| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 11:24:50 AM | | i am not a great looking guy on the outside heck for that matter i almost don't fit the description of average (according to woamn) and it bugs me because on the inside i've got it going on as they say when i spend time talking to a woman on line they find they like me some much more than others but when they see what i look like they for the most part never talk to me again or if they do they just want to be friends so why must looks be so important ? if given the chance i think i'd prove worthy of any lady out there i am not perfect of course as none are but please if i'm wrong please feel free to correct my error | |
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| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 11:44:20 AM | Well i'm no lady but everyone has a taste that they desire in a man i know when i talk with them:)
I'm one of the lucky ones.Very proud to have a, or the look that most,but not all lady look for.
But if i'm a lady you have to put your self to together,clean looking,dress well,shoes are very big on a lady's list i have been told.Not running shoes with jeans.Teeth,so many things,that is why metro men do so well. | |
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| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 11:55:40 AM | | Hey Buddy, I know how you feel. Or I think I do. But there is one thing you have to understand. Other people don´t see you (physically) the way you see yourself. This may sound like a strange answer but for the longest time, I thought of myself as realy ugly. Then I found out that girls/women realy found me attractive. I have never looked good in pictures, but in person I guess that changed. So the only advice I can give you is to try and see yourself differently. People pick up on these things, especially women. Women like men with confidance. I´ve seen confident orangutangs (sp?) with realy nice women. If you´re a fat guy maybe the weight is what makes things not work. So get to the gym, or start swimmimg. Also let a (woman) friend of yours pick out some nice quality cloths for you. Men don´t see these things, but women do! Yes, I know it´s expensive, but you´ll be surprised what it does for ones self esteem, you can trust me on this. If you get in shape and well dressed I can guarantee you your life will change in a matter of minutes. I know it sounds superficial, and it is. But nobody is perfect. Women ,like men, come on line to find an exceptional person. Regular guys/women are all around them in their everyday lives. It is a complicated and at times lonley (sp?) world, but we only have one shot at it. It´s now or never buddy, so take care and remember tomorrow doesen´t necessarily have to be like today. Take care, Adam | |
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Sliv
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Joined: 3/9/2005
Msg: 4 | |
| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 12:04:41 PM | These are actual statements made to me by women:
"I could never date a guy who was skinnier than me."
"Walking around with you would make me feel fat."
"If you were 25 pounds heavier, you'd be a real hottie."
"It's nice to sleep with someone where I can breathe while they're on top."
"There's nothing for me to grab on to when we're having sex, everything's hard and tight."
"Can my sister join us?"
Ok, that last one didn't really happen.  | |
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| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 12:46:03 PM | | We live in a superficial society...sad but true.....a lot of reading between the lines in these profiles.....so you have no choice but to play the game.....do all you can to market yourself in what society says is attractive if you care to attract mainstream women. Then again you can be yourself and the old adage that there is a lid for every pot is very true....it just will limit the number of replies to your profile. | |
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| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 12:55:04 PM | Looks really aren't the most important factor for a woman. OK, it's really important for SOME women, but most women aren't wired QUITE the same way as guys. Women will overlook a lot of things given the right guy. Your entire premise is incorrect. You are assuming that your looks are the deal breaker, when the real deal breaker is more likely the way that you are packaging what you have to offer. I'm talking about intellect, conversation, confidence, sense of humor, and other things which are very attractive.
Too often guys use their looks as an excuse not to succeed. Haven't you ever seen a woman with a guy and think, "She could do better, couldn't she?!?!" Well she sees something in him that stands out from the other guys. When you are face to face with a woman she may not be immediately attracted by your looks, but there are others factors that can overcome the looks. Over the net... things can work a bit differently, but if you look at picture rating sites you'll see that guys score VERY LOW. Even the best looking guy doesn't score close to the best looking women. If women were choosing guys based on how they rated on a scale of 1 - 10, a lot of us would be screwed. Sure women appreciate good looks... but it doesn't matter if there's nothing to back up the good looks.
You need to look at making good use of what you have. Find a style that works for you and take it to the extreme. Dress nicely. Stay well groomed. Find a good, subtle cologne. Wear nice shoes that fit your style. Start working out to improve your body and confidence. You can't change someone else but you can change yourself.
You can look in the real world too. You don't have to look online. If you don't think you can succeed, you won't have a shot to succeed when the right woman comes along. Right now you are a like a carpenter trying to build something without all the tools of the trade. Most women are going to run from you as soon as they sense how little confidence and self esteem you have in yourself. You are gonna face a lot of obstacles, but if you don't start changing then nothing will change. You can't change others so stop trying to do the impossible and focus your energy on something you can do.
Change doesn't come over night and isn't without pain. Just decide in your mind that you are going to get past the problems you have. Then start taking baby steps towards your goals. When you get tired, take a break. Then when you are motivated pick yourself up and take some more baby steps. | |
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kma
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Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 11 | |
| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 1:06:12 PM | it is true, we all find ourselves fixing up to today's "attractive" expectations. Be true to yourself. As cliched as it is, someone or two maybe will fall for you the way you are. Do not be fake. Be yourself. That is ultimatley the most attractive. Weed out all the superficial freaks. I had a metaphor class last night. You can think of dating or whatever as a game between players. One guy said hate the game not the player. Don't end up playing. That is crap. Patience is a virtue. | |
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| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 1:15:57 PM | AMAZINGLY insightful knightrd....you've obviously been paying attention....And as one of only a couple(?) of females responding here...Yes most women I know are really NOT that hung up on looks, and the beauty of it is...(here's the trick!) men usually look better to us once we know and love them...And really, why would YOU want to be with somebody that superficial, anyways?!?!? There's been some good advice given for here, but always remember....
