| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/1/2006 6:45:18 PM | I'm wondering how many of us older divorcees thought something along these lines:
During your seperation or shortly after your divorce, you figured that you would either be in a relationship, or remarried within a couple of years. For whatever reason, (fill in the blank) several years or more have gone by and you're still single, and the chances of it changing anytime soon don't look good at all. What do you attribute it too, and are you worried that you won't ever find someone? Comments Plz...  | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/1/2006 6:54:22 PM |
and are you worried that you won't ever find someone?
No, not at all.
I have received many comments and queries from co-workers/friends/well-wishers as to why I am still single and not dating/attached and so forth.
In all honesty, I've taken the time and am still finding out about myself and all with no regrets.
Everything I've discovered thus far about myself is all good and accepted.
Should I become involved with someone very special, it shall happen - all in time and when the time's right.
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/1/2006 6:58:32 PM | I remember after my divorce if someone asked me if I'd remarry again, my response was "hell no". Fast forward to 19 years and I still haven't remarried. It's not a requirement for me to remarry again, but at times I feel like I may be the record holder for being single longer than I expected. I remember when I was in my mid 30's to early 40's, I had more dates per week than I could count on, it was almost overwhelming. During those years though, most men had young kids and I didn't want to date fellas with kids under the age of 18, so I suspect that's one reason I've remained single for so long.
Now at my age, dating is an "opportunity" as they say.
I don't give up hope of finding my S/O, he will be the right man at the right time and for all the right reasons! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/1/2006 7:13:30 PM | I've been single for a LOT longer than I ever thought I would be. I've always wanted to be married with the house, the family, the white picket fence. The whole nine yards. But......22 yrs later.......I'm still single.
I got divorced when my older daughter was about a year old and I was 3 months pregnant with my younger daughter.
I thought once they got a little older I would get married again and live happily ever after. They grew a little older, went to school, went to middle school, went to high school, graduated, met someone and moved out. I'm still sitting here waiting on my mate. I've looked high and low for him, I tell everyone I think he's either dead or VERY good at hiding, and no one has the guts to tell me which one it is.
I still dream of finding him. I thought I had. He even asked me to marry him, but because of some of my older daughter's problems I turned him down. I still see him occasionally. He married another woman he was dating. I asked him the last time I saw him if he'd gotten me back yet for not marrying him. He just shook his head and walked away. It's too bad he was in such a hurry to get married. I really thought he was the one.
So that's my story. Anybody know any men who are looking for a really good, hard working woman? There's one available in Alabama. lol She's just old and set in her ways from being alone too long. But there's still hope. I'm still  | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/1/2006 7:26:44 PM | | Initially I thought that I would take a couple of years to "get myself together" and help my kids adjust to life after the divorce. I would certainly be in a relationship within 3 or 4 years. Then the kids entered their teen years (and my career got more demanding) and my available free time started to disappear. Now that a couple of them are off to college, and I DO have a little more time, I find that I'm waaay more selective about who I will date than I used to be. I'm content enough that I don't feel any burning desire to become a regular dater and try to find someone anytime soon. It's funny how things change as you get older... (BTW I've been single 7+ yrs now) | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/1/2006 7:33:18 PM | ...Well I've been married twice and after the first marriage ended it took me a very long while to heal so I was very cautious about entering into another one too soon. I met my second husband about 4 years later and threw caution to the wind and married him....big mistake. I should have taken much more time to get to know him....but he swept me off my feet...I was helpless. Anyway, it was a very short lived relationship, we made a very beautiful girlchild, so lots came out of it. Our divorce was final in May of 96, so its been over 10 years....I've had no relationships whatsoever since then, dated a bit but as you can see I'm still single. Yes I guess one could say I been single a bit longer than I expected to be but for the most part I've enjoyed it....Its so funny that this topic came up because I was discussing this very thing with a friend on the way back from Edmonton today. Its only been this year that I have been feeling the "want" to have someone in my life, and the need to share. I just haven't met him yet.
