| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 4:00:23 AM | As a single mom of 2 young children, (2 years old and 11 months old), I can't seem to find a guy that is worth anything. Everyone swears that I will "find a guy that will look at them as their own." Well, I've been single for almost 5 years, and here I am with 2 kids that don't have a real father-figure in their lives. I've looked all over for someone that is gonna help and not be a mooch and it seems that no one wants to raise someone else's children anymore.
Any suggestions??? My 2 year old is a boy and he's always walking up to guys that we don't know and calling them daddy for some reason. My guess is that he sees other children with a dad and he is now old enough to realize that he doesn't have one.
I live in NE Ohio and am looking for someone age 26-38, with or without children of his own. | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 5:14:16 AM | WHOA.....if you're on here looking to jump into a long term relationship with a man and for him to become a "Daddy" for your kids....let me be the first to break this to you..it's NOT gonna happen!
Men do not go out into the dating world thinking "hmmm..I think I'll find a single mom who wants me to be a father to her children". If they do....then you're not getting a quality man.
But some food for thought....I did read your profile...you have wayyyyyyy too many restrictions:
Mail Settings (To message jadestar3690 you MUST meet the following criteria.)
Male
Age between 23 and 38
Must not be looking for Hang Out
Must not be looking for Short-Term
Must not be looking for Talk/E-mail
Must not be looking for Photo Exchange
Must not be looking for Other Relationship
Must not be looking for Dating
Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter
Must not be looking for Activity Partner
Must not do drugs
Must not be married
Must not smoke
I understand you stated you want "long term" in your profile...but NO relationship starts out this way....people normally start what we like to call "TALKING", "HANGING OUT", "DOING ACTIVITIES", then "DATING". You have all of these things BLOCKED!!!!
My suggestion....stop looking for a father for your children...and start looking for a quality man who suits YOU....get to know him SLOWLY...don't jump into something out of a desire to be in a relationship.
And lastly...stop feeling sorry for yourself and posting this kind of thing on a thread....if a potential man sees this...he'll run in the other direction faster than you can bat your eyelashes at him!!!!! | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 5:53:16 AM | Agree's with #2. You should seriously take down some of those restrictions. You have to be looking for someone for YOU to be with. If he then later on wants to be a friend to your children then that is just as good. Any good man will be a good male role model. Why do they HAVE to be a father to them?
My daughter of 3 years old calls me her mommy and her daddy. Her father is her real father but he walked out on her 2.5 years ago. She is healthy and secure and happy with me being BOTH roles. She was asked by another child at a park who her daddy was. she pointed at me... they told her it was her mommy not her daddy.. she responded with "no! she is my mommy AND my daddy!". I talked to her about it later when we got home and she understand that a daddy is suppose to be a man but she says she wants me as her daddy also.
My point is that YOU can be both! why can't you? You have been for this long! I realize it is hard! especially with 2, and YES there are men out there that will take them in as their own but you shouldn't be looking for that. You should be looking for a good man to love you and accept your children. If he chooses to be a father role is up to him. But again, a friend to them will be just a good of a role model. If he is a good man he will understand that you may need his help once in a while.
I think your expectations are too high and your priorities are all at the wrong places. | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 5:58:29 AM | Why are you looking for someone to raise your kids as they're own? They're your kids, you raise them. You don't need anyone to do that for you or to even help you, it may be nice to have someone there to talk things over with but they're YOUR kids.
Also, you just had a baby not even a year ago, why are you trying to jump into a long term relationship? Spend more time concentrating on your kids and yourself and realize that you can't just all of a sudden have a relationship. Try looking for friends first. | |
|
| |
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 6:39:04 AM |
"Why do women get pregnant by deadbeat losers and expect other men to raise them?"
Because these men seemed like the sweetest greatest guys they have ever met. I was with my daughters father for over 2 years when we got pregnant. He was always very sweet and we had an amazing relationship. He begged me to keep the baby and that he would be there always for her and I. I expected him to at least always be there for her. He bailed out of fright when she was 3 months old. no one that I have EVER heard of knows or wants the fathers to be deadbeat losers and expect other men to raise their children! Life doesn’t always turn out the way you expect it. You have to make the best of what you have and move forward..
