| Why is it?
Posted: 10/26/2006 9:07:35 PM | Happy reading - I swear if your mind is open to understanding the story, you'll understand the question. Please don't judge me before you read the entire post.
Blah, Blah, Blah, ................ I guess I've seen first hand that someone that treats a woman right, really doesn't have a chance.
Why is it that some women SAY they want something, and strive so hard to find the exact opposite???
Is it love? They always say "well, I love him" - you love getting hit, used, cheated on, lied to, stolen from ???? Treated like you're a piece of something that's only good enough when the time is right for HIM????
Yes world, I have seen it all and it has revealed itself in front of my eyes for about the, oh I dont know, millionth time - a beautiful girl with a beautiful heart that just can't leave her man that treats her like a pebble from the parking lot.
No, I wasn't the one trying to gain her love, steal her away, or tell her what's right or wrong, I was the one sitting there watching the poor schmuck that would have treated her like gold get rejected.
Yeah, she probably didn't find him attractive - good job, a good looking guy, good morals, not a drunk, would have never hit her, but she just couldn't leave her over-weight, drunk, kissed-a-girl-right-in-front-of-her, cheating, boyfriend.
Now that that story is told, let me ask this question ...........
Is it because she was too much of a drama queen, or just didn't really WANT to be happy?
I know I'm gonna get a huge pile of crap for posting this but it was only meant to ask a question. Is it the drama queen in someone that lives like that, or are there really no more good women left in the world.
Go ahead and bash me for this, I really don't care. Just trying to find out a little info and opinions of others. | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 10/26/2006 9:20:29 PM | Everything you said is probably true. However, it's on both sides of the yard my friend.
Women too, have experienced the same issues, that you have brought forth.
Why it happens? Possibly because that is a pattern that they have set for themself and do not know of a way to break the chain. It could be the way they were raised and that is how they grew up so they never experienced a different life.
Many factors can be brought into the why. Human sexuality is very complicated. What attracts you to one person and not another is only something you can answer. | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 10/26/2006 9:28:59 PM | I won't bash you in any way nor will I not not bash you. (Did that make sense?)
What you say is true and false and inbetween and everything unbetween and everything under and over and exact and not exact and everything else I can't think about.
There are 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 universes with 1,000,000,000,00,000,000,0013123,01003,00 galaxies with even more solar systems and black holes and quasars and nebulaes and planets and neutron stars and what ever else is out there with even greater amount of beings and what not.
Any how my point is: it's the same and opposite and everything between. Yes there are many women who don't care about themself. Yes there are men like that. Yes there are women who say one thing but contradict themself. and yes men are like that. I wouldn't even be surprised if it's most people. However, there will always be some one whom you will love no matter what who really respects you. Thus, I am still hoping myself.
yes I do agree, I have yet to be able to get even a single girl to go out with me, but it doesn't stop me from trying. You only lose if you stop. Life is too short to stop. so why stop at all? | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 10/26/2006 9:33:55 PM | I've seen the same happen, but have never experienced it firsthand.
I had a girlfriend that struck me. Notice the keyword, HAD. I simply left and never looked or even wanted her back.
What I imagine is going on is they (they being both sexes) can't survive a relationship without being abused, either physically or mentally. It may have to do with upbringing, abusive parents perhaps? Maybe they like the feeling of being scared? Adrenalin rush?
While I know you've asked a VALID and GOOD question here, I think you would have been better asking which came first, the chicken or egg. . | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 10/26/2006 9:42:23 PM | Alot of those people that hit, bash, drink, abuse drugs. Have real strong emotions, so when they are not doing that kind of stuff, they have a way with hitting a womens heart pretty strong. I believe that alot of these women think that they will be these guys saviours and resurect them and what they will have left is just that strong emotion for them. The sad part is, it is hard to change anyone.
Common sense is can not be seen by a heart, ones heart always does the talking, no matter how wrong someone or something is. | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 10/26/2006 9:54:20 PM | You are completely correct, but, how many times does it refer to a man and how many times does it refer to a woman?