...maeflowers
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/1/2006 7:48:42 PM | | I too felt that I would sort a few things out and then I would find someone and live the life I had envisioned. But, after 3 years I am definately noticing that the men I meet are very selective, as am I. Probably partly a by-product of being on this site (plenty of fish in the sea) and because, as we age, we do have most everything we want in life so if we don't find our version of the "perfect" partner then it really isn't that important anymore. I do believe that things happen for a reason so if I haven't met anyone that I have connected with yet it just wasn't meant to be. So for now I am content to just date, have a few laughs and see what happens. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/1/2006 8:10:26 PM |
During your seperation or shortly after your divorce, you figured that you would either be in a relationship, or remarried within a couple of years. For whatever reason, (fill in the blank) several years or more have gone by and you're still single, and the chances of it changing anytime soon don't look good at all. What do you attribute it too, and are you worried that you won't ever find someone?
My situation is a little different. After my separation and divorce in 1999, I assumed that I would be single the rest of my life, and I may be. I am not worried but until about a year ago, I had not even dated, let alone think about marriage. I was married 11 days short of 34 years. A dear male friend of mine, whom I love dearly, told me I have too much love in me to not be in a relationship, whether it leads to marriage or not. That got me to thinking and my heart is open to a more fulfilling life when and if I find a mate.
That's my story and I'm sticking with it | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/1/2006 8:19:35 PM | I think I'm just too picky now. I've honestly turned down some quality guys over the years. So, I must really need 
Just set in my ways and probably kind of afraid that someone would try to change me. Least that sounds logical. I'm a mess. 
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/1/2006 8:30:59 PM | | When I divorced I had someone in my life and we were supposed to be together, but we aren't. That was 6 years ago. In the years since I have learned so much about myself, it's been an invaluable life lesson. I wouldn't change a thing. The freedom is intoxicating, however I do feel there is room in my heart and my life for someone. I haven't given up living with someone again, although it will take time. I sometimes sit down and write a 'pro and con' list to living and loving someone again and the 'pro' side still wins out every time! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/2/2006 4:45:22 PM | | I'm almost at the 10 year mark of marital break-up...I have loved 3 men in the last 10 years, but I was focussed on raising my kids & could NOT take that final step, even though I longed to be coupled again. I do have high standards of behavior & I think some men do not like that. I had one man behaving badly on me, & I'm not taking it a 2nd time. fini! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/2/2006 6:30:35 PM | Why is it that I am reading this and thinking "jail time"?
I have been single for close to a decade now with a few short relations here and there. No, not regretting any of it, my singlehood was very rewarding, I cleaned and disposed of my past luggages, found and equiped a home for me and my live-in friend (my cat of 18 years) and got all the cobwebs out of this head of mine.
Today I am a new man, with a clear image of what I want/desire in life and what I wish in a lover/from a lover. I am ready for the next stage and the stage is ready for me.
Doc Sage  | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/2/2006 6:47:34 PM | ...I don't know that I had a "timeline" in my vision ... I know that I prefer the companionship of someone over being alone... not to say my life is not a good one! I went back to school, did something I wanted to do my whole life, raised my two wonderful sons, have great friends and a great job .......still hoping to find "him" ...... where are you?? .......  | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/3/2006 6:21:21 AM | | Well I always knew that it would take me a while to enter into another relationship. I have been on my own for just over 3 years now. I date when the opportunity rises. I am a fussy ole bird for sure! I am not in a hurry either. Should I meet that special someone who I connect with, then I will just take my time, and change with the relationship. Sure, I would love to have that special someone! Never really had it in my marriage so why the hell not now? lol. All good things take time darlins! | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/3/2006 6:30:23 AM | | Yes..I'm over 40 and have been divorced for 5 years and still single....It's way different dating over 40 than it was over 18...Too I think some men don't want to be invovlved with kids...Or think over 40 ladies have too much baggage...I've dated and had boyfriends but havn't found "the one"yet...But there's still hope and I'm still trying | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/3/2006 1:25:02 PM | yea ... well that's life ....
you can't always get anything ... let along what you want.
after my divorce it was party time ... every week for a year or so ...
