| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 9:35:47 PM | We've all seen threads on women who don't reply and how it is or isn't rude and all.
Should I then ignore the women I'm not interested in? 99% of the women I've messaged blew me off. I always replied in the past because I felt that it was rude not to. Plus it's not as if I get more mail than I can keep up with. Am I leading these women on? It's not my intent. They've all been nice, but I just wasn't attracted to them. Or if I was, they lived too far away.
The same holds true with women that IM me. I always say hi. I just feel like a jerk if I don't greet them back. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 2 | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 9:47:44 PM | Hi iwarrior,
I don't reply to message when I am not interested. I don't find it rude. And I don't have a double standard that guy should do differently. If you get 10 messages a day and you are interested in none of them, it is very boring and time consuming just to reply and explain. So no waste of time.
However I do received messages from guys telling me how a b**** I am and sure I don't know what I missed (hey the one telling me I don't know what I miss, was actually sending his roomate to write to me, ridiculous...) and I wasted their time. I don't understand why they would waste their time just to tell me I am a b****. But then I will just delete and block them. It shows the real character, dosen't it?
Z | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 9:51:21 PM | I agree.
If someone takes the time to send a note, it IS rude not to respond. Regardless if you feel an attraction or not. Leading them on? If the intent is not there you are not leading them on.
Now knowing my gender as I do..........................I can see how some ladies would be rather errrrrrrrrr reluctant at times to return in kind. :P | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 9:54:20 PM |
I don't reply to message when I am not interested. I don't find it rude. And I don't have a double standard that guy should do differently. If you get 10 messages a day and you are interested in none of them, it is very boring and time consuming just to reply and explain. So no waste of time.
I guess I can see that.
I'll admit to sending a few snarky messages to women that didn't reply. Nothing vulgar or nasty though. I was just frustrated. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 6 | |
| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 9:54:29 PM | | Actually, I disagree with responding to all messages. I know that some get a lot of mail ... and no one likes to be rejected. The read/delete kind of feels like a slap in the face. But as men, we have to be more .. how do you put it .. sensitive to women's egos because most have fragile ones. | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:02:57 PM | ^^^
Well...I usually don't tell them that I'm not interested. I just talk to them. Again, because I don't want to be rude or hurt their feelings. I mean, I don't want to tell a girl that I don't find her attractive. I actually did that to a girl once on another site. She kept IM'ing me. And I sent her an email saying that I wasn't attracted to obese women. I still feel bad about that. | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:06:40 PM | Hi Arri,
That is very nice of you consider ladies could be very sensitive and gragile. Some men are also. As I said, I don't have double standard. It's not like I only experience receiving message and delete them all. I also didn't receive reply and felt disappointed sometimes. If I don't get message back then I just move on. Right? I am not right for that particular person not meaning I am no good at all. There will be one right there for me and I just have to be patient and find out or wait.
Z | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:07:04 PM | Hi Warrior. I will reply to each e-mail. I have had exceptions but they were the really weird ones. LOL! That happens once in a while.........but I do say thanks not interested and always wish them success. Nothing wrong with being nice.  | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:24:58 PM | I dont answer each n every e-mail that I get.I dont think it's rude not to.Its a waste of time and I think rude to explain why your just not interested in them.I just read them and if I dont think I would be attracted to the person whether it be intellectually or physically then I just dont bother.If your answering these emails simply becuz you dont get that many then yes I think it could n mebbe would be considered leading one on.Alot of ppl on here are lonely n looking for sum1 who is right for them n who they can call a soulmate,so they arent going to understand why you messaged them if your not interested. | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:30:07 PM | This subject will always be debated. I have always responded to messages and used to respond to all IMs. I no longer respond to IMs because they are disruptive when I am posting.
When I was seeking a LTR If I was not interested in their profile or their message for whatever reason, I would tell thank them for their interest and explain that they were not my type.
I have also responded to message and never received a further message but I never took it personally. I think it takes mere minutes to respond and it is rude to do otherwise. It is never necessary to be rude. You never know what the future brings. I have had the opportunity at a POF event to meet some of these people or they have noticed the change in my status and contacted me for a variety of reasons and it is not long before we become online friends. Heck I encouraged my ex-boyfriend to jump into the Date-A-Pond.
Never close the door. Anyways that's my opinion. | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:45:07 PM | | Sorry BradII, I live in Canada and I am Canadian. I don't think American women will be specialized in being rude. It has nothing to do with the country I assume. It is different point of view, if I have time to reply to every single message even those I am not interested (hey, I did spent time to read their profiles) or rude messages, I rather come to the forum and read more posts. It is more interesting at least. Z | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 11:05:13 PM |
If your answering these emails simply becuz you dont get that many then yes I think it could n mebbe would be considered leading one on.
That's not why I message them back. I just to it because I feel like I'm being rude if I don't.
