|
|
|
|
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/5/2006 10:45:15 PM | This thread is stemmed from a few others Ive both read and been involved with in the last while, so I wanted to put it out there and see.
Why is there seemingly so many young single parents these days ?
Its not like sex Ed isnt there... we all know about birth control, but it seems like an increasing number of single parents are out there... and many more YOUNG single parents WHY ??
Now if this thread goes anywhere Im sure there will be heated discussions... which is fine, be passionate about your posts, but keep in mind that others share passionate opinions as well and theres no need for flaming or gender bashing. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/5/2006 10:51:51 PM | | Loved the disclaimer there!! lol I believe some of it has to do with ppl simply giving up. Instead of sucking it up and dealing with the hard times the other, weather it be mom or dad, take the seemingly easy way out and thats to bolt. Unfortunate but true I've seen it happen!! Other then that I just don't know myself lol and I"m a young single parent I only know what I've expirenced and seen!! | |
|
| |
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/5/2006 11:06:28 PM | I guess I just dont get it ... the number of one night stands ... 1 month relationships etc that yield a child .. and the number of people that thinks that OK and normal
I think too many people have children for selfish reasons, not because they have something to offer a child in life .. but because they are too old to play barbies anymore and it would be "cool" to have a child | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 2:12:28 AM | I think too many people have children for selfish reasons, not because they have something to offer a child in life .. but because they are too old to play barbies anymore and it would be "cool" to have a child
thats seems to come off as a bit rude.
Yes, there are a HUGE amount of young parents these days..lots are single, ut lots are also in relaitonships. on here however, its a forum FOR single parents...thats probably why you are notcing a lot of SINGLE parents ...young or old.
i own a few forums outside POF specifically for young moms and dads, and i also did volunteer work a few years ago after i had my first son at a school for teen moms.
sex is becoming more common these days for young people because society and even entertainment makes it seem like thats whats the norm. 20 years ago is was a disgust to see a lady have a child without being married. 10 years ago, it was women in their early 20s, and these days...but these days its normal to have friends and peers drop out of high school to have their first child. NOT because they wish they could play with barbies and now have decided to have a baby, but because we don't spend enough time teaching our young people about the risks of premarital sex and all those other things. .most of these 'young' pregnancies are not because they were planned, but because Safe sex was not practiced.
but who are you to say that anyone is having a chid for selfish reasons? i don't care whether its just your OPINION or not.. its like you are laying out a judgement that because we are young parents that we can't raise our children good enough. Well, **NEWSFLASH** my kids weren't planned by me, but they were most deffinatly planned by God...and my age as a mom is the least important thing to me because i give my children jsut as much if not more love then any married OLDER couple does. i work my ass of to give them a great life, i'm not stuck in some cardboard box dishin out kraft dinner and butterlessbread everynight. I knew it would be hard right from the start when i found out i was pregnant, but your comments make me think that you would strongly recommend abortion for young people then SUPPORT them in bringing up the next generation - no matter what type of home they come from.
| |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 2:15:57 AM |
I guess I just dont get it ... the number of one night stands ... 1 month relationships etc that yield a child .. and the number of people that thinks that OK and normal
a lot of young parents have been dating their bf/gf for quite some time before they get pregnant. not in all cases...but don't think that all children from young moms are the product from a 1 niter or extremely short term | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 2:48:29 AM | Hold on there sunshine ... this isnt an attack at you... I made a general comment to which I feel is correct, and not just from an observation from a forum on the internet.
Dropping out of high school to have a child I would not say is "normal" ... is it common ? YES .. by all means it is. Education is there for a reason and in todays society its alot harder to get any type of worthwhile job without an education, and MY common sense says that a family BEFORE education isnt the smartest move.... I think our welfare system would agree as well... as overloaded and burdoned as it is.
Not teaching about safe sex? .. I have a hard time with that one... there are more adds on the radio, TV, magazines and everywhere else than ever before... condoms in public washrooms. Sexual education is more alive and aware now than it ever has been.
I think a parent that considers pregnancy before education or occupation is being selfish yes... when someone doesnt consider the long term effects... like .. how they are going to pay rent, daycare, sitter, food, formula, diapers and all the other little things that goes along with being a parent, of which Im sure your quite aware. Ive seen it time and time again, expecting parents that have no direction, education or job, but they have life "figured out" and want to have a child... thus the barbie comment.
God did not impregnate you, sperm did.. sorry to sound so blunt and rude but god has no place in a coversation like this, as that brings up a whole new topic and "which god".. but again, my opinion and no offence to any beliefs you have.
No I do not strongly recommend abortion for young people, I strongly recommend thinking and using their heads and think about the children and not just themselves, and thats not just for young people, thats for all ages
I commend you for "not stuck in some cardboard box dishin out kraft dinner and butterless bread everynight", In reading your profile and reading your post, you come across as someone who DOES try hard.. you have passion, and it shows in your words.
