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ulao
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Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 3 | |
| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 10/25/2006 9:25:15 AM | Yes, but we need more info here..
there is always why is he not happy?
Is everything ok other then happiness?
Are you happy?
sex .. is it good or bad?
Money, ok or in a pickle.
Ect....
There are lots of reasons to be unhappy. If every thing above is ok, but you just want to make him happier, then in what area? I like surprises, sex, and involvement in areas she would normally not involver her self in (i.e working on cars), but that’s is me.. | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 10/25/2006 11:39:31 AM | Ulao - I'm not actually in a relsationship at the mo, guess I'm just getting prepared for when I do meet a guy.
Really just want to know general tips for a happy relationship. Obviously I know the basic things to keep a relationship and my man happy and I know that all men have different 'wants' so if I get some ideas off all you guys out there - what makes you happy I will have lots of ideas to put into practice for the man of my dreams! | |
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ulao
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Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 5 | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 10/25/2006 5:21:57 PM | to keep the man in a relationship happy?
You can't and its not your job. You can do your part to keep the relationship healthy (does not mean always happy), but you cannot control the other's feelings.
What you can do:
1) LOVE YOURSELF AND LIKE WHO YOU ARE
2) Be open and honest.
3) Be positive and take responsibility for your feelings. (No room for "You make me ..." but ok to say "when you say or do that I feel ..."
4) For every fault you find be sure to take time to find at least two positive things.
4) Saying and acting "I love you" never hurts.
5) Act towards him with the respect you deserve.
6) Understand that you can't solve everything. It is your job to have a happy relationship not to "make him happy." If you read the "Make him happy" it sounds the same as "make him do his job" or "make him take out the trash". It's actually kind of controlling.
7) Encourage him to respect himself.
8) Find things to work towards together.
9) During those days when you can't do #1-#9 try to limit the damage and be ready to apologize when you can do #1-#9 again.
10) Listen to him when he talks about himself and his dreams. (If he ever does) Ask him what thinks he associates with being happy. --he may initially blow you off on this one, but over time when he realizes that you are serious about bringing joy into his life, he will start letting you know. (He might start off by a wise crack about bringing him his beer while he's watching TV.) Designate some Monday Night (football) as Happiness night and do it. He made the comment as a joke or wise crack so no need to be super serious but let him know your listening.
Finally never do to him anything that you would feel hurt if it were done to you.
Relationships are hard work. Its not easy, so don't set your requirements to do the impossible. You can make yourself happy and have a positive attitude, but you can't make anyone else happy. Only they can control their feelings. | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 10/25/2006 5:28:48 PM | I think you just keep doing the things you do to attract him in the first place. I'm assuming you were just being your own natural self and he liked you for who you are. And vice versa, that's really the basis for a shot at a lasting relationship. All the gestures and the trying to please him, if it isn't things you'd already do tend to make things a bit pressured, as he'd expect you to keep doing them. Relationships usually just happen, attract starts and grows as we get to know someone and if we don't mess it up by overthinking and trying to make it go this way or that.  | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 10/25/2006 5:36:21 PM |
Relationships usually just happen
I have to disagree with this. Relationships may "just happen" just as there are wild plants that just grow in fertile soil, but "good relationships" no more just happen than a good garden just happens. Good relationships require hard work eliminating the weeds, nurturing the soil that the relationship is rooted in and keeping that soil tilled so that the garden grows and bears fruit. Relationships that just happen eventually become full of weeds and die out. | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 10/25/2006 5:43:38 PM | Sure relationships require time and attention. I don't refer to it as work, as that has a distasteful image to it. I don't consider the time and attention I give my man as work, it's a joy and our relationship DID happen. The attraction happened, was mutual and grew as we got to know each other better, then a relationship grew from that. It is more like a wild flower, sure we both give time and attention, but it's easy and natural. Relationships that are a lot of work are usually because of incompatability and not enough understanding or acceptance of the other.  | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 10/25/2006 10:19:14 PM | | Hmm. Perhaps a cultural difference. I never thought work was "distasteful". Indeed if you don't enjoy its benefits, why would you do it? There are times when its hard and times when you wonder why for a day or so. Personally I think the reason for so much "incompatability" is because people don't put in the effort (work) to understand and accept. I would compare it more to a firm trim body. If you don't keep up the exercise it becomes flabby. If you do keep up the exercise, it does feel natural. But if you let it go, it's hell to get it back. So I think I'll stick with my garden analogy (I love gardening). If you don't weed regularly the garden falls apart. If you mind weeding perhaps gardening is not for you. Unfortunately in today's world too many people want something for nothing. I watched my parents who were married for nearly 60 years when dad died. Sometimes it was easy for them, sometimes they really had to work hard--like climbing a mountain. But they still liked the view at the top. Of course they also instilled in me the notion that if you objected to work, you were a guaranteed failure. | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 10/25/2006 10:55:40 PM | | There is no easy answer to this question but if both people come to the relationship with their lives in order, a good sense of self, and the ability to keep themselves happy then things will definitely be getting started in the right direction. | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 10/25/2006 11:31:23 PM | it all depends on the guy, there is no concerete answer that works for all guys
so why not just talk to the guy. communication never hurts, only helps. so if you don't know something about him, or want to know what he likes, ask him. pretty easy stuff. | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 10/26/2006 2:12:30 AM | Just a few points that I would like to add...:)
I personally believe it is important to end your day on a kind and happy note and also your mornings happily too.......
