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| Why do people say, I’m gong for a quick pint a beer. When there really going for a slow couple of ga
Posted: 9/10/2006 1:09:53 AM | As I went home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be?
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before
And as I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
That's a wool blanket that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But buttons in a blanket sure I never saw before
And as I went home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never saw before
And as I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
They're two lovely Geranium pots me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But laces in Geranium pots I never saw before
And as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
That's a baby boy that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with his whiskers on sure I never saw before
And as I went home on Saturday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two hands upon her breasts where my old hands should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them hands upon your breasts where my old hands should be
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
That's a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But fingers in a night gown sure I never saw before
As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
I lad sneaking out the back, a quarter after three.
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who was that lad sneaking out the back a quarter after three?
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
That was just the tax man that the Queen she sent to me.
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But an Englishman who can last till three I've never seen before
Seven Drunken Nights, Seven Deadly Sins, More of the Hard Stuff, and Whiskey on a Sunday. It was these albums that established the Dubliners. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!With there Gallons of beer lol   | |
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| Why do people say, I’m gong for a quick pint a beer. When there really going for a slow couple of ga
Posted: 9/12/2006 10:18:19 AM | A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?"
"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.
The cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's "privates" hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out..........
"I'll be damned ----- My girlfriend's gone, too
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| Why do people say, I’m gong for a quick pint a beer. When there really going for a slow couple of ga
Posted: 9/12/2006 2:15:42 PM | Boozy Patrick on his way to the pub at 2pm walking along the canal bank when he came across an elderly lady in a wheelchair crying her eyes out--so he stops and asked what her problem was --Well young man I'm 92 and never been kissed--with this Patrick leant over and gave her a passionate kiss and went on his way. Later that evening Patrick headed home a little worse for the drink --reached the canal bank and there again was the little old lady--What's the matter now then my dear--Well young man I'm 92 And never been ********with this Patrick scooped her in his arms--laid her on the grass-then picked up her wheel chair and threw it in the canal saying--There you go me dear --now your ********
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| Why do people say, I’m gong for a quick pint a beer. When there really going for a slow couple of ga
Posted: 9/14/2006 12:21:41 AM | A tramp walks into a bar and orders a drink. ‘I don't think you're going to be able to pay for that, are you?’ says the barman. ‘Okay,’ says the tramp. ‘If I promise to show you something you've never seen before, will you give me a drink?’ Reluctantly, the barman agrees, and the tramp pulls a hamster out of his pocket and puts it on the bar. The furry creature runs over to the piano and bangs out a brilliant version of Imagine. ‘That was amazing,’ admits the barman as he pulls the tramp's pint. Once he's downed it, the tramp asks for another. ‘I'll need another miracle in return,’ says the barman. So this time the tramp pulls out a frog and puts it on the bar. The frog clears his throat and sings Bohemian Rhapsody. At this point, a man sitting in the corner of the bar comes up and gives him £100 for the frog. When he's gone, the barman says to the tramp, ‘Blimey, that's cheap. You could have got much more.’ ‘It's okay,’ replies the tramp. ‘The hamster's a ventriloquist.’   | |
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| Why do people say, I’m gong for a quick pint a beer. When there really going for a slow couple of ga
Posted: 9/14/2006 8:54:29 AM | My brother Bill runs a still on the hill
Where he turns out a gallon or two
And the buzzards in the sky get so drunk they can not fly
Just from sniffing that good old mountain dew.
Chorus
They call it that good old mountain dew,
And them that refuse it are few.
I'll hush up my mug if you'll fill up my jug
With that good old mountain dew.
My aunt Lucille had an automobile,
It ran on a gallon or two.
It didn't need no gas and it didn't need no oil,
It just ran on that good old mountain dew.
Repeat chorus
My uncle Mort, he is sawed off and short,
He measure 'bout four foot two,
But he thinks he's a giant when you give him a pint
Of that good old mountain dew.
Repeat chorus
Old Auntie June had a brand new perfume,
It had such a wonderful "pew"
But to her surprise, when she had it analyzed,
It was nothing but that good old mountain dew
Repeat chorus
I know a guy named Pete, his hair ain't so neat,
Though he fixes it with syrup and blue,
But it stays right in place when he uses just a trace
Of that good old mountain dew.
Repeat chorus
The preacher-he walked by, with a big tear in his eye
Said that his wife had the flu
And hadn't I ought just to give him a quart
Of that good old mountain dew
Repeat chorus
My uncle Klaus had a real mean old mouse
When they asked how it happened,
He said it was a lapin'
That good old mountain dew
Repeat chorus
There's an old hollow tree, just a little way from me
Where you lay down a dollar or two
If you hush up your mug, then they'll give you a jug
Of that good old mountain dew
Repeat chorus
You take a little trash and you mix it up with ash,
And you throw in the soul of a shoe,
Then you stir it awhile with an old rusty file,
And they call it that good old mountain dew.
Repeat chorus
During the last war, we couldn't get no more,
We didn't have no sugar for the dew
With a few old potaters and a few ripe tomatoes,
We turned out some stuff, I'm tellin' you
Repeat chorus
Old Deacon Crane took a trip in the rain,
Said his wife had come down with the flu,
But she'll be all right if you give her a pint
Of that good old mountain dew.
Repeat chorus
Mr. Franklin Roosevelt, he told me how he felt
The day the old dry law went through:
If your linker’s too red, it will swell up your head
Better stick to that good old mountain dew
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| Why do people say, I’m gong for a quick pint a beer. When there really going for a slow couple of ga
Posted: 10/25/2006 4:22:07 PM |  
A tramp walks into a bar and orders a drink. ‘I don't think you're going to be able to pay for that, are you?’ says the barman. ‘Okay,’ says the tramp. ‘If I promise to show you something you've never seen before, will you give me a drink?’ Reluctantly, the barman agrees, and the tramp pulls a hamster out of his pocket and puts it on the bar. The furry creature runs over to the piano and bangs out a brilliant version of Imagine. ‘That was amazing,’ admits the barman as he pulls the tramp's pint. Once he's downed it, the tramp asks for another. ‘I'll need another miracle in return,’ says the barman. So this time the tramp pulls out a frog and puts it on the bar. The frog clears his throat and sings Bohemian Rhapsody. At this point, a man sitting in the corner of the bar comes up and gives him £100 for the frog. When he's gone, the barman says to the tramp, ‘Blimey, that's cheap. You could have got much more.’ ‘It's okay,’ replies the tramp. ‘The hamster's a ventriloquist.’  | |
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| Why do people say, I’m gong for a quick pint a beer. When there really going for a slow couple of ga
Posted: 10/25/2006 4:39:29 PM |  Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much, it scared the s**t out of me.
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It's important to keep fit as you get older, my granny started walking 5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't know where the hell she is.
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 Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite, the receptionist asks 'do you have reservations?' The bride answers 'Yes, I won't take it up the ....'!
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Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night,
I dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.
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Rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary. They're both at Madison Avenue shopping for their wives. Poor man says to the Rich man, "What'd you get your wife this year?" He says, "A Mercedes and a huge diamond ring." The poor man says, "Why'd you get her both?" The Rich man says, "If she doesn't like the ring, she can take it back happy." The Poor man says, "O.K. That works." The Rich man says, "Well what did you get your wife?" The Poor man says, "A pair of slippers and a dildo." The Rich man says, "Why'd you get her a pair of slippers and a dildo?" The Poor man says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go ******** herself!"
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