendship". Don't want to generalise (as I dont wanna get lynched!!). I dated a guy once, it was fine and we had sex, but ultimately didn't work out between us. He had some, ahem, problems in that department, if u know what I mean. However, we stayed friends as we were studying at the same university. I was so glad that we maintained a friendship and for A YEAR it was cool. And then he blew the friendship by asking me out again, and saying that he'd liked me all along. I was furious. Here was me, thinkin, shock horror, that the guy might actually like me for my personality when all along he had an agenda. The friendship was ruined for obvious reasons. I feel that, in his case, he always felt he had somethin to prove sexually, you know, cos of the "problem". I'm sure that there are plenty of males who can cope with bein freinds after being sexually intimate, but even in the best case scenario, aren't you fellas gonna be thinkin, on some level, that there's an easy sh*g to be had if the fancy takes you? nd if that is the case, then can you be classed as friends? I dunno, but it's always been complicated for me and I tend to steer clear of it.
 IdoAllmyOwnStunts
Joined: 1/24/2006
Msg: 5
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 9/6/2006 10:48:25 AM
i know im a lot easier to get along with after ive rolled over and passed out
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 6
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 9/6/2006 11:06:24 AM
I would have to say the word "friend" is used by too many people as a way to remove themselves from a sticky situation. IMHO most of the time there really is no desire for an actual friendship but a quick escape clause to be used.
For me it would probably take quite a while b/4 I was able to be a "friend" as I dont sleep with people that I am not seriously interested in and make that quite clear from the get go.
JMT
 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 7
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 9/6/2006 11:15:24 AM
Great point, ali. Friend is too widely used.

To be my "friend", I have to know that you'd take the last bullet for me. You earn your way into my circle of friends, rather than be there by default.
 Nightwing66
Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 8
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 9/6/2006 11:26:22 AM
Yep....visited one this weekend. Dear, longtime female friend who I had sex with (& yes, made love to) years ago. We slept together a few timesin our early 20's, probably under 8 or so times. Friends before...friends since. & just to be clear...sleeping together was her idea, she didn't want a full relationship w/ me, just to be closer for a while.

She's an absolutely awesome person.....& my current GF who I took along thought so too. Yes, the current GF knew about the history between us.

I love my friend deeply....& did before we were physical. Why not afterward? She's still the same person. Neither one of us has ever really wanted to go there again.
 nosoup4u
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 9
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 9/6/2006 11:27:26 AM
I havent had much luck with the friends after sex thing but I have witnessed it in other people so yes, they can be friends after sex.
 forty-six and 2
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 10
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 9/6/2006 11:45:45 AM

but even in the best case scenario, aren't you fellas gonna be thinkin, on some level, that there's an easy sh*g to be had if the fancy takes you? nd if that is the case, then can you be classed as friends? I dunno, but it's always been


