| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 7:33:19 PM | This is probably a silly question but I was talking to my best friend and he got upset becouse I told him I now expected guys to invest more in me time wise and finacially.not becouse I'm looking to land some rich guy it's more becouse when I didn't expect these things the guys figured it was ok to treat me... well like a whore (ironic isn't it).I fugure if a guy doesn't think I'm worth at least one decent date he probably doesn't like me that much.Am I wrong?why?
I really want to know what kind of behavior to expect from a guy who really likes me obviously I can't figure it out.
to all broke angery men please don't write me long angry replies I've never dated a guy who has made more then 30,000 a year and I thought that was a lot of money.please take you anger out on somone else | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 7:38:05 PM | Go ahead guys and gals, I'll be ring-side on this one!!!! | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 7:40:52 PM | Hahaha Michael.
But I partially agree with her. On this part:
She wants someone who can put an effort in towards her. Not spend loads of cash, but to make an effort. Am I right?
My rebuttal: What are you planning to do to return the favor?
Because your argument is a valid one, as long as you aren't expecting all of this for free. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 7:48:17 PM | I'm broke but not really angry except that a guy who would expect for a lady to
pay him at least one good date might be jerking off for quite a while. lol
I think that you may of went from one wrong to another... 2 extreems when the
middle is most likely the place to be...
I think that especially for men you meet on the net, giving them the opportunity
of having a cheap first meet isn't that bad an idea but if you click on the first
meet then you can talk to him about what you would truly enjoy on you're next
date and expect for him to pay both times if you want because a lot of decent
men, me included (I'm far from being decent but would like to pay), would feel
kind of cheap if he can't pay.
If you don't like lobster they're no need to order it for the only purpous of rising
the bill but there's no real reason for you to hold back too much either... just be
yourself... I hate it when a woman expects me to empty my check book on her but
don't really appreciate when she refuses for me to pay for anything either... It's a
good feeling for me to be paying if I feel that she's not abusing yet enjoys.
For me to bring a lady to dinner and pay for the food and a couple of drinks with
deserts and all if I have the money... nothing wrong with that.
For to demand a meal at a 5 star place while there's decent restaurants that would
cost half and most likely taste better... she's gold digging... let her date doctors or
business men whatever.
There's a fine line between the two and per say for you to offer to pay the drinks or
the desert in a restaurant wouldn't cost you much and kind of shows the guy that you
want him for him and not only for his money... | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 7:52:11 PM | | Are you for real ubkobalt? You think that she has to do something in return (??? what could that mean???) besides go on a date to deserve being treated well? You have to explain this one please. | |
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akula
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Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 6 | |
| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 7:57:43 PM | well it depends how you file the worth of investment.If you mean the guy has to pay for the date and only he pays.Well to be honest thats why guys think women only will date money.now if you offer to chip in fifty fifty i bet he will pay the hole thing.now if i was to ever ask a girl on a date i would have already saved up for the date before asking.and if she says no well i but my self something nice.lol.that said if she is only going to go if i pay then mabye shes more intressted in the money.thats NOT GOOD .Now if she was to offer to chip in that tells me she wants to go on a date with me no matter what.THATS GOOD.and i would offer to pay the whole date.Of course where you go makes a differnets too.Timmys or star bucks, dont worry to much.classy places well id tell you my buget and let you pic a place in that price rang.and if thats not good enough for a lady it will be dinner for one.lol
but ive never been on a real date so what do i know.lol | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 7:58:44 PM | I don't know what ubkobalt means but for a lady to expect me to treat her well on a date
I would expect her to at the very least have had genuine interest and let me know if the
spark is gone besides letting me pay for dates and dates...
Then if a lady expects me to treat her well with money and time I would expect her to treat me just as good... I think that we are talking beyond first date at this point...
A lady that expects me to pay for everything and I'm the only one that has anything to prove and she don't even seem interested or to be trying and give me a good time may end up with the bill while I excape from the back door. :roll: | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 8:02:42 PM |
Are you for real ubkobalt? You think that she has to do something in return (??? what could that mean???) besides go on a date to deserve being treated well? You have to explain this one please.
