| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/27/2006 7:47:30 PM | | Just musing here about life in the new millenium and dating and all ... I have decided in the past few years to "broaden my horizons" so to speak ... at one time having quite narrow preferences ... in terms of age, height, interests, etc etc ... however, nowadays I find myself much more willing to consider men who are not "exactly" what my preferences might be ... and I have been pleasantly surprised! .... what are your experiences with this .......? | |
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/27/2006 8:08:14 PM | | If I am "shopping" I suppose I have this mental list of features and characteristics ..but in real life I dont think I ever really had a choice over who I fell in love with. I've been infatuated, yes, and "fallen in love" but thats not love to me, its all hormones and brain chemistry. Your pleasant surprise might be that shopping has nothing to do with reality. | |
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/27/2006 8:16:20 PM | | I kept lowering my sights until I shot myself in the foot. Now I limp. While others sit back holding out for someone better, I am that someone they are holding out for better than. It's just as well. Few mortal women are built to stand the extremes of pleasure they risk consorting with the likes of me. | |
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ITV
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Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 9 | |
| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/27/2006 9:29:18 PM | Yep I think I've broadened mine. I think at one time I had in my mind a person that probably didn't exist. And probably I would be making unreal expectations of someone that I couldn't fullfill myself. But I wouldn't want to set my preferences so low that I would regret a decision later on. But there are some areas that I won't settle for less.
I often wonder about the profiles that have 3 dogs and 2 cats.... and they say, "Must like animals". Thats a criteria for a mate? But each to their own I guess. For me the less baggage the better.  | |
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/27/2006 10:22:03 PM | ...I don't look at it as lowering my standards...as we age we develop a far different value system. The things that once appealed to us do not necessarily do so now. I think when we were younger we were a lot more shallow and superficial. We all wanted to have the good looking male/female dangling from our arm. I'm not saying that I am no longer attracted to the eye candy, I'm saying looks are not a priority. Whats inside means far more to me now than the wrapping.
,,,maeflowers
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/27/2006 11:59:44 PM | How about a lady with her own teeth, her own hair, her own boobs and her own credit cards.
(Can't tell if that's broadening or narrowing.)
Oh, yeah. How about her own brain.
(Wait a minute... let me re-write that other crap.)
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/28/2006 6:10:07 AM | LOL......I love this thread!!!  (Mandrake......your too much!!)
I had a rather liberal outlook of whom I wanted and even that gets shot down, one muses why try. Why not shave my head, wear burlap and write on parchment paper all day....call me Brother Sneaks the lonely Monk!!
Blow up dolls.......Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. | |
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/28/2006 6:28:03 AM | Mine have narrowed as I have come to terms with MY personality and idiocyncracies.
To use something ridiculous as an example, let's say I DETEST people who chew gum. (Put whatever you like in there. Flea markets, going to the ballet....) Proudly displayed on a woman's profile as an activity she enjoys is "I just LOVE to chew gum!!!"
What kind of stupid or desperate would I have to be to contact this woman knowing beforehand that soemthing she does would aggravate the hell out of me?
Now, it isn't HER fault that I detest gum chewers, it's MY fault for not being open to the idea that not everybody is a mirror image of what I am. (And thank god for that!)
So, I would say that given that situation, my preferences are narrowed.
I might miss out on a lot of wonderful gum chewing women, but at what point of letting 1 thing, or 2 things, or 8 or 12, slip through the cracks does it become settling for less than what you really want?
I really feel that as we age and have a better definition of ourselves that we make more discerning choices in who we spend time with.
Once you get into that desperate state of "Oh god just ANYBODY will do", is there even a slight chance you will be happy with that? | |
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/28/2006 9:50:03 AM | | I will not and refuse to lower my standard. I must admit I am picky and maybe thats why I have been alone for 8 years, and thats ok I would rather be alone then to settle for less then what I deserve. I wont narrow my perferences just for the sake that I have someone I have to much selfworth selflove and selfrespect for myself then to settle for second best. | |
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:03:19 AM | MaeFlowers pretty much summed it up for me, I haven't broadened or narrowed my preferences they have just shifted. I am at a stage where life is fun, my responsibilities to others is pretty much over so I am now looking for someone a bit more carefree and most of all who loves to laugh. 20 years ago someone like that would have scared me off because I was so deep in responsibility.
As I aged I grew and changed and therefore so did my preferences.
Life is so interesting and fun, you never know today what you will be tomorrow. | |
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:10:46 AM |
and I have been pleasantly surprised! .... what are your experiences with this .......?
