| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 7:57:50 AM | just wondering if you would quit smoking in order to attract someone you really liked? He smokes occassionally...for her its a deal breaker
what's your thoughts on it?
(We already know its bad for you etc...lets skip that part...and go to the point of the thread...would you change to be more desirable) | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 9:25:53 AM | Would I do it for her?...no and no
If she offers me an ultimatum...then H-E-double hockey sticks no and probably Da Boot to go with it. Experience has taught me that will not be the only ultimatum she offers in the relationship.
I smoke and I don't have a problem dating either smokers or non-smokers.
I'd like to quit, but at the same time I enjoy it...so no point in lying. I will quit for me and not someone else.
People come and go. I'm stuck with me forever.
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 9:34:17 AM | I put in my profile that I'm a non-smoker. In actuality, I do smoke a bit. However, I do not smoke around my dates unless they do too, so it's kinda a non-issue. If the girl of my dreams came into my life I would be willing to quit, yes.
But some people are very heavily addicted. It's a way of life for them. Consider it like an addition to drugs. It's extremely difficult for them to choose a person over an addiction, and it's not really fair to expect them to be capable of that either. | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 10:45:17 AM | | At this very moment I'm a smoker..I will likely be quitting the first of the year anyway, so yeah.. I'd probably quit. It's a nasty habit... | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 11:24:25 AM | I put in my profile that I'm a non-smoker. In actuality, I do smoke a bit.
Why lie? I would be furious if a smoker turned up on a date with me. One whiff of your clothes would tell me that you had been dishonest. You wouldn't see my heels for dust! | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 11:27:09 AM | Smokers need to quit for themselves in order to be successful.
Although that would be a great motivator! | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 12:02:10 PM | | Hell Yeah I would quit I recently started dating this guy that i've known for awhile he has never known i smoke so yes i did quit at least while we dating when i'm unsure of our situation i have to admit i go back to how i was but if i found the perfect guy i would hope i wouldnt be unsure and just give it up | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 1:44:09 PM | Whoa! Mixed signals ahead!
I put in my profile that I'm a non-smoker. In actuality, I do smoke a bit. However, I do not smoke around my dates unless they do too, so it's kinda a non-issue. If the girl of my dreams came into my life I would be willing to quit, yes. But some people are very heavily addicted. It's a way of life for them. Consider it like an addition to drugs. It's extremely difficult for them to choose a person over an addiction, and it's not really fair to expect them to be capable of that either.
In other words, you are addicted. You smoke. You lied on your profile to increase your acceptabiity here. Women who make a decision to date you do so on the basis of preference; one of the deal-breakers for most nonsmokers is dating a smoker.
"I would quit for the right person"
" I have quite before"
" I quit for a while, and then went back"
This is bullsh*t logic. Yes, you are addicted, and yes, nicotine is a drug. Yes, there is a overlying psychological reason and underlying physiological reason for smoking. No, you are not a sometime smoker. You smoke or you do not.
You do NOT give up smoking for someone else. That suggests basic weakness in character. You cannot give it up the love of yourself, but hey, its not problem giving it up if someone else doesn't like it.
Bullsh*t. Either you have been sleeping under a rock for the lasts 30 years and don't understand the inherent dangers to your health and the general publics waning tolerance for its presence and the social and economic costs foisted on nonsmokers..or you are in classical addicts denial of a problem.
And it is a problem. You are dating here, looking for a potential partner. You have assumed substantial excess risks in your habit and are asking someone else to potentially share the physical and emotional costs of those assumed risks in your health future.
Just ask the widowed POF members here who have lost a mate to the effects of smoking: lung, brain, bone or secondary cancers, cardiovascular disease. emphysema and other lung disease or stroke.
If you love and respect yourself, give up smoking for that reason, an investment in yourself and your future health. Do not make the excuse of doing it for others. Why? Because all too often, when that relationship fails, relapse of addictions occur - be it smoking, drug use, gambling and gaming, infidelity, or alcohol abuse. | |
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ousu
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Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 9 | |
| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 1:56:05 PM |
If you love and respect yourself, give up smoking for that reason, an investment in yourself and your future health. Do not make the excuse of doing it for others.
So true. Same thing with other things, even those positive ones like a new hobby, the only way to do it is to do it for yourself. Quitting will success only when you really want it yourself.
Yes, you are addicted, and yes, nicotine is a drug.
If I recall it right, more addicting than heroine.
