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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 9/21/2006 8:38:43 AM | A horse breeder phoned up a stud farm and asked if he could send over a
representative to check out the stock, with a view to buying a horse.
He
said the representative would be easily recognised because he was a
midget
with a speech impediment. The stud groom agreed and waited until the
midget
knocked on the door.
"Hello, I've come to check out your hortheth", said the midget.
"Sure, do you want a male horse or a female horse ?" asked the stud
groom.
"A female horth, pleath" said the midget, so off they went to the
paddock to
look at the horses. One lovely well bred filly caught the midgets eye.
"Can I check her ears pleath ?" said the midget - so the stud groom
lifted
up the midget to check the horses ears, then put him back down.
"Nith ears.......... now can I look at her eyth, pleath ?" - once again
the
stud groom lifted up the midget to check the horses eyes, then put him
down
again.
"Nith eyth ............ now I'd like to thee her twat pleath"
The stud groom had had enough, so lifted up the midget and shoved him
head
first into the horses 'you know what' and put him back down again.
The midget coughed and spluttered, and then said....................
"Perhapth I should rephwase that...... can I see her wun awound a
widdle bit ?" | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 9/21/2006 9:54:25 AM |  cute, cute, cute...made me smile!!! Thanks | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 9/22/2006 2:15:32 AM | An Aussie love story -
>>>
>>> An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of
>>> impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite
>>> chocolate >
>>> chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
>>> He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
>>> Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with
>>> even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
>>> downstairs.
>>>With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the
>>> kitchen.
>>>Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in
>>> heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were
>>> literally hundreds of his favourite chocolate chip cookies.
>>>
>>> Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Aussie
>>> wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
>>>
>>> Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
>>> landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand
>>> trembled towards a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly
>>> smacked by his wife with a spatula ................
>>>
>>> "**** OFF" she said, "they're for the funeral."
> | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 9/23/2006 1:26:12 AM | | knowing the aussies thats prob a true story lol | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 10/4/2006 3:32:09 PM | Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Audrey were sitting on
a park bench having a conversation, when a flasher approached from across
the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them,
and to their shock and dismay, opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Audrey, being older and a bit more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
 | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 10/4/2006 3:37:49 PM | There was a tornado and fema showed up and done something in stead of having to think on it.
Never happen. | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 10/4/2006 7:17:18 PM | Butt Measurements
>>
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man
looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big,
I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the
grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured
his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider than the
barbecue!!!"
The woman chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky.
He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him
off. "What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass
grill for one little weenie? | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 11/27/2006 10:23:32 AM | | i took my dog to the vets this morning,,the vet picked him up looked him all over and said im afraid im going to have to put him down! i said blimey is he that ill! the vet said no hes fooking heavy | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 11/27/2006 2:02:18 PM | | re: the horse breeder.....That was so funny. I used to work at a speech clinic and even though it is "not politically correct", I still think it was funny. | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 11/27/2006 2:10:38 PM | A young child asks her dad, " Daddy, where does poo come from"?
An embarrassed dad thinks about it, then replies,
"well honey, you know after you eat your dinner and your tummy gets so full that makes you want to go to the toliet, then poo comes from your bottom".
The young child stares at her dad , with tears in her eyes asks, " And Tigger"? | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 11/28/2006 11:13:39 AM | | What happens if you get scared half to death, twice? | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 11/28/2006 11:27:05 AM | that was the joke!!!!!!!!! hahaha
Heres another 1 for yas...
Two blondes walking down the street. One notices a compact on the path and picks it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says "hey, this person looks familiar". "Here, let me see", says the second blonde. She looks in the mirror and says "of course it does, you****ead, its me!" | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 11/28/2006 11:41:36 AM | | dotty you need to explain that mate ive read and read and read and i still dont get it lmao...like the other 1 tho | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 11/28/2006 11:51:25 AM | | hahaha!!! 2 halves make a hole etc.......... Stilll dont get it, come to think of it, its not as funny now. | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 11/28/2006 11:53:28 AM | | How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb? "What's the point? It'll only blow up again. | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 11/28/2006 11:56:27 AM | This one can be told both ways but, as a woman, I have to tell it the way a woman will appreciate.......sorry guys...ITS A JOKE!
LADIES: Do you know what they call that saggy piece of worthless skin that is attached directly to mans' pen1s?.........................THE MAN! | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 11/28/2006 12:15:14 PM | Haha good 1 Whats
My old dad told me, 1 in 5 people are chinese, and there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
Its either, my mom or my dad
or my older brother Colin
Or my younger brother Ho-Ch-Chu.
I actually think its Colin! | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 11/29/2006 12:44:27 AM | A drunk walks into a bar, and orders a drink. He notices a jar, full of 10s, 20s, and 50s, on the counter. So, he asks, "Hey, barkeep, whats with all this money?? The bartender tells him, " We have a bet going on, and there are three parts to it", the bartender continues, " To win the money, you have to accomplish all three tasks." "However", he continues, " I can't even tell you what they are, until you put fifty in the jar." The drunk doesnt even think about it, and readily puts a crisp new $50 bill into the jar. "The first part of this bet", says the barkeep, " You have to chug this entire half gallon of Jack." The drunk obliges, with little, to no effort. "Wow!" exclaims the bartender, " The second part is you have to go upstairs, there is an 80 year old hooker up there, she hasnt seen a razor, or bathtub in 40 years, you have to do your buisness with her." He continues, " then you have to run out the backdoor, there is an alligator, out in the back alley, with an absessed tooth. Take care of him, and the money is yours."
The drunk dashes off the barstool, nearly falling to the ground, shoves the back door open, racing toward the back alley. He is gone for nearly an hour and a half, everyone thinking he must have been killed, by the alligator. Suddenly, he stumbles back inside, clothes thrashed, hair disheveled, bleeding like a stuck pig. He walks up to the bartender, slams his torso upon the bar and says, "OK, Wheres that W.H.O.R.E, with the absessed tooth?" | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 11/29/2006 11:26:14 AM | Lovevvvvvvvd ur joke
One night, as a couple lay in bed, the husband whispers to the wife, "Do you fancy some loving"? The wife replies, "sorry honey, Ive a gynaecologist(is that spelt right!) appointment and I need to stay fresh".
The husband feeling rejected turns away. A few minutes later, he turns again to his wife and whispers, "Do you have a dentist appointment"?. | |
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