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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 9:21:17 AM | Do you know someone who needs hours alone everyday? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or idea’s, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in small groups and inept at small talk?
Well then you probably have an introvert on your hands. Introverts are hugely misunderstood.
Extroverts are highly energized by people and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves; leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and they’ll be reaching for their cell phone. Introverts on the other hand, after being socially “on” for a few hours need time to recharge by being alone.
Introverts are usually seen as shy, this is not true. Shyness means being anxious or frightened or disapprove of one’s self. This is rarely the case with introverts. Introverts are often seen as arrogant, this is usually because of our lack of small talk, which to extroverts means; I don’t like you. Introverts make up approximately 25% of the population. However, Introverts are a minority in the general population, but a majority in the gifted population. The reason for this is introverts are more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts.
Extroverts tend to think by talking, whereas introverts think before they talk. The original meanings of the words invented by Carl Jung in the late 20’s are;
Extrovert – finds meaning outside themselves.
Introvert – finds meaning within themselves.
Extroverts are highly unlikely to understand introverts. All you have to do is look at the words used to describe introverts; guarded, loner, reserved, self-contained, private and narrow. These are all ungenerous words that suggest a narrow personality.
For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping and as nourishing as eating.
The worst part is I don’t think extroverts realize the torment that they put introverts through. Having to listen to their 98% content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even listen to themselves. I can’t wait for the day when it won’t be impolite to say, “I’m an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you, but for now, please shush”
So what to do with an introvert? First recognize that it’s not a choice, it’s not a lifestyle, and it’s an orientation. Second, when you see an introvert in deep thought, don’t ask them what’s wrong? Or, are you alright? Third don’t say anything else either. Fourth when they’re done with their deep thoughts ask them what they were thinking about. | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 9:24:08 AM | Oh, I so just printed that! 
Completely dead on, accurate, and something every extrovert should read to better understand us introverted types. | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 9:34:37 AM | this is an age of pop psychology and I see many flaws with the statements in msg 1
there are extroverts with an internal locus of control
and there are introverts who are quite because they just
lack good communication skills and cannot expresss themselves
well with words.
I look for balance... not extremes... and a pure introvert
would be off my list for dating or close friendship
because people who are extreme are usually not balanced emotionally. | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 9:42:53 AM | quote]this is an age of pop psychology and I see many flaws with the statements in msg 1
there are extroverts with an internal locus of control
and there are introverts who are quite because they just
lack good communication skills and cannot expresss themselves
well with words.
I didn't see any flaws in what he said whatsoever. But I do see some flaws in your interpretation of it - you're reading things that aren't there.
He was describing the types, and their characteristics. He never said, nor did he imply, anything about somebody being either one or the other.
People are very seldom one or the other of *anything*. People are a mix and match of different personality types generally, with all sorts of characteristics of every type. It's the specific mix that makes us all unique and individuals. | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 9:47:03 AM | Ms. rainbow, all a true introvert is is someone who needs a good deal of alone time to recharge and to stay sane while a true extrovert needs to be around people as much as possible to recharge and stay sane. I'm a textbook introvert, and I love people and having a good time just like anyone else. At the end of the night, though, I have to get away from it all because excessive socialization (while it's certainly fun) makes me tired.
Being a poor communicator is more about shyness I think, and introvert and shyness isn't necessarily the same thing. | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 9:49:20 AM | Hey let's not oversimplify things, people are too complex to be described in one word.
Ok, I am an ambi-vert.  | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 10:04:40 AM | OP, if you were more introverted, you might not care whether you were understood by others. | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 10:04:49 AM | Introverts are more intelligent ?
more independent ?
hahaha
funny OP, msg 1...
lol
I'll take a pound of that baloney... just for entertainemt purposes !
LOL | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 10:12:39 AM | A very insightful post. You should make it into a magazine article and sell it. Like maybe to the Atlantic Monthly?  | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 10:20:04 AM | Um.....No.
While certain people do have more or less of those behavioral traits described on both sides of the 'vert' fence, neither is a liscense to claim the victim badge & proclaim people w/ different traits are putting you through anything.
There are plenty of people who won't care for what they (also falsely) percieve as depressive morose brooding & attribute it to an overly ego-centric world view. Just as you have done to the more extroverted end of the human spectrum.
