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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How many chances do you give someone you love?      Home login  
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 Good Catholic Girl
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 1
How many chances do you give someone you love?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Hmmmm is it just me, am I the only one who's gone off the deep end and given the same guy 4 chances to break my heart? Does it say *sucker* on my forehead???

This last week was definately the last time. But my question is, how do you move on, when you know he's the one for you and you for him? Do you stay friends? Do you wipe him off the face of the earth and never talk to him again???
 *mandrake*
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 2
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 7:56:05 AM
You move on...yes, you will hurt for a while, but you will get over him. Then you can focus on meeting others. Apparently, from what you describe, he is "not" the one for you. If he was, you wouldn't be having this problem.
 justme1202
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 3
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 7:56:29 AM
This last week was definately the last time....how do you move on, when you know he's the one for you and you for him? Do you stay friends? Do you wipe him off the face of the earth and never talk to him again???


Why and how can you say he is the one for you and you for him when he has broken your heart 4 times? Come on are you not better then that?

Personally i think to get over him you sever all ties with the guy until there is no more emotion there that will make you want to go back then if you decide you still want to be with him go ahead.

But please dont find the need to allow someone to treat you like such a piece of meat
 sweetcurves
Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 4
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 7:56:50 AM
*hugs* GCC I've been there...it's hard.

I say eliminate contact with him if at all possible. Out of sight...out of mind..eventually.

Hang with you best girl friends...do something totally unrelated to men. So don't go to a bar and pick up men...don't go see a sappy movie. Take a yoga class or a self defense class. Pick up a journal and write...but not about him. It really does help to distract yourself.
 onwaves
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 5
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 8:00:07 AM
Depends on your history and if you want to keep life moving forward. Some of us will give others just 1 chance to break one's heart. Others might just be so much into the relationship that being away from it is too much to bear, hence they give second, third and fourth chances. But rarely will that bring the result they dream of. There is something very true about the saying: hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me again (and again, and again), shame on me. You will do yourself a big favor by just going on with your own life, without him. It might hurt for a while..just be strong... builds character too (grin).
You might guess which category I belong too, but that's because I am just a cynical fool.
 jeninthesun
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 6
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How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 8:07:11 AM
I've had it happen to me and I know how much that can hurt - but doesn't the fact that he's hurt you 4 times prove that HE doesn't really love YOU? You need to start believing that actions speak louder than words. No matter how sweet his words are, if his actions don't match them - stay far away from him!
 *Illsa
Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 7
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 8:18:45 AM
Well...I would give the one I kinda-sorta might still love ONE chance...and that would be if he shows up on a White Stallion wearing nothing but his Cowboy Hat and Boots, with a Marching Brass Band behind him playing "Forgive Me Darlin', I'm a Fool", and with a box of Godiva Dark Cherry Cordials (make that 2 lbs worth), a bouquet of Gardenias flown in from some tropical place mixed with 2 dozen red roses...and a big ribbon, with balloons of every color...in one hand...

...and with the Divorce Papers he had PROMISED he would file, and the Blueprints for that Home he promised to build me in the other hand...and a great big smile on his face...

THEN....and only then...he MIGHT have another chance...

...until then, may he be banished to that very HOT place my brother Lucifer is in charge of....

Luci4
Angel in disguise
 dogar2007
Joined: 5/24/2006
Msg: 8
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How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 8:21:55 AM
I wouldn't be surprised if there were some really nice guy who likes you and you are breaking HIS heart the way you keep throwing yourself at this complete jerk over and over again.

It may be a self-esteem issue. Are you afraid you can't do better?
 !somewhere
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 9
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 8:25:38 AM
how do you move on, when you know he's the one for you and you for him?
?????
the "one for you" would break your heart 4 times?

.....oh well, suit yourself.
If you're going to keep giving some guy "another chance", why ask for advice?
Many women wouldn't give a guy an infinite number of chances to break their hearts.
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 10
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 8:28:34 AM
Four times? Eeek way too many. I always tend to give a person a second chance, unless my instinct is strongly against it.

My advice, don't talk to him and don't remain friends. I've got way too many so-called "friends" like that and what I'd really like is one friend like that for always.

Depending on your relationship with this person, the old issues will re-surface, as could the "lust" factor and then it's just an ongoing circle of frustration. Of course, that would depend on how often you see/talk to the person.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 11
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How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 8:47:54 AM
If someone blows a second chance, they're really telling you they're not worthy of another. This guy has some type of hold over you, don't know what it is, doesn't matter. I'd suggest you gather up your self esteem and bolster it a bit. Quit being so generous giving men chances to screw up. If you don't give them the chance, they can't take it.
 iris37
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 12
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 8:48:18 AM
You need to move on and get some emotional distance.....NO!!!!!!YOU CAN"T BE FRIENDS

How can he possibly be the guy for you if you continues to hurt you.....you are obvioulsy not on the same page about how boys and girls need to treat each other....
 Kataklysmic
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 13
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How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 8:52:26 AM
He does it once, shame on him; he does it twice, shame on YOU. He will continue to hurt you because you have shown (4 times now) that it is acceptable behavior. If you were the one for him, and he the one for you? This would not be an issue.

