| | Help out a born prude!Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | So my mother very carefully instructed me in my youth that men, ALL men, are only after one thing, at least until they realize it's shallow and that they want to settle down.
Is this true? Can I trust the man who will only engage in dating if there is the hope of sex? It's not that I haven't ever, it's just that I like to be VERY careful of who I share that with. (Why eat Hershey's when you can have Godiva?) I thought for a while that mom was right, then I met a few men with whom that didn't seem the case, but more recent experiences are proving her correct. Could it be my increase in age? Perhaps as I am nearing 30, it is expected that issues of sex are no longer worth mentioning? | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/18/2006 7:57:35 AM | Generally men aren't as one dimensional as people make out. There's many complexed aspects to a mans psyche.
Try giving him a bj & cooking him a nice steak. You'll see the improvements in his demeanour almost immediately
(Dr S. Helping the fellas where he can) | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/18/2006 8:04:23 AM | Oh Girl! This thing has been done to death around here!
All men are not the same.
Having said that. Find a man that is not interested in SEX, and women
aren't going to be too interested either. Kind of a catch 22. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/18/2006 8:07:34 AM | | Ah you see to have a broken heart you must first fall in love, to fall in love you must emotionally and physically adore most of what man you have... so the question must be when is the right time to have sex????? | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/18/2006 8:18:07 AM |
So my mother very carefully instructed me in my youth that men, ALL men, are only after one thing, at least until they realize it's shallow and that they want to settle down.
I've actually been speaking up about this more and more.
This thinking, is actually really depressing for someone like me.
Yes, we want sex. We're human beings. Don't you want sex? As a person? Are we so wrong about wanting that? Are we so wrong for wanting someone to want us, rather than throw us aside because we have a sex drive?
How does having a sex drive make it so that's the ONLY thing that they're interested in? Of course we're interested in it! But women don't give it out freely because that's just the way they're designed.
And we're designed to want it and seek it out. But that doesn't mean we don't like the other stuff as well.
It's NOT shallow to want sex. Not at all. It's human.
But as long as thins thinking goes on, I'll sit here frustrated and feeling unwanted because I'm not going to lie my way into someone's pants and make them feel special about themselves and leave. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/18/2006 8:19:59 AM | If someone's stupid enough to only date you in hopes of sex, then he's definitely not worth your time.
Yes, you're a gorgeous woman, and that will bring the horny morons out of the woodwork. But that's no excuse.
You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you.
Someone who will want to be with you for WHO you are. Not just because you're some hottie he wants to get in bed with.
You should be in a relationship out of love, and in time, both feel ready to make love to each other...
Not get together with someone for sex, and then decide to make a relationship out of it.
Yes, there are a lot of guys who are only with someone for sex. But then again, there's plenty of women who do the same.
Everyone is different. You can't just say "this is what men do". | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/18/2006 11:44:58 AM | It's by no means wrong to have a sex drive. NO! That isn't what I said. But to reject a person because they aren't going to guarantee you sex later on? What is that about?
I look at it this way, the girl who is choosy about who she sleeps with (virginal or not) has self-respect. I suspect she is less likely to cheat because she has already practiced restraint. She has a history of restraint.
What holding off shows her is that:
You are willing to consider her needs before your own--which is something that you should both be doing. She might offer back some level of compramise in return.
She is important to you. She can trust you.
You think she is a worthwile person.
Maturity--a real man can practice restraint.
The guy that wants to hop in the sack more quickly, for me anyway, makes me very leary. How do you know that this isn't just some pick-up artist...willing to tell you anything just to get you in the sack? How do you know that he's not going to get what he wants and then just leave...UNLESS he invests time in you in the first place? Sure men are designed one way and women another, but I think that's a safeguard that is there on purpose. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/18/2006 11:52:33 AM | Okay, you are 27 so let me assume that mom is still around. See if mom will agree to get some help because she needs some therapy.
Every living being on earth is interested in procreating. Please do not single men out for this. Perhaps mom can explain where YOU came from.....
You are in control of where you "spend" your sex life. A man, and I mean a man who is any kind of intelligent and respectful, can tell by your demeanor if he is going downtown or not. I suspect you put out an aura where your presence commands respect and I am shocked to hear that you get that kind of lustful reaction from the men you date.
You are a very good looking woman and should probably get used to this, but please don't fall into the sexist anti-male trap that every man is the same.
Oh, having morals and self respect does not make you a prude. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/18/2006 2:25:21 PM | I believe in making love, not just having sex.
And for that, love has to be there first.
Oh sure, from time to time, it's wonderful to just "have sex" with the one you love... but it's more about the bond, the intimacy, the connection... than just physical pleasure. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/18/2006 3:05:53 PM | | All I'm going to say is that that's not being a prude. Prudes don't like sex period. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/18/2006 3:54:22 PM | This is not so much off topic, as sub-topic.