I don't think he meant it that way. I think he's just saying that in today's society where women demand equality, and rightfully so, it should not be so incumbent upon the man to always be the big spender. (I may like to do so but that's just me personally, I'm just saying it shouldn't be "expected").
But with that said, it doesn't sound like the OP is going in that direction either. Partners should not be averse to spending some of the disposable income they have (whatever that amount may be) on ways to treat their partner to something nice, or new, or romantic, etc. What good is having money if you can't spend it on someone you care about? | |
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ian78
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Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 9 | |
| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 8:04:36 PM | sweetie don't feel stupid! If you go out with a guy and he doesn't pick up the check, as far as Im concerned unless his wallet was ripped out of his hands by a pack of wild dogs he is not a man! When I was broke I paid, sometimes I took out a loan but I paid. Now when I go out on first dates I go for drinks or something that isn't going to break me just because if I have nothing in common with that person I would feel like an ass paying $100 for dinner. And it doesn't hurt to pay for a guy every now and then, shows you care.
You say guys treat you like a whore, don't let them. If a guy really likes you he will wait, I know Im tryin to get this girl to date me now and I think it's going to take a long time.....................as much as it sucks Im gonna wait as long as it takes. Oh god I think Im gonna become a nun! | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 8:09:55 PM | OP:Well, you have yourself a classic problem here don't you? A rich guy treating you like a whore, and broke guys not liking you 'cause you want a man with $$.
Tough on the surface. Seems like you are looking for a sugar daddy that loves you for you. Not an easy catch. Not impossible, it's good to have goals. So now what?
BTW, I agree with the time thing. ANY partner, man or woman, finds the time to invest some serious time with thier other half in any and every way possible. I see The Girlfriend every few days. We have kids, so our time is limited to here and there through the week and a weekend to get away with just us twice a month, but perhaps we are lucky. Then there are hours a day on MSN, or the phone. I WANT to know what she is doing, feeling, how things are going. Stuff like that. We are aware that we both have responsabilities and work and other life things that limit our physical time together, but we share everything we can, any way we can. That's not a lot to ask. After that, the $$ become less important. That or you need to watch the "I'm to white and nerdy" video...LoL. Hat's off to my 10 year old for showing me that one..... | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 8:15:55 PM | | hey man you got it backwards it was the broke guy that treated me like a whore. the one guy I've dated that had a bit of money treated me like I was the light of his life.I no it sound funny but thats why I asked the question | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 8:18:24 PM | Whoops! My apologies.
But I still stand with the time thing.
As for the money, I've been wealthy, and poor. Don't date pricks of either type. Just more of them are richer. Comes with the "Big Dog" warning label...lol
Again my apologies for misreading that. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 8:31:36 PM | I'm not broke or angry, .....well maybe broke
if you can't figure out better ways to get guys to: not treat you "well like a whore", then you're really not well prepared for life, are you?
a little advice:
If you want guys who don't treat you like a whore, it's not hard to find them
Look for the guy who's willing to invest his time in getting to know you, asks how your day was, treats you with politeness, wants to know what interests you, what makes you happy, what makes you sad etc.
You'll have better luck this way, than you would by looking for the guy who must invest time in you financially, to show he loves you.
If your men are having to invest in you financially to show you how they like you, (or use you for sex, as the other guy did) They're obviously not capable of showing you how much they like you through any other method. Maybe you should find guys who are.
just my $.02 | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 8:53:20 PM | Women have described me as generous, and I never expect anything in return.
BUT.
I have to say, that I am a little frustrated by the double standard. Equality is
horseshit! Why are men expected to pay, pay and pay? And then there's
the thing that really get's me, the freaking ring!
Anyway, how many of those young gals on here, would still enjoy all that "clubbing" if they had to pay their own way. Mind you, they would ONLY have to pay their own way. Now guys have to pay for both! And so many women wonder, why men become players! | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 9:08:02 PM |
I fugure if a guy doesn't think I'm worth at least one decent date he probably doesn't like me that much.Am I wrong?why?
the whole logical flaw appears if you reverse the question: "if a guy spends alot on a date with me, does it mean that he cares?"