This is a general thread for all ages, but yes directed more at young parents, but its not meant as a generalization of ALL single parents... young or old, but more of a pattern I see way too often. | |
|
| |
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 4:48:58 AM | society obviously isn't doing a good enough job these days teaching our teens and young people about becoming active members of the next generation.
what do we see on TV...movies, ads???....SEX SELLS!!!! thats one of the main things any advertising company uses now. half naked women leaning over sports cars, holding onto beer bottles. We advertise condoms, and birth control...but we rarely see advertisments that say..."do not drink, do not have sex!" ya know what i mean? everywhere we turn, we see things that promote everything we DON"T want our kids doing.
and...since i have been around a lot of teen moms, and i was one myself. So many parents these days are too scared to step in and be in close partnership to protect kids from those things. we have parents who give their children weed, give our children smokes, buy our kids liqour....and why? its because parents are becoming more lenitent, and are in a mind set that "my child will do it anyways...". those small things lead up to the reason why we have so many minors giving birth every day. Teens have too much freedom...we aren't teaching our kids the same morals and values as we were 20 years ago. We are stepping back and allowing our young kids to become independant, when we need to be stressing that education and family is #1. we are PRESSURING young people to grow up faster. How many families do you know actually sit down every evening AT the dinner table and have a family meal? the last time for me was Christmas. When iw as younger, we spent most of meals either eating alone in our rooms, or in front of the TV not talking. You might think small things like this don't matter, but it does. This is what leads 12, 14, 17 19 year olds to go find sexual partners. they are looking for the love and commitment we are missing in most families. I come from a great home...went to a great school, lived in a perfect neighbourhood. But my parents were rarely around. They were working all the time, depending on my basketball, piano lessons, and extraciricular activites to keep me busy so they could stay at work and make that extra buck to afford worthless crap. They never paid attention to me unless i did something wrong...so i think the reasons leading up to my 17 year old pregnancy was that i just wanted someone to focus on me...and in that - i became sexually active and ended up having an unplanned pregnancy. We all play a part in the reason the younger generation lacks the self respect and values that we USE to have years ago. Maybe this is why as a single YOUNG mom, i take it really personally when people make comments about the amount of young un-wed parents...because we shouldn't be making comments about it - we should be taking those young parents, and supporting them so that we can turn our sex craved and liqour fueled society and go back to the basics. Its only going to get worse if we stand back and ask "why our our mothers 14 and 15 years old?" when we are all the problem. like i said previously...most young people are NOT planning on having a child so young...but it happens...whether its because birth control did not work, or they just weren't practicing safe sex, or were in a mind set that "it won't happen to me".
long post, and i'm tired...so sorry if something doesn't make sense or if i got a little off topic.
p.s...i don't think any parent wants to raise their child in a single parent home. i wish i made better choices in my past so that my young boys didn't have to experience being fatherless. But with that being said...i KNOW my kids are a blessing, and although sometimes its hard to get by... my kids have everything - and i do my best for them so they aren't being raised by daycare workers and wearing second hand clothes. I knew from the day i became pregnant that i wasn't a teenager anymore...but a mom, and to me that ment an experience that would last the rest of my life. but hell - i still got my barbies in my closet. hehe. /kidding | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 4:50:34 AM | On this site it seems like there are so many single parents because
A) Your on a dating site...I would hope that they would be single if they are posting
B) Your posting in a "Single Parent" forum
What about those who just cannot find that one special person with whom to have a relationship with, does this mean that they shouldn't have children? What if you are running out of time to have children (be it medical or age)?
I realize adoption is out there but many people seek to have their own baby. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
"we all know about birth control, but it seems like an increasing number of single parents are out there... and many more YOUNG single parents WHY ??"
There are so many answers to that question...people give up their relationship too easily, religion, etc. We are in a completely different generation then we were 30-40 years ago. We have also learned that staying together in a unhappy relationship is NOT always best for your kids, which I believe is why many stayed together so long ago. There has also been a huge change in the mother role, before mothers stayed at home and cooked/ cleaned and would be lost without their husband supporting them...we all know that has changed dramatically.
As for many YOUNG single parents, what do you consider to be young? | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 6:07:48 AM | I usually stay out of these posts, but I can't help myself this time.
It seems the vast majority think that people are single parents due to irresponsibility only. There are many people out there who were married and for one reason or another, that marriage didn't work out and now voila - they are single parents. They may have had the best intentions when they got started.