We've all heard the saying that practice makes perfect.
I just hope that when you get into a relationship where you are having sex, that you stop practicing restraint (in the parameters of that relationship), so you don't become perfect at restraint. That would be unfortunate.
Of course I suppose that depends on what type of restraints and how they are used. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/18/2006 4:22:17 PM | go buy a book about male phycology and read it......helps you wunderstand why men are the way they are.........maybe it will change your perspectives on men in general. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/26/2006 8:35:20 AM | IMO...It also depends on where you meet the guy...On the internet, it's tough to judge the character behind the typed words. If you meet him at the bar, it's tough to get a clear picture of who he is when either you have been drinking...So those situations all you have to go by is the physical side, and possibly that is even skewed.
I have standards, and I hold steady to them. Even if that means I'm not dating, much less having sex. I've been put down because of my standards, but I think I've saved myself a lot of headaches dealing with the day after a bad date... Does that mean I'm a prude? I hope not...It just makes me someone that thinks before making a decisions...
As far as getting closer to 30, I can speak from what I've seen from friends and others. I'm one of the few remaining people from my college friends that is still single, and no kids. So as you get closer to 30, I think you will be dealing more with married men tired of their wives, wanting that side action, no dates, all sex...so if that's not what you are looking for, which it doesn't sound like you are, be wary of that...
once again, IMO...
curt. (I hope I somewhat stayed on topic here) | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/26/2006 8:37:30 AM | Most every man wants sex and thinks about sex all the time, but not all of them are sex maniacs who want nothing but that. There are plenty of decent ones out there, but unfortunately it's the sex maniacs who often are more aggressive about asking women out.
Sorry for butting into the guy forum, guys.  | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/26/2006 8:51:24 AM | abloodiva,
I think your Mom is a smart cookie! She taught you correctly. Younger men want sex until they realize its shallow and want something more later in life. This takes maturity and that that takes time and age to see that.
You aren't a prude, I'm sure if you knew someone wanted to be with you for a long term relationship you would have sex with him like a firecracker. Its the selling yourself short for these pickup artists that has you worried.
There is nothing wrong with your way of thinking, its the frustration of the journey to get there that's eating at you. But sticking to your self-respect will one day get you that guy and you will be able to face yourself in the mirror to boot.
Your not a prude, your a gem!
Even the dancing banana agrees 
The women who are prudes have had outside influences tell them who they are and how they should feel and by the time a girl like that is ready for sex she is so outside her body and who she is that she can't enjoy it or even orgasm so of course she can't relate to supposed sex crazed guys. Guys that are in tuned with their bodies and realize the potential of how wonderful intimacy can be.
But what if she was the type of woman who owned her own sensuality and understood how her body worked so that she could relax and enjoy the process of intimacy and seduction. Its those kind of women who are chasing the guy in a relationship and wanting sex more then he does. Its those kind of women who appreciate a guy that can bring out that side in her and get addicted to him because of how he makes her feel inside. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/26/2006 9:06:16 AM |
So my mother very carefully instructed me in my youth that men, ALL men, are only after one thing, at least until they realize it's shallow and that they want to settle down.
Is this true?
Where do mothers learn to be mothers?
When I was coming into my teen years, I asked my Mom about how her mother told her about the birds and the bees. I knew how I felt... I wanted to get a woman's perspective.
She told me she was taught that only naughty women liked sex. Good, married women did it because it was a duty owed to their husbands.
Take your mother's advice. Thank her for offering it. But analyze it and compare it to what you have learned from your experiences. There will be a medium in there someplace.
Regards,
Mac | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/26/2006 9:43:39 AM | Your mother's view is very narrow and incomplete, and it is designed to get you to avoid having sex until you are married. The truth in it is that men like sex and will be attracted to you, so that it will be up to you to decline their offers if what you want is something else. What is missing from your mother's advice is every other apsect of life that is not exactly about preventing access to your vagina.
You can avoid her prudish legacy by making up your own mind what you do want, and then making it happen. Instead of being a reactive target of opportunity wasting time fending off unwanted sexual advances, take the active role of seeking the relationship you want and the man who wants to be in it with you. Once you have an idea of what you want, the adventure is to look for it. What you end up with will be different, but it will resemble the ideal, and it will satisfy the desires that it came from.
Thinking of all men only wanting one thing is a kind of thinking that girls do on prom night to stay virgins. As an adult there is a lot more to it. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/26/2006 12:25:20 PM | | it takes two to tango... men may want sex, but so do the women -if that wasn't true, then civilization would die off. we are ALL programmed in our genetics to want sex. stop blaming it all on the men -they can only go as far as the woman will let them go -and many of the women i have went out with are expecting more than just a peck on the cheek at the end of a date. if i like a gal, i would still go out with her even if she told me we were never going to sleep together. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/26/2006 1:09:41 PM | I am also a born prude and PROUD of it.. it has saved me from a lot of weirdos.
