| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/3/2006 2:29:02 AM | I think it's pretty obvious what I want... I want your sad sack opinions... so look me over and judge me wanting or worthy. Show me the error of my ways. Make me a good model of interNot dating efficiency. I need to know why I suck and how hard I actually suck in general. If you can't find the words to describe my sucking ability I urge you to use the most blatant hand gestures possible.
In case of an emergency put your tray tables back in their upright and locked positions... then prepare to die a fiery pointless death. If you can't afford a pointless death we will appoint one for you. As always we are glad to serve you for all your pointless death needs. Always remember we work on a referral based business model, so tell all your friends through terrifying hauntings and astral projections that we kick a$$.
Remember kids, don't do what Johnny Don't does.... be a Johnny Do.
***Mandatory commercial interlude***
Oh, hello. Why I didn't see you there... do you ever feel like things are always going wrong? Like you have some kind of bad luck bogging you down? Well then....
If you don't like something use violence.... if regular everyday violence doesn't work.... use more violence…. If that doesn’t work… use even higher levels of violence, always escalating the levels until you find one that works for your particular situation. If you feel you can’t solve your problem through the application of violence.. you are wrong and need to immediately use more violence.
Example:
Gee willickers I can't seem to get this square peg in this round hole... I know, I'll use my 30 millimeter cannon with depleted uranium tipped round to make the hole bigger, thereby making my problem go away.
or
Gee willickers, I can't seem to find my car keys... I know, I'll use my 30 millimeter cannon with depleted uranium tipped round to find my keys somehow.
or
Gee willickers, my neighbor really chaps my hide... I know, I'll use my 30 millimeter cannon with depleted uranium tipped round to blow him the hell up, this will solve my problem in a most expeditious way and will be fun for the whole block.
or
Gee willickers, the drive thru attendant at the local butt grease dispensary (see fast food vendor) forgot my barbeque sauces... even though I asked for them 3 times. I know I'll use my 30 millimeter cannon with depleted uranium tipped round to blow that piece of retarded shit the hell up, this will solve my problem and make me feel better as well for other reasons too numerous to list at this juncture.
Well, I think we've learned a lot here today kids... so go out and get a 30 millimeter cannon for personal home use. If nothing else it will make your problems just disappear with a satisfying explosion and possible screams of agony (bonus!).
This message was sponsored by the United 30 Millimeter Manufacturer Council of America, bringing you such consumer level products like: The home exploding bag of irony, the home exploding bag of implosive devices that spawn additional irony, and the exploding bag of irony that you thought was flaming dog shit thereby creating actual irony as you stomp on it to put it out but find out it’s actually irony that sticks to your shoe.
United 30 Millimeter Manufacturer Council was just bought up by the United 30 Inch Double Sided Dildo Industries of America. Look for our new fall catalog to feature such post cold war wonders as the new and improved home exploding bag of irony kit with new optional anal intruder projectile launcher. Yes that’s right folks you too can have it all with our new ironic dildo line of weapons grade sex toys.
No more mutually assured standoffs here, just the sweet surrender of pleasure that you can’t measure, unless you do, in which case it’s 30 inches.
Protecting our borders one donkey punch at a time.
Kisses,
the giggleparts CEO of the 3rd largest butt plug manufacturer in the tri-state area. Our motto is “if you have a leak, we have the inappropriately large foreign object to stem the black tide, or green, or even tan sometimes.”
Now buy one and get our 'doubles as a baby pacifier' model as a free gift, great for baby showers! | |
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/3/2006 2:55:50 AM | That's actually a pretty creative and funny profile! You should do exceptionally well on the site! Best wishes to you!
- Erik -  | |
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/3/2006 4:51:16 AM | Yes, Someone who understands, Violence is always the answer, And if it's not, Use more of it!
Funny stuff. | |
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/3/2006 4:51:25 AM | Yes, Someone who understands, Violence is always the answer, And if it's not, Use more of it!
Funny stuff.
ggrrr, I hate when I doublepost, I'll just use violence. And smash my laptop. | |
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/3/2006 12:42:08 PM | 30 millimeter cannon? Pfffft! Lightweight. You suck. You suck more than the suckiest suck that ever sucked a suck. Real men look you in the eye and blow you away with a handgun for waking them up by slamming your car door late at night.
