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paa
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Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 1 | |
| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/13/2006 9:16:05 PM | | All the guys say the very same things in their profiles. Nice guy, honest, caring.....looks don't matter it's what is in the inside that matters. HA!!!! You read through the profiles and you find some that you think are totally sincere, and you think, gee maybe, just maybe this guy truly is a "nice guy". But imagine your disappointment when you find out that their profiles only measure up in the "bs" department.....You realize that you aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea that you write too, but a "nice guy" would at least have the common decency to respond back with at least a "sorry, but we just don't have anything in common" or just a plain sorry, no.....anything is better than silence. I come on here, honesty is best policy, but apparently that doesn't count for a hill of beans! In my estimation nice does not equal out to rude or just plain mean. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/13/2006 9:55:08 PM | I agree that there are not enough "Nice guys" out there. But men and women look for different things i for one do my best to answer all IMs and emails from people even if i wouldn't want to meet them in a dark alley..... But i guess for every 100 we email one will answer sooner or later right.  | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/13/2006 10:53:56 PM | | what do you want bad boys? many of life's failures are those who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up! if he is here, keep looking!never quit! i'm looking for my soulmate too !good luck to you! | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/14/2006 3:32:00 AM | | Hi sweety when i say im a nice guy it's really true but i been gettin little luck with females on here like u are having little luck with guy's on here ): | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/14/2006 3:43:10 AM | It has been my experience, that anyone who says they are nice, wonderful, kind,.. Are usually not. Real and genuine nice people don"t have to advertise it. JMO | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/14/2006 7:13:45 AM | | Very true blueeyed! But then again i don't think that people are gonna say Well i am a mean,selfcentered,asswipe. So i guess we will all just have to deal with the ones that lie.I know there are some out there who really are the nice guys we are looking for (to bad they are married or gay)........lol. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/14/2006 9:31:13 AM | Oh come on lol.... See that’s the problem:
1: Us "Nice Guys" get a bad rep from people who lie about who they really are. Because this is a guys thought pattern.... "Hrm, girl like nice guys, and guys that treat them well, I know I am not one of those guys but if it helps me get a girl I'll say/do anything." But then, eventually, their true selves come out... and it's all down hill from there. Us "Nice Guys" are the associated with ***holes who lie to get anywhere or anyone.
2: Not all "Nice Guys" are gay. That’s just a misconception, it is basically saying that if: Gay guy = nice then nice guy = gay, that is just not the case... Maybe the "Nice Guy" cares more about certain things, like dressing nice, treating people with respect, talking about ones feelings, just because you can associate those with people who are gay, does not make "Nice Guys" gay.... I should know lol
3: And this one is important: Girls/ Women do not really want "Nice Guys" for relationships. "Nice Guys" make great (best) Friends. They get pushed in the "Having a gay guy friend is like having a best girl friend" category, which is once again not true.
So, I ask you girls, those looking for a gentleman, those who have been hurt by the ***holes out there and know that there is something or someone better out there. Why do you say you look for a "Nice Guy" however, when you find one, you either lump him in the "Friends" category, or disregard him as a potential relationship partner all together? | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/14/2006 11:42:36 AM | | I didn't know women sent messages to guys on this site. I respond to all, I just got nothin to respond to. And, I agree every guy on the site is gonna say they are nice, you just gotta keep sending messages until you find one thats not talking BS. | |
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paa
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Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 9 | |
| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/14/2006 6:12:25 PM | | Poma, unfortunately I am really looking for a nice guy. In my relationship I want not just the love of my life but I want the guy to be my best friend. You have to start out liking someone, for the rest of it all to fall into place. If you don't like someone, you can't respect someone, and without respect there isn't trust....and without the previously mentioned, how can there really be the everlasting relationship....True, I am one of those that have been hurt and burned by the "bad guys" and have to believe somewhere there are guys that believe and feel the same way I do! I look at all the profiles, and the pictures aren't what I look at, its the words and their self descriptions, that I read and respond too. It's just disheartening to know and to find out that there are more insincere men out there than one would hope for. I have read the profiles of men that admit what they want, and even though I have to find them shallow, at least they are honest enough to lay their cards out on the table, instead of playing mind games for their own amusement..... | |
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paa
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Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 10 | |
| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/14/2006 6:18:54 PM | | Almasy, it gets discouraging after awhile. I have never been one to give up, or to lose the faith as it were. I have to believe that there really are nice guys, it's just that I can't prove it from here. Let me ask: From a mans perspective, do you get responses from the messages you have sent out. I know from my stand point, I respond to the ones I have gotten, might I add, not in response to my messages, a couple I have started a correspondence with when suddenly without warning, the correspondence stops.....Not all correspondence is going to end in a relationship, I know this, but whats wrong with developing friendships along the way? Good luck to you, good luck to me! Discouraging yes, but I will keep plugging away.... | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/14/2006 6:28:57 PM | paa,
You really do bring up some good points and if it is any consolation, it isn't much better here on the other side of the border. I am actually thinking of expanding my horizons to see if any genuine, decent, really mean what they say, say what they mean kind of guys do exist elsewhere than here. So like you I keep pluggin' away........
D | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/15/2006 8:23:05 AM | People in general are much more cautious theses days. Old habits are hard to break.All it takes for some is to be hurt once and their "walls" go up. When that happens,it is real hard to learn to trust someone else. Unfortunatly head games have been around since the beginning of time. As for me ,as I get older I am so tired of "head games" it is just not worth it anymore. Because of this attitude ,if a really nice guy would come into my life,I would either feel suspicious and say "Yah right" ! Or just push them away. Do I sound perinoid? Probably,but it would take a pretty extroidinary guy to change my attitude. This will probably never happen because :men my age either want a lady in their 20's or30's or at least look like it. Want the benifits but not the commitments,or are paranoid themselves about someone taking advantage of them. As for me, I am self sufficient . Just would like a friend to hang out with once in a while. If after a while it would turn into more, than that would be great. But if not that would be okay to. I make it a habit to not live in the past. No one has ever been truelly happy living in the past. It is a hard habit to break but it can happen. Unfortunatly when we get into a relationship we tend to judge people by either things that have happened to us in the past or people we have met. The old saying"you act just like ".
It amazes me until my picture was put on here all kinds of guys were e-mailing me . But now that has stopped. Why do you think? Also anyone who I have been conversing with has also stopped. Why do you think? I don't have a bad attitude ,I just look at life with an open mind. So I know how you feel. Hey it is their loss. Good luck your knight in shining armor is out there. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/15/2006 1:05:17 PM | Casey, your pic doesn't look that scary to me. Pretty sure you never appeared on my POF-radar because you're a bit outside my close geographic area but I'd write you back.
Then again you might want to see what I've said in the "What's Long Term Mean?" thread here first. I figured I'm pretty much dog meat on these message boards anyway so I decided to add what I was really thinking today.
Hang in there. You'll find a few who come closer to your notion of honesty and normality, some who don't see this place as a Sears Catalog - and realize the people here are real flash and blood with feelings, ideas, desires, and opinions.
Your odds may improve with time as more people join here too. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/15/2006 3:48:46 PM | I agree with you totally. I have run into a few of the same. And as for there "long term"?
what does that mean. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/15/2006 4:29:43 PM | Now if you look at my profile .. I never claimed to be nice
Very few people can claim to be nice (to me this means all the time).
My kids think I am nice (they are very prejudiced and probably right).
There are people I know who don't think I'm nice (probably with reason).
I have friends who say I can be nice
My mother thinks I'm perfect (and I don't argue with my mother).
My dad thinks I'm lucky to have survived this long with all the experiences I've had.
My sisters think there is still a woman out there who is good enough for me.
My brothers wonder if there is a woman out there who would put up with me.