...goodnight... | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 9:17:24 PM | I get the sense some of us haven't really understood what the OP is saying. I get the idea she's been good but with little to show for it. I don't think she's looking for anything bad, she just wants to be treated with more respect than she has been. Perhaps you've felt like nothing but a booty call, and you genuinely want a connection?
Wanting someone's time doesn't make you a whore, and wanting to be treated traditionaly in terms of dating is not unreasonable. Last night a woman your age was turning her nose up at an $800 ring when it was arguably all the man in question could afford, so you are a breath of fresh air this evening.
OP, you're a beautiful woman, to be honest I'm amazed you have as few favorites as you do. And beneath the spectacular packaging in your attitude there is a hint of exquisiteness in relatively simple, honest expectation many a good young man should want. Michigan's economy is in the dumper, the Democratic Governor might lose. Beautiful women attract all manners of men, and in bad times bad men need to shuffle their decks even more often than their self absorped deceptive selves are used too. Being a single mother makes you even more appealing to scum for there's the expectation they can take advantage of possibly deluding you into thinking they're something they're indeed not. Men your age often have roving eyes to say the least, so your search has got to leave no quarter. I've made this suggestion many times before: Why not look for men elsewhere? Volunteer, other good people do all the time. Get into creative activities. There have to be single Dad's with backbones, however stereotypically rare that may appear to be in this age of ours. Sometimes a spectacular woman intimidates any man let alone a young inexperienced one. Maybe you need to show a little more of what lies beneath with different types of guys. You're interested in Astronomy, many a man would relish the thought of pondering the heavens with someone heavenly on earth, and that only comes in the total package. You don't know how many men are ecstatic it's not Astrology. We all want reciprocation unless we have false senses of entitlement. You're directed, now you just have to understand the feasability of whatever your expectations might be. Great luck to you, and one of the fine young men out there in the land of vicious Wolverines.
"What's so funny about peace and love and understanding." | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 9:22:37 PM | | I understand what you're saying. I would say it a bit differently. Instead of him investing more time and money in you, how about he invests more in the relationship? Then instead of the date being some kind of romance tax he has to pay, it's his way of creating a special experience to share. And instead of demanding things from him, you are requiring a relationship that includes some thought and effort. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 9:29:52 PM | Double Cabin;
Sorry, just had to chime in. The last place on earth, I would ever suggest meeting someone is in a volunteer situation. It has been my experience that this situation attracts all manner of losers, users and people lacking even basic social skills!
Not to say all, but certainly, too many for my liking, and when I started to think about it, the reasons become quite obvious! | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 9:59:37 PM | | I'm confused here??? Are we talking investing money or time? Two different things! Money is used to impress people. I'm more impressed by the time someone wants to put into a date or relationship. I'm not saying white castle would be an appropriate date either. When I invite someone out to lunch or happy hour (male or female) I always intend to pay as I did the inviting. Usually when I'm with a man he will insist on paying no matter what and I will insist on at least paying half or leaving the tip. That's right girls, we fought for equal rights so don't **** about having them. On the other hand when a man invites me out, I expect him to pay and I think most men feel the same way. I think too much TIME is invested thinking about MONEY. The best date of my life probably didn't cost either one anything because it was the time spent together that was the best part of the date. If you feel cheap or like a whore because someone didn't take you to the Ritz for lunch, then I would assume your feelings for you're self worth stem a little further back in your life. Just an oppinion! | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 10:01:54 PM | Wow Metaphysicalman, to each their own. I made some of the greatest local business contacts I ever have volunteering. I still know several women after decades that have treated me with nothing but the greatest of respect through the course of many benevolent endeavors and social situations. The two greatest relationships I've ever had were with volunteers.
We are the product of our experience, and experience is what we make of it. What better place to find reciprocation than within a spirit of altruism? Yeah, some people do it for their own egos, then some people do it out of a sense of community. There's good and bad everywhere. With all due respect I'd be really interested to know the quantity of experience that made you gunshy?
Good night fish friends. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 10:34:23 PM | What about when a woman invites you and still expects you to pay for her?
It's happen to me where she invited me and then asked if I would pay for a beer...
To tell the truth I wasn't insulted at all because it is so deeply anchored in me that
the man should pay... It was just a beer but would a man have such gusto?