Not judging, I would never do that - as I said this if for info, and not bashing purposes - I feel that there are a lot of PEOPLE out there, you all know who you are and why you're that way, that feel the need to be completely dramatic in their lives 100% of the time.
Men are different from wonem. My ex-wife hit me once, and I left.
UNDERSTAND THAT - ONCE, AND I LEFT.
There's no excuse for staying in an abusive relationship - of any kind. | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 10/26/2006 9:54:57 PM | Hello OP, I can't answer your question because after going through your insane rambling, I have no idea what you were trying to say.
Someone has reported your thread to be deleted. HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 10/26/2006 9:55:09 PM | | Yeah, I can Spell !!! | |
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| My New Standard Response.
Posted: 10/26/2006 10:28:57 PM | Okay. I really was going to refrain from doing something of this nature, but I'm afraid I have no desire to refrain at this time. I'm pulling out some posts from [u]The Ultimate Nice Guy Thread[/u] (It's my personal favorite!) Here's the link: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/2564222datingPostpage1.aspx
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Hmmm...to answer the question posed in the subject, no.
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Nope, they won't. Move on.
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I'm still going with no. Will women ever stop asking why all the good ones are taken? Didn't think so.
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I'm fairly certain that I shall soon go into a coma.
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Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Pretty redundant, huh? Sort of like this thread.
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Still, don't you wonder what will be discussed as soon as the nice guys start accepting the girls with great personalities? I do.
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Okay, Bert. This has become stupid. I think my left eyeball is twitching. Yeah, I can feel it twitching.
Not every female is a shallow, self-serving wench who wants a man who slaps her around and requires 'changing'. Not every man is a jerk who cannot treat a woman decently. I truly begin to tire of this stupidity. I mean, think about how often you guys spout this same idiocy.
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As I've said before, some women will date jerks. Some men date crazy females. Nobody denies that fact. The crux of the matter is that it has spread like fire during a drought. It has become an excuse for nice guys just as women justify their junk about guys wanting one thing only. Check the forums. This topic has been beat to death time and time again. Repeatedly, you find guys whining that they can't get a girl because they're nice. On the flip side, you find threads about how women can't get a guy because she doesn't look like a model.
I just think that folks need to realize that they are responsible for playing the hand dealt.
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Look, I tire of this thread, but it's the principle of the thing. There is no conspiracy against nice guys. There is no conspiracy against good/average girls. You can keep on making your excuses if it helps you sleep at night, but just remember, you're the only one who's going to be able to change things. Until you decide to change things, stop complaining. I'm going to leave you with a one of my favorite quotes.
To get to where you're going, you have to leave where you are.
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I beg to differ with you about a few things. We do have to meet not only your standards but also the standards that society sets for us to be attractive. Have you ever had your eyebrows waxed. Do you have to watch everthing you put in your mouth so you dont gain 10 pounds and worry your bf will leave you. As for some women being psycho ****es. Its men that make us that way. All the sh*t you put us through drives us to the brink of insanity. Also, for the record some of us do want nice guys there just are not any left that are not married, gay, fat, ugly or have no teeth.
Learn to set your own standards. You wax your eyebrows to appease your own sense of vanity and style. If gaining ten pounds is enough to kill your relationship, it's not really a relationship. If you choose to be psychotic, that's your business, but don't blame it on someone else. You choose how to react to situations, so kindly take responsibility. In regard to your last sentence, I am amazed by your ignorance.
psychosis-
A severe mental disorder, with or without organic damage, characterized by derangement of personality and loss of contact with reality and causing deterioration of normal social functioning.
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Robert, Robert, Robert... You and I have had this discussion before. When are you going to realize that YOU are responsible for YOUR life? Romance is included in this bit. Women should put forth an effort. Men should put forth an effort. It simply isn't enough to say that you're a nice guy/girl. Your actions, your demeanor, your being will reflect who you are. If you're nice, it'll show. You won't have to go around saying that you're a nice guy/girl.
