| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/25/2006 4:28:38 AM | The Fire of Desire is the burning hormonal heat that characterizes intense sexual attraction. For most of us over 45, it is, unfortunately, not the raging inferno it once was.
The fire has not burned out, but is no longer what it used to be. In place of the hot fire, some of us seek to find the warm and lasting glow of a durable companionate relationship.
It is not that erotic passion has died, rather that its place in our romantic relations has been superceded by a more mature form of attachment.
Maybe I read this wrong, and my observations are off the mark. What I see and experience, though, suggests that past age 45, we are different people, who are not the same we were at 20, 25, or even 30.
I don't think it is a bad thing to grow older, especially compared to the alternative. We are not dead, just over 45, and still living as sexual beings. Speaking for myself, A good sex life is still important. But other factors have become relatively more important in partner selection.
YOU FOLKS OVER 45,
Please relate your own feelings and experiences regarding the present state of your Fire of Desire, and how it influences your life as a mature single person. | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/25/2006 5:57:03 AM | The fire of desire for me earlier on meant sticking that hot poker into the nearest furnace and not being very discerning about it, in fact, the poker pretty much had a life of its own. After 50, for me at least, it feels I have more of a life and am not led around by my desires, not nearly so much, which I very much appreciate.  | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/25/2006 6:43:35 AM | 4 me, it's been freeing to be able to use my brains more than my hormone surges. I tend to think the quality of my life has improved, although I am lonely sometimes.
The fire calming down has also insured that I no longer tolerate silly drama | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/25/2006 7:49:02 AM |  I do not think we are given much of a choice here..Nature and by design, menopause, drop in male hormones, health issues, nada nada nada... Have come along and ruthlessly robbed us!! Guess it depends how much ya had to start with, as to how much ya left with!!
Being single thro most of the changes, I am not certain how my Fires are burning..Not as preoccupied with it, but maybe because I don't have a handy poker??  | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/25/2006 8:30:55 AM | ... may I suggest that we explore the ways of tantra . It can allow us to experience a new kind of fire , by engaging more than just the usual body parts ...
... a different kind of fire but one that is no less intense , and maybe one that burns brighter than we have every known before
Peace | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/25/2006 9:08:19 AM | Sorry, too many vague references and assumptions to agree with your postulation.
I don't agree that desire has anything to do with hormones. Though we've been raised in a way that ingrains sexual imagery as a scale of creating or perceiving 'excitement', I believe it is also one of the myths that has led some of us into relationships we should not have had and could not sustain. | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/25/2006 11:46:41 AM | Magickman, what a well written post and topic. I concur with your thoughts and sentiments.
Tink, Calgary | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/25/2006 12:52:53 PM | | Well said Magickman.. I want the the good sex life for sure, but the other qualitites are more important. If you have that then it all comes together . Everyone has different things they are looking for. It comes down to what can I live with and what is not negotiable. | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/25/2006 7:33:21 PM | I do agree with the OP....There is rarely ever a raging fire anymore...BUT, there has been a slow burn a few times...(wink)
Seriously, I have wondered if it was even possible to still feel that fire. I wasn't sure if it was my age, or my circumstances. I honestly feel if the right person came along, ie; one I was emotionally and physically attracted to, the fire would spark, and burn bright as ever, for a few minutes anyway....
However, I do agree with Steven, in that the discernment of my, (cough,cough) old age, is liberating. | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/25/2006 8:13:16 PM | | I thought that, too, thinknmansgirl....I had the slow burn but no raging fire and really didn't expect to ever feel it again.....but I came across someone who created more of a raging fire than I'd ever experienced.....so I don't think age is the issue, it's finding the person who'll ignite you. | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/25/2006 10:35:38 PM | ...Well I for one want to feel that fire of desire again, theres no other feeling like it...I just need to find that person who is capable of lighting my fire.
...maeflowers | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/26/2006 1:46:32 AM | | With the right guy I am positively volcanic! | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/26/2006 4:07:42 AM | "With the right guy I am positively volcanic!"
Ditto for me. | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/26/2006 4:43:53 AM | Well, I certainly hope that for "most of us 45" the raging inferno IS what it once was. I still have the passion and the heat (and it's not just when I'm bending over a hot stove). My embers are still brightly burning. The problem lies in finding the right man to "stoke the fire".  | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/26/2006 9:04:59 AM | My Fire of Desire is as strong as it ever was. I think Mother Nature pulled a cruel trick on men by not allowing them the chance to keep up with us as they once could. I feel the older I get, the more passionate I become. Menopause and hormonal problems have not affected my desires,other than making them stronger.I want the impossible, a man in my life for companionship and love, and also a sexual partner capable of being my equal. I also perfer him to be near my age and not some young stud. Bring on the Viagra Baby !  | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/27/2006 4:04:12 AM | I don't think the majority of us have that problem
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/27/2006 11:11:42 AM | I would say that my inner "thermostat" points still at ON when it comes to 'THE FIRE OF DESIRE' and it does range from the moderate to the high level depending - believe or not - on weather too. Tropics = amen to that climate and the vibes in the air!
Having said that even my inner 'thermostat' requires maintenance where one lights the fire and the other fans it. | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/27/2006 11:32:57 AM | I am way over 45 and the desire is still there, although it may take a little more lighter fluid to get it going!!!  | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/27/2006 12:31:25 PM | | despite the fact that Kong is ageless, he will tackle this subject. Desire should never be reduced to ember, especially since it is controlled by the mind. My mind, as it has gained experience, is richer and more dynamic than ever, and with that mind I can turn a flame to a hot white star...but never do I lose the initial flame. My desire, like fine wines, is an acquired taste, but one so much more satisfying than the Carlo Rossi-variety wines. Not only does Kong find he is as responsive as ever, but Kong has discovered the joy and pleasure of partner satisfaction---mentally as well as physically, and that has further fanned the flame, for it becomes a journey to discover all that two beings can be. I can assure you the flame, and the fire, of Kong is better now than at any time in my life, and should you care to be consumed in the sensual flame of the jungle, drop a line. | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/27/2006 12:46:24 PM | | I am stuck with the pilot light on but nobody to switch on the furnace. How can I tell if the main burner will come on? | |
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ousu
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Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 23 | |
| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/27/2006 12:46:38 PM | aNgeLiCbLoNdiE,
4 me, it's been freeing to be able to use my brains more than my hormone surges. I tend to think the quality of my life has improved,--
Could not agree more! When younger it was like in a candy shop in which you just needed to taste all of them - they just were sooo desirable. Fattening. Sort of brainless (but wonderfully funny) era. Nowadays, looking back I find my sometimes wondering what on earth I saw in that or that one; obviously I did not "see" but followed blindly the call of natural hormonal trap. The quality of life, yes, especially what becomes to relationships - the stress is more on brain power than on power of reproduction.
Buzz,
my inner "thermostat" points still at ON
I told you to stop overdozing those pink ones! The maintenance on his way, will fix your thermostat, you freak of nature :p | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/27/2006 12:50:37 PM | | touch the stove darlin, if the light is on, it'll burn | |
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| The Fire of Desire
Posted: 10/27/2006 12:51:45 PM | ^^^^^ 
Thermostat is fine (thank you and appreciating your concern ) and still firmly pointing up, and ... that one who can further fan the flame cannot be freak of nature | |
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