Michael | |
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paa
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Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 16 | |
| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/15/2006 7:37:31 PM | | BECAUSE MOST OF THE MEN THAT ADVERTISE THEMSELVES AS NICE GUYS ARE REALLY SHALLOW AND INCONSIDERATE. THEY ARE NOT REALISTIC IN THEIR IDEA OF WHAT THEIR IDEAL MATE SHOULD BE. WHAT THEY REALLY NEED TO ADVERTISE IS THAT WHAT THEY REALLY WANT IS SOMEONE THEY CAN SHOW OFF, A CUTE LITTLE PIECE OF FLUFF TO STROKE THEIR EGOS AND MAKE THEM FEEL YOUNG AGAIN.....AND THAT REALLY IS SAD. BECAUSE IN THE END ALL THEY ARE GOING TO GET WITH THAT CUTE LITTLE FLUFF, IS SOMEONE JUST AS SHALLOW AS THEY ARE. NOBODY GENUINE, OR TRUE, OR UNCONDITIONALLY GIVING OR CARING....I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE IN THE PAST EITHER, THE PAST WAS NOT NECESSAIRLY KIND TO ME, I STARTED MY NEW LIFE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE FUTURE, WITH HIGH HOPES, WHICH I CONTINUE TO HANG ON TO, BELIEVING THAT SOMEWHERE THERE IS A TRULY NICE GUY. I PUT MY PIC ON RIGHT FROM THE GET GO...TRUTH IN ADVERTISING SO TO SPEAK. I MAY NOT BE PAMELA SUE ANDERSON, BUT HEY I AM NOT DOGMEAT EITHER, AND I CAN LOOK INTO A MIRROR WITHOUT BUSTING IT. I ALSO HAVE A WONDERFUL PERSONALITY, I LOVE TO LAUGH AND MAKE PEOPLE FEEL GOOD, AND AM PASSIONATE ON MANY LEVELS AND TOPICS...SO YOU ARE RIGHT, CASEYCARES, IT IS THEIR LOSS....WE WILL KEEP BELIEVING THAT OUR SOUL MATE IS OUT THERE, A TRUE GENUINE, CARING, "NICE GUY". | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/15/2006 9:45:26 PM | | Look at it in a more pos note,,,they did not waste anymore of your time,,,I myself are grateful for there are ladies out there who think just thier looks are all they need,,,yet no matter if they are men or ladies,,they are what they are,,,I have met some really great ladies on this site,,even like one who bless her heart used a pic when about 20 years younger,she felt I would not notice,,its the only way she knew,,yet all she had to be is herself,,,,who know maybe we would still be dating,,,but I do not blame her,,just as you should not place all men in the same light,,,,,this is why we are here on this site,,,to save emotional investment,,,time is nothing,,,emotional investment,to screen out,meet and explore the possibilites,,,Just as I do not fault you ,,,maybe its just you let them upset you and it reflects in your tone and demeaner in your email,or profile,,,I do not know you and yes,,I may be very wrong,,,but as a very experienced man,,,if I got an email or read a profile that seemed so upset,,I would also not want to anger or upset you more either,,,maybe they were just being kind,,maybe they feel its polite to not answer to avoid hurting your feelings,,, | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/15/2006 10:36:38 PM | There are nice guys out there. I know a few nice guys (Why I'm not dating them is a different story). I know giving an "Hey I'm not interested e-mail' would seem like a courtesy, but be thankful that you're not wasting one more minute of your time on a bad thing. Just because they don't respond to an e-mail doesn't mean they're generally bad kids. It just means they didn't have what it takes to tell you that you're not what they're looking for.