This kind of devisive labeling does no good in the long run other than give your ego a place to hide from the world's malestrom.
How about re-wording that yourself into "Tips to help relate to a quiet person"? The current language comes across as arrogant & self serving. Stated otherwise it might actually help bridge that gap to which it refers..... | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 10:39:48 AM | Thanks, OP, that was a very informative, thoughtful and intelligent post. I had always thought I was socially deficient in some way for being an introvert. I found a link that clarifies these definitions even more:
http://cfge.wm.edu/documents/Introversion.html
Another example of a large group of the population that is routinely stigmatized for being slightly different.
Great post, OP. | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 10:41:41 AM | msg 12
I agree.. good to see posters who can think for themselves
( IQ in the 3 digits) on the forums. | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 11:04:00 AM | I agree, we have a real prejudice against introverts in our society.
All our popular culture is geared towards to extroverts.
Everyone admires the life of the party, the one getting all the attention, the one who makes us laugh.
We look down on the introvert and exalt the extrovert.
We think extroverts are happy and introverts are sad. No one wants to be introverted.
The word introverted sounds dower and depressing.
But this is what I have noticed.
Extroverts are a lot of fun, yes, but they are overall, shallow, insincere, undependable, and frivolous.
Introverts are overall, thoughtful, polite, trustworthy, and dependable.
Power to the Introverts ! | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 11:06:35 AM | This thread makes me wonder if the people agreeing with the OP are introverts and the ones disagreeing are extroverts. It seems to be somewhat polarised... I'll check the "introvert" box. Yes, I need hours alone to recharge. I'm not morose or self-obsessed. I don't brood, or sulk. I find people fascinating, learn a lot from them, can enjoy being with them... I'm not completely socially inept but I don't 'get' socialising just for the sake of making contact with other human beings. Being with people exhausts me, even when it's enjoyable. I never get lonely when I am on my own: I find it tranquil.
In contrast, I have a good friend who has always loathed to be alone, even for an hour. That can be as much hard work as someone who wants to be alone a lot. We are all different... Is there any need to fight about it and claim that anyone is 'wrong' or 'less' for feeling the way they do? | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 11:56:59 AM | I agree but don't. I was an introvert. I realized that I couldn't be an introvert and succeed in an extroverted world. So I changed. I don't really fit in either now.
But to defend extroverts...do you know how annoying it is when an introvert doesn't express what is wrong. Every have an extrovert and an introvert date? Communication is insane and very difficult. | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 12:20:17 PM | | Is anyone out there both? I like going out sometimes and other times I want nothing more than to be alone. Sometimes I can communicate what is wrong, and sometimes I just can't, not that I won't...it can be frustrating not being able to undestand why or what is wrong sometimes, so I empathize. I am not sure if being a mix is better, worse, or the same as being one or the other, but I kinda like it! | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 12:27:17 PM | I'm sure you meant well with your assessment of the introvert but did you really have to go and take shots at the extrovert, who just like you, they can't help who they are.
Being an extrovert was no walk in the park for me either. Let me tell you a little about my experience. From a young age I was always one of those that asked alot of questions and always had something to say. There were those that accepted and fostered that "curiosity" within me and there were, unfortunately, alot of people, mostly teachers, that labeled me as the troubled child. Do you know how much it hurts to be told by an adult, who you as a child look up to, to shut up? Do you know what it feels like to always have notes sent home to your parent about your inability to sit still and pay attention?? Do you know what it feels like to have your mind constantly racing, to always be bored??? We too are labeled...what are they calling it now?? ADD.. ADHD Do you know what it feels like to be told that you have to be put on drugs or you won't be allowed to come back to class?? To have to sit there and be subjected to those disapproving looks, that somehow manage to make you feel two feet tall and rip at your soul.
Then I went on to marry an introvert, the whole opposite attracts business. I was attracted to the fact that he always seemed so mature, so confident and he was attracted to the fact that I was so outgoing, so popular. I guess he looked to me to make up for his inability to socialize and I love that mysterious air he had. Little did I know that this would become a relationship made in hell. Like everything it was ok in the beginning, but as time passed he stopped laughing at my jokes and didn't find me so charming anymore. It was only a matter of time before he began to criticize everything I did. "Why don't you shut the hell up?" "What are you stupid?" Over and over again. It got to the point that I actually start to believe it about myself.