(Ah, and I admit I smoke - like a Turkish old woman!) | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 2:04:40 PM | Nice post Sombient. Exactly the typical kind of post I would expect from an individual who obviously sees smoking as the sign of Lucifer himself.
Unfortunately, you don't have the first clue about me, my life, or my "habit". The fact is that I was dating a girl for a month not long ago, and did not smoke at all while I was with her. And I'm not talking about just being beside her in person. I didn't smoke at all.
But I enjoy smoking. It's comforting, and helps pass bordeom. But don't *have* to do it. I know, I know... some people say that, but the theory is better than the application. But as far as I'm concerned, that month proves that I really don't have to. In fact, I barely had any craving to do so at all during that time.
I enjoy camping too. But I'm not addicted. And if a girl I was with had no interest in camping, then I wouldn't camp with her either. It's really that simple.
Calgary is passing a bylaw to abolish smoking altogether in public places in the new year. And that's enough prodding for me to quit completely, regardless of whether I've met a significant other, or I'm still looking. But until they do, I have little motivation to quit. Besides perhaps a small expense each month, which isn't even much of a consideration given the amount I smoke.
And you are wrong in saying there is no such thing as a "sometimes" smoker. I know lots of people who have one or two a month just for the hell of it. That's sometimes.
Before judging people with your biased views, perhaps you might want to consider the possibility of research over assumption. | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 2:15:50 PM | so its ok to loose weight and get in shape to attract the opposite sex but wrong to quit smoking to be more acceptable??
I am actually quitting (was never a heavy smoker just think its getting to be a stupid habbit i dont even enjoy anymore) and I would hope that I have a wider appeal. Yea I am doing it for me...i dont know how you could not at least inpart quit for yourself...but I will admit the bonus is that I am more appealing to more people. Its not like someone is quitting by being forced into a confinement rehab....quitting smoking takes will power and desire.
Incidentally I have to take offense to the preachy judgemental rants on here about smoking...this thread was about changing yourself for someone...not about spewing judgements. I think while its still legal to do I will continue to decide for myself and let others do the same. Pardon me for crawling out from under my rock to ask a question. 
^^^Wooohooo fancy finding another calgarian in the global forums...btw,..I totally agree with you! | |
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ousu
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Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 12 | |
| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 2:25:56 PM |
so its ok to loose weight and get in shape to attract the opposite sex but wrong to quit smoking to be more acceptable??
The difference between quitting and quitting (or losing weight) ... if you want to attrack the opposite sex, aren't you doing it for yourself? I understood the - perhaps wrong - that question was about quitting smoking when there is the opposite sex in picture. In order to extend the market (if one sees it relevant) one could quit before the potential partner is in picture...? | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 2:58:46 PM | Hey, all:
...from an individual who obviously sees smoking as the sign of Lucifer himself.
I won't speak for anyone else, but I don't see smoking as a sign of Lucifer (which is an awfully trite reference don't you think?), but there ARE several things smoking strongly suggests, including poor/weak character, poor self-esteem, buckling under peer pressure, easily bored/unimaginative, self-indulgent, addictive personality, lack of personal pride, easily persuaded, a shortened, unhealthy life...I could go on but I will stop there.
Which one are you? Pick several. Anyone who attempts to rationalize such a stupid, wasteful, unhealthy activity ignores all these things, in addition to the excellent outline Sombient offered.
You can BS yourself, but beyond your own deluded mind is where it stops.
It is hard to quit--the tobacco companies know that so they increase the nicotine content as insurance. But to try and rationallize your lack of action is instead a lack of character.
And "sometimes" is so completely irrelevant--you smoke or you don't. More rationalizing.
Hey, Lori:
so its ok to loose weight and get in shape to attract the opposite sex but wrong to quit smoking to be more acceptable??
It doesn't matter where you concluded this from, but whatever you do, it should be for yourself, not others. But when you do those things for yourself, your confidence will increase and that is what will help you--a bright, healthy outlook is attractive.
I must point out to you, however, that if you bring up smoking in a group of people including those opposed to it, you are liable to be preached to. You should know that, espcially when others try to downplay and rationalize the hazards of what everybody MUST know is a filthy, stupid, addictive, unhealthy habit. Good luck!