And then there is the other situation where I find myself and 5 other new girlfriends. We all have children, and our husbands passed away at a young age. So now we find ourselves in the "single parent" category and are finding out how much of a stigma follows that. So please, don't judge until you know the whole story. | |
|
me+2
|
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 6:12:50 AM |
Why is there seemingly so many young single parents these days ?
Kids are becoming sexual far earlier, as young as 11, 12, 13. At this age, they are incapable of understanding the consequences for their actions, but are very drawn to issues of peer acceptance, instant gratification and being in the "grown up" world. They are engaging in adult behaviours while only being able to conceptualize them through the eyes of a child.
The teenage brain functions differently than an adult. The world of a teenager is all about the here and now, not about real, long term consequences. Unfortunately, you have many young people engaging in behaviours that they are incapable of really understanding. Sex has become "no big deal". We try and explain it to them in a way that makes sense to us, as adults. But the reality is, they are incapable of seeing it the same way. We have to find a way to explain the long term consequences of sex to young people in a way that makes sense to THEM, that will get through to them in their present mindset. We need to be willing to learn what is really going on in their world regarding sex, relationships, pregnancy..and instead of being horrified and turning our heads, we need to accept that this is their reality and find a way to work WITHIN it.
We also have to be willing to admit that our kids may be having sex at a much younger age than we would like to believe. It's a reality, and no matter how much we try and ignore it, deny it or say "not my child"...it's still a very real possibility. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 6:15:38 AM | I think it is completely people give up too soon. Back in the day people wouldn't dream of splittin if there was kids involved, it just wasn't done, and if it was it was the VERY last option. The world isn't the same as it use to be, now there's the idea forced out there that staying together for the kids sake isn't right, or realistic or whatever. I think that is true to an extent!! but I think too many people use it as an easy way out intstead of really working through shit to make it better. There's a complete lack of responsibility if you ask me. but that's JMHO
Oh yea and what she said ^^^^ kids are having sex WAY TOO SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!! so that explains the "young" single parents. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 7:49:50 AM | Not every single parent is single by their choice. I'm a single father because my son's egg donor decided she no longer wanted to participate in our marriage.. so there ya go.  | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 7:55:19 AM | | Kids are having sex way too soon because they want to and they don't think about things like pregnacy. Sex ed started in grade 7 for me, and all through highschool but, the fact is that a good portion of teens is that they don't care! They don't think things will happen to them. North, look at all the young kids dying here in our area due to things like street racing and such, you'd think they'd learn because at least once a week theres a big crash and teens are dying. You'd think they'd learn after the how many have died?? It goes hand in hand. Teens do not care, they think they are invinsable. my neighbour is one of them drugs sex smoking the whole bit and I remeber talking to her she asked me a question about a boy she liked and I told her just consentrate on school and don't involve yourself in that crowd and do good. know what her response to that was??... it was that she already had and it was too late. All of her friends are exactly the same way!! | |
|
| |
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 10:38:20 AM | | How ridiculous this thread is, filled with assumptions and generalizations. I was with someone for two years, on the pill, and became pregnant. He became addicted to drugs and involved in crime, and I made the decision in my 6th month of pregnancy (after he hit me once) that I would be doing it alone. I was empowered and scared but ultimately have no regrets doing what I did. I have not seen or heard from him since a fateful court date which resulted in an undated restraining order, and I am happy to say our life has been truly wonderful. I have absolutely no complaints - actually, I'm usually the one who gets all over people posting their poor me pity threads in the single parent's threads and feel it does an injustice to those many single parents who love thier life and are positive, happy people. But to say women choose to have a child because it would be "cool" or are "selfish", or that single parents became single parents because of a one night stand or sexual promiscuity, just perpectuates the stereotype. I was young when I had my daughter -25. To me that was young anyway. OP you need to realize for every single parent there is a different set of circumstances that led them there. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 10:48:50 AM | (again)...I agree with you Lyrical. 
Each situation is different and regardless of the circumstances it still comes to decisions to bring up the little angel that was given to the parent or parents by a greater good.
I give credit to all single mothers and fathers out there because they don't always have added support of an equal, as they smile as they face the tough times and only come out stronger in themselves. | |
|
me+2
|
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 10:54:03 AM |
But to say women choose to have a child because it would be "cool" or are "selfish", or that single parents became single parents because of a one night stand or sexual promiscuity, just perpectuates the stereotype.
not sure if this was directed at my posts about teenage sexuality, but I believe I stated that I was answering the question as to why there are so many YOUNG single parents...and when I interpret the word 'young', i see it as under the age of 18-19.
As for older single parents, under which I would qualify anyone over the age of 20, I chose not to respond simply because there are very different circumstances.
