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Posted: 10/19/2006 10:11:59 AM | | "The term I love you but I am not in love with you is old and tired and used by people who have unrealistic expectations of what love and romance are all about..." | |
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Posted: 10/19/2006 10:17:37 AM | I Love You means I Love You as a Fellow Human on the Planet, I'm NOT in LOVE WITH YOU means I don't wanna have SEX with you.  | |
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Posted: 10/19/2006 10:22:19 AM | Hard to say really. I have felt that way before. I think it's an easy way of saying, I still care about you, but not enough to want to spend my life with you. Or, it's used by shallow people who think that the "butterflies" feeling should last a lifetime, and when they realize that they are gone, they think they aren't in love anymore.
I would have to say, it depends on the context in which it is used. Most everyone expects, or wishes for at least, a fairytale romance. As we get older we realize they just don't exist and are probably less prone to using that statement. | |
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a1na2
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Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 4 | |
| Agree or Disagree with this statement?
Posted: 10/19/2006 10:24:37 AM | Disagree. I love you means I care about you.
I'm in love with you means being around you is always a natural high, and not JUST because of the sex. | |
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Posted: 10/19/2006 10:26:01 AM |
Or, it's used by shallow people who think that the "butterflies" feeling should last a lifetime, and when they realize that they are gone, they think they aren't in love anymore.
This is what I think the statement addresses. I realize some people fall out of love but in my last experience my ex was expecting the butterflies to last forever. She has these overly romatic ideas about love. She lives in a fantasy.
I'm glad to be out of the relationship but deep down I feel sorry for her. She'll never understand what true love really is. | |
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Posted: 10/19/2006 10:27:52 AM | I Love You means I Love You as a Fellow Human on the Planet, I'm NOT in LOVE WITH YOU means I don't wanna have SEX with you. "
EXACTLY couldn't have said it better myself | |
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Posted: 10/19/2006 10:32:46 AM | | I am pretty literal, and I have said this myself - to someone who I was close with, cared about and maybe even tried to date but ultimately wasn't romantically interested in. That's what I always thought it meant. | |
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Posted: 10/19/2006 10:42:40 AM | disagree...
it happens that you can "love" somebody but never really feel butterflies at all..ever..and that sucks..
like freyja said: it simply can mean ..I dont want to have sex with you..lol.
And while it might be un-realistic to expect butterflies to last forever..love is a place where your illusions are important.
Overly romantic folks..like myself..we like our illusions and want the same illusions in our partners..even if the intellect tells us that these "illusions" are ultimately "false".
I mean doesnt everyone on here want love. (intimate encounters aside) ..yet all of us have had little "lasting" luck in our past..but that doesnt stop us from looking.
Some people are looking for a realistic "co-habitation" some are looking for "romantic" love so its good when you find someone who shares your illusions..
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Posted: 10/19/2006 11:03:07 AM | Oh I agree that it's old and tired,but not sure it's totally unrealistic. Let's face it, there has to be a certain level of making your hormones jump and holler, otherwise what you have is love like you love your buddies, or your aunty, or your grandma. Yes, at some point the hormones get comfy and settle down a bit, and some will regard that as the end of the relationship,which is really really stupid, but that's the wa it seems to go.
Cindy O | |
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Posted: 10/19/2006 11:14:12 AM | Great, just frickin wonderful, poor Chris Reeves gone to wherever
just when I need Superman to fly around the world backwards about a gabillion times but have his force field only affect me. Yep, just ME ME ME so I can be about a dozen years younger and let  subotai chase me until I catch him! 
Well said subotai | |
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Posted: 10/19/2006 11:17:33 AM | Ooops so shook up I forgot -
I have loved before but not been IN love with the man and I've also felt that way before. That my partner truly loved me but was not IN love with me.
And we had wonderful sex we just didn't have what it takes for the long haul.
We're still friends (NOT FWB) and I believe we still feel love and warmth for each other and want what is best for each other.
So, if we had to work our way through trying to have a relationship that wasn't going to work just so we could be friends - it was worth it! | |
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| Agree or Disagree with this statement?
Posted: 10/19/2006 11:31:43 AM | I have always felt that, loving someone is easy but falling in love happens when a whole lot more factors fall into place...
I feel, "Family love" is a special unique love...."Loving" a friend or romantic partner is having genuine fondness....friends can fit into that "family love"....Falling in love is when that "total package" that people talk of, is known and completely embraced....it's when your feelings are of an unconditional wanting, closeness and ability to be totally yourself without fear...and I think a natural chemistry has to occur with that.