Believe me, I get messages from certain women and groan when I see their pics. They don't even try to look nice. But I just say hi, and usually the emails drift and they get that I'm not that into them. | |
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xamo
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Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 16 | |
| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 11:06:51 PM | | I don't see how it could ever be considered rude not to reply to someone who took it upon themselves to write to you. POF provides a convient means of introduction, but on the other end of the computer is a person. Communication is a two way thing...and I feel that if it is my perogative to not respond, it may be inapropriate and a little rude to take it upon themselves to obligate me to writing them back (exceptionaly to the point of writing me back it kind of validates her instincts doesn't it ?) Every pice of junk mail doesn't get read, every acquaintance (SP?) who says "we should get together sometime ?" doesn't have me chasing them down nor does every telemarketer doesn't get to make a pitch to me, regardless of how much they may personally need the sale. I don't see how its not actually more rude for people to obligate a stranger to a reply, it's nice to get unexpected messages and speak to many various people/types...but can't be considered a loss, or personal attack if one doesn't get their way is it ? | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/28/2006 11:34:55 PM | The question you're asking is only from 2 sentences that I didnt put in the same lines. together..in overall I dont think its rude to not reply back n tell them why your not interested or attracted to them.I would rather someone not reply back to me in the case I did send an email rather than someone to email me and explain how they arent attracted to me and for what reasons..Im not here to feel obligated to anyone and I simply dont have the time to reply back to the ppl who I find no interest in.If we got 20 tele-marketer calls in one day would we take time to explain to each n everyone of them why we dont want their products? I think not..
OP:I always replied in the past because I felt that it was rude not to. Plus it's not as if I get more mail than I can keep up with
So you didnt imply it was becuz you don't get much mail? | |
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Kat6
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Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/29/2006 12:27:10 AM | | What would you do if you met them in person? People you are not attracted to talk to you every day. Do you ignore them? I answer every IM and email I get. It is just the polite thing to do. I even answer my hate mail. If you take the time to message or email me, you WILL get a response. But, just because someone contacts you, you are not obligated to feel attracted to that person and responding to them in a friendly manner is in no way a committment. Personally, I respond as if the person making contact was right in front of me. If they are rude, they receive an offended response. If they are brief, they get a brief response. If they are friendly, I am friendly. Why would online contact be treated any different than face-to-face contact? | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/29/2006 12:41:42 AM | | This isn't the real world though..Most ppl doesnt expect an email back from those who have no interest in them.I don't think many ppl would wanna email telling us of our imperfections that the other doesnt like or the reason we arent good enough for them.I mean c'mon,if there was an unattractive person who made small talk in the waiting line at wal-mart and there was no way to avoid them then would you say I dont find you attractive becuz of ur hair,smile,etc? No it's very unlikely..but the net doesn't put us in umcomfy n on the spot situations like that.Debates can be made either way but the cyber world lets us escape from denial,rejection,etc..so why even tell these ppl of why we choose not to chat with them??They are profiles on here with a list of who we are,our likes/dislikes..so on n so forth..we have the right to pick the ones who seem to be interesting to us and it has nada to do with being polite.Alot of the ppls on here have felt denied in the real world hence why they are on here..why give them the sting of rejection that they have felt in the real world? | |
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| replying ??????
Posted: 9/29/2006 12:55:38 AM | | yes you are. if you're NOT INTERESTED, as you say, leave them alone. ok. me fein. | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/29/2006 1:29:31 AM |
...i mean, if i were sending messages to American women, i'd expect rudeness and snobbery...
American women are rude and snobby? That's nice to know, thanks!
As far as if it's rude or not to not reply to messages, I go back and forth on that issue. A majority of the time I do reply back, even if I'm not interested, and for some reason, I always feel bad about doing it. I don't lead them on in my reply, I just usually engage in idle chit-chat and in the back of my mind, I'm thinking "You know, I should just flat out tell them that I'm not interested". But I just don't want to hurt their feelings. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't worry about things like that...but I guess that's just the kind of person I am. | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/29/2006 1:41:07 AM | | if you send a message to someone, you should get a response from the person, -even if its a "thanks but no thanks" thats what seperates the women from the girls. the women will almost always send me a simple "thank you" if they are not really interested. and a detailed message if i have caught her interest. even if you get tons of mail -simply deleting is kind of rude. -remember what comes around goes around... | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/29/2006 2:41:25 AM | | I think there is a way to answer back if not interested and as most mails I receive are of the unoriginal 'Hi, how r u?' variety I simply respond with 'Fine thanks' and most get the message and don't reply back. If someone has taken the time to read my profile and their mail is funny I would respond accordingly, but yeah, it is different for girls and I would quite possibly feel entirely different if receiving 20 messages a day and unless chained to the computer night and day a line would have to be drawn somewhere perhaps..... but I would still feel rude and heartless! How do you girls sleep at night? | |
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| Am I Wrong For Replying To Women I'm Not Interested In?
Posted: 9/29/2006 4:43:16 AM |
We've all seen threads on women who don't reply and how it is or isn't rude and all.
Should I then ignore the women I'm not interested in? 99% of the women I've messaged blew me off. I always replied in the past because I felt that it was rude not to. Plus it's not as if I get more mail than I can keep up with. Am I leading these women on? It's not my intent. They've all been nice, but I just wasn't attracted to them. Or if I was, they lived too far away.
The same holds true with women that IM me. I always say hi. I just feel like a jerk if I don't greet them back.
I don't reply back usually unless the person is befriending me. They don't "need" a reply, and I'm not going out of my way just because I may feel a tinge of guilt. Afterall if I did reply -- when I really didn't care -- my reply would not be in consideration or compassion or even empathy, it would be based on pity if I felt guilt. And how is pity considerate or respectful?
I ignore the vast majority. I'm not intending to be rude, but rather focusing on what I want. I'm here for "me". | |
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