| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/1/2006 7:16:18 PM | | I was seeing a man for about 4 months. We became very close and saw each other almost everyday. We had talked about a future together as we had so much in common. The chemistry and attraction was definetly there, something that is very hard to find. Anyway, we were under alot of stress of situations around us, but it had a huge impact on our relationship. He finally walked away just like that. He then sent me an e-mail stating that he has moved on and is dating and doing well. How can a guy turn off his feelings so quickly and move on so quickly. How can he be madly in love with me one minute and the next moving on to someone else? Dont guys need time to get over a relationship before beginning a new one? If anyone can shed some light on this, please let me know. Thanks | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/1/2006 8:33:25 PM | | hey i was engaged to a girl for 2 years. she randomly left me one day. less than a month later she was married to a guy that she had known for less than 2 weeks... i think the whole getting over people thing goes both ways... | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 8:45:10 AM | People generalize way too much here. It's not ALL MEN nor is it ALL women.
Each person takes different length of time to "get over things" like break ups, deaths in the family etc. I always felt down in the dumps for a long time, but had to pull myself up, grit my teeth and keep looking. It's not gender specific. It's person specific. | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 8:48:46 AM | Well just in case this thread actually manages to survive the Extremely Redundant Auto-Delete button, I'll chip in my two cents:
Sorry to hear about your loss, but your situation is far from unique, it isn't the first time its happened and it's quite likely it won't be the last... Things change, crap happens, and the only thing I can suggest to you for next time is to try and keep the stresses of everyday life from spilling over into your relationship (you mentioned that it had a "huge impact on your relationship").
I'm not saying it's your fault/failure, it sounds like both of you simply sufferred a case of dragging home work-related stress into the relationship and expecting the other person to help you feel better despite the fact they may be equally stressed. This sort of tug-of-war is a common cause of breakups, we all seem to have this unrealistic expectation that our partner is supposed to be a magically-infinite well of comfort and support to run crying to every time we have a problem, and we sometimes fail to recall they might be buried in their own issues as well. 
Chalk it up to poor timing and let it be, you'll both survive and find other people, so who really cares who finds new romance first?  | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 8:52:58 AM | I dated a guy for 8 months and he did a 180 only to figure out that I had gained too much weight for his liking, which was only 20 lbs. He didnt tell me of course right away. Then I dated another guy for 18 months who did a 180 on me as well, just told me he didnt love me and didnt want to have a relationship. Get this, he has been dating someone for over a year now but has been seeing other women. Then he wants me as a casual sex relationship, friend. I have done everything to get rid of him, out of my life. I talked to him, I ****ed at him, I told him I hated him and yet he still follows me like a puppy dog. He is very careful about not stalking so to speak, but he does seem to want something from me only because his girlfriend is not giving him enough sex. He thinks thatjavascript:smilie(' ')
javascript:smilie('') now he is in his 40s that he has to get as much sex as he can before it all dies down. so every few weeks he talks to me n says he wants a casual relationship but does not want me to get all attached. I dont know what to do anymore, any suggestions, cause he is not listening. | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 2:15:01 PM | It happens on sites like these...they promise you the sun and the moon..and behind your back..(when he is working overtime-had a flat tire-had to run out for a bit)..he was online..getting to know someone else and didnt tell you about it until it got to the point of choosing between the new gal and you..
I have had three instances where ..a 6 month to 9 month to a year involvement ended the same way....they were meeting woman behind my back while we snuggled on cold nights together talking about future plans, laughing, sharing..caring...they were biding there time when it gets to the point where the new girl is about to replace you on those warm spring walks in the park...then they just clam up or try to start an argument by slipping off..those Saturday nights are gone and they are no where to be seen. been there..done that...it's sad but it does happen a lot. | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 2:44:25 PM | and in answer to the original question,
Not all guys do move on quickly, My last relationship ended over 3 years ago....she ditched me....Since then I have not bothered with anyone else and to be honest, I am quite happy being single now.
Mark. | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 3:48:07 PM | im sorry to hear that but not all guys do this girls do this too.. i was in a relationship for 5 YEARS now thats a long time!!! and get this after she dumped me a week later she was dateing someone eles!!! so not all guys do this girls do it too... funny thing is the person she was dateing hurt her so much and now shes wants to do hang with me more like we used too.. you know what f-uck that there our many pof and that goes the same for you too.. youll find someone eles that will care for you.. i know righte now u probly feel like crap and unlove but you know time will heal it does and youll find someone that trully love you and be more happyer then that person that left you
i wish u luck and keep ur head up | |
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Nan60
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Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 4:03:57 PM | | Wish I could help, try to think of it as HIS bad decision. Agree with other posts...this is NOT gender specific, it is just that we women are the ones more vocal and vocal of the pain of it more so then the men. Think when they are ditched they kinda pull the strong silent card. Glad I'm a woman!! would have never gotten through my ex husband taking up with someone and leaving province without my sisters in blood and sisters by choice! Go call your favourite friend girl and hope for the same feelings but with a saner man, that one couldn't possibly have felt as he spoke or he definitely would need processing time. Hugs to you girlee!! | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 4:16:49 PM | | Hi sorry to hear about your past love life, but this is not just a guy thing at all. my relations that broke 5yrs ago took it's toll on me. taken me 4 and half before I met someone I liked and trusted, then when i did and fell for her, and she swore undying love for me, but she turned out to be a total lier and we parted. but within 5 days she was off looking for the next guy to lie too. How long it will take to let someone into my life I do not know, but I do know it's no good dwelling on the past and on what might have been. So Im now looking for the right lady, that's why Im here like most other guys and gals, we just need to fine the right one. Good luck... | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 5:07:55 PM | | i've heard of men dying from a broken heart but i havent heard off too many dying from a broken penis, when one head ceases to funtion the other will take over, cool survival mechinasim huh? kinda like a worm for lack of a better word lol! all the best keep smilin! and boo! to those who use the current state of world affairs to throw hearts and people away like they were some flavor of the month!... | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 5:25:06 PM | | I agree totally with travllvr. Guys moving on quickly is no real mystery; it is called thinking with the "little head". Unfortunately, it is a risk that every woman takes when dealing with a man because sometimes the call of nature is stronger than anything a woman can do. | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 5:35:03 PM | hi it sounds like bad timing. this is the same thing i got going. met a person and both of us have issues that pull us in different directions away from each other.
