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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...      Home login  
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 lisa7
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 1
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I started dating this really nice guy about 7 weeks ago. We would talk everyday, go out on the weekends. He seemed really excited to be with me and treated me great. So why then, does he tell me today that he's not ready for a relationship and doesnt that he doesn't ever see us turning into long term. I did notice over the past week or so that he didnt call as much and that something was wrong but I never expected this.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother...

Lisa
 tryintodulc
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 2
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:08:12 AM
Shucks, are you sure that it isn't just the standard lose of interest over time? Ya know, that sort of stuff most people encounter sooner or later?

I'd say it could have easily been what he felt was safe to say to you. Kind of along the lines of the "its me" card. As opposed to "you don't do it for me anymore" for whatever reason.
 SimbadSailor
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 3
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:09:32 AM
Because you never know really if you are ready, until you try. If he tried, and found he wasn't yet ready, it was nobody's fault. Better luck next time.
 A_REAL_Sweetheart
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 4
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:09:39 AM
There is a good book, entitled, "Men Who Can't Love: How to Recognize a Commitment-Phobic Before He Breaks Your Heart." It should be recommended reading for all 15 y.o. girls in high school. I wish I had read it sooner.

Lisa, I'm sorry this happened to you. It happens to the BEST of us. Did he indicate to you what his EXCUSE was?

Hoping the best for you.

 onegreatm8
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 5
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:09:41 AM
Lisa7, first thing hun stop lumping all men into the same category
I cant speak for all men but maybe part of the problem is you? yes theyre bad guys out there and to assume all guys are like this isnt living in the real world? who knows why this guy ran

It could be a number of things, maybe you guys were intimate too soon ever hear the ole saying why buy the cow when you get the milk for free, and Im not refering to you as a cow either,or you could of reminded him of the ex or a million other reasons or he was just a Jackoff.

Just by reading your posts I suspect this isnt the first time this has happened? my suggestion is the view your patterns when it comes to attracting men? setting healthy boundaries creates good relationship not only with others but within your self.

just my 3 cents.
 Justacuriousgal
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 6
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:18:41 AM
Sorry, but have found that it is always best to take what man says at face value. Unfortunately he did not see a long term relationship between the two of you. Although you are disappointed now, (and we have all been there) it is better to accept it now, deal with the disappointment and move on. Instead of looking at it from his point if view (why he did this or why he did that), look at it from your point of view. Were your needs being met? If you are looking for a long-term relationship and he was not willing to offer it, then the answer is no.

 Lady_Kay
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 7
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:20:27 AM
It takes time to get to know someone. In the begining its all illusion - you see only what they want you to see - you show them only what you want them to see of you - over time the illusion starts to fade and you start seeing the other person for who they really are. Sometimes this only enhances the attraction - sometimes its a wake up call that this isn't really what you want in a long term partner.

No one did anything wrong - it's just not right for him and he was trying to be very polite about it (most will just avoid rather than having to say they aren't interested).

Take things slowly and remember that who you meet in the beginning is never who you end up with - only time reveals the person within. We only find love by making ourselves vulnerable to getting hurt - but in the end, it's worth the journey!

Wishing you all the best.
 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 8
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:21:26 AM
Why do men.....

Why do men.....

Why do men.....

Why do men.....

Why do men.....

Why do men.....

Why do men.....


Grrr.........
 Discofied
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 9
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:21:51 AM
Sounds like the guy was being honest. That doesn't happen very often. Isn't it the point of dating to spend some time with a person and find out if you are compatible? It's only been 7 weeks...do you expect a commitment right away?

He liked you but not enough to pursue the relationship any further. He respected you enough to tell you before you got really involved.

I don't know what your relationship patterns are...but perhaps you invest too much too soon when you start dating a guy. I realize that you are feeling hurt right now...maybe you should take some time to reflect and rethink your expectations when dating.
 lisa7
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 10
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:23:29 AM
He did tell me that he ended his last relationship for the same reason, "he is not ready". He's been thru alot with the ex wife and I think he needs to get his head straight before he tries to be with someone else.

Sorry if you think I'm lumping all men together, I"m not. I know there are some good ones out there, I just dont seem to find them. Yes this is not the first time this has happened to me. I dated a guy earlier in the summer who did the same thing.

I think maybe I need a break from dating.

Thx for the replies
 Curvesall0ver
Joined: 8/19/2006
Msg: 11
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:24:47 AM
OP-People as in male and female are guilty of doing this- agree with msg 5-you can't generalize.

Sometimes you think you want something; but as you get past the "interview" and get to know you stage sometimes people realize...hmmm this is not really what I want. Sometimes when a person says I'm not ready, they do that so they don't have to "hurt your feelings" and say well, this particular characteristic of yours doesn't match what I want, need, etc.

I know it stinks-I'd personally prefer to be told the reasons rather than have a "generic" excuse; but life isn't fair-we know this as adults.

The other reason could geniunely be he has "issues of trust, etc."-give him some time, he may think about it and realize you're the best thing to happen to him since sliced bread.

