| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 8:04:32 AM | If someone has had painful situations in his/her past,they might believe that certain people are not to be trusted or allowed in too close.
So they run if that person shows signs of the behavior that they fear... that strategy can backfire though when they experience difficulty trusting or getting close to new people who remind them of those earlier experiences.Even though this new person may be entirely trustworthy the "programming" from the past interferes with their thinking.How do you deal with these feelings? Trust is a slow process for some... | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 8:08:26 AM | | Any form of dishonesty or any hint of violence are my triggers. Unfortunately my experience, as you say, only brings up the negative past. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 8:11:04 AM | Alot of things. Everyone of them learned from the past. Its life I guess.
Screw me once shame on you, Screw me twice SHAME on me.. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 8:13:17 AM | I can relate!
My last long term relationship was with someone who was insanely
jealous.....all the time......and never had any reason to be.
........any hint of this would send me running for the hills!
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 8:13:51 AM | Trust is a slow process for some... Therein lies the answer. One should not make sweeping generalizations because of past experiences. However, one must remain vigilant when one sees similar signs. At that point, he/she must discern if it is indeed a behavior trait or a bad reading on his/her part.
Starting out, the level of trust is neutral. From that point on, it needs to be earned by ones actions. Actions, ironically, will result in loss of the same as well.
First occurrence is a happening, second is a coincidence, third time is deliberation. When that happens, "Run Forrest..... Run"
Just my 98 cents  | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 8:18:21 AM | I personally try very hard not to judge a person by what someone else has done to me in the past.
That said, I have had a relationship where the woman had 'committment issues' due to her past, and was afraid of getting 'to close'. I recognized this and brought it to her attention. I let her know that although maybe I didn't completely understand, I was willing to take the time she needed. I also made it very clear that the amount of time and frequency with which we would see each other was up to her, so she could maintain a level of control that would help her feel comfortable. All of that seemed to be what she needed to enjoy our relationship, and I was fine with that.
Not to speak for the rest of the guys/ladies out there (because it isn't strictly a single gender problem), I would hope the person you were interested in would care enough about getting to know you that they would be aware of the problem and if they really want to have a relationship, take the time to work with you and overcome the problem.
But, next time I might just go 'caveman'. Bang her over the head, drag her to my cave, and have my way with her. When she wakes up it would be to late to have reservations!  (Yes, that was a joke, before I get flamed!)
My twisted, warped opinion as usual. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 8:18:58 AM | When my former husband left me for another woman, I wondered if I may have "trust" issues in future relationships. I'm happy to say that I don't. Fortunately, being trusting appears to simply be part of my nature. I figure that people are worthy of trust until they prove otherwise; it's not something that needs to be "earned".
However, I must say that I'm not as naive as I used to be. I'm more aware of the signs of cheating now. I would more quicker to catch on to the signs of infidelity at this point.
Things that make me run for the hills are possessiveness and jealousy. A former partner was insanely jealous (back in my twenties) and I must admit I've been reactive to it ever since. But then, I'm an independent person. I give trust, and I expect to receive it in return. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 8:19:13 AM | users .. I can smell em
a mile away.. sometimes
through my computer monitor too.
lairs and lazy are also those who make me run. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 8:21:28 AM | | It depends on the "sign". It would have to be something blatant to get me to run (e.g., a liar that has been caught; a violent/aggressive act or statement; etc.). Otherwise, if there is an inference of a possible "ex behavior" rearing its ugly head, I would speak out immediately and discuss the issue at hand, rather than heading for the hills. I'd want make sure I wasn't jumping to conclusions based on an asshat from the past. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 8:27:59 AM | | It's the holics and isms/ions. Even a remote hint of alcholism, addition, bi-polarism, etc. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 8:30:43 AM | There are different red flags that will make me turn around and walk/run away both online or offline. Suggestions that there may be another woman in the picture...lying or any dishonesty...etc
For instance...one guy I was seeing used to say "I'm going out with someone for drinks..." Or "There is someone in my car with me..." and I gradually found out it would mean another woman...when normally he would say I'm going out for drinks with a buddy or Joe is in my car...
So now...if someone blows me off to go for drinks with 'someone' I might jump to conclusions and he probably won't have to worry about seeing me again at all. Sad, but true.
