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 d-belle
Joined: 6/5/2006
Msg: 1
Funny lines in profilesPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I don't know about you, but I check out the profiles of forum posters when I notice they say something witty or humorous, and sometimes I even email them, to tell them thanks for the laugh. I still remember someone's profile saying that "If you aren't a gorgeous member of the local Mensa chapter, don't email me" And I simply told such person, that I did, infact meet his requirements for email.

What are some funny or witty lines you've seen in people's profiles? Not just forum posters either.
 My Infusion
Joined: 9/3/2006
Msg: 2
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/4/2006 8:50:44 PM
One profile stated, "If you are a pr*ck, don't contact me."

I couldn't resist, I replied, "Is that in a literal or figuritive sense? It can make or break us."" We chatted for quite some time afterward.
 BTB2.0
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 3
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/4/2006 8:53:46 PM
One of my faves was a woman who had "If you can't spell keep fishing...and if you have no grammar skills move along."

I wrote her to say that people who demand good grammar skills in a fused sentence are HOT!

She never wrote me back =(
 GoofyBrunette
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 4
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/4/2006 8:58:11 PM
Sorry to toot my own horn.. But I like what I wrote ...

A few of my dislikes are

. beer Farts (I know farting is natural, but not when you hold my head under the covers)
5. The sound of Men peeing, for some reason it just sounds so gross
 Danteslnferno
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 5
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Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/4/2006 9:45:53 PM
Oh I have read some wonderful things on profiles:

One lady said that 'the guy for me must love cats as I have many'. Lovely, the crazy cat lady has found the internet.

Oh and I have read the numerous 'he has to be kind, funny, caring, sweet compassionate yadda yadda yadda ... looks don't matter ....' but then right below they write 'if you are not fit and have a washboard stomach then don't bother' lmao

Oh the things I have read!!!
 Stillalicious
Joined: 2/9/2005
Msg: 6
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/4/2006 9:48:42 PM

Lovely, the crazy cat lady has found the internet.



Thanks Dante...that made my night!!
 Jetplague
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 7
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/4/2006 9:53:13 PM
Avoid arguments with the woman about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

Oh that carrie...
 scouse39B1
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 8
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/4/2006 10:14:38 PM
a couple of my favorites are for sheer humor in the profile , a few samples :-

Did you expect me to say something like .. I can suck start a Harley or I am tighter than an 18yr old virgin. How about I like it a little rough and I hate having control.

I have never won a Grammy, an Oscar or the Nobel Prize, my teeth aren't pearly white and I love to sing but sound like a cat trapped in a motor.

( both from the same profile )

Oh, by the way, if you're seeking a woman 100lbs soaking wet - If you're looking for a skinny-minnie - you'll want to keep looking. I won't ask you how big your penis is and you won't ask me my weight! ;)

I'm adding the ones that got lost here....because my friends know me pretty well, and they seem to like me! :)
 DamnProud2BCanehdian
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 9
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/5/2006 7:04:41 PM
Oooh...I like this thread...
Funniest things on profiles:

The ones that say they're 'average' but...they're 100 pounds overweight...
The ones that say they're 'undecided' about children...but clearly don't want any...
The ones that say they're looking for 'friends' but message you..."Are you horny?"
The ones that say they're marital status is 'single' but...have been divorced...

You think I'm joking? LOL...
The list can go on!
 andy in kw
Joined: 9/29/2005
Msg: 10
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/5/2006 7:10:44 PM
I read this line in one profile and it had me laughing all day

"Willing to share my Super 7 winnings with the right guy - Let's see, what we can do with the Ten Bucks? Hmmmm.... maybe fill up the tank with 9 litres of gas? "
 samthebritgirl
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 11
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/5/2006 8:00:07 PM
I think yall should read Nascar3fan's profile.

He had me laughing so hard I almost pee'd myself. Ok, so it was close but anyways, my fav part is under the 'first date' section where he says lets go to ChuckyCheese and see if we come out with more kids then we went in with.