I just finished university ... got divorced after 2 years of heaven and 2 years of hell
it was the late 70's so there was no threat of STD's ... the vietnam war was over and life was good ... [except for the re election of Tredeau]
I never imagined I would ever desire another marriage even though I did desire children.
well after a 1 year relationship as friends with .... ended and I'd been with just about every woman I knew with no attachments happening ...
A new kid in town hooked on for 2 years ... even moving in until the ... we aren't getting along well enough thing happened ... and my shattered heart too advantage of the situation and quit smoking and created a new direction in my sculpture and video and music to the point of she was forgotten too letting me be free and easy again for a couple of years.
Then the big one happened ... so that was like 9 years later.
so... now that that big one is gone to the dumpster due to my stupidity and apathy and whatever else I can think to put myself down with .... I have no idea how long I will be single this time ... If it relates to how long we were together ... then I'll probably die single.
but ... generally .... that's ok with me ....
born alone [sort of] die alone [sort of]
or on the other hand ... you can never be alone as long as you can think objectively.
[I think]
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/3/2006 3:35:50 PM | | Divorced 11 years but also took 6 years off from dating. And would be fine if I never married again. Does not mean I wouldn't if the right guy came along but would be just fine if not. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/3/2006 4:36:13 PM | ....maeflowers , we have very similar stories, I was married a second time, short-lived, to a woman who "swept me off my feet", too ....a really awful person in a very pretty package. Then an engagement to another really awful person that I was crazy about and it's two years since her and finally hit me that I really have picked awful people for myself ...well, let's say they came my way, anyway, I really don't feel I "picked" them in a real sense ...but I don't feel that want, anyway. One is never alone, you always have YOU! I am FAR less worried about meeting "Ms. Right" than I am trying to be "Mr. Right", someone who knows himself and is comfortable with himself and the best he can be ...and that occupies me full-time. Also, I am lucky to be in a city where there are lots of interesting people and so many things to do and enjoy, too. Remember that you have YOU, though! You have 24 hours a day enjoying YOU! ...and you have that if you're single or married, it never changes.  | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/3/2006 4:53:53 PM | ..This is going to sound strange but I know the second marriage was a mistake, but if I had it do do over, I would. Not everything about that second marriage was bad....he was a wonderful person in so many ways, but he was just too consumed by his addictions. We did share some unforgettable memories that I will always hold close to my heart. He walked into my life when I was very vulnerable and I should have used better judgement before jumping into holy matrimony.
...maeflowers | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/3/2006 5:34:32 PM | | Odd for you to say that you knew it was a mistake but if you had to do it over again, you would? OK, you need to explain that one! In my case, I dont think at the time I could have made another decision and I dont regret it, live and learn ...but have learned and would definately NOT want to make that mistake again! Being husband #7, one of them committed suicide, is not a lucky number. Ya think? | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/3/2006 6:36:13 PM | ...I know that sounds strange but don't you think that so many good things have come from some pretty stupid mistakes. I would do it again because he and I together created a beautiful little girl. Well she not so little anymore but I absolutely adore her...
...maeflowers | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/3/2006 8:23:09 PM | | I have been separated for 8 years divorce for 5. I have dated here and there but nothing came out if it. I never thought I would be alone this long. Its not that easy as it seems to find your soul mate. Although I would like to someday marry again but I know I am not ready for that. My goal is to raised my girls but even if I am not ready for the marriage relationship it still would be nice to have some sort of companionship. Someone to do things with watch a movie, go out for dinner, a drive, a walk at the park. If I am meant to be with someone God will put him in my path for me to meet . Nevertheless I do wonder if I will ever get the chance and to know what it feels like to love again. | |
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| Single for longer than you expected?
Posted: 10/3/2006 8:29:32 PM | Right now, I'm listening to a song that says "because of you I never stray to far from the sidewalk..so I don't get hurt...because of you..."
That is how I feel right now. I'm a short termer by the stories I hear from many of you. There's a part of me that still wishes....but...well, like I said in another post, I'm just enjoying my life right now...on my own. | |
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