| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 9:00:21 PM | There's a commercial on TV that I always point out to my boys as a perfect example of what NOT to do in order to get a girl/woman/female to like you. I'm sure many of you have seen it....
... A little boy rings a doorbell holding a gift... cupcakes, chocolates, whatever, and each time the little girl opens the door, looks with comtempt at the gift, then slams the door in the little nerd's face.
... the one time he shows up with something she likes, a vase filled with flowers, she grabs the vase, slams the door in the boy's face, dumps out the flowers and makes some KoolAid or something in the vase....
When that commercial comes on, I point out to my boys that this is really what they can expect if they are stupid enough to ever give a girl/woman a gift, especially on a first date.
And, yes, before the flaming starts, I've done these sorts of stupid things before and been burned every time.
I've done every stupid, supposedly romantic thing a woman wants on dates, and been had everything from the look of stunned incredulity to the snort of outright contempt for my efforts, but I honestly can't remember more than a couple of expressions of appreciation.
My question is this:
What is your experience when it comes to your gestures of "romance" according to your understanding of what women want?
You know, asking her for the walk in the rain when she complains it's too cold, you bring chocolate, but it's the wrong type, you bring a single red rose and she only likes pink ones, you pick a nice wine, pack a wonderful nibbly picnic but she doesn't like red, anything made in Holland, or grapes from Argentina?
Am I the only guy that's had these things happen? | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 9:09:52 PM | I kinda have to agree with you. Its a whole different generation of women these days, you try to do something like that to show them you like them or think they are special, they will either find something wrong with it, or a good chance they will just laugh in your face.
Who knows really, I find it hard not to be jaded somewhat these days, ESPECIALLY reading about everyone else's experiences, lol. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 9:15:11 PM | 100% Agree.
I have too many to describe in detail; picnics, poetry, flowers, movie with a significant meaning; etc....
All garbage until the romance is established via chemistry... not gifts. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 9:23:17 PM | In everyone's life there will come a day
where Lucy doesn't yank the football away
from Charlie Brown | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 9:38:09 PM |
In everyone's life there will come a day
where Lucy doesn't yank the football away
from Charlie Brown
Lawdy, lawdy, law... I do hope you are right....
But, besides that... How the hell can a body contain a Redneck and Hippy??
Inquisitive minds want to know...
......... | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 9:42:14 PM | | Trying to "buy" a woman is not the way to go. It's that simple. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 9:50:55 PM |
Trying to "buy" a woman is not the way to go. It's that simple.
Blah, blah, blah.... we know that bit.... but why do they always expect us to pay in one way or another despite that?
Come on... let's all be honest.
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 10:05:24 PM | Who said anything about trying to buy someone? They're just nice gestures that are short down and picked apart.
I agree with the OP. Women ( AND MEN ) just can't take a thoughtful gift or action these days as an expression of affection. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 10:06:17 PM | There is no "they" except in your imagination. Women are individuals. Treat women as people, with respect and kindness. I think the only stupid things are the ones based on mistaken assumptions. Everything you need for getting along is right there in the moments you share. No game plan or rules or tricks needed, at all. Be yourself, have fun.
It's when you sit alone trying to think of what "they" want or expect that you begin to ignore the individual woman, what she likes, her needs, and so instead of relating to her simply, you get lost in some fantasy. Men do this when they believe women won't like them as they are, so they pretend to be some version of romantic, and it is fake and meaningless. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 10:06:43 PM | | I tried it once, and the girl was appreciative... but we were 17. Shit like that was kind of cool back then when everybody was trying to be "mature." I'm sure there are those who still appreciate it, but I don't think I would ever try it again... at least not on someone I don't know. If I start dating someone I've known for a while, I'd hope I have some inkling as to what kinds of things she might appreciate on a first date so as to be properly prepared. I suppose that's where one problem might come in... people "dating" before they've gotten to know each other a little bit. If that's where you're coming from... can't help you there. A "date" is never the starting point for me. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 10:15:17 PM | | Yah...do not try to start a date with offering her material things...do start it with a big smile, treat her with respect, be considerate and sensitive how she might be feeling, make her feel like she's the only thing that matters during your date, just be yourself/relax...enjoy the company, the conversation, the laughs...be a gentleman...and you can't go wrong :) | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 10:16:03 PM | All this reminds me of a joke I heard. I'm not sure if it was here or not, but here it goes?
Guy: Will you have sex with me for 1 million dollars?
Girl: Sure thing
Guy: Will you have sex with me for 1 dollar?
Girl: What kind of woman do you think I am?
Guy: We've already established that, now we're just haggling the price. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 10:19:50 PM |
Guy: Will you have sex with me for 1 million dollars?
Girl: Sure thing
Guy: Will you have sex with me for 1 dollar?
Girl: What kind of woman do you think I am?
Guy: We've already established that, now we're just haggling the price.
Perfect... bwaaaaaaahaaaahaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love it.....
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 10:29:28 PM |
Yes...do not try to start a date with offering her material things...do start it with a big smile, treat her with respect, be considerate and sensitive how she might be feeling, make her feel like she's the only thing that matters during your date, just be yourself/relax...enjoy the company, the conversation, the laughs...be a gentleman...and you can't go wrong :)
Come on...
... I mentioned honesty earlier... let's try to keep this on track....
... as guys, we know that the whole gentleman thing is a bunch of crap. It's the worst thing a guy can possibly do on a date.
Laughs are good. An I-don't-give-a-Shyte attitude is good... but, please, don't give us the be a gentleman and you'll win BS....
... I for one don't buy that crap anymore.
Enjoyment is the key, of course, and I'm out to enjoy myself. If you want to come along and have some fun too? Excellent! Let's share! But I'm buggered if I'm going out of my way to make it all about you......