try not to take it personally. i think he really liked you but it was just the timing. if he didn't respect your feelings he wouldn't have emailed you. his email may have seemed cruel at the time but it really wasn't. at least he didn't bash you, blame you and key your car. | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 5:43:34 PM | Hello all, I wanted to say, people are getting upset that she didn't say this happened to both genders ! but what I see is she's telling HER story, not someone else's. A woman puts on 20 pounds ? big deal so what? doesn't mean you love or care for her anyless.
since us women are with the oppisite sex then it's natural for us to wonder how and why they move on soooo quickly. she is hurting and is upset! I totally understand you girl, I was there not too long ago, I'm now moving on becuz it's a waste of time (for me ) to wonder why we aren't together anymore.I am a good woman and in my own time I'll find someone else as I'm sure you will too, just be yourself and don't worry about the people who've made mean comments to you. no doubt you have beautiful qualities that'll get you where you want to be when you choose to
Kristie
and for the ones who did say something nice Thumbs up for you :) | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 5:44:17 PM | | are you kidding?? Lemme tell you something.... it's not fair to generalize. I don't get over anyone quickly. I still wax nostalgic about people I was dating 10 yrs ago. Yeah, I'm over her (I've had 10 years to get there) but I've never turned off a feeling for someone else in my life. Feelings are feelings- you don't have to act on them but to deny their existence is, in my opinion, extremely unhealthy. | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 5:44:43 PM | bondette2
was his father an alcoholic? my ex-husband was the same way as your guy. his father was an alcoholic and the father became impotent as he got older. so my ex thought he would also become impaired in this way. he acted outrageously because of his paranoid thinking. he thought he needed ten women on the side to prove his manhood. it's kinda pathetic
he may be stalking you but in a way so you don't see it as such. he sure seems to have his eyes on you, are you so sure he's not a stalker?
he sounds so much like my ex. | |
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Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 21 | |
| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 6:06:25 PM | In many respects it's how we deal with grief and anxiety - do we sit in it and process it and for how long? If we find an escape do we avoid, ignore and burry our feelings running off into the escape of booze, affairs, other relationships - or do we take time for our selves?
So many of us have issues from our childhoods from early trauma or abandonment things that continue to plague us in relationships because rather then process them we avoid them... me I like to run and run and run ... but if I could escape the pain by jumping into a woman's loving arms I'd do it in a second...still that generally creates patterns that repeat over and over until someone learns more about who they are ...and who or what they are running from..chances are it wasn't you but some long ago relationship that he hasn't processed and you and his new relationship are merely reflections of the archetype relationship that happened before he had the skills to manage himself...and now he's just reacting out of a habitual pattern...
Maybe or maybe he saw red flags and tried to tell you...people are odd and I don't get a single one of them. | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 6:10:03 PM | | If you are not interested in having anything to do with him block the ims, emails, calls and anytother means he might have to contact you. You could also threaten to tell woman he's seeing about him if you can. | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/2/2006 6:11:32 PM | What it says I weight 160 lol OMG I do not - I need to change that. YIKES I only weighed 125 when I met him and he started cooking lots and was insulted if I didnt eat it. By the way I dont weight nearly that much now. Just for the record. My picture is only my head.
Also I was thinking about the question, how does a guy move on so quickly. I do believe that they just have enough of what ever they have been putting up with. Haven't you ever woke up one morning and just knew, that little voice inside you said, you had to get out to save yourself. I think that is what happens.
Also don't you think that some guys do not get attached as quickly as women? | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/4/2006 3:18:19 PM | | Research has actually proven many men take breakups harder and become attached more deeply than vice versa. Think about it... many women tend to have a close outlet of friends she can vent to over the breakup. For many guys, it isn't the same situation, where they can cry their heart out to their male buddies. (I'm not trying to make a big generalization). Men tend to be great at hiding their emotions and trying to interalize their emotions after a breakup. I know my ex was really hurt over the breakup.... how? He was so angry and upset every single time he talked to me. I am not saying that he wasn't an ***hole for being that way but it did mean he was hurt. Look for signs.... not neccesary the signs you would give if your heart was broken. | |
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| how do guys move on so quickly??
Posted: 10/4/2006 3:22:54 PM | Opps, I didn't read all of the post before I posted my reply. Well, in that case, it should be even more of a reason to move on. Obviously, he was getting over you before you guys broke up.
Also, don't make generalizations about how her breakup may have occurred.
Most of the time, BOTH PEOPLE are to blame for a breakup. It is never just one person's fault. But, the thing to remember relationships are really hard work. For anyone. And usually we have to go through a lot of them to learn how to really make them work. So, don't be hard on yourself! | |
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You don't think gaining 20lbs in 8 MONTHS is that much?! 