EDIT:

To Ophelia-- Wow, I never thought of it from that angle. You make a very good point.
 OpheliaBonMot
Joined: 8/12/2006
Msg: 14
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:04:26 AM
I'm going to go out on a limb and say two things about this.

1) Would he forgive you, if you'd hurt him the same ways? and...

2) When things are good, are they worth the pain of these four hurts?

By that, I mean are you talking hurt as in, "he beat the hell out of me" or hurt as in, "he forgot to pick up bread from the store when I asked?" Makes a big difference.

It all depends on the magnitude of the hurt and the strength of your love. On both sides.
 Good Catholic Girl
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 15
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:15:15 AM
Ok I get it, I'm a fool lol god yes I am!!!

I guess I'm just very sappy and stupid, but I have to learn right??? And yes I know I can do better, definately. Thank you for all the insights, it's always good to hear it from others for sure.

:)~
 auntymar
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 16
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How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:35:55 AM
This guy is preparing you for the abuse cycle. Each time you justify there is a reason to go back to him-- his power over you increases and his ability to abuse you worse each time also increases.
Get him out of your life NOW. Do not look back. You deserve better than constant heartbreak and tears. I left an abusive (verbal and emotional) marriage. It was the best thing I could do for myself. I hope you find the strength to do the same before your family is making your funeral preparations. That indeed will happen if you keep justifying on reasons to go back.
 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 17
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:39:48 AM
One. Just one. Nobody gets a second shot at making a fool of me.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 18
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How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:42:31 AM
Look sweatheart :
Your 40 years old.
You shouldn't be playing the same games you were when you were 20.
When I was 20 I was a sucker.
But over the years, the BS doesn't go so far anymore.
He's not the one who needs to grow up.
You need to wise up.
As you get older you learn that Love is a tough game and you have to play hardball.
 daisie
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 19
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:53:00 AM
You gave him 4 chances to break your heart? Yep...I'd say you are a "sucker" rapidly moving in the direction of "wimpy doormat".

(Of course, it depends somewhat on the details you have not provided.....so I'm basing this on a lot of non-existent information.)

Is he the ONE for you? Hell if I know....I guess he might be the ONE for you if you are a Wimpy Doormat and like to be treated badly. Sure......he's the ONE for you. Personally....if it were me, I'd get rid of him after the 1.5th heartbreak. (again depending a lot on the details).

Stay friends? What the hell for? Why do you want a friend who likes to treat you like crap? Maybe you like that stuff......apparently a lot of people are into that. So....do whatever floats your boat.

I don't get that stuff at all.....I don't even understand why anyone would need to ask these questions.
 northpike56
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 20
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 10:21:39 AM
Stupid gets what stupid gets
 SweetAngel2169
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 21
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 10:30:32 AM
Message 20: That was pretty harsh

OP. I know how ya feel, its really hard to let go of someone you think is "the one" for you. Trust me, it was very hard. Once you keep contact with them, you will eventually get back with them. ALL CONTACT NEEDS TO BE ELIMINATED. When you get over this jerk, you will find a great man who will make you realize what love truly is :)

I found out and I am the happiest i have ever been.

Good Luck

Chicky
 gothygeek
Joined: 8/13/2005
Msg: 22
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 10:45:54 AM
Hmmmm is it just me, am I the only one who's gone off the deep end and given the same guy 4 chances to break my heart? Does it say *sucker* on my forehead???

This last week was definately the last time. But my question is, how do you move on, when you know he's the one for you and you for him? Do you stay friends? Do you wipe him off the face of the earth and never talk to him again???


The funny thing about victimizers; they have no power when the mark is unwilling to be a victim.

I read your profile and sister, it screams "Please come here and treat me like a doormat!". So I can only imagine what you are projecting to this "only one for you" guy. It doesn't say "sucker" on your forehead but your profile might as well.

You are 40 years old, isn't it time to take responsibility for your happiness and quit going back for more pain? Ask yourself; how much pain is enough?

The best advice I can give you is get some therapy. No, I don't think you are damaged beyond repair by any means but you clearly need some help identifying why you are so willing to go back time and time again. Because, honestly, if you don't fix this you will keep picking the same "guy" over and over again regardless of whether you go back to this one or not.

Think I'm being too harsh? A long time ago; I used to be you. I speak from experience when I say it really doesn't have to be that way but only you have the power to change it.
 Good Catholic Girl
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 23
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 11:19:53 AM

I read your profile and sister, it screams "Please come here and treat me like a doormat!".


Does it really? lol wow I honestly don't see it, but, guess I should read it again???
*scratches head*
 CowboyPenner
Joined: 7/6/2006
Msg: 24
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 11:52:43 AM
You let him back 4 times? I've got you beat by a long shot so don't feel bad. I'm a founding member of the Doormat Club. Luckily I've learned from that and now things are different.
 carebear777
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 25
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 11:59:00 AM
You eliminate him.

Ban all thoughts, items, photos, phone calls, speed dials, text messages, emails, block, delete, I think you get the point.

Most of all, you have to come to ACCEPT that he is NOT the one for you. As long as you hold out hope he is, you're not going to be able to let go.

Good luck sweetie!!
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