It's so mysterious and wonderful but most importantly, individual.  | |
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Posted: 10/19/2006 11:32:33 AM | in this day of age its a case of 1 may be in love but the others not and the i love you normally means either.. ive got to say that coz i want his dosh or ive got to say it coz ive no1 else yettttttttt.. or its said for another reason which isnt love...i think the word love will be non existent within the next 10 years because nowadays it has a totally false meaning not like years ago when marriage was a proper marriage and love meant love.. these days people get married after 4 weeks of knowing each other and divorced within 6.. and hey u just know its so true lol | |
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| Agree or Disagree with this statement?
Posted: 10/19/2006 11:49:12 AM | | Disagree. Do we really know what love is? I can relate to "Standing Up" by saying " I care about you but not enough to spend my life with you". Are there really "butterflies" or fireworks" as they say? I don't belive so. It's really our hormones kicking in between our legs! We are human. We crave having the mutual feeling of the meanings of the words, "I respect you", "I trust you", "I enjoy you" and sex is not needed to express these mutually felt attributes. | |
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Posted: 10/19/2006 8:57:33 PM | completely agree, old and tired expression it is, and I've only heard it said by those with unrealistic expectations about love.
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*Illsa
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Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 16 | |
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| Agree or Disagree with this statement?
Posted: 10/19/2006 10:40:53 PM | Every time I've heard that line, whether it be on me (and it has been) or on someone else, the person who used it has had relationship/commitment problems. Not saying there is no legitimacy to being IN love, but not really that you LOVE someone.
I feel that if you love them, you really can work through the issues if you want to. Otherwise, you don't really love them. You might be fond of and care about them, but you don't really love them.
Love, to me, means loving someone regardless of their faults and working through your problems, issues. If you can walk away from someone, did you ever really love them?
IMHO, I think not... | |
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Posted: 10/19/2006 11:06:40 PM | | Hmmm ~ I guess that line applies to me and my exhusband. Our marriage was good, then it wasn't. We divorced but remained friends. He is now (and has been for quite a few years) my best friend. I love him dearly. But I definitely do NOT feel romantic love for him. I don't feel chemistry, spark or even sexual attraction. I value him, his friendship, his many wonderful qualities, but there is no way I'd date him or otherwise be intimately involved with him. I think that technically means I love him, but am not in love with him. | |
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| Agree or Disagree with this statement?
Posted: 10/20/2006 1:04:20 AM | | I agree. I believe it's patronizing to express an emotion like this to someone and then take away from it with words like but even if the statement itself is truly indicative of what you feel. If you make a statement like this to someone who feels that they are in love with you, you are saying it for yourself. You can't use the L word half-way with someone who you have a history with. It's a ray of light to a broken heart. A kind of prison. If you do truly love them then bite your tongue and let them free. | |
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| Agree or Disagree with this statement?
Posted: 10/20/2006 2:02:13 AM | | I think the expression "I love you but I am not in love with you." is just a cowardly way of breaking up with someone. It's hard enough being dumped without being treated like an idiot. | |
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| Agree or Disagree with this statement?
Posted: 10/20/2006 8:21:26 AM | see i think this expressions validity is entirely based on wether or not someone ever used it on you...
For me, ive been on both sides.
Philosophically I agree that iF you love somebody than you can work through certain issues..but you cant work through "not Feeling romantic love"...its either there or it isnt.
Now lots of folks have been handed this line as a breakup line like "its not you its me"..but from someone whose been on both sides..
it is a valid statement...but a lame expression if used as default break up line. | |
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*Illsa
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Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 22 | |
| Agree or Disagree with this statement?
Posted: 10/20/2006 8:26:03 AM | Jarbarian,
I love you...but I'm not 'in-love' with you...maybe I could be though...wanna go get some coffee sometime sweetie?....
Luci4
 Angel in disguise | |
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| Agree or Disagree with this statement?
Posted: 10/20/2006 5:06:15 PM | | I love my family I love my friends and I love my cat but I have only been "in Love" twice in my life..so I disagree with that statement | |
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| Agree or Disagree with this statement?
Posted: 10/21/2006 4:02:51 AM | there's an element of truth in any statement that hangs around long enough to become cliche.
we need to remember the interconnectedness of all beings. to devalue someone's interpretation of their experience with us indicates a lack of respect for the individual's expression.
all relationships, including family, friends etc, develop when we have something to teach, learn or heal. when we achieve that, we move on. sometimes it takes longer. when this happens, we've found our life partner.
when someone tells us they love us, they acknowledge that they feel that connection. when we say we 'fall in love,' we feel the need to explore that connection at a deep level. if a person says they're not in love with us, it simply indicates that they can no longer explore. maybe they already gained what they need or sense that we did.
in any case, we need to honor each other's experiences and decisions. we need to honor our own as well.
then we can all evolve. | |
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