| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 4:25:59 PM | | ANyone with any advice on how to move on after a break up. And when your trust was repeatedly broken by your ex how can you learn to trust another man. My ex father of my younges has left me 4 times in four years. He loves me, he never loved me was just in it for th e kids, he lied about not loving nme and loved me, he only broke up with me one time cause he thought i was cheating and started dating another woman the same day. So i get insecure and have problems trusting him get wary when it comes to him hanging wiht other women we break up stay roommates till i am financially stable, he shuts off his feelings for me and now starts making out down the hall with this on girl I was jealous of during our relationship.She happens to be bi polar and just had her husband leave her (they are still roommates too ) and her kids taken away. So how can I ever trust and or beleive another man again without ever in the back of my mind wondering will it be like last time. I am so done with him I dont think I caould mentally go through that again. I have knwon him since grade nine he was my first so It hurts alot when I have beleived all these years that he was the one. He has major committment issues stemming from childhood, so he tends to yo yo with me. Any advice SORRY SO LONG had to get it off my chest and get some feed back | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 4:28:14 PM | Indeed, sorry to learn of your pain... I know you'll recover all in time.
Don't forget, too, it's not time that heals. Instead, it's what one choses to do with time, that heals.
There's a quote on the bottom of my profile and it reads; "There are no mistakes...only lessons to be learned."
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 4:38:19 PM | you will learn to trust again when you meet someone
who is willing to earn yours. | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 4:39:56 PM | I agree that trust is earnt with time.
Geri | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 4:47:08 PM | | Only time will heal your wounds. Sure, the crack in the mirror will always remain but atleast it will be put together again even if the crack still remains. But, give it some time. I'm sure you'll heal with time. Just don't become jaded and cynical like me. I'm giving you this advice simply because I know and understand what you are going through. I only hope you will be able to come out of it as a wiser and a stronger woman. Goodluck to you. | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 4:52:01 PM | msg 1
hey dont get down...
its like this.... you can recover from this and be stronger, wiser and
even meet someone BETTER than you hoped.
It just takes time.
Allow yourself to recover.... try to learn what you can
from your bad experiences and move on when your ready.
Sometimes pain and suffering is the opportunity to grow...
and
you will make better choices about who to trust in the future.
trust is earned.
it is.
and you will come out of this ok if you forgive yourself
for trusting the wrong person.
Forgiveness is a gift................... you give to yourself..........
it will allow you to heal, grow and become stronger. | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 4:52:50 PM | A guy I knew once said ........
It's okay to trust with your heart but not with your money, The heart heals. | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 5:03:21 PM | OP, start by forgetting blame. Find yourself and be happy.
In time you will be able to open yourself up again. | |
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UmOk
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Joined: 9/18/2006
Msg: 9 | |
| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 5:19:09 PM | | Singlemommy.... This is a very common situation...What I did, was to evaluate myself. I asked myself what I wanted out of my life. What would be in the best interest of you and your children!! The pain will only last, if you let it! And by holding a grudge, you're limiting yourself to happiness! Not all men are like your baby daddy... and not all men will treat you like he has! | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 5:25:07 PM | | OK I am confussed....your post says the father of your youngest children ? How many kids do you have and from how many fathers? You are 29 ? and you have allowed him to come and go from the home and the childrens lives 4 times in 4 years? There is something wrong with both of you if this is the case. Why would you set yourself and your children up for that type of disappointment 4 times ? I am confussed??? Just my $.02 cents worth. | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 5:30:54 PM | | two children one his that is 2 years old and the other is 6 and a half from a relationship 7 years ago. My problem I dunno low self esteem, I dont know he probably feed off that because he feels I feel I cant find anyone else so I will always take him back. Problem is sub consiously I think I do feel that way. I live in a very very small town and pickins are slim. And I am not If you get my drift. I have joined a gym to lose my last 50 pounds and regain some self esteem hopefully I am on the right track. But in the same sense I dont want to date someone that will only date me because I lose wieght and now look good but wasnt worth their time when I was overweight. At least I know that with my ex he excepted my weight. i dont knwo I am really hurt and confused But I do appreciate all the imput Thanx | |
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Sguss
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Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 5:56:11 PM | Nothing sucks worse than after all the time spent with someone suddenly being alone. There is the hurt and anger of "why", then comes the lonliness and wanting the closure of "why". Then comes the lonliness and wonderment if you can make it on your own and the "why".
Then comes the time you realize you've done just fine on your own. Then comes the time that your not so much alone as you are comfortable with yourself and your decisions. Then comes the true closure when it doesn't matter the "why's" from above. Then comes peace and even happiness with yourself.
