| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/21/2005 6:25:45 PM | | That's a hard question to answer. An affair can be a wake up call. It says your relationship is in deep trouble. People don't turn to others outside their marriage when everything is going fine at home. It's time to revaluate the relationship. Maybe talk for the first time openly about the problems. Sometimes it takes an affair to realize what you have at home. The thought of loosing a loved one might make a person truly appreciate what they have. Of course, there's the downside. Can you ever forgive the person. Can you trust them again. Does the respect go out the window. Would having a revenge affair solve the problem. An eye for an eye. Do two wrongs necessarily make a right. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/21/2005 6:30:15 PM | | What do you think? NO ! It would always be in the back of my head! I just do not see how it would make a marrige stronger. Marrige is about trust & faithfulness... with out those you got ___________. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/21/2005 6:32:19 PM | I have never been married, so I may be a bit naieve about this. But, I would have no tolerence for affairs. If my wife was screwing around on me, I wouldn't just leaver her. I would divorce her, and hire an awsome lawyer who would make sure the judge knows that it is her fault our marriage resulted in divorce because she broke the sacred bond of trust with total disregaurd for her family and loved ones. Call me old-fashioned...  | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/21/2005 6:37:59 PM | An affair would only make the relationship worst and end it from my point of view. For starters, there cannot be true love if you need to have an affair with someone. There goes the trust and honesty in that relationship If you cannot work things out or come to an agreement, then maybe it is time you split up instead of waiting for an affair wake up call. If you truly love that person, an affair isn’t the medicine to cure it. It comes back to being able to be open and honest in your relationship and happiness. If you lose it or don’t have that, it's time to work on that or move on. Life is too short to be unhappy or to be brought down by someone else.  | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/21/2005 6:51:36 PM | The answer is most emphatically, NO! It's a Pandora's box which, once irretrievably opened, can lead to no good thing. Any number of things can happen when you cheat:
- You can get used to it. After all, if once was pretty d*mned good, fun, and nothing bad happened, hell, why not the next time you meet someone hot?
- You can actually convince yourself that you aren't hurting the other because "what they don't know can't hurt them." That's like slowly taking money out of someone's bank account that they chose to put your name on, and saying that it's not hurtful to the other. When they find out what you've done, you will be the other person's emotional criminal.
- You are, every minute you have sex with someone outside of your marriage, exposing your innocent spouse to every virus, every bacteria, every STD that person you're cheating with has or has had, as well as every person they've been with, and the persons those persons have been with, and so on, exponentially. Not pretty.
- You can lose your own self-respect. No one ever said that you would never be aroused sexually with others. That would be dumb. However, it is expected that if you take a vow, you're not taking it because you're bored out of your frikkin' mind on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, and just decided to mouth some vows off. Vows are promises. You break them, you're a creep, to yourself, in the eyes of your spouse, and in the eyes of others. | |
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late™
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Joined: 1/9/2005
Msg: 8 | |
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rob31
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Joined: 3/20/2005
Msg: 9 | |
| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/21/2005 7:03:19 PM | absalultely not,,,
mabye for some twisted people,,My wife of 8 years cheated on me,,it was devastating,,for me and my children,,it is something that you will always wonder if its gonna happen again,,the wondering is not healthy,,clouds judgement and turns you into someone your not,, | |
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a_vamp
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Joined: 4/24/2004
Msg: 10 | |
| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/21/2005 7:15:31 PM | It MIGHT only improve a relationship if the cheater is never caught. Once caught, its the end of all trust.
Some people might just be looking for an easy way out when things get outta hands at home and when the grass seems greener over the other side. When your whole life seems sh!t... its easier to turn to something which doesn't look so bad. Yes, those people are losers. Run instead of tackle. But it might ony be a phrase... The person "wakes up" after a while and realise he/she still wants the family. He/she then tries to ditch the 3rd party... woah... things may get nasty from here but let's stay on topic...
In my opinion. Sure, I can forgive the person... but never will I ever forget. "Forgive" means you don't hate the person anymore. You even stop calling him/her names. However, to "forget"... I'll have to treat as if the whole thing had never happened... just HOW is that possible? If a man wants me to forgive him, he better work hard. One can't demand for "trust". One's gotta earn it.