Just that...I've been very pleasantly suprised. Sometimes, if we just give people enough time, they'll become so incredibly attractive to us that the attraction takes on a depth that you never dreamed possible. I don't know if age and experience brought this about, or if it's just that I've changed so much that I simply see things differently now, but either way, I've been wowed!
I think too that focusing my expectations more on myself instead of others helped tremendously. I don't know quite how to explain it, but the more I focus inward, the less I'm seeking outward. | |
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:14:20 AM | I don't know if it's a case of broadening or narrowing my preferences. I'm pretty open to other people, but I can specify that I don't want to be with a smoker or heavy drinker for instance. All men are different and come with a different set of qualities. I don't toss someone away because they have hobbies that don't jive with mine, or do things that I don't do. I'm always open to learning new things, and he has to be open to learning new things too. However I won't give up my life again to 'fit into' someone's life. I know that doesn't work.
I've always found that I am attracted to certain men. By that I mean when I meet a man, right away there is a connection of some kind for me or there isn't. And it isn't his looks. It's just 'who he is'. All men have a certain something that is endearing. Some others, for me, have a certain extra something that connects with me on a spritual and emotional level.
I don't think it's a matter of 'settling' either. You won't be happy if you do that just to be with someone to cure your lonliness. If you find out when this all got so complicated, please feel free to let me know!  | |
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:23:23 AM | | It got complicated when it became confusing as people became conflicted. They want love, but not knowing how to go about it, they dither, I mean, they create theories trying to get the obvious to resemble their assumptions. | |
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:32:04 AM | I've broadened and it seems to be working just fine. Mainly, because now, I refuse to give up my personality completely, in order to be with someone who seems to want me to do just that, or worse, if I think that will make him happier. HOG WASH!! We all learn sooner or later that-- that never really works. Lance Armstrong (the biker) and his ex-wife, Sharon, are prime examples of that one-sided thinking. She even wrote a book of how she gave up her whole life to his and now sorely regrets that it was that very thing that broke them up.
To become his clone, or vice versa, and the things that attracted the two in the beginning are lost along the way and that's when the whole relationship begins to crumble. Been there done that, and while I am always very willing to compromise and most certainly go a bit further to please, I find I don't need to pretend that my interests and my life aren't as important as his.
Narrow my expectations, preferences? No. I just don't expect perfection, as I know it doesn't exist, and I'm very content in that. Does that mean I'll be content with just anyone? Heck no! I don't settle for less than what I want and hope that he won't either.
In this, age/maturity do have their merits.  | |
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:41:43 AM |
To become his clone, or vice versa, and the things that attracted the two in the beginning are lost along the way and that's when the whole relationship begins to crumble.
Read this passage from Kahlil Gibran and apply it to charlie girl said.
"Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, even as the strings of a lute are alone through they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart and the oak tree and the cyprus grow not in each others shadow."
People need space. Marriage need not be all comsuming. The indididuals need not die to make the couple live.
Been there. Done that. Will not do it again.
Thus my answer is yes, my preferences are narrowed to only those who respect people as individuals first, THEN half of a couple. | |
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/28/2006 2:15:20 PM | In some respects I have narrowed my preferences ... and I have found that it actually has broadened my alternatives! By narrowing my preferences ... I now know that I will not be wasting my time on relationships that probably would not have been good for me ... or probably would never have been.
More than anything, I think it's more about being flexible than it is about whether or not we have broadened or narrowed our preferences. It's about being able to accept a person into our life with every thing that comes with them ... hobbies, habits, family, friends ... or the lack thereof,
I have found the person that I am ... a simple (not complicated or materialistic), yet complex (multi-talented) creature with a lot of life experience under my belt. While I believe all of us are seeking a loving, caring, partner, I believe that what determines the kind of partner we seek is also based on the other things we value in our lives.
So, while I'm well aware that being of a more "uncomplicated and non-materialistic" nature which may not necessarily appeal to a man who leads a "fancier" life style (fancy homes, cars, clothes, things), I know I can still fit into that ... related to my "multi-talented" nature (ability to be flexible and adjust well to my surroundings). On the other hand, I still appeal to a man who would choose to lead or be living a much more modest life.
In an effort to keep this light-hearted ... FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED.
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| ...as you age ...broaden or narrow your preferences??
Posted: 9/28/2006 3:46:20 PM | Plan, "A", hoping for a North American lady who would enjoy a life of sailing to exotic locations, a life of love, adventure, romance, and leisure. I'm thinking that they are busy chasing after a pot of gold rather than enjoying one that is already found.
Plan, "B", sail down to Central or South America and get one of those cute young ladies to sail to these exotic locations with me. Then when I'm gone she can return to her home country a very rich young widow with dual citizenship and a large yacht.  | |
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