| Cheating "the deinition of..."
Posted: 9/11/2006 5:20:36 PM | Its been two years since my marriage ended with closure and I am more curious as to what we all consider cheating. My example is this, please let me know.
I was with her for almost 8 years.
She asked me if I could make sure I was home for the long weekend (May 24). She wanted to go to the states with a couple of friends. It is now the beggining of April.
Not blinking an eye I agreed to this and made sure I had the time of work.
April 22nd comes and she tells me that we ( our relationship) are through outside of work (we worked together).
May 24 comes and goes and we saw each other when she got back from the states. She asks me if I wanted to know where she was over the weekend. I told her its not my business anymore... and she told me she went to see the parents of guy she has been talking to over the internet since January.
As you might think, I was dumbfounded and explained that I did not like the idea that she has been cheating. She explains that she was not cheating and we had it out right there.
I am not looking for sympathy here folks been there and thru the t-shirt away. life went on and I am secure with my own closure and with my life to date. I am curious to see if I was off in my assumption in this senerio.
I think that cheating happens on all levels and the emotional and physical levels are the most prevelant with intelectual not far behind.
Let me know? | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 9/11/2006 5:22:48 PM | | CHeating can most definitely happen without ever touching another person physically. | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 9/11/2006 5:25:06 PM | | Cheating isn't always about the physical. When someone breaks that emotional bond he/she has with another... its cheating.. hands down. | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 9/11/2006 5:31:09 PM | Personally, I'd say that was a form of cheating....although, maybe it wasn't PHYSICAL cheating, but emotional-cheating is just as bad. I've always felt as though once a person doesn't feel as though they can be with someone or is having interests in other people, that's the day that the relationship needs to end.
I've always believed that once one person in a relationship feels as though they can't be with that person for any more then short term, or if they're starting to have other feelings else where, that's the day that the relationship needs to end.
I don't like to have my time wasted by someone else who isn't as committed in a relationship as I am, or have the same feelings towards me as I do towards them. At the same time, I don't like to waste other people's time either, so if I know I'm not into a relationship as much as the other person and know that it's not possible for me to be, I end it.
Once you start looking outside of a relationship for anything (whether it be physical or emotional, or what have you), to me that is a form of cheating .... some more then others. But really, when you're in a relationship...aren't you really suppose to be fulfilled by that one person and that one person only? If you need to go elsewhere or are even looking elsewhere, to me that's just wrong.....atleast, that's my two cents. | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 9/11/2006 5:32:08 PM | Emotional attachments are often more determinal then physical.
If you build up an emotional attachment with someone those are often the lasting ones..they mean something. Anyone can have a physical relationship and feel nothing for the person the next day. | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 9/11/2006 7:52:38 PM | There are two types of cheating... physical and emotional.
And both are just as hurtful to the person whose love and trust has been betrayed. | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 9/11/2006 7:59:24 PM | cheating is not always physical and I agree with most of the posts here...I think you did the right thing..
for her to say she wasnt cheating? who goes to the states to meet someones parents if you havent cheated? who goes anywhere to meet any parents if there isn't something developing...and that in my books is cheating.....
it is when you know in your heart that something is developing, when the feelings are happening and have reached a level that you want to move forward...i.e. meeting the parents......... | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 9/11/2006 8:54:56 PM | | definition of cheating : when you do or say something with or to another that you have to hide from your significant other is cheating. | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 9/12/2006 7:18:13 PM | I think people cheat because they feel that the grass will be greener on the other side. Or so they can continue to feed their ego that they are still desirable.
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 9/12/2006 7:36:57 PM | | as Dr. Phil says....dont do anything in the abscence of your spouse/significant other that you wouldnt do if they were standing right there............ | |
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Mayor
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Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 12 | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 9/12/2006 8:32:55 PM | | I think I would classify it as cheating, she obviously had planned this trip also in advance and knew what she was doing! | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 9/12/2006 8:34:26 PM | | I agree with the above wise one...if you wouldn't do or say it in front of your partner, don't do it at all. | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 11/24/2006 9:24:19 PM | I forgot about this. Thanks to all for the reassurance that my thoughts were correct. I think I can just about forgive anything in my life save and except "cheating". My "ex" to this day continues to support her claim that she was not cheating.
Thanks again all! | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 11/25/2006 10:19:17 AM | Hi there
I was reading your post and I had to add my two cents. I totally agree with you that what she did is cheating. I was living with a guy that I met here on POF. He always said he was happy and that he was totally in loved with me. Then out of the blue he states he's not happy and wants to move out. The night he left he left his msn up and turns out he had been talking to someone oneline about getting together with her once he had left me. I emailed her and she said that she told him they could take things slow once everything was over between us. Even though I had no clue he wanted to leave me. So neither one of them thinks they have done anything wrong!! They both think that because they only made plans to date after he left me that it was not cheating in anyway.
Just had to put in my two cents. Live and learn
Betty | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 11/25/2006 10:35:50 AM | Had a similar situation happen to me back in 2000. Seems to me that she might have been cheating long before the relationship went sour.
Mine went to the states to visit some "girlfriends" in Pennsylvania a few times. Third time she went, I sent a private investigator after her. Busted!!!!!! Marriage over after 14 years. There is much more to it than that, but thats the short version.
By the way, found out later that she was on hustler magazine chat room. How sick is that???? | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 11/25/2006 7:51:29 PM | | This problem of mine does not seem to be an isolated incident. Not to make light of any of our experiences but good for us, we could have still been with our respective others and been going through hell. Wish I had thought of a "PI", bet that felt satisfying. Lets see how many more people put there two cents worth in. | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 11/25/2006 8:06:39 PM | | Well..something kinda the same happened to me....only he had a secret profile on here looking for naughty ladies.....(we are broken up for good) ....ummm the freaky Ideas people have about truth and loyalty is sometimes just way out there....anyway the best part of all our stories is....we get to wake up tomorrow and choose we if we are going to look toward the future...or live in past....I choose looking forward....cause ya can't change the past you already learned the lessons from it so carry on!!!! So there is my two cents worth.... | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 11/25/2006 8:07:26 PM | I agree with the majority, and especially with the Dr.Phil quote.
If you're trying to reason with your ex, I don't see any point to be honest. There's a certain amount of "brain fog" that comes with cheating... and no amount of logic can get through. (I went through that fog crap with my ex... he was dating a bunch of different women, and of course I was adamantly against it... so I called him on it, about ME doing the same. For whatever reason, it was okay for HIM to do it, but for me to date other men, it was cheating. WTF? hahaha! Happily divorced I am! haha!) | |
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| Cheating the deinition of...
Posted: 11/26/2006 10:03:14 AM | Cheating is someone who turns thier back on you when you have full confidence in thier love and they return your love, by ripping out your heart and soul - crushing your commitment to them by turning thier commitment elsewhere!! Extremely sad and gut wrenching!!!  | |
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