Even men who end up having their ladies pay for them when in a relationship will
usually start by paying because that is what looks good...
Women don't have it all that much better but they do win at beginnings... perhaps
at first impressions as well...
The young girls get accostumed to the club scene and all but a lot of them out there
won't let you pay nowadays...
What I find funny is when a girl starts talking about the power of vito
... Perhaps when it comes to sex.
What I describe as easy is a woman who will go against her will... If you are yourself all
should be good... Money is only paper with faces.
If you are looking for something serious perhaps taking you're time and cheap men can
be nice.... flush men can ba a*sholes... it always goes both way look at the poles. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 10:43:30 PM |
really want to know what kind of behavior to expect from a guy who really likes me obviously I can't figure it out .
Bottom line, before you can figure out what to expect from a guy who really likes you....You need to really like yourself first. If guys are treating you like dirt....Why are you letting them? Sorry to be blunt but if someone isn't treating you in the manner you feel you deserve, then say buh-bye.
As for the $$$ question, it's no biggie really. Obviously if a guy is interested in you he'll want to treat you nice. That doesn't neccessarily mean he has to drop a wad of cash to impress you and you may be setting yourself up to miss out on some really nice guys who aren't maybe loaded in cash. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 10:49:36 PM | | So your tired of being seen as easy and you want to be a gold digger. Just sounds like growing up to me. How many women knowingly get married to insolvent bankrupts these days? Go for the money girl... why not? Isn't the reason why a man accumulates assetts and increases his income, to be a good provider? It's okay to go for the money, it's just a problem when it's the 'only' thing your after. | |
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| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/10/2006 11:18:39 PM | wow lots of mixed reactions, as usual I had trouble explaining my situation.just a few comment first thanks for all the help.On the idea of self esteem and female equality and all that stuff.I'm so sick of hearing about womens lib we haven't been liberated from anything all we have is a generation full of guys who don't want to grow up. most of the guys I know my age still talk about marrage and children like it's somthing that will happen magically somday in the distant future.I am by no means a man hater quite the opposite but I can't help but think would be easier if us women weren't expected to do everything. I'm supposed to, raise a child, go to school, work ,cook, clean house,and if I dare say that I would rather be a stay at home mom and homeschool my children feminist say I'm trying to turn back time.If womens lib means I have to do all that and not expect help from a man then all the so called feminist can take it and you know what.
sorry to all the good guys out there but you know what guys I'm talking about.I think this whole not having any gender roles is over rated and it doesn't really exist anyways.I'm tired of all the lies. men and women are not the same were not supposed to be the same.we are equall but not the same.Don't beleve me, just think PMS | |
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JWA
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Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 25 | |
| goldigger vs easy
Posted: 10/11/2006 4:20:11 AM | OP sounds VERY frustrated with the male poplulation she's been unfortunate to meet thus far. One thing that might be causing some of this is her age and advanced level of maturity. Possibly she's far ahead of the 24 year old guys she's encountered because her descriptions of a few dates or experiences. If I recall most of her problems with men have revolved around immature actions from guys she's met. It's easy to see how dealing with someone who doesn't think or act on your own level could drive one to distraction.
Ari, everyone deserves to be treated like a person but some you'll meet don't have that ability or capacity. The reason they don't really doesn't matter since it's unimportant---the fact is if they don't have it by now chances are they'll never develop it. Discovering a persons short comings or failings in your eyes is part of the dating thing. It's not always the most fun but it's enlightening if only about a particular person at a time. It's nearly impossible to know someones true character without spending a lot of time with them. A first date or even a few months involvement isn't nearly enough time for their true selves to be revealed but if they're disrespectful early on you know they won't improve over time.
A good person isn't limited to a certain income level but they do show that quality in how they treat you, talk to you and the effort they put into time spent with you. First dates or meetings don't reveal everything but they can be accurate forecasts of a future with them. Having an expectation of how you'll be treated and demanding respect for you as a person is great----expecting a certain amount of money spent on a date will indicate whether you're dealing with a true gentleman will NOT be accurate however.
Look to a persons ACTIONS over the longer term---that's the only true indication of a persons character! Hope you find better guys next time out!
J W | |
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