| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 5:29:48 PM | | Okay so I really need some advice... so me and this guy were together for a year. He was by far the best guy I had ever been with! My family loved him, he treated me like a princess, all was fine and well. Well all of a sudden he told me he needed space. So a friend of mine gave me the URL to this site in hopes that it would make me feel better. Well he found out that I was on here and now he hates me! To make matters even worse just as I am about to move on he texts me and tells me how much he loves me! This has been going on for 3 months...it's like torture because I have nooooooo idea what he wants!! I can't move on with someone else when he's always getting my hopes up of working things out and then changing his mind! I mean WTF how could such a nice guy turn into a complete ***hole!!! I don't mean to whine and seem pathetic but what should I do really I am so confused? | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 5:36:18 PM |
I mean WTF how could such a nice guy turn into a complete ***hole!!!
***holes have a way of seeming like nice guys when they are getting what they want. You can rest assured that you arent seeing him change, but rather you are seeing him reveal his true colors.
Well he found out that I was on here and now he hates me!
Unless he found out you were on PoF because you told him... then he must have found out for himself... but how would he do that?
He would find out for himself by coming here and registering himself.
I don't mean to whine and seem pathetic but what should I do really I am so confused?
Its only whining if you plan to do nothing about it. If you intend to make your situation better with action, its asking for advice.. not whining.
The advice here is that he is a worm, you are already at the pond.. forget him and start fishing.
J and L | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 5:43:46 PM | He's playing games with your emotions.
That means that this is your call... if you want that emotional, hellish, confusing... come here I love you, go away I need space, come here no one else can have you, go away I don't want you... roller coaster ride??
It will only get worse from here. He'll toy with you so long as you keep that door open. This is your decision...
Some are simply not emotionally mature, and therefore can not have a normal relationship with another. Too bad they don't see that in themselves... They can't make that decision, it's like asking a 12-yr old to make up their mind about having a relationship with you. Think about when you were that age,,, did you love your parents whole heartedly on a regular basis or did you go thru the norm puberty thing and one minute you hated them and the next you loved them?
Hope that makes sense. The scary thing is, I know 50 yr olds with same behavior traits... | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 5:43:55 PM | If it's over between you two...treat it that way. Move on,he's obviously confused too! See,you're not in that boat alone. You know someone personally,in a simular situation! Until he can get his head out of his ass,move on. If he decides you are what he wants,then it's up to you. But,don't stop living your own life in the process. If you should meet someone by then,tell him he shouldn't of had his head up his ass! In the end,his loss! Nice eyes,by the way! | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 5:44:25 PM |
I don't mean to whine and seem pathetic but what should I do really I am so confused? Actions speak louder than words ... if he's acting like an ***hole ... he probably is one. Move on!
PS ... You might want to notify a moderator about starting three threads at once ... get rid of two. | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 5:49:28 PM | | When you stae you have no idea what he wants, have you asked him what his intentions are with the current relationship you two have. That might be a good start to find out what he wants. Why would you say he is an ***hole, if you don't know what he wants, then maybe he is doing exactly what he wants and it isn't what you want and you see this as him being an ***hole towards you. Communication is a must to avoid these situations. What could easily be happening is he is thinking the exact same thing as you and by him asking for some space he might of wanted you to respond in a way that says I don;t want space I want to take this relationship to the next level. Have you been honest with him on how you feel and what you want, if so then it seems he has made it clear he doesn't want that or maybe he is just confused. Either way do you want to be involved with a confused man? Doesn't sound like he kept the perfectness you thought he was... Everyone seems perfect when they get what they want without having to give anything in return.. lol | |
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Tarra
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Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 7 | |
| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 5:56:05 PM | You are the only one that can make that decision. But, since you asked. Personally, emotional roller coaster rides make me ill.
All the best to you.
Tara | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 5:58:38 PM | | Sixteen year old boys and girls often have trouble dealing with relationships maturely. Take a deep breath and date anyone you want for a while. Tell this guy, you two will just be freinds for a year. In the meantime, I suggest you date some men in their 30's, 40's, and 50's to learn what maturity is. | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 5:58:50 PM | | I have read some of the replies and all I have to say is WOW. Building a long term relationship takes work and sometimes the work is hard, but the end result is worth it if both have the spirit of being together. We have only heard half the story and most are saying throw the fish back in the water and move on. If her heart is still in it, then thats the only sign you need to keep working at it. Tell him what you want and also tell him you deserve to know what he wants and go from there. Just remember one thing, you are in control over your own actions. When you say you can't move on, I say you can do whatever your heart desires. Feelings fluctuate from one extreme to another from day to day, so today he is an ***hole tomorrow he will be the perfect guy again. Just be true to your heart and honest with him and it will be an easy decision for your mind to make when it is time to make that decision. | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 6:01:12 PM | He may not know what he wants, or just might be confused with how he deals with his feelings from day to day, or it might be that he is mentally unstable. In either of these cases, weigh out what is good and what is bad, if there's more good then he's probably worth it the trouble.