David
Messages done with sustainable energy, with Wind and Sun! | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 2:59:12 PM | | the people i asked about are not infact dating yet...there is intrest there but nothing has happened...its a deal breaker to her for him to smoke...at all. I'm not saying this is what is holding them up as far as dating but it wont happen if he smokes. I think he already wanted to quit...this is just motivation to make it now. | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 3:17:20 PM | | Smoking kills and so does passive smoking. If sit next to me and drink a bottle of whiskey,it wil not physically harm me. If inject yourself with heroin or snort cocaine, that is your business, but if you smoke, it is my business. I don't want to inhale your second hand smoke. Your habit could kill ME. Smoking like other addictions is a crutch, why do you need that crutch. Dealbreaker? You bet! | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 3:20:37 PM | Nice post Sombient. Exactly the typical kind of post I would expect from an individual who obviously sees smoking as the sign of Lucifer himself
Actually if you didnt get so worked up about it she could give you the scientific and chemicle run down on how it affects you and how and what to do to make quitting easier - she has for me -- and her knowledge is well lets says extensive to the point of being at the micro cellular levels - so in my effort to further my health I will be taking her advice to make the breaking of the addiction as easy as possible ( my will power here alone isnt enough )
But still I am with SteveD on this -- it can start as one demand and them move to others
If it was demanded of me I would say yes sure - but you must give up alcohol totally 100 % -- because the smell of alcohol makes me want puke. or sure but you have to loose every ounce of cellulite you have because it visually disgusts me -- basically counter with a demand of your own see if they are willing to accept it when the tables are turned.
shrugs --- never stay in a relationship that is based on "I want you under my conditions and terms "
Funny though how the three male smokers here in this thread are in great shape | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 3:53:21 PM | I didnt mean to ignore the facts about how bad smoking is...frankly I have deal breakers too. As a former nurse I wont date alot of people lol. I am leary (at best) of drinkers. I have a hard time dating people with unhealthy eatting habbits...regardless of the shape they are in..I just dont know if i would ask someone to change...I would change to be more acceptable...but not to just one person...i think quitting smoking is great for my dateability of course...and it will make me far healthier which is what my focus is on right now.
Yahroo...lol...would you honestly even consider dating a woman you had to tell to ditch the cellulite?? I have seen ya in other threads ...that's certainly never going to be a barganing chip for you lol (just teasing ya...great post) | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 4:10:48 PM |
just wondering if you would quit smoking in order to attract someone you really liked? He smokes occassionally...for her its a deal breaker
Either she takes up smoking or we are through. | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 5:13:39 PM | | I would not quit smoking for a guy. I don't want to quit right now, but if I knew it really bothered him, I would consider cutting back. I wouldn't fully quit and if he can't deal with that, then he's not accepting me for who I am and I don't want him. | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 5:17:00 PM | No one with any self-worth is a smoker
No one with any self-worth wants to be with a smoker
They are unhealthy
They are bad parents
They stink
They are financially irresponsible
They have no regard for the health of others
Not that I have an opinion on the matter... | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 5:23:14 PM | ^^^ You guys kill me...nice categorazations^^^
I won't speak for anyone else, but I don't see smoking as a sign of Lucifer (which is an awfully trite reference don't you think?), but there ARE several things smoking strongly suggests, including poor/weak character, poor self-esteem, buckling under peer pressure, easily bored/unimaginative, self-indulgent, addictive personality, lack of personal pride, easily persuaded, a shortened, unhealthy life..
 Thanks for the compliments Dave! Don't worry, I am not upset. Everyone is entitled to opinions and I don't get mad when people don't agree with me or I don't agree with them.
Having said that,
You actually just described quite the opposite of who I am. In fact, quite the opposite! That is why I am still giggling.
I just found this statement very amusing. Ok, unhealthy life, I will give you that. Addicted, sure..I am! I am also addicted to Cheetos. Do you drink coffee or caffeine? Do you have any addictions lol? An addiction is an addiction, some are harder to give up then others plain and simple.
The rest of the statements I think are hogwash for the most part. Or at least "suggesting strongly" that smokers suffer from these issues. Some may and some may not but I can refer you to A LOT of NON smokers who fit this description as well.
In my opinion that reference is quite trite as well.
I do agree with you though. You should only quit for yourself. I will never quit because someone nags me or I think that is the only way that they would date me.
You should know that, espcially when others try to downplay and rationalize the hazards of what everybody MUST know is a filthy, stupid, addictive, unhealthy habit.
Most smokers don't downplay anything, we know the risks. We know it's unhealthy, we know it's addictive..etc.etc...we just get tired of the preaching and debate. We are adults and we make our choices no one needs to be our mommy or daddy and lecture. It's quite annoying actually.