What an insensitive naive remark BTW! | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 7:28:28 AM | Ok, first of all, you said you've been single for almost 5 years and yet, you have a 2 year old and an 11 month old. What was that, a couple of one night stands? And why weren't you using birth control? And what happened to these Daddys? Aren't they paying child support?Do you know who their Daddy/Daddys are? Maybe you should go on the Maury show!
My advise to you is, since you are having so much trouble getting a man to help you take care of these children, DON'T HAVE ANY MORE!
Since you said in your profile that you are a full time college student, obviously someone is helping take care of you and your kids. Probably your parents.
Concentrate on your career, and you won't need a man to take care of the kids. You just need to look for a man for yourself, that hopefully will be good to your kids and be a good role model for them. | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 8:30:04 AM | "What an insensitive naive remark BTW!"
Believe me I know what it's like to come from a broken family and I know how hard it is growing up in a single parent home..I feel sorry for the kids but I have no pity on parents who don't take responsibilty for their actions.
If your ex will not pay child support then you need to take him to court. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 12:12:23 PM | Why do you all post just "You're an awful mother" letters......how does that help her or anyone reading? Do you think it makes you look superior? Christ I can't stand you self-righteous people sometimes. How about a useful comment.
Jadestar,
My suggestion to you;
If you want a male role model in your son's life, which is commendable, I would say call the Big Brother's organization or enroll him in scouting. You don't necessarily need a stepfather for your son to have a positive male influence......grandfathers are a great source as well.
I was 5 before my stepfather came into my life and I would make my father's day cards in school for my grandfathers as they were the greatest men I knew.
saying in a nice way rather than the "holier than thou" attitude my fellow posters displayed, is don't rush anything looking for another role model for your kids, the old saying applies, "you can do a job right the first time or you can learn many times from not doing it right." | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 1:27:14 PM | Okay, I can't speak for all men, I can only give my impression: I'm here for me, not for a mother (or replacement mother) for my son. But, at the same time, that woman has to be able to accept that my son is important to me, and that I will do anything needed for my son, when he needs it, because he is my son. I would expect the same from anyone else who accepted their responsibilities. But, I will say, I will not restrict my searching for a partner to only women with no children. I only pay attention to the "Want to have kids" if it's a no, that translates to me as "I don't like kids, don't want to have kids, and don't you dare mention kids" I'll respect them for their wishes, but I love my son dearly, and would be more than happy to be a role-model for someone else's child(ren) who has neglected to take responsibility for their own children.
For the parents who leave their children, and specifically for the men, I'm ashamed of them. They set a bad example for women to judge men by. I pay my child support, and I pay my day care charges, when I can. I've taken in a roommate so I can pay my bills, I've shaved off all the luxuries I once could have afforded, so I can have a little extra money every month.
The reasons why I'm single? Well, if you really want to know, feel free to ask. I made my mistakes, she made her mistakes, and there's one simple fact: it takes two to have a relationship work. So either one of us, or both of us made a mistake or error in judgement that caused the relationship to fail.
For the men or women who cheat...shame on you! Have you no self-respect, or respect for anyone else?
Oops, think I got off-topic...sorry, did not intend to... | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 2:28:17 PM | ok this is a head scratcher thread.....single for 5 yrs...with a 2 and a 1 yr old. okkkkkk......
this screams of an attention seeker and a very lonely person.Unfortunately she blew her first chances with a "woe is me" thread. Im not gonna bash...but give useful comments.
If you try too hard to find a guy you will settle for the first dork who crosses your doorway...the kids will meet him...fall in love and poof!! HE GOT WHAT HE WANTED AND YOU GET FUK-ALL...on to the next one.
Its a vicious circle and one that happens all too often. Its easy too fall into if you are a lonely person, and the guy who finally pays attention may not be all you desire and not the kind of guy you and you children deserve to have in your life.
I was smart...I waited and didnt let a parade of dumasses into my home...fate and luck struck and now I found my soulmate...if you allow yourself to be patient...and know you deserve a wonderful guy you will stop at nothing to find him...
good luck | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 2:55:40 PM | LOL.. I gotta agree with Tinker... You've been single for 5 years... yet managed to pumpout 2 kids... Have you ever heard of Birth Control? My advice for anyone out there.. Give a relationship a good 2-3 years before even think about having kids... It gives you a chance to really know the other person, and be together before thinking about kids...
However now that you are a Single Parent... maybe you should take a break from dating. And simply focus your time and effort into your kids. There is no problem with being alone. And as a matter of fact you might find a new strength in being alone...