My sad sack opinion is, you're a total freak but I'd still vote for you for president. Good on ya! | |
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/3/2006 3:56:22 PM | Yes, I am in fact the sh!t
Yes, I am a bit of a total freak and I would make a great president.
BTW a 30 millimeter cannon that fires 50 rounds per second could kick a whole lot of a$$
I simply kick a$$ with my mind.
the giggleparts
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/7/2006 11:26:08 AM |
United 30 Inch Double Sided Dildo Industries of America They make attachments for Sawz-Alls now that have USB links, is SUSE compatible, guaranteed to make your home projects a snap or your money back, and fun for the whole family.
I want your sad sack opinions
Errmmm, I don't have a sad sack. (sniff ) I have an obsessive-compulsive lizard though, and he said he'd stick his tongue in your ear for a banana.
My opinion is that you should stop killing your dates before they name you as the beneficiary on their life insurance policy. Then move to the middle of Illinois because you can buy your way out of any infractions down here and learn how to properly suck on corn and everyone will think yer cool, because they think everyone north of Chicago is Canadian. | |
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/7/2006 8:08:34 PM | I think your profile is excellent, very original - dont change a thing!
PS;OK you're not "buff", and you're not a sports nut etc - but how do you equate that to communism? You've lost me there! | |
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/10/2006 11:24:40 PM | I do in fact rock.... this is true.
I am so awesome that when the rapture happens I will be spared a painful torment simply because of my super awesomeness and not because of any religious affiliations. My light outshines the brightest star in the heavens and my back hair kicks so much ass that if it were to challenge Chuck Norris to an ass kicking contest it would surely out asskick said Chuck Norris through sheer iron will grit alone.
I once fought a man eating semi sentient nebula cloud to a standstill while skimming the outer atmosphere of a gas giant. It was decided we would part ways because there was no way for me to strangle it as it had no neck... and the nebula cloud could not outfight me because of my blinding incredibleness.
In 1999 I traveled back in time to the year 1947, a piece of my fingernail got caught in the juxtaposing temporal planes and fell to the Earth. A local scientist of that era found it and discovered how to create the world’s first transistor from its sweet, sweet composition.
I taught the Mayans how to chart the heavens and the position of the celestial bodies in the sky to make their vaunted calendar.
In the year 1980 in the month of October on the day I was born the poles shifted slightly for a split second creating a discharge of energy. Said discharge of energy was infused within my bones thus forging a new race of super great awesome kick ass son’s of bitches with undisclosed powers to be passed on to my progeny.
Companies that wish to remain nameless want to bottle my sweat because it has such awesome ability to attract females and make them my willing thralls.
The theory of everything is in fact not a theory, but true reality and it exists within the blueprints carried inside every one of my trillions of cells.
Yes….. I can not deny my greatness… for to deny it would be a crime and I am too great to be beholden to secular or divine law.
The giggleparts
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/12/2006 5:27:18 PM | Yea..........mmmm......whatever dude, You gonna pass that? Cause it's got to be good! lol
You are way too young to be that kick@ss yet!! lol Nobody is that kick@ss! lol | |
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/14/2006 7:07:28 AM | I can not deny my greatness…
I feel a challenge in this. Yes, yer awesome.......but right after the animals were first created, I invented sex. All men can now bow down to me.  | |
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/14/2006 8:27:00 PM | Hey, I never said I was the only awesome person out there...
However, I'm pretty sure the general concept of sex was invented by the hamster god of the 69th (yeah, that's right, I went there) dimension. I know this because of the lengthy bullshit sessions between myself and the other planes walkers at our semi-regular star snuffing and book of the month club - this month it's 'Bullying and Sexual Harassment: A Practical Handbook'.
Maybe you invented human sex.... I don't know. Personally, it seems like there is too much mediocre and just plain bad sex out there to want to be taking responsibility/credit for such things....
Of course I'm sure you only invented the good kind.... the balls deep and to the walls kind... rock out with your cock out.... this ones a gusher kind....