Good looks are great, but after the first 5 minutes, you're on your own!!! | |
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Sliv
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Joined: 3/9/2005
Msg: 13 | |
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kma
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Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 14 | |
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| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 5:12:19 PM |
Yes, I know it´s expensive, but you´ll be surprised what it does for ones self esteem
Agreed to a certain extent. Confidence comes from self actualization, which can be obtained from knowing oneself. You know yourself by learning about you everytime you spend a little time thinking about you. Eventually you'll make a comfortable companion out of yourself - that's when you start to love you for you. When that happens, confidences starts to grow...check so it doesn't start turning into arrogance.
So bottom line is, learn to have faith in yourself first, then you'll have more of yourself to express since you'll be more knowledgeable of who you are, and more people will be attracted to you. | |
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| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 5:22:04 PM | | Also, don't spend a lot of time thinking about what a particular woman wants out of you. My philosophy is, if you're independent of needing women, your interactions with them will be more comfortable and spontaneous, and they will naturally be attracted to you because you're your own person, and not all hang up on them and being desparate. | |
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coy
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Joined: 1/24/2005
Msg: 17 | |
| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 5:35:29 PM | i'm just thinking about this a little.
what if, instead of you yourself thinking you're ugly, women actually have flat out told you (sliv's quotes for example) you are ugly, too skinny, or whatever your defect may be? it's one thing for your confidence to take a hit from thinking you're ugly and another to become less confident about yourself after being told you're ugly.
i've actually learned a new word courtesy of this kind of situation and that word is minger. i don't think i'm mingy, but i've been called a minger quite a few times here in the UK. | |
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| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 5:36:55 PM | | ok i guess i'll need to revise this as i was earlier lacking in some detail about myself, i very much like who i am and except for a few things i need to work on am not willing to change a great deal about myself i am in very good shape and i dress to impress and i treat every one as i want to be treated and never evr act desperate lol i guess you all may see something in me i don't see so ok i'll work with what you all say i respect that if i had more time i'd put a bit more on here but i am a bit scatter brained and am running later than i thought it was lol | |
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| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 5:37:58 PM | First things first....
Stop thinking you are not good looking....we are all pretty much the same...some have more of this, some more of that. Beauty is only skin deep...I know this because I spent the last 20 years saying exactly what you are saying here....I finally realized it was more my attitude than anything else....It sounds like you have already looked at yourself and know your strengths......expound ON THEM....that is what will make the women notice you. So - as a fellow (female) POFer, let me get to know your heart.....and mind...
BB
Squeak | |
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| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 5:51:23 PM | I really think sometimes it boils down to biology.
No matter how highly evolved, advanced, educated, etc. people become, they still fall to basic biological urges and imperatives.
Males have a biological urge to impregnate as many healthy females as possible. These females have to have traits that the male sees as desirable.
Females have a biological urge to be impregnated by males that have traits they see as desirable.
Our humanity CAN raise us above these biological imperatives and urges, but as often as not we fall to our baser selves.
I admit that it doesn't say much to our command of our humanity, but we do win when we pair off for love and not just for reproductive imperatives.
Still, our humanity, souls, etc. allows us to become more than the sum of those imperatives and be with someone for reasons other than biology.
I guess what I'm saying is that when you do find a woman that will accept you for who you are inside and not just outside, then you have won as a human being. | |
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| why do looks have to be so much of deciding factor in womans choices?
Posted: 3/16/2005 8:26:44 PM | 30 Years ago, 'Looks', esp. 'Sexual Attraction', was probably even more important to Women than to Men, since Breakups, Divorces, etc. were not quite as common then as today. It was often assumed, inside we are all the same.
Today, by innumerous and endless Accounts that read like something straight out of the 'Twighlight Zone', most Women have had at least 1 or more Life-draining Relationships, ranging from various Infidelities, Abuses of all sorts, Deviations & Perversions, and a Host of newer Strains of Problems and Societal Changes which simply either did not exist, or were not that commonplace a little over a quarter Century ago.
Along with more Freedoms, also came the 'Freedom' to do as you please, and with it the Moral Fiber took a little Dive.
"Don't step on my Toes, mind your own Business" translated into Relationships where mutually agreed upon Guidelines of Conduct were thrown out the Window the Moment they infringed upon one's 'Freedom' to do as one pleases.
'Working Things out' used to be heavily emphasized, today we often throw in the Towel the second Chance we get if we don't like this or that, so somebody 'Better' comes along.
Consequently, 'Character of Substance' has become the Object of Focus overtaking 'Looks', as it should be, since getting involved with yet another Perv, Abuser, Alcy/Druggie or Cheater is no longer an Option, no matter how good he looks.
Mind you, there also seems to be a different Trend for Men. What used to be 'find a better one still' seems to have come down to 'she will do, nothing more needed' | |
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