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/11/2006 10:56:17 PM | ... as guys, we know that the whole gentleman thing is a bunch of crap. It's the worst thing a guy can possibly do on a date.
Interesting...just giving you perspective from someone on the receiving end of the date...and I will say...those guys that weren't a gentlemen...never got a 2nd date...so maybe that's where you might be going wrong...my best dates...included all the above...so some guys do know how to do it right...or let's turn this around...alternatively...if I wasn't very nice to you on the date and didn't care about how I was treating you...would you still be interested in seeing me again...prolly not...if you did...you'd be a sucker for punishment...ya... | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/12/2006 3:57:41 AM | yah the old days of sending a dozen flowers as a secret admirer are LOOOONG GONE. these days its considered weird, creepy, and stalkerish.
you have to come across as though you really dont care if you get a date or not. in fact asking 'may i take you out sometime' will likely get a no. Todays women find a statement like that to be too much too soon.
My best results come from just making them laugh once or twice, then saying 'can i call you'. Calling is not a date, so it doesnt seem weird.
there have been a few posts on here from guys who send some girl flowers, and cant seem to get her to commit to a date. cant do the flowers anymore guys. Sure there are some women out there who would love flowers. But since you dont KNOW, the odds point to NOT sending or giving flowers until you are already dating.
Also, I am done with gifts before dating. I sent a girl a drink once, she never even bothered to turn around to see who sent it. She just drank it down. And I thought I was being generous by ordering an expensive one.
Never again. one woman ruined it for the rest. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/12/2006 5:18:39 AM | My first date ever showed up with a single rose, and I was thrilled beyond belief.
Skip to a few months ago, where someone I really liked showed up with three red roses in a vase - nothing fancy, just a simple gesture. I was thrilled and delighted.
The key here is not to do overkill. However, one red rose will usually get the point across that you were actually thinking of her, but not that you were trying for anything major.
It's all in the execution, guys!
Wendy | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/12/2006 5:19:26 AM | Stupid things people do...
Some apparently don't change the channel when commercials are on. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/12/2006 5:27:04 AM | It's not so much a matter of what you buy her.
It's a matter of what she thinks she can get you to buy her. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/12/2006 7:30:35 AM | | So, so bitter!! I've always appreciated it when a man brings me a little gift on a first date. I've done the same for them to. It's not required, just a nice gesture. I'm sorry for the women who ****ed about the color of the rose, or the type of chocolates, they must be nuts to start with. Also, not all of us are out to get whatever we can from men. I grew up with older brothers and saw them get manipulated by women. I've never asked a man for anything on a date, thus, I've never received much either. In fact, when I think about it, I've spent as much on little gifts for men as they ever spent on me, maybe more. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/12/2006 7:45:45 AM | I am really begining to wonder if you're a woman Frapplesnort? Another great post.
Women are either appreciative and have an alacrity for reciprocation or they do not or they fall somewhere in between. Frapplesnort's comment on individuality is something we lose sight of all to often in this smaller and smaller world of ours. It has to be a game time decison men for it to not be a proverbial game it has to be different each and every time. Thanks for the persepctive ladies. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/12/2006 8:11:15 AM | Maybe it's time for men to change the gestures...
If this generation of women have evolved and are not impressed by gestures of yesteryear, perhaps it's time for men to evolve as well and do things differently. It's not that women are necessarily complaining about what men do for them, it's just that today as opposed to 1950, women are better able to speak up about what they actually like and what they don't. Every woman is different, and every woman wants you to know her own personal likes and dislikes rather than some generic "because you are a women you will like flowers" gesture. That's all, no big secret guys. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/12/2006 1:19:42 PM |
If this generation of women have evolved and are not impressed by gestures of yesteryear, perhaps it's time for men to evolve as well and do things differently.
So, it's men's fault then, that women don't appreciate the small gestures.... Men need to evolve...
... now I get it.
I think I'll just keep telling my sons to never do these things at all. That's an evolution of sorts, right?
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/12/2006 1:44:00 PM | I think it's extreme. Women can and do appreciate small gestures, perhaps just not the ones you provide. I also think it's unrealistic to expect that the things men used to woo women 30-40-50 years ago would work in the same manner for women of today's day and age, many of whom work full-time outside the home, are single parents, or are in their 30s and have not yet been married.
To teach your sons what you are is doing them a disservice in their future relationships - it is not evolving weith the times rather it's resorting to the time of the caveman. Instead of teaching them all women are always unappreciative, why not instead teach them about nourishing relationships and managing expectations, and that sometimes their efforts will not have the intended effect, but if they are true to both themselves and their partners than the relationship will be appreciated for what it is - not for the trivial gestures they bring to it. | |
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| Stupid things we do.
Posted: 10/12/2006 1:59:55 PM | listen to bear woman!!!
So, so bitter!! I've always appreciated it when a man brings me a little gift on a first date. I've done the same for them to. It's not required, just a nice gesture. I'm sorry for the women who ****ed about the color of the rose, or the type of chocolates, they must be nuts to start with. Also, not all of us are out to get whatever we can from men. I grew up with older brothers and saw them get manipulated by women. I've never asked a man for anything on a date, thus, I've never received much either. In fact, when I think about it, I've spent as much on little gifts for men as they ever spent on me, maybe more.
ME TOO!
i think a twist on this thread would be why do men like a b*tch more than a nice girl?
from what i've read here it's seems that you're still pursuing these women who might throw flowers in your face.
how about changing the game plan and do what your heart tells you is sweet and kind and if she does sh*t like that then she's not the woman for you.
i, for one, don't want to be punished for what some women do. | |
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