Anyway, back to my greatness......... I am.
the giggleparts
PS. I love all my admirers.... even the dudes..... but not with my cock out..... in regard to the dudes.
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/15/2006 9:01:56 PM | hamster god of the 69th (yeah, that's right, I went there) dimension. According to the United 30 Millimeter Manufacturer Council's book, The Zen of Sex in All 123.679 Dimensions and Your New Firearm, that hamster only invented sex that had to do with empty paper towel tubes, hamsters, gerbils, and possums. When the animals were all first created, there were no paper towel tubes yet, so I was remiss in developing that one. The hamster later beat me to the inter-dimensional patent office located in dimension 54.976. Though he did save me a long line wait with ****y, inter-dimensional government employees.
I'm sure you only invented the good kind. I invented several good kinds, including the commonly known BJ, but the titles I labeled them with is only understood by the pigmy****roach people of the 31st dimension. With the help of picture books, everyone here soon got the general idea. It will soon be reprinted courtesy of The Sad Sack Book of the Month and Opinions Club, with forward written by Elvis, who moved in with the pigmy****roach people to see if learning their language, methods, and techniques would improve upon the unimprovable. But, to each his own.
I don't think there's much more work to be done in the development area of sex, so now the important thing is to focus on education for the uninformed and maybe to start a lobby group to work towards laws against bad sex. I think I'll outsource that work though. In the meantime, I will be finishing up a few books on my other inventions which include sex toys (yes, I get a decent commission from the United 30 Inch Double Sided Dildo Industries of America), porn, electricity, walking on two legs, and thinking. I then have one more book I'm halfway finished with on how to properly worship awesome people. Though I didn't invent that, there's a entire library full of research on the subject in the 116th dimension that is the basis of my book.
Geezzz, what am I thinking? I'm too damn busy to date. :-p
That semi sentient nebula cloud hit on me in a bar once after I told it I wasn't interested and it got really pissy and threatened me, so I'm happy someone took that ***hole on. Yayy!!! :-)
(so it's official...c..o..c..k, a..s..s, and b..i..t..c..h....are unallowed word combos, even when used to describe a bug. Hmmm, and apparently when posted by women, because giggle parts got to use the "c" word.....sigh.) hehe :-)
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/15/2006 11:17:30 PM | I have to hand it to you whenyer_strange... I serve it up and you volley it right back.
I'm impressed and delighted.
Now, I'm off to bitch slap the planetoid sized soul sucking ameba of Moleston 34.5 (it's one of those basement planets...) It's been eyeballing Orion's belt for far too long and it's time somebody (namely me because I am super great and kickass and so on) did a reality check on the mofo. Its one giant cell is no match for my trillions of super awesome Dragon Ball Z like cells.
PS. I'm going to be engaging said ameba with my cock out.... You might be wondering why... well it has to do with drag coefficients and solar wind adjustments..... …. Just an FYI. | |
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 10/17/2006 5:28:20 PM | I serve it up and you volley it right back. That's because I can't catch for shit.
Thanks.
Hmmm, dammit, I was wondering what the hell that thing in my basement was. The landlord is pissed because it's bad about paying rent and it always leaves the washing machine full of its stuff for days on end. I would use my goddess powers on it, but that would mess up my delicately placed bedhead-styled hair. So, how do molester style ameobas fight? (Moleston???)
I think you're just bragging that you get to use the word c..o..c..k and I can't. ***, ***, ***, ****, ****, ****!! See??? Geezzzz, how is a decently endowed Goddess supposed to get any if she's not even allow to spell it!!!!!! Grrrrrr!!!!
Ummm, reptilian balls are internal. With iguanas, they are a full 1% of their body weight. Just food for thought. I can't seem to go anywhere with that one.
So I go looking for the proper spelling of amoeba plural and found the fountain of youth on the internet (the first link because I spelled it wrong): http://www.disenchanted.com/dis/lookup.html?node=1860. (Well, ok, that's not funny, just interesting).
And in finally finding the real dictionary, I found out amoebas are naked:
"any of a large genus (Amoeba) of naked rhizopod protozoans with lobed and never anastomosing pseudopodia". I knew I had a freak downstairs. Then how come the washing machine is full all the time??? (oh, duh, just got it.)