If you don't like a smoker or can't stand being around one. Then don't email them or get involved with them. Easy soultion if you ask me. | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 5:41:05 PM |
No one with any self-worth is a smoker
No one with any self-worth wants to be with a smoker
They are unhealthy
They are bad parents
They stink
They are financially irresponsible
They have no regard for the health of others
wow...seems like from this thread we have proven most non smokers are self righteous and judgemental.
Its amusing to me that so many get ADDICTED to smoking when they are young...but you can then judge them as an adult as bad parents, financially irresponsible etc...you dont know sh!t about me or other smokers. Being a smoker is enough for you to decide i am a bad mom? Nice. Maybe I think being judgemental and shoving your opinions down other people's throats, when it was clearly said that we dont want it, makes you a bad person? Hey all i need to know is one thing about you and i can decide that you are unfit right? (incidentally i am adopting my daughter and child welfare doesnt consider it a quality of an unfit parent...so how about i just let them decide for me ) | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 5:44:02 PM | a set of inane generalizations and fallacies
Unfortunately, my comments were factual, not generalizations.
I apologize for the brevity of my points, but usually the logical and obvious do not need to be explained.
you dont know sh!t about me or other smokers
Yes I do - I posted what I know.
if you DID explain your reasoning behind them, or gave an explaination as to why you gave that list then you would be contributing to the thread.
They are unhealthy - lung cancer, emphysema
They are bad parents - modelling potentially lethal behaviour to children
They stink - stale smoke smells awful
They are financially irresponsible - money would be better used towards charity, education
They have no regard for the health of others - second hand smoke, forest fires
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 5:50:15 PM | Yes I do - I posted what I know.
No, you may have posted what you have experienced personally but your statements are not factual when it comes to all smokers. There is a difference.
Your statements are not logical or obvious, and if you DID explain your reasoning behind them, or gave an explaination as to why you gave that list then you would be contributing to the thread.
EDIT: Well, thank you for the EDIT Kamloop | |
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| smoking...
Posted: 10/20/2006 6:38:40 PM | Holy crap. This subject always attracts the most crazed, emotional arguements. It's simple. If you don't like smoke, don't date a smoker and don't expect him/her to quit for you. They won't. They have to quit for themselves. No matter how much you nag, ****, take up arms against or throw health information at a smoker, they will continue to smoke unless they choose not to.
Dealing with people that way is amateur. It is human nature that, when criticized, a person will draw out any excuse necessary to justify their actions to themselves. Nagging only solidifies the need for justification and is counter productive. No one wants to be told they have a problem.
It is true that they do. Nicotine is a very powerful habit forming addiction. The habit is as powerful as the physical craving. It is true that it is as powerful as cocaine and heroine. Persons who are depressed or undergoing a crisis may depend upon tobacco as a stabilizing device or "friend". It provides a focal point as their world unravels. After quiting, for years they will yearn for their "lost friend". They can only succeed by choice and will.
The younger a person is when they start smoking, the more difficult it is for them to quit. That is why tobacco companies target young people. Tobacco companies own companies that target children with products such as Kraft Dinner and Kool Aid. They have detailed human studies on what young people find attractive and they spend millions on shady youth directed advertizing aimed to normalize the use of tobacco. They do this because they know if you start smoking in your 20's the odds of you remaining a lifetime smoker is drastically lower than someone who started in their teens. A child is susceptable. They naturally have identity and self esteem issues. This does not mean an smoker who started as a child is not worth anything. They are addicted. I know this because I work in this field professionally and it is my job to know. I've also struggled on and off with tobacco addition since I was 14 years old.
The best thing you can do for a smoker is be sympathetic but self governing. Don't fall in love if it grosses you out. Start as friends if you're interested. Ask them open ended, non critical questions about why they started smoking and if they actually enjoy smoking. Don't be patronizing or you won't get an honest answer. Some people enjoy smoking. It's very pleasureable. It's a quick fix of endorphines. Some people are disgusted with themselves but feel helpless. You'll only be able to impact the latter group of people. To them, don't say, "lets go out sometime", say, "I'm going to the gym or for a walk, would you like to come?" and add, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't smoke while we're together." Associate yourself in their mind with a healthy alternative to smoking. You are the carrot.
Its their choice and it's legal by law. You've set an ultimatum for whether you will spend time with them or not but you haven't shown disgust or rejection. Of course, if you're disgusted and unsympathetic, you have every right to walk away. You can choose who you want to associate with. Good luck  | |
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