He never use to talk. Days went by without a word from this man and I spent the whole time seconding guessing, trying to open him up, constantly trying to entertain him and make him happy. But it was never enough and I was always wrong, according to him. The whole atmosphere of our home was depressive and I became a shadow of what I once was. Yes, he was a highly intelligent man but he was always very manipulative and he had a malicious streak in him a mile long. I believe those are the same characteristics that a serial killer has. Did you know that most serial killers are introverts?
..The reason for this is introverts are more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts.
The worst part is I don’t think extroverts realize the torment that they put introverts through. Having to listen to their 98% content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even listen to themselves...
These two statements here are suppose to be an example of your sensitivity??? You would like to believe that introverts are smarter, more reflective etc etc... But you have no way of proving that?? I know a ton of people that are extroverts that would blow your theory right out of the water, myself included. I graduated college with a 3.8 index, am fiercely independant and I'm always the one that my friends, family and co-workers turn to in times of crisis.
Both camps have their pros and their cons and I don't believe that one is better then the other, just different. | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 12:34:37 PM | this is an age of pop psychology and I see many flaws with the statements in msg 1
Okay first off, I’m not quite sure what pop psychology is, but these findings into introvert and extrovert, even the actual names were invented in 1920 by a psychologist named Carl Jung. Ever credible psychology school in the world teaches their students about Carl Jung’s research.
As someone stated, I don’t think anyone is completely introvert or completely extrovert, I think it’s impossible to be that. As much meaning as I find in myself, I still do learn from other people. However, we usually have more of one or the other in us, and that’s what makes you an introvert or extrovert.
While certain people do have more or less of those behavioral traits described on both sides of the 'vert' fence, neither is a license to claim the victim badge & proclaim people w/ different traits are putting you through anything.
The point of the post wasn’t to claim a victim badge. The point of the post was to help others understand human psychology a little better. When I get blown off by someone because of my introvert tendencies, I don’t’ feel like a victim. I feel, oh well too bad for you and don’t give it any thought past that.
There are scientific differences between an introvert and an extrovert. CAT scans have shown that those inclined to introvert tendencies think differently than those with extrovert tendencies. This is not an attempt to put blame on everyone else for my problems. I don’t have any problems relating to my introvert tendencies. I do however know that extroverts are highly unlikely to understand introverts.
With all of the posts about, “Why can’t I find him/her”, speaking in the context of that “special someone”, I figured why not help people understand what an introvert is? Why not help extroverts know how to interact with an introvert? Introverts already know how to interact with an extrovert, we do it. It’s just after awhile we get tired of the small talk and fluff talk because we’re not really interested in it. We would rather discuss feelings, emotions, idea’s, philosophies, things that have a deeper meaning than, “Who’s getting voted off the island this week?”.
lipstick sunsets I will email you as I would be happy to discuss the influences and outcomes of having introvert tendencies in my life. rune3 Excellent idea, for those of you who come back to this thread lets try an experiment. Take a Jung-Myers-Briggs typology test and see what we are.
Here is a link to one such test, feel free to search for your own if you like.
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm
I am a distinctively expressed introvert, according to the test and that makes sense to me.
My type is INTJ | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 12:34:54 PM | I agree with the author on almost every point. I too, consider myself to be an introvert, for the most part, and also have a Superior IQ, in the mid 140's. I am surprised and puzzled that Rainbowfishh would be so offended by what was written.
Poor "Rainbow boy", must have gotten his extraverted feeling bruised... But then, he NEEDS a group of people to agree with him before he can be happy.
Doesn't he know that there is always some cross-over in all things. It kindda proves the author's point about introverts being SMARTer, now doesn't it!! AND I'm sure this will provoke a nasty response from "Rainbow boy"!! | |
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| The truth about Introverts.
Posted: 9/12/2006 12:48:47 PM | Well, I guess this beats gender bashing. . .
Introverts versus Extroverts!! Let's see who wins! Ya know, my personality leans more to the introverted side of things, but if the introverts win--then when I want someone to talk to and have fun with, I'll be SOL. | |
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