What led me to become pregnant with my son at 21 and a single parent as a result is very different than what may have led 13-15 year old girls at my high school to do the same a few years before. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 11:37:56 AM | sblcassidy - Thank you... EXACTLY what I was looking for. Very well written and enlightening.. hats off to you, and your ideals on life.
lyrical_girl - it was a generalization that happens ALOT ... Yes there are many parents that are single for various reasons, and Im one of them. Im sorry you feel this thread ridiculous, but I for one have found some of the replies enlightening, especially as a father of girls. If I can learn ONE thing out of this thread to hopefully show my daughgter a better way and NOT make the mistakes that so many do, then maybe I can be a small start in helping this world come back to being a little more family orientated. So instead of taking this as a personal attack, look at what you could possibly learn from this, for yourself or to teach your children.
I beg of anyone to tell me that they havent met or dont know someone that has had a child for what they deem the wrong reasons.
Yes everyone has differnt reasons ... but can someone show me or give me a valid reason why a CHILD .... 11-16 (just for numbers) should be having children... when they themselves are still children ?
So for those who think how "..ridiculous this thread is, filled with assumptions and generalizations." .. stop for a second and see if you can learn just ONE thing today that MIGHT improve how you parent one day.
For myself, I try my hardest to be the best father I can, but I also know Im not the best in the world .. so I try and learn .. every day .. for my self .. and my children | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 12:07:05 PM | | The point you made in your last post I really wish was your first post. When you put it into context from the perspective as a single dad raising daughters, perhaps I would have worded my response to you differently. Do I think that it's ridiculous to want to teach your child not to make the mistakes of so many others? Of course not. I think it's admirable. Do I think it's ridiculous to teach your children about the risks involved in having sex at an early age? Absolutely not. I used the term ridiculous in response to your first post because it seemed it was coming from a point of view so prevalent in this particular forum - that single parent's made a "mistake", that it was because they were sexually irresponsible, a result of a one night stand, morality issues, etc. I took perhaps personal because my status as a single parent IS personal, and I am continally facing the judgments and stereotypes of others "oh, it must be soooo hard to be a single mother", "oh - I didn't know single mothers could own a house", "oh - did you not have a good childhood". I get that this wil always exist, but I hate being lumped into a single category - I have worked very hard at balancing my life, and I can't remember how life was before my daughter, and I would not change anything. Your initial post said those things to me. I don't want to disparage you personally, but see from my point of view how your post came across and why perhaps I was quick to respond as I did. I of course have no frame of reference for being a single dad raising daughters, but we are both single parents and have that commonality in common. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 12:24:26 PM | lyrical girl
No worries, I know I dont always get the point out that I know I WANT to make, but its through trial and error and ... communication that its resolved.. cheers to you.
I dont get the single mom comments like you get... I get the automatic assumption that the only reason Im a single father is because either shes a crack whore on the street, or I had a better lawyer and therefore "stole" the kids from her and "screwed her over" ... when in fact she willingly handed to me without a court battle (at that time) .... so I totaly understand where your coming from and the defensiveness.... and thus why I try and stick to a thread as to explain myself in a wiser manner if something I said was taken in a context other than how I meant it.
I will admit though that I originaly left this post a little wide open for a reason, and that was to see who posted with bitterness and who posted with passion... and overall I like what Im reading...
...and it beats the "Do women find bald guys with 3 nipples attractive, and would you date me" threads | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 2:22:38 PM |
On this site it seems like there are so many single parents because
A) Your on a dating site...I would hope that they would be single if they are posting
B) Your posting in a "Single Parent" forum
HAHAHAHAHA! That was what was going thru my mind.
I also like cab's explaination. | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 6:19:43 PM |
Why is there seemingly so many young single parents these days ?
because back in the "old days" pernts used to force their kidsintohaving abortions,or sending them away to "aunt jenny's farm" for nine months, until they could give the baby away for adoption.
Or they raised the baby themselves.
These days, that just doesnt happen anymore.
Teens are having more unprotected sex and getting pregnant, and generally keep the baby, to defy their parents and make a statement that 'they can do it".
So the girl and the boy move in together, he ends up cheating on her,and she tosses him out, then goes on welfare.
Alot of times, its just a matter of failed birth control. It happens.
 | |
|
| Why the number of single parents ??
Posted: 10/6/2006 7:14:46 PM | | Well for starters I don't think it is because the girls are too old to play with barbies or the guys are too old to be playing with GI Joe....yes im saying if the guys would put on a condom it would lessen the many girls who get pregnant because they are so wrapped up in emotion because a poplular or good looking guy is paying them attention even if it is wanting to have sex....the girls aren't thinking about getting pregnant. I am one for example....I married at 17, had 3 children at age 23, getting divorced at 30, and at 40 I got pregnant because I wasn't thinking....I was too wrapped up with having a good looking mans attention....but there are no regrets even though that good looking man is out of my life ....my choice but oh well....I think for now on! | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