Nope. I find shagging a friend one of the hardest things to accomplish. There is so much doubt as to whether she or I can actually keep a decent friendship going afterwards. This usually keeps me from sleeping with my friends. Now I do have friends that I have had sex with before they became friends. I have not had sex with them since they’ve become my friend, and I have no desire to either.
 crazeegyrl
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 11
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 9/6/2006 11:55:35 AM
Sex is Sex and love is love-------It is possible to be friends, as sex is just masterbating with someone elses body----keep that in perspective and all should be fine...........don;t feel your orgasm with your heart.........
 No_Bravery
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 12
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 9/6/2006 12:20:01 PM
I personally find the majority (not all) men can have sexual relations with women and have no strings attached, such as emotional feelings. However, woman (most)are very emotional beings and do find it more difficult to share such intimacy and detach these types of emotions. Especially, when it is with a man friend with whom they have shared a friendship with in the past or wish to try to carry on with in the future. The feelings just are not the same and can make a woman/man feel rejected if she/he was not able to contain these feelings out of no control of their own. We do not control who we fall in love or have feelings for. This makes for friendship after sex very tricky. Who wants to feel rejected emotionally, physically (if it wasn't good), or lose a friend?
 trubblemakr
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 13
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 9/6/2006 12:38:02 PM
hmm well i would assume there would have to b some sort of sexual attraction between said friends prior to the sex act, meaningless sex is kinna um blah
 Somvara
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 14
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 9/6/2006 12:40:12 PM
I think it all depends on how one defines relationship. One of my best friends, is a guy who I have been friends with for 12 years. We have been friends, lovers, friends with occasional benefits. We have seen each other through marriage and children and moves and our friendship stays solid. I love him greatly as a friend and always will. I have other guy friends that I have dated and they refuse to talk after the dating ends.
So I believe it is a maturity level and solidness of the friendship to start with. And then again I may be the minority here. Life is tricky.
 LovingAngel
Joined: 6/10/2005
Msg: 15
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/25/2006 5:01:51 PM
I believe if if you have sex before you get to know each other as friends it could be hard,For example if you hop in the sex the first night you go out and never met before it could ruin the chance for a friendship.You only get to know each other as sexual partners first and not as a person.
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 16
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/25/2006 5:30:10 PM
Simple answer, sometimes, yes.
 ~Joy~
Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 17
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/25/2006 5:34:37 PM
Sure, why can't you be friends after sex? What's sex got to do with it? If the relationship isn't really going in the direction you want it to, then break it off and be friends.
 Leaving POF
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 18
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/25/2006 6:31:43 PM
Personal space is one thing. Sex that goes nowhere is something different. Why not be friends after? If you get along good, and have something to offer the others life, forget the sex. People can be too narrow minded. The only times I can't do it is if I don't want friendship from that person, but rather a relationship. In that case it would be hurtful to myself to continue playing the friend role.
 nobsfromu
Joined: 9/18/2006
Msg: 19
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/25/2006 6:42:34 PM
I agree with idoallmyownstunts and want to add that I haven't found a women yet that can be friends after.
 dreadpirate42
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 20
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/25/2006 7:01:05 PM
Is it really a MAN/WOMAN thing, could it not be a personality thing, I see guy's here answering both ways and most girls saying here that they can be friends, but i do know of some women who can't so, call me crazy but It seems less a HE/SHE issue, more of a you/me one...am I wrong?
 ab_qt
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 21
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/25/2006 7:05:15 PM
Who the f.ck would ask such a stupid question? YES, women and men can be friends after sex!
 Hypnotik_Majik
Joined: 4/8/2006
Msg: 22
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/25/2006 7:08:55 PM
Bloom be honest.......you pathetic right?
 belly18dancer
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 23
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/25/2006 7:14:38 PM
i agree that friend is a word too casually used...i have acquaintances and coworkers who i hang out with and have fun with, and then i have close friends who i can count on in times of trouble and need...

and no haven't had sex with any of them...

these kinds of ''buddies'' are just that ....more like aquaintances... we talk, and make nicey nice....maybe have sex now and then...but a close friend i can count on...nope, don't think of them that way
 todreamandbelieve
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 24
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/25/2006 7:20:15 PM
Well ..if you dated at one time and broke up amicably and realize there was no future for the relationship ..but want to remain friends. GO FOR IT.

If you're talking about a friendship ..and are thinking of taking it to a friends with benefits or dating type situation it's much harder. I know for most guys its easy to just have sex and be able to make things the same way. Girls tend to get a bit more twisted over the whole deal. We start thinking ohh ..maybe he likes me ..maybe we'll date ....wait it was just sex ...etc etc etc. Way more complicated for women ...at least in my opinion. It's not completely impossible ..just way more complicated.
 mzalleycat
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 25
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/25/2006 7:27:10 PM
If this were indeed the case, then there would be no such thing as FWB's then would there??
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > WSRFR Asked a good question, "Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?"