Going to bed happy and positive with the man/woman you love is very important in my books.....the I love you's, the snuggles, summary of ones day, etc...etc....that kiss goodnight....and I love you.....then off to dream land snuggled together.....well, this is only me.....:)) One leaves all the negatives of the day behind....
Waking in the morning....the start of a whole new day....with a good morning kiss....etc....is important.....with communication of schedule for the day......leaving all previous negs behind.....everything forgiven....:))
Secondly, forgiving each other ....is important.....when forgiven...forgotten....and not brought up over and over and used as a tool against the other... :))
Anyway, those are tough ones to live up too.......I could write a book on this one.......but loving one another like partners is important.....if one partners accomplishes something....they both accomplish something etc...etc.....
Hope that helps.....:))
0:)
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 11/1/2006 10:19:17 AM | There is no way to keep someone else happy. Keep yourself happy and a smart man will want to be around you.
This is not meant to say that you need to be, or should be completely self involved, nothing could be more boring. But twofeetremoved said it well, (here and in many other forums and on his profile - you lucky Canadian women;) . . . communicate!!
If he's worth anything, he wants to hear what you have to say and is able to respond. Qualifier here is that you say things that you mean and don't say them mean. Quality, not quantity. ALWAYS. | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 11/1/2006 3:16:25 PM | Well there could be many ways to make a man happy...
And it all depends on the man... Each person is different.
Just be yourself and love yourself first...
Then be there and love the man in return as he will do the same...
Don't over do it... Don't smother him or push him into anything...
Don't do anything you know that would make him mad...
Or the best thing I can say is ask what he likes and what he wants...
Ask him personally what you can do to keep him happy... and in turn he will or should ask you...
Compromise... Meet half way...
You will never know unless you ask. | |
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zooom
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Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 11/1/2006 3:25:40 PM | | It's impossible for women to stay happy as long as men can. Eventually you will get bummed out about something. Then you will get mad. Then it will be his fault. But it's nice to start out wanting him to be happy. | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 11/1/2006 7:16:49 PM | | If you have to think of ways to keep a relationship in a 'happy place' it's probably bound for failure. A really good relationship does not take 'work' - it should just flow naturally into the good place on it's own - simply from your everyday interactions and the love you have developed. | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 11/1/2006 7:51:22 PM | | There's 168 hours in a week. 40 are spent at work, and approximately 56 are spent sleeping. That leaves you with 72 hours left to get everything else done. Want to keep your man happy? Don't plan the household chores that you do together (and especially omit vacuuming) to be done during the 6 - 9 hours of football that happen during that week. There's 63 other hours during which such things can be done. | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 11/3/2006 5:45:07 AM | I don't presuppose that I KNOW EVERYTHING about happiness....but it really is a contextual and specific thing for every person....I don't know your man or who you are, but there are some basic common sense " tips " on how to keep the relationship " happy " :
1) NEVER LOSE YOURSELF -> I never understood why when people got together in a serious relationship, they became a monstrous " us ". They lose sight of their individuality and stop hanging out with their individual friends...they become attached to the hip, like a freakish Siamese twin monstrosity. I think that to lose yourself, is to lose those very important qualities that made him attracted to you in the FIRST PLACE.
2) SPACE FROM EACH OTHER -> This is an extension of my first point. Keep your own group of friends, do a few activities that does not necessarily include him...and by the end of the day, you guys can get together and talk about interesting events of the day.
3) TRUST -> Don't question him with stupid things like, " Are you cheating on me ? ", " Were you looking at that girl ? ", " Would you ever cheat on me ? ", " Do you think so and so is much more attractive than me ? ". We all have our own insecurities, but for f*ck's sake, keep your self esteem intact so you wouldn't have to ask him deathly annoying questions that would surely drive him away. ( and it goes the same for him ).
4) SEX -> This is the only time you should lose yourself entirely in the moment, and with him. The best thing about sex with the one you care about, is losing yourself in the moment with him. It gives you confidence, makes you even more sexier and opens up doors of endless, kinky possibilities that keep the relationship spicy.
5) CONVERSATION -> Keep your mind educated ( and I am not just talking about academic education here ), and you will always have something interesting to talk about.
6) ACCEPT HIM FOR WHO HE IS -> So he likes to have football / poker nights with his buddies, he likes to go camping, he likes to eat junk once in a while, he likes to smoke a cigar once in a while, he likes his beer and his whisky once in a while, he wants to hang out with his highly immature friend, he wants to play his video games, he wants to get rowdy with the boys during Superbowl....LET HIM DO THE THINGS THAT HE WANTS TO DO WITHOUT NAGGING OR BEING NIT PICKY.
7) GOOD FOOD -> Believe me, I know this may sound " sickeningly traditional " to all those raging, radical feminists out there...but good food really is one way to a man's heart. I love to cook.....and I love to learn how to cook interesting, cultural dishes ( right now, I am having a love affair with Japanese cuisine ).....but believe me, men love it when they feel nurtured and pampered once in a while. | |
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 11/4/2006 6:56:27 PM | msg 22 point #7 in my books is right on the navel.....for a very young lady...she does separate the Hot from the Hotest of the Hot
*great point....sounds yummy..... love that word.... :)
Wishing you all the best...
0:)
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| How do we keep a relationship in a happy place?
Posted: 11/4/2006 7:05:36 PM | | prof seems to have some good advice... personally I would say honesty and communication are the keys to a healthy relationship... along with good sex of course... | |
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