I am told i am cute, and sorry i am not giving it up for anyone.. I now have a secret system of detecting who really is real.. Want to hear? | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/26/2006 1:29:22 PM | "I look at it this way, the girl who is choosy about who she sleeps with (virginal or not) has self-respect. I suspect she is less likely to cheat because she has already practiced restraint. She has a history of restraint."
Exactly. I'm a prude when it comes to sex and relationships. Otherwise, I'm not.
You are doing nothing wrong, OP. Being picky and being careful of who you date and sleep with shows discipline and self respect. I'm glad there's someone else who thinks like this.
Besides, look how you are avoiding STDs by not being a sexual hippie like other women around.
I have my respect for you.
Besides, I think you look beautiful. You don't have to worry about being left behind. You will meet some lucky guy. But, just don't take your mom's advice on how "all men are the same and want the same thing". Not all men are like this. You will just have to be careful, I assume. And stay picky. Being picky will help you in the long run.
Goodluck. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/26/2006 1:58:28 PM |
So my mother very carefully instructed me in my youth that men, ALL men, are only after one thing, at least until they realize it's shallow and that they want to settle down.
Is this true? Can I trust the man who will only engage in dating if there is the hope of sex? It's not that I haven't ever, it's just that I like to be VERY careful of who I share that with. (Why eat Hershey's when you can have Godiva?) I thought for a while that mom was right, then I met a few men with whom that didn't seem the case, but more recent experiences are proving her correct. Could it be my increase in age? Perhaps as I am nearing 30, it is expected that issues of sex are no longer worth mentioning?
Op, okay I am having a difficult time with some of your definitions here.
First off why do you consider yourself a "Prude" because you are choosey about who you have sex with? Afraid I don't see what one has to do with the other.
Main Entry: prude
Pronunciation: 'prüd
Function: noun
Etymology: French, good woman, prudish woman, short for prudefemme good woman, from Old French prode femme
: a person who is excessively or priggishly attentive to propriety or decorum; especially : a woman who shows or affects extreme modesty
You will note, the word sex never rears it's head in this definition.
Secondly, if sex is not of interest to you, then why are you dating at all? Dating is the human equivalent of the "mating ritual" done by certain species of animal, for the purpose of sex for procreation. In the case of the human animal we also have sex for several other reasons.
If you are looking for purely plutonic relationships (as your post seems to indicate), well then that isn't exactly "dating" is it. You after all don't "date" your girlfriends, or "date" your male friends do you? If your intent is to make friends, then neither confuse the issue, or the people involved. If your interest is to "date" in order to find someone to have a relationship with, leading to sex, then don't be suprised that people who are like minded in this regards rebuff you when you make it clear that your desire is to remain plutonic.
I would strongly suggest you both re-evalute your reasons for wanting to date, take a closer look at what "dating" means to you, and then reformulate your question into one that can be accurately answered. I am not judging you, I simply don't understand your position, nor the question you are asking, because your definitions appear to be unclear. Have fun ;)! | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/26/2006 2:31:28 PM | Men do NOT only think about sex.... we also thik about sports. Ok I'm not helping here am I? lol
Seriously though your mothers advice here was to prevent you having sex before you were married or old enough to really consider the implications of your actions. I bet if you asked her now she would give a different answer.
being choosy is no bad thing. but there is something that needs to be considered here and it is one of the fundermental differences between men and woman.
Men need sex to feel loved.
Woman need to feel loved to have sex.
Yes there are exceptions as there are with any rule.
Yes men want sex, good guys and nice guys (no I'm not going to start that debate again) however usually want more than just sex thou. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/27/2006 3:44:19 AM |
How do you know that this isn't just some pick-up artist...willing to tell you anything just to get you in the sack? How do you know that he's not going to get what he wants and then just leave...UNLESS he invests time in you in the first place?
I've said it before and I will say it again. Making a guy wait for sex doesn't guarantee you anything. A lot of guys will put in a lot of time. If you have a '6 months before sex' rule, they WILL wait 6 months, and in that time, they will say all kinds of nice things. Of course you have fallen in love with them by then. So after 6 months they get laid and they take off. Guess who ends up hurt?
Don't use sex (or lack of it) as a tool to gauge interest. You have instincts, use those instead. Have sex when you feel like it. | |
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| Help out a born prude!
Posted: 9/27/2006 3:56:47 AM | well put dan.
why do you girls keep going on about sex,self respect and restraint..us men do have it too you know.
we go on dates with the same reason you do.. thats in the hope that it leads somewhere,friends,gf or relationship or just a great time.
stop beating us men up for thinking about dating logically and thinking sex is a natural part of it.
stop using sex like a voucher for good behaviour and relax. | |
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