Hmmm, so according to the Da Vinci code, I think I can expect you to be into drag c..o..c..k sucking??
Ok, I suck this evening or else I just don't have the right material to work with. I think I'll take my well-endowed Goddess-self out for a beer, and lament my plumeting dildo stock because an employee went postal and shot up the inventory with a 30 mm, and the CEO left to marry a gerbil. So much for early retirement. A Goddess's work is never done.
So, with the biggest Goddess thrust I can master, I'm lobbing this well-beaten ball back to MN. .............. Damn, it landed in the front yard in the mud. I guess I'll just be shipping it. Of course, UPS......When it absolutely, positively has to be Beth overnight. hehe | |
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 11/9/2006 12:43:06 AM | he did do well on here.
fran drescher would make a great bugs bunny
and bugs i also think was an androgenous bogart
but it will also give her a great icon for
herself
i think they should do it now! | |
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 11/9/2006 11:48:31 AM | I've been thinking. It might not be such a good thing for women to giggle upon seeing your part. Just something to consider.
Now, if YOU'RE the one giggling at your OWN part, that's probably okay. | |
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| Validate My Empty Existence
Posted: 11/9/2006 12:35:06 PM | There is no such thing as too much humor..... besides I sprinkle some serious bs in there as well. If you have no ability to make the funny, then you are screwed IMO. Not only that, but really, like it says in my profile,
I also know what you are thinking... he used both blow and penis in his profile.... yes, that's right.... if you don't have my kind of sense of humor please exit the building in an orderly fashion and remove the tree branch from your butt-hole.
I think that says it all...
As to my username... hey, I've heard all the purposeful misspellings and whatever on that... It's suppose to be irreverent and it's suppose to poke fun at everybody not just myself. If you can't laugh at yourself, you're screwed.... in the butt... without lube...and zero reach around.
I've always made claims that my penis is substandard... even though in reality it's just fine... sort of.... except for all those times....
I'm a dude with body hair, man titties, and a gut... I'm living the American dream of being poor and basically being ineffectual in all area's of life.
My kitten bites and claws the sh!t out of me....
My mom guilts me and my dad yells at me... and I'm 26.... it's never going to end.
When I go out at night cops follow me when I do my midnight walks to the cemetery... I mean I just like walking at night officer... to the cemetery.... Is that so odd (seriously this happened last night)? It's always nice to be treated like an evil doer by a 5 foot 8 inch peace officer with a bad haircut and a general dumpy appearance. Thanks for waving your giant flashlight's beam in my face.... Hey, would you like to follow me to my meth lab?
I truly am the black sheep of my family. Nobody gets me... f*ck, I don't even get me.
On the plus side I'm living in a minivan down by the river... yes, I actually drive a minivan... do you know what that means? It means women think I'm some kind of soccer dad or something... that and I have a cat... I'm a single dude with a minivan and a cat.... It doesn't matter that the cat was homeless and I like animals and it had nobody... no... it's a cat and I'm a single dude..... people just have this idea.....
The last time I went to get groceries I was accosted by some local ninjas and had to fight my way through them and a series of increasingly more difficult challenges just to buy my three apples and 6 pack of coke....
I think I had close to a supernatural experience at the cemetery, which was kind of cool... either that or I'm insane....
I come up with all my stuff on the fly... I could write and write material forever... that's not something you can buy or train. You have to have that and I do, it's the one thing I have that I can truly be proud of and I wouldn't give it up for anything. Now, if only I had some drive I'd be all set.
I noticed I'm getting pretty damn hairy... I'm pretty proud of that actually... I realize that most people would just wonder what's wrong with me because of that, but I don't care.
I've lost 50 pounds and I want to lose 50 more... I'm going to be a hairy manimal of the upper echelon someday... that is going to kick ass. Then my man bulges will be covered in tufts of soft man fur... blahahahahah the might..... the menace.... the muscle, OF GIGGLEPARTS (Silverhawks rip off)!
the giggleparts -Yes, I know... I'm kickass. | |
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