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 8:40:36 AM | | In my case it's simple. I don't like being abused. If she becomes abusive I become absent. It could be she is abusive to others. It doesn't have to be aimed at me. For example, here on this site when women post abusive attacks, or speak of others as being deserving of abuse, I know they are not for me. I was getting to know a woman and we got along great except for her habit of calling people insulting names. She called me one and I asked her not to. She did it again and I stopped seeing her. To her it was no big deal and I expect the guy she ended up with doesn't mind. But to me it means her respect for me is adjustable to her mood. I don't need a part-time enemy. It's not because I rise and fall by her opinion of me. It is because I expect she has no qualms about escalating into rage if push comes to shove. Without a basic level of respect, anyone is fair game and no holds are barred. That threat in the background ruins everything else for me. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 8:57:24 AM | ^^I meant it lovingly when I called you a fathead
I would hope the person you were interested in would care enough about getting to know you that they would be aware of the problem and if they really want to have a relationship, take the time to work with you and overcome the problem.
^^
that's awesome baby but in this drive through get it your way world people rarely take the time to work through problems.
loyalty is most important to me ...love and loyalty should go hand in hand! | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 9:00:49 AM | If someone does, says or has any of the following I will get away from them as fast as possible. In no certain order of importance.
1. Talking about an x non stop.
2. Saying they don't have much time to date.
3. I want a casual relationship.
4. The first hint of violence.
5. My children are my whole life.
6. They are a Christian or member of any other organized religion.
7. They state they can never trust anyone again, because they have been hurt in the past.
8. They don't have children, and having children is more important to them than anything else. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 9:02:02 AM | | neediness. do not project your insecurities onto me or attempt to make me responsible for your issues. | |
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longte
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Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 18 | |
| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 9:04:01 AM | If I was definitly attracted not much would make me run away
Especially if she had a boat and liked cleaning fish
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 9:06:30 AM | Clingyness and possessiveness. That is what most women dislike because it shows lack of confidence. Women seek confident men; men that lack confidence are about as sexy as a wet noodle. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 9:10:46 AM | .
Funny thing, I do not really have “trust” problems with people . Well, at least not the type of “trust” issues most people around here think about first.
I’m five years out of a very painful syndrome that lasted about 35 years. During that time -- especially during my worst times -- I intentionally kept myself away from others (for socializing and dating) simply because it quite often disturbed me more to watch the reactions of others about me being in pain than the pain itself disturbed me. (That doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense, but I can’t rewrite it without using too many words.)
Nowadays I’m pain free and rather healthy and active. Even so, when I meet someone who gets upset or squeamish when another is sick, hurt or in pain, I tend to not wish to know that person anymore. I guess it’s always in the back of my mind that I could possibly have a bad day or two again (it’s still possible) and I cannot help but wonder what they would do about that.
Yes, a lot of people allow hurtful past experiences to be projected into current relationships and so look for problems that may never materialize. Much of that is just silly, but that’s how many of us are. I do it, too, to one extent, as related above. But, for most other things, I prefer to think of that as my “picker” working properly. After all, I do not expect to be compatible with everyone, nor they with me.
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TishaG
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Joined: 11/13/2005
Msg: 22 | |
| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 9:23:10 AM | In reading the posts above, I'd have to say "alot of the above and then some". Simply put, I've been through enough over the years (both good and bad) to know what I want..what I don't want...what I'm willing to put up with, and what I'd NEVER put up with. And so the search goes on......  | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 9:24:44 AM | Just off the top of my head:
A user/taker
A hidden Agenda
Bad attitude, inflexible or too structured
A Feminist
Substance Dependency, Including Mind Altering Prescription Drugs
Drama
Another Man in the Picture | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 9:26:04 AM | A T. rex. On a foggy night. Scariest thing ever.
Some people way werewolves and zombies but that's just silly. They're not actually real.
I've SEEN a T. rex skeleton. | |
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| What triggers you to run...
Posted: 9/29/2006 9:33:09 AM | negative people I mean the real negative types you know the type that you could put in a dark room and develop pictures
2) Level 5 clingy Wilnots type
3)substance abusers or abusers period ( most men refer to them as ballbreakers)
4) Liars | |
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