His profile is the best one I have ever read. WTG Babe, you are a gem


Sam
 scouse39B1
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 12
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/6/2006 12:28:51 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^

ah , but he roxors !

us mere mortals cant hope to compare to him !
 mirage9
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 13
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/6/2006 7:09:44 AM
I read this in a profile and thought it humorous
P.S.
If you don't have a picture, I will just assume that you are 5 feet tall, 300 pounds, NO teeth, haven't showered in a month, have enough pimples to cover a pizza
 BTB2.0
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 14
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/6/2006 8:10:53 PM
Here's a facken hilarious line from a profile -

"I drink beer, eat chicken wangs"


chicken wangs.


I'm still gonna be killing myself laffing about that two days from now.


Chicken wangs.... omg.
 northernmiss
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 15
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/6/2006 8:23:23 PM
that was defintely a southern accent... BTB...

 BTB2.0
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 16
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/6/2006 8:29:24 PM
I think in french its called penis de poulet?
 domtheteddy
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 17
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Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/6/2006 8:30:24 PM
well hey Break.... if the chinese serve up chicken balls... i don't see why this person liking chicken wangs is that much different... LOL
 BTB2.0
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 18
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/6/2006 8:34:41 PM
Is there any part of the chicken somebody wont eat for fack sakes??
 domtheteddy
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 19
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Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/6/2006 8:37:45 PM
hmmmm well i imagine that Chicken Feathers wouldn't be too tasty but then again.... i'm sure there'd be SOMEONE out there who'll eat them... lol

and as per um... whoever said it.... i don't really see the difference between Divorced and Single... if you're divorced it means you're no longer with the person... therefore you're single...

so what's the big deal? :S
 BTB2.0
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 20
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/6/2006 8:39:24 PM
The difference could mean a jealous ex husband stalking your ass while your driving to work in the morning.

Watch out for the pick up truck with the gun rack in the back window.
 domtheteddy
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 21
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Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/6/2006 8:43:45 PM
yes... but then again.... if someone's been dating and break up they post as single... could have some jealous stalker ex boyfriend instead with the gunrack in the window..... *shrugs* oh well , either way still means they're single lol
 ~Mamasan~
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 22
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/6/2006 9:10:18 PM
OMG you two guys are killing me here!

VVVVVV you crazy bird!!! u belong in he said she said!!!
 BTB2.0
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 23
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/6/2006 9:12:00 PM
ADRIEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE
 nascar3fan
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 24
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/7/2006 8:54:57 AM

lets go to ChuckyCheese and see if we come out with more kids then we went in with


We were so close to Chuckies last night and dammit if I didn't think of that!!

I'm thinking of adding more date ideas. People may have tried all the ideas.

Setting up a booth at a fall fair and playing "guess which cow dropped this patty." Guess wrong, kiss the cow patty. Guess right, kiss the cow. Nuthing funner than a day at a fall fair.

Back on topic, I thought I would randomly browse some profiles to find out how funny people are. I clicked on rate people, and lo and behold the second profile I read was from "jashinya".
Under interests he has listed "sitting around bond fires getting ****ed up and just chillin" and right next to it is "changing the world one day".

I think you just have to see the humor.

His pickup line is: "Freak among Freaks, but a Gentleman"

Snap him up ladies.
 BlkCatt
Joined: 8/21/2006
Msg: 25
Funny lines in profiles
Posted: 10/23/2006 9:49:47 AM
I have read many a funny profile I love the ones that include a joke...I have gotten many an email over my comment about seeing how this is a pond and we are all fish are bathing suits optional! But I have to say reading these forums are the best medicine anyone needs. This one made me laugh soo loud I got dirty looks from the ppl around me...as I am in the middle of my course and really should not be on my computer for fun!!!! **** em if they can't take a joke eh! Oh and yes nascar3fan does so far win the funniest profile award in my pof books!!!
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