You'll find a nice guy. I know you will. | |
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paa
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Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/16/2006 10:10:18 AM | | Dj48060 I do not consider simply courtesy a waste of my time. To the couple of men that did respond with a thank you but we just don't have anything in common, I would reply with a simple, thank you for your honesty. Nothing angry about that. My profile is not angry either, just being honest and telling it like it is. This is a new concept for me, being brought up in an age where women didn't pursue men. And being married all of my adult life, contacting a man and putting myself out there is a big change for me. But with life comes change, and with change comes growth, and I love trying new things. So for me to make the first move so to speak, and contact a man and put myself out there is a different beat for me. The couple that did respond with a thank you no, are more of a man, than those that take the cowards way out and just plain don't respond. They that respond are honest and forthcoming and truly shows that they have character, and when they find their lady, that lady will indeed be the lucky one! Simple courtesy and consideration is unfortunately a thing of the past, too many people whether it be male or female, just don't stop to think that their lack of consideration can just simply be hurtful. All of us like to be validated, as our time is worth something, and it takes just 30 seconds to write, thank you no....and to not respond just shows the other person, you aren't worth 30 seconds of my time! My e-mails are always polite, sometimes funny, but never angry. Maybe some of my thoughts on this forum are angry, but with good reason, I think because after all, you get ignored so many times, your hurt in not being validated turns to anger, and this is supposed to be the place to let it all out! I have read some of the postings on other forums and trust me, my ventings are mild compared to some..... | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/16/2006 2:57:52 PM | | Let's face it. Nice guys don't exist. They are nice up until the point after they get what they want. So my advice, play the same game. Be nice up till U get what U want. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:04:22 PM | | Everyone has these dead set preconceptions about people and sure in some cases they may be true, but what most people fail to see is that everyone is different and you can't know anything about anyone until you find out from that specific person what they're like. Not EVERY guy who says he's nice is really a jerk. Not EVERY guy is just after a piece of ass and is only nice until he gets it. Not EVERY guy who doesn't reply to your messages is being inconsiderate and is really not a nice guy. I happen to say in my profile that I'm a nice guy, and I believe I truly am one of the few. You can go ask any of my ex-girlfriends and they will STILL tell you that I was one of the nicest, most honest, and open guys they've ever known. However, if someone writes me that I'm not interested in, I don't send a reply. I don't send the reply because I don't like confrontation, I don't like rejecting someone, I don't want to upset someone or make them feel bad, so I take the easy way out and just delete the message. Does this make me inherently evil or not a nice guy? I don't think so. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/17/2006 6:37:14 AM | | It's called women's intuition ladies!! We all have it ya just gotta learn to read men, and it's not that hard cuz I can spot a phony from a mile away!!! | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/17/2006 3:34:29 PM | | I tend to give men the benefit of the doubt, but are they all nice guys ?? I highly doubt it!!! | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/17/2006 4:50:18 PM | To the person that made the original post: there are tons of nice guys out there. I would very much classify myself as one. The thing about the internet, is that....for some strange reason people equate their anonimity with the lack of need for basic manners.
I don't have a picture in my profile. I don't expect to get emails from anyone because of this. But my privacy is important to me and I share my photo with those I am interested in.
The point is, what you say about men is equally true of females as well. The handful of women I've emailed on this website, don't bother to respond. It doesn't hurt my feelings or bother me in the slightest. But we're all adults (well most of us), and if someone takes the time to email you, drop them a note back.
That's just good manners. Although I have read posts by a few females that, if they write something back like "sorry you're not my type" or whatever, this kindness is repaid by a shitty email back.
I don't know what to tell you. I'd say you can expect a 10 to 20% rate of response if you're an average person. People just don't feel compelled to respond, as sad as that is.
But like I said, there's tons of nice guys out there. Don't write us all off. Be patient, all good things come to those who wait as the saying goes. There's alot of guys out there with good manners...and women too! Look at it this way. You're weeding out all the ones that aren't your type.
Don't be afraid to message a guy if you find them interesting. It's flattering and I promise you...you WILL stumble across one that'll be impressed with you taking the initiative. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/17/2006 7:50:42 PM | I don't mean this harshly, and please don't take it that way. This is my honest opinion, but I think women are too quick to judge a guy. I mean you could be getting to know this person, and he could do/ or posses(sp?) a quality that wouldn't be considered nice. It doesn't mean he isn't a nice guy. Everyone has "personality bloopers" when we discover what they are it might change our over all view of the character of this person. So when someone doesn't reply to an e-mail we think them a jerk a not nice guy (I'm not just talking about not reply to e-mails either, but different assorted things), but it goes both ways. When a woman doesn't respond to an e-mail, a guy might call them a ****.
Now to the woman out there who think there are no nice guys; is it because you've had a couple of bad experiences, and that has altered your perception? See I can't make that accusation myself. I've never been in a relationship, so I generally think most guys are pretty nice. I would really like to know what people think. | |
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