And no... I will not have a revenge affair... a relationship is just NOT a Kiddy Mud War... I am not degenerating myself to the his level of a cheat. I will just decide what I wanna do with the relationship and work on plans to either salvage or end it.
Ariel | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/21/2005 7:56:41 PM | NO NO NO....Rob, I'm with you...been there, done that. When I found out, he was out the door that night...with trash bags I had already "packed"....divorced him immediately. You can never trust that person again....and I'm not a "forgive or forget" person, even if I had stayed, my unconditional fundamental trust was betrayed and I would have brought that up everytime we had a fight. I can't see any circumstances that a marriage could be made stronger...not unless they are both airheads...or drunks.
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/21/2005 8:10:17 PM | Unfortunately I have been in this situation.
After 15 yrs of marriage and 3 kids, ages 15, 14 and 3 I decide to go back to school. I am by now 34 yrs old. I want straight a's, have school, house and kids to worry bout. He wouldnt help with kids or anything that envolved the house. Result, not enough hrs in the day, he goes elsewhere.
I took him back and tried to get over it, I couldnt. After 15 yrs of being there for him through some of the most horrible things imaginable I expected more from him than to do that to me when I needed him the most.
Maybe some people can get over it and trust them again but I couldnt. No having an affair on them will not solve the problem. Two wrongs dont make a right.
Relationships are based on trust and once that trust is broken then in my mind there is no repairing it.
Once a spouse has had an affair it is always in the back of your mind, it creeps into your mind during sex when you are least expecting it, and it haunts your dream.
Infedility in my mind means that the relationship is over and can't be saved. That is the one thing that I can't forgive. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/21/2005 8:10:23 PM | Unfortunately I have been in this situation.
After 15 yrs of marriage and 3 kids, ages 15, 14 and 3 I decide to go back to school. I am by now 34 yrs old. I want straight a's, have school, house and kids to worry bout. He wouldnt help with kids or anything that envolved the house. Result, not enough hrs in the day, he goes elsewhere.
I took him back and tried to get over it, I couldnt. After 15 yrs of being there for him through some of the most horrible things imaginable I expected more from him than to do that to me when I needed him the most.
Maybe some people can get over it and trust them again but I couldnt. No having an affair on them will not solve the problem. Two wrongs dont make a right.
Relationships are based on trust and once that trust is broken then in my mind there is no repairing it.
Once a spouse has had an affair it is always in the back of your mind, it creeps into your mind during sex when you are least expecting it, and it haunts your dream.
Infedility in my mind means that the relationship is over and can't be saved. That is the one thing that I can't forgive. | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/21/2005 9:05:38 PM | | How would cheating ever lead to a better relationship?? You would either seek revenge or always be wondering if he is up 2 no good again...once trust is lost, its all DOWN HILL! | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/21/2005 9:26:12 PM | Cheating on a partner is never the answer.....When there are problems in the relationship, you need to turn inward not outward..Turn to your partner and say `I`m not happy and I don`t think you are happy...What can we do to change this???` And work on it as a couple... You took the vows...and you are responsible for the outcome....redneckgirl133 | |
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xander
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Joined: 2/22/2005
Msg: 19 | |
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| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/22/2005 12:52:11 AM |
Do two wrongs necessarily make a right.
No but 3 lefts do... 
It will all depend on the people involved... Some people can look past cheating... Some people can indeed cheat once and never do it again... It comes down to how strong the love between BOTH are, not just the one trying to forgive...
More time than not it leads to more trouble though... | |
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Tam31
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Joined: 2/14/2005
Msg: 21 | |
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RitzNB
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Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 23 | |
| Can an affair strenghten a marriage
Posted: 3/22/2005 3:45:25 AM | | My personal views are once a cheater always a cheater. I would loose respect for him. I could never trust him again. I don't want to spend my days wondering if he's up to no good. Where is he at, what's he doing .... I say leave this person and move on with your life. You can forgive in time but a person can truly never forget. It would always be in the back of my mind. Why would a person who says he loves me hurt me in such a way. That's not love. | |
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