You may want to think about simply looking for new friends... The best relationships I've ever had are the ones that just sorta happen, and didn't go looking for. | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 3:15:08 PM | | I guess it depends upon the kind of man that you are with.....men are different from each other too.....some men would take the responsibility of being a Dad more enthusiastically than others......I think I'm more of the guy who would be a doting dad and would fight for my child's custody if the mother denies it to me. I want to be there for my kids too as abandonement is never a good feeling at all. I also believe that a part of me lives on with my kid even after I die and it's only right to give him the best life you could. | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 3:47:16 PM | I can understand your frustrations on being single, but, even though you say you dont want to mooch, it looks like you are looking at a relationship in the wrong way. Finding a mate doesnt mean they are going to automatically become your childrens father. Of course anyone who becomes involved with a single parent, its a whole package, but you seem to exude the wrong message.
About your child calling every man dad, that seems odd to me. I know kids can go thru phases when there is an absent father, but, my daughter never did that at 2, and she hasnt seen her "father" since she was 3 months old. Is there something that maybe sparked this behavior?
What youve heard is true, dont look so hard. I know it grows tiresome, but, men dont like needy women. Even if you dont think you are, it can be sensed with attitude and how you carry yourself. | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 3:49:24 PM | | I dont think shes got that many restrictions. She knows what she wants and wont settle for it. Nothing wrong with that. Stating you dont want a guy that smokes, does drugs, whos married, or into short term fun, isnt bad. I dont want any of those types either, but Im not "restricting" myself. I just dont settle. | |
|
| |
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 4:00:34 PM | ABSOLUTELY BANG ON.................
confidence....self worth...self love....success...and im not saying you have to be a college professor a liar or a doctor...but if you have honestly tried hard to be the best you can be and it shows in the way you live you life...and your positive outlook on life that draws positive attention.
You think you are a loser....you will atrract the losers. Im not here to bash you...or think less of you...i know its very very difficult and you feel like you are getting a bad break but the man you find has to fall in love with you FIRST....AND THEN ITS UP TO HIM TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR CHILDREN.YOU HAVE TO SELL YOURSELF AS A GOOD PERSON FIRST AND FOREMOST.
Im told by many many pppl that im a thoughtful loving person...they love my smile and im a really good friend.I love my man to death and he knows it...im not a greedy needy gal with my octupus suctions on him but he was sold on my personality and my smile in the first 5 min of meeting him!!!!  | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 5:44:18 PM | River Girl this is from the OP's post:
"I've looked all over for someone that is gonna help and not be a mooch and it seems that no one wants to raise someone else's children anymore."
I think my comment was relevant to the topic,I wish all single parents the best of luck but seeming needy is a big turn-off.
To the mothers:don't get pregnant if you can't take care of them.
To the fathers:if you're man enough to be a father then pay child support. | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 5:57:32 PM | I THINK THE PROBLEM IS SHES FINDING IRRESPONSIBLE MEN...........
boys who think only of themselves and dont know a lick of what it means to step up to the plate and be a responsible adult...a bf coming into a new realtionship is not your man slave and should not be treated as such...nor is it expected for him to become a insta daddy.
If you think that all men you date will become this you got a serious problem and they will flee with thier hair on fire. They must be respected and you must realize that this is new territory for them...and as time goes on you allow them to dicsipline...set rules...and help you..
you raise you own kids...but dont expect them to.....its an honor for them to help you and should never just be YOU ARE MY BOYFRIEND NOW...AND NOW THIER NEW DADDY SO THERE... | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 6:02:01 PM | | You have to be kidding? Who the heck wants to hook up with you just so they can have the responsibility of someone else's kids, as you put it. I would gladly date a single Mom and see where things went. You sound like you only want a meal ticket for you and your kids and no one will want a part of that. | |
|
| |
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/21/2006 8:30:20 PM | Did I really read...what I just read...."always waking up to guys that we don't know" !!!
Where do these 'guys ' come from...
If you have been single for 5 years, Just how do you happen to have children less than 4 yrs and 3 months old? Oh I get it...you must have adopted them.
There is probably nothing wrong with the men in NE Ohio as best I can tell.
But there certainly is evidence of serious and sad ......problems. | |
|
Home
login 
Others have said a few of my thoughts...I will let others continue.