Edit since your last post..he admits to having "issues"-be thankful he was honest...best of luck
 kookies
Joined: 1/13/2006
Msg: 12
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:29:06 AM
reason for me not dating either lisa...i got tired of the playing field..its exhausting. but you have to be careful if one says there not ready..trust me ...they arent. no matter what we do or say...it wont change their minds. make sure you are clear as to what they want. when i was persuing...i asked strait out...and i decided from that point as to whats best for me. to save myself some grief..i backed right off.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 13
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History
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:30:19 AM
Yes, I'm sure this has happened to everyone. There is no magic formula, no set of rules or things that will always work. I for one am like a lot who are almost starting to loathe even the word dating. UGH! I think most need to gear it back a notch or two. Why not just spend time together getting to know one another and seeing if you really like this person and truly enjoy being in their company? Forget wondering about the future or if a relationship is in the cards or not. You want to know the future, go see a psychic...geez. If you can't spend time getting to know each other and enjoy the time you spend together, worrying about a relationship is thinking WAY too far ahead. Take the pressure off...forget about dating. How about just spending some relaxed, enjoyable time together?
 best kept secret
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 14
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 11:30:30 AM
Lisa...don't give up...it just wasn't the real thing (yet) for either of you. Until that happens, it's just practice to figure out who you want in your life.

You don't want to commit to the first guy who totally falls for you if he is not the "lasting one" anyway. Hang in...
 appellation
Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 15
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 12:21:10 PM
lisa 7. there could be a number of reasons... and none of them are nice reasons. but let's just say that most rationally thinking men aren't prepared in the length of 7 weeks to start the beginning process of a long, hold on forever type relationship. and most men tell women exactly what the women request in their profile, get what they wan't out of her and vanish into thin air. do you realize how many men and women are on this site willing to go the extra mile on the drop of a dime?; just based upon an appealling pic and a few sweet responses. it seems unrealistic, except for those who fall as counted subject to the rule, for someone to expect to find a loyally devouted lifelong husband or wife on the internet. people are here mostly to have fun and losely put, freedom sex; under the guise of a moral facade. but everyone realizes that those who are here looking for their future and permanent consummation are subject to deception, while the rest do as they choose! crude posit, but there's alot of truth to the message. especially the implicit parts.
 cat1212
Joined: 8/21/2006
Msg: 16
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 12:30:39 PM
Don't put too much energy into the whole "why" of it all...been there, done that...drives you crazy..lol...dating is like trying someone on to see if they "fit", and sometimes that takes a few months. It is important to remember that he told you quite soon, as opposed to stringing you along for awhile. for honest men.

My 4 cents worth...
 Manumit
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 17
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 12:34:32 PM
Relationship over love again. He wined and dined you sort of speak and does not feel love for you. It's about love not loveless relationships, long terms, commitments. Get into reality. You cannot pick a man as you pick a can off the shelf of a market. I know, it's the way women think online and similar forms of meeting males is like, but it is not real. A profile, a hand shake and phone number exchange is not love leading to long term romance. Accept that not all men will fall in love with you. And don't mistake sex for love. It's a primal urge for men to have sex with you unless he's gay.
 AgelessWonder
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 18
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 12:41:03 PM
lisa, your profile says dating, and that is probably what caught his attention in the first place. He probably likes to date, just not ready for a LTR.
 ffryan
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 19
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History
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 12:44:54 PM
I had something similar to that happen after I got out of a relationship. Gal I loved broke up with me and it took a while to get over. My first date was with a great gal that I had a lot in common with and we seemed to really click. Most of the date went fine and then we drove by a place that me and my ex used to frequent. It felt as though something inside just locked up and I became almost a different person. I was no longer having fun, in fact I totally ruined the date. I thought I was ready to get back into dating, but I was wrong.

I think some people, men and women, think they are ready for something and they even want it for themselves. But something else, a little stronger, doesn't want it. I can't explain it. It's not just men, women do it too. It's unintentional game playing. If you and your boyfriend aren't on the same page with what you want, then you need to make some choices about where to go from here. Good luck.
 Mustang065
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 20
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 12:48:34 PM
I think alot of people start out in a relationship with certain expectations. They know that they want something they just don't always know what that is. The go out with someone a few times, and when the fireworks aren't immediately exploding they are ready to move on. This is sad because it is very very rare that you are going to meet someone with exploding fireworks.
 -Mell0w-G1rl-
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 21
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 12:53:26 PM

I think some people, men and women, think they are ready for something and they even want it for themselves. But something else, a little stronger, doesn't want it. I can't explain it. It's not just men, women do it too. It's unintentional game playing. If you and your boyfriend aren't on the same page with what you want, then you need to make some choices about where to go from here. Good luck.

I completely agree sometimes people are ready, sometimes they are not. We can sit here and bash the opposite sex until we are blue in the face but the fact is, its not just men or women. BOTH sexes want different types of relationships for different reasons, wether it be a friend with benifits or a long term life partner etc etc. If it didn't work out this time there are plenty of other people that you get to know and see if they are what you are looking for.
 geordiechic
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 22
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History
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 12:56:30 PM
dont be put off by this man, im sure you will eventually find someone who truly wants you
good luck
 elecbabe
Joined: 8/31/2005
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 12:57:49 PM
Is it about not being ready for a relationship, or more about not being sufficiently into someone and it's an excuse! Want to bet that he moved straight onto the next person that he's "not ready for"!
 bugsybears
Joined: 10/6/2004
Msg: 24
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 1:09:02 PM
well lisa sorry to hear about your misfortune. unfortunately it does happen. don't really have all the facts, but it seems like he has found someone else. well at least he didn't wait 12 years and then break your heart. trust me sweetheart when you find the right guy, it will be worth it. don't give up so fast. there are lots of fish in this here pond that are waiting to be caught by you. take care and i wish you my best.
 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 25
Why do men start relationships they are not ready for...
Posted: 9/16/2006 1:18:10 PM
Maybe he wasn't ready for YOUR idea of a relationship.
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