The time is worth it. Every minute of it that lasts, from beginning to end. I know it doesn't feel like it now but all of this will make sense one day. | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 6:26:56 PM | Read some good books about dating, relationships, and sex (not online crap). You have to have something to offer, and the guy needs to offer you something. Next time, dont date a heavy drinking, beer bar hopping, gambling, hunting nut, unemployed video game tester, born again christian, with lousy credit.
PSS: WHAT DO YOU NEED TO TRUST THEM FOR? Dont give out your cellphone, dont let him drive your car. dont give him your CC, dont tell all your freinds personal secrets. GO WITH THE FLOW, and just expect him to show up on time clean shaven and in a good mood. Then after dating for a year, you can worry about every little detail if its the truth or not. For now, JUST HAVE FUN RIGHT? | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 7:33:48 PM | | Motto: Trust in everyone, but prepare for the worst. | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 9:43:25 PM | OP the best thing for you is to get rid of this guy for good, and work on yourself, learn to love yourself and trust your judgements. It is not trusting others that is the problem but trusting yourself. If you think you deserve better, it will come, and don't settle for less.
It is better to be alone than be with someone and not be happy. Be happy with yourself and your children. You may have to emotionally detach from your ex, because if you have children, I'm sure he will have to be in the picture, just don't give in to him.
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 9:48:51 PM | | Men are much like witches. The good ones sink, the bad ones float. Do you live near water? | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 9:58:29 PM | hmm . . . .well I would say this about the trust issue as having another viewpoint can be helpful, so here's mine.
I've also been in a few situations like this, I'll tell you what worked for me. I decided that I won't let having a bad relationship define how I interact now with the women I do meet. it would be unfair to them and more importantly, I'm not going to let any exes that were the cause of some issues continue to give me problems. I simply refuse to let my happiness be taken away from me because of someone not treating me right. they're out of my life and I also make sure they're out of my head and that they're not being ghosts haunting me and interfering with the previously mentioned happieness
when I looked at my situation in that light after I had a serious relationship end (which took about four months after an almost three year LTR) I really made up for lost time in terms of living my life and moving on with the good side of things. I don't know what exactly sparked that train of thought but for me it was very productive and after thinking about it for a couple of days when it did occur it was almost like enlightenment. hope that helped | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:13:25 PM | | Wish i could help but im in the same boat, I dont think i can ever trust another man again, fell inlove with some one and really thought i could trust him,lol boy i was wrong, i thought he cared , and now hes got my mind so mest up my heart broken cant sleep at all had trouble sleepiong befor now lol i think i might of had maybe 20 hrs of sleep in the last 7 days, will take alot for me ever to trust any man again, But If i was you i would move on and give it up, Not trying to do men bashing here but men dont care how bad they hurt you, they just dont, I keep asking my self how i could of fell in love with this guy and him not care at all I just dont understand men. but good luck | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:18:31 PM | Wow singlemommy.....You sound very confused. Sorry to hear that happened to you. I think it's time you need to know what you want in your life just for you. Don't rush it Sweetie........just take things slow and digest as you go. Every one has a different time need.  | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 11:16:37 PM | Building trust should be a slow, gradual process. Right now, you have a very shakey foundation on which to start laying the stones for a future relationship. So start by working on yourself first.
Going to the gym is great, but not the only thing. If you can find time for some other activities that you enjoy, that will be a big plus. You stated that you have esteem issues, so discover what is great about YOU. Look in your kid's eyes for validation on what a fantastic person you are.
Surround yourself with people you trust. Freinds are great for this. Male platonic freinds can help a lot, hope you have some.
Only when you think you can forget the last man, should you bring a new one into your life. Don't let the sins of the past affect how you treat your new interest. Be cautious, but not accusatory. Don't test. Trust is something that takes time to build, but you shouldn't put it in terms of "having to prove" oneself. People tend to rise to the level of your expectations, so if you are constantly mistrusting, a decent guy will probably either leave or eventually your mistrust will sour the relationship in some other way.
Don't rush into anything and don't even think about taking this buy back. Good luck. | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 11:24:04 PM | For one try to remember that you ex isn't "men" some will hurt you some won't. The same as some of your female friends in the past have no doubt broken your trust.
It's already been said but can never be said too often. Feel good about yourself again before worrying about dating. The creeps can sniff out insecurities and use them the same as a wolf will sense a wounded deer. And that will only re-enforce your negative feelings toward men and relationships.
Truly enjoying the single life does seem to be the easiest and best way to not be single for long.
Best of luck  | |
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| trusting again
Posted: 9/28/2006 11:25:33 PM | | again........i trusted him............and again he had some drama on his computer.......like an ol chat line he doesn't use..................whats the deal................i am done crying........ | |
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