It eats at me when I hear some guy say that they can't find a decent woman because he's just too nice. That's a load of stuff; an excuse, actually. Here's a simple plan. Approach a woman. If she responds positively, great. If she responds negatively, move on. Approach a new woman. For every woman that says no, that takes you one step closer to the woman who will say yes. For you females in the crowd, just replace guy with girl and woman with man.
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***MAN,
Don't paint yourself as ignorant. The INDIVIDUAL women that turn you down do so because they don't like YOU. It isn't because you're too nice. It isn't because they want to be treated like crap by some jerk. It's because you didn't strike their fancy. Move on. Approach another woman. Eventually, you'll strike someone's fancy. There's something I learned as a little girl that I wish to share with you. If something isn't working, take a look at it and fix it. If you cannot manage to arrest a woman's attention, do something about. If that means you need to read a book, do so. If you need to cut your hair, do so. If you need to gain confidence, do so. Until you put forth an effort to change things, stop complaining and blaming others.
**ade,
Being beautiful doesn't make one nasty and/or mean. I am a woman. I don't lump men into a single category. I don't consider guys as being pigs or dogs. I consider each man respectively.
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Note: The first part of this post was a bit of joking between myself and another poster. It was not meant in the literal sense; simply consider it as sarcasm.
Man******,
It is unfortunate, but you're just too nice. That's why the women don't want you. Soon, your wife will leave you for some jerk because, secretly, she wants to be treated like crap. Just ask Tarheelman. He'll tell you. You can take his word for it, too, because he has a clue about his life. True story. Auntie Kloey's office is open and in it, there is the most charming, perfect sofa which is conducive to a deep, cognitive session.
Tar****man,
You cannot control the actions of another, but you can control how you react to each situation presented. Society doesn't tell you that it's your fault. In fact, society will empathize with your plight, telling you that you aren't to blame. You're the victim.
Okay, Bert. Step into my office. It IS your fault. You are responsible for your life. Until you're ready to do something about it, you shouldn't complain. Yes, I know you're going to tell me that I don't have a clue about your life. I know you're going to tell me that you're going by your experience. I know you're going to tell me to mind my own life. That's fine. I'll accept that I don't have a clue about your life, but in turn, neither do you. You refuse to take accountability. Yeah, you're fairly clueless. Your reactions indicate that you are quite bitter. Your bitterness has eclipsed reason and logic.
I seriously wish to understand your position. Honestly, I do. I don't want to hear about how I don't have a clue. I want you to tell me exactly how you aren't to blame for your life and your reactions to life. I am fully aware that life is chock full of extenuating circumstances, but even so, you choose how to react to those circumstances. So, please, clue me in.
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In today's society, everyone is a victim.
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Wow. I think you missed something in your post. Nice guys finish last. At least they finish and when they do, victory is sweet. Dating is trial and error. You date until you find the one that truly strikes your fancy and compliments your life.
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I've also stated that the generalizations need to stop. It is wholly unfair for you or me to paint an entire gender the same shade of red just because of one or two experiences. Basically, what you and many others are doing is asking all future applicants to pay the price for the mistakes of the one before.
You have three choices:
1)Change your approach.
2)Stop complaining about being treated in the same fashion by shallow females.
3)Pull up your huggies and move on.
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Myst*****netrix,
I think perhaps you've misunderstood my shock, but that's neither here nor there. If you choose to ignore my posts, that's fine. It is, after all, your perogative.
Throughout my entire affiliation with this thread, I have made comments regarding men and women. This issue doesn't exist within one gender. It is the result of the actions of both.
I have not attempted to discredit your opinion. This thread is rampant with generalizations. Women are generalizing the men while men are generalizing the women. I don't see it as being unfair to state that the generalizations need to stop. Such a course of action seems rather prudent in my eyes.
I have merely stated my opinion. It is my opinion that nice guys act just as the females under discussion. These females whine about poor treatment by the jerks. The nice guys whine about the poor treatment by said females.
I have asked, without malice or sarcasm, for the nice guy's position to be further explained. Rather than answering with honesty or sincerity, I receive something about crap. It just further reinforces my position that this is a topic to appease such delicate sensibilities.
Think what you will about me, but I maintain that each person is responsible for their business. Females cannot be treated poorly unless they allow it to happen. Nice guys cannot be treated poorly unless they allow it to happen.
Molonel, you're great! (Yes, this is part of my standard response to Nice Guy/Girl threads.)
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P***gie,
Let's say that you're in a room which is full women. You are merely an observer at this point. You haven't spoken to any of the ladies present nor can you hear their conversations. You have nothing to go on, other than what you can see and smell. You know nothing of their respective personalities. This is purely hypothetical and quite extreme, but bear with me.
The women are dressed in unrelieved tones of dull greys or drab browns. Their hair is lank and a bit oily. You notice that their nails are broken and dirty. Not only are their clothes of such a dreary color, but stains are plentiful. The air is filled with body odor. You look for a smiling face, but you search in vain.
Milling throughout these women, you see a splash of color. Your eyes are drawn to that splash of color and your interest is piqued. She is dressed in a modest, yet alluring gown of pink chiffon. Her hair, a shade of deep auburn, is shiny with curls cascading down her back. You can smell her delicate, subtle perfume floating in the air and you are reminded of the luscious floral scent of gardenias. Upon closer inspection, you notice that her nails are well shaped and clean. Her skin is glowing with health and vitality and her face is lit with a smile.
She is as vivid as the other women are plain. Keep in mind that you have nothing to go on other than what you can see and smell. Which woman, out of the entire group of ladies, are you most likely to approach?
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P***gie,
The point was to illustrate confidence, without conceit or flashiness. The lady in pink was vivaciously attractive without dancing like a monkey for the crowd's entertainment. I never stated that she was gorgeous. I didn't state that she was flamboyant. I painted this woman as being well-groomed, smiling and vitally full of confidence. | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 9/6/2009 12:02:58 PM | I'm gonna resurrect this one... 
I gotta say that this is frustrating for me too. I just got off the phone with a female friend who is getting back together with a guy who had a controlling personality AND was quite mean to her in the past...
Seriously... the reason why many guys are A-Holes is because they are indirectly trained by women to be that way. | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 9/6/2009 2:55:33 PM | Zekestone.... certainly an interesting concept.... if we take away the original gender bias and just ask why do people keep going out with a/holes will that suffice?
Personally I think its a reflection of upbringing. Perhaps mum or dad were controlling abusive people so its the only 'normal' relationship that the person (victim) knows.
Perhaps its to do with the adrenline fix that one gets when things go 'BOOM' and then the wonderful 'makeup' that takes place after. Those feelings of ultimate intimacy after the abuse.
Maybe they have poor self esteem and dont realise that they are NOT worthless.
Maybe they just get their jollys by playing the role of martyred victim and all the attention that they receive.
Lets all just hope that one day, the 'victims' will wake up and realise that they are BETTER than THAT. | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 9/6/2009 5:35:16 PM | OP, you are confused by the masochist's modus operandi. Your lack of understanding about it is is what's troubling you. You are assuming that all people view relationships/love the way you do. You are mistaken.
There are women/men out there who enjoy being treated badly. Truth is behind closed doors, they often are pulling out a few stops themselves in the abuse/manipulation department so often they match up quite well with these abusive types. But the nice guy/gal assumes that the poor thing is the victim ,meanwhile they don't get to see their masterpiece at work.
OP, don't be fooled. If someone is happily engaging in relationships with people who treat them very badly, there is something fundamentally wrong with them if they choose to stay despite their constant abuse. I have been in situations where I was abused and I left, as soon as I had opportunity to do so. You don't stick around for crap like that if you aren't a masochist...you deal with it and move on realizing that there are some pretty nasty people out there and you just don't know what you're getting till you know.
Also, there are some who love being the victim. In fact, they extract sympathy, pity and compassion from others when they do so. These types often don't know how to get love without BEING a victim. Unless they have something occur which causes them to really examine themselves and the lives they've chosen to lead, they often die this way. Who knows or understands