Just my thoughts.. although alot of my thoughts don't make alot of sense =) | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 6:26:07 PM | | How could you ever be sure this wouldn't happen again down the road if he did want to take you back. I agree take some space, and look at him more objectively. You will be glad he wanted some space. Been there got the t-shirt. ****holes can only be nice for so long until their true colors appear. | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 7:41:23 PM | | When he does things you like, you call him a nice guy. When you don't like what he does, you call him names. My guess is he doesn't like the carrot and stick approach. | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 8:03:49 PM | | Get back to who you are, stay focused, stay busy, enjoy your friends and family, Time4Space...allow everything to calm down.......and decide what you want. Maybe, he made an error or judgement at this time, and his emotions are overwhelming him. You will know whether to reestablish a relationship, but because you;ve been in this yo yo spin, step back and put yourself above this moment. | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/10/2006 8:17:50 PM | You mentioned you
have nooooooo idea what he wants! and I can pretty much guarantee you that this is because HE doesn't know either.
That is why he asks for space and then plays pushme pullyou with you. He'll play that game as long as you let him until he finds someone he wants more than you
Are you going to let him?
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/11/2006 6:41:35 AM | IMHO he's playing you.
He gets you wrapped around his finger emotionally so that you're his 'fall-back,' continues to cruise for other targets (why was *he* in PoF when *he* needed space?), discovers you aren't exactly locking yourself in your bedroom every night pining for him, gets on the defense when his feelings are hurt, realizes he going to lose his grip on you, then starts the Love Chant to keep you in line.
Insecure Control Freak, I would think.
There are are actually people out here who aren't so insensitive to other's feelings. Scrape him off, you're young, attractive, and seemingly a great catch.
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 16 | |
| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/11/2006 6:52:56 AM | aahhhhh young love....I practically get freakin WHIPLASH reading your post and going down memory lane.
It's simple. Who gives a warmed up bowl of crap what he wants??? You can't read his mind and if you think he's playing games....that gets annoying really fast too. Sooooooooooo here's the BIG TOP SECRET no one wants you to figure out.....are you ready??????
The TIP TOP SECRET is this:
Decide what YOU want and go do that.
Don't sit around waiting on him and playing games. Perhaps it can still work out for you guys but AFTER the games have been elimitated. Perhaps it WONT work out for you guys, but so what??? You'll be doing what you want to do and living your life. So?? You've got DOZENS of guys in your future to take this guy's place.
Anyway....now what cha gonna do??? | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/11/2006 6:55:44 AM | is he 20 also?
at 20 if a guy( in most cases)start feeling that if
he is in a REAL LTR.. he gets scared..Thus he acts like an ***hole.
At that age you barely know what you want for yourself..
You are just coming into your own & have many life decisions to make.
Just reminds me of stuff i did back then ( yes i was an A-hole also)
It was such a game. i just did not know i was playing... | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/11/2006 7:19:24 AM | I'm with Tarra on this one msg #7 -
Emotional roller coasters make me ill too.
There is nothing like the 'i want u' - 'no i don't want u' - 'come here - 'no go away' 'no come come back'... syndrome ughhh. Emotional roller coaster indeed. I just got off one myself and though emotionally exhausted it feels really good. | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/11/2006 8:33:24 AM |
I mean WTF how could such a nice guy turn into a complete ***hole!!! I don't mean to whine and seem pathetic but what should I do really I am so confused?
He was never a nice guy to begin with. That was just a facade to cover up his insecurities and jerk-ness.
Just ask yourself a question: "Why would I waste an ounce of my time on someone who did not want to be with me?"
You're worthy of being loved/respected and being so young, you've got plenty of time. | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/11/2006 10:21:39 AM | | Thank you guys sooo much for replying to my post it's rather theraputic to talk about it...I like I am already begining to feel a little better. It's just really hard right now and I don't want my grades in school to suffer b/c let's face it it just sucks it's one of those things that don't just go away! | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/11/2006 5:05:30 PM | | Seems to me he wants his cake and icing too! Otherwords he wants you when he wants you and expects you to wait on him at all costs. meaning if he can't have you he doesn't want noone else to have you! You need to decide is he going to run your life or YOU!!! Trust me dear I know been there and done that. He wanted space so he got it! If he really had cared for you and loved you etc he never would have had second thoughts or needed space. Funny how fast his mind changed when he found out you were moving on!!! Do what's best for you and your heart!!! one-rose1969 | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/11/2006 5:06:43 PM | | What's wrong with cake with icing on it? Did you mean he wants to have his cake, and to eat it, too? | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/11/2006 6:24:33 PM | | You are right. It doesn't just go away. I know that all too well recently....but it will, eventually, go away. Hold on to what's good in your life right now.....family, friends, you're creating a future going to college, whatever helps. Your faith......whatever it is....pray for him, whenever a negative thought about him occurs. | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/12/2006 10:06:07 AM | | Well the fishing seems to be making things even worse! It seems that the more guys that I date I am never going to meet someone like him again! Any tips? | |
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| Okay so advice please :(
Posted: 10/12/2006 10:32:53 AM | Sounds like he wasn't so perfect after all. Unfortunately you will meet a lot of men who on the surface appear to be perfect, but when put to the test are really just ***holes. Sounds like you need to date more, see more people. And when I say date more, I don't mean sex dates, I mean date a variety of men to see what you do and don't like. Also don't date men for their looks, money or power. Date them because you find them witty, funny or intelligent. These men generally make better mates because they have had to work harder to develop personalities and character.
Good luck. If you want to chat more, drop me a line. I will be in Cleveland for a week starting 10/22. I would love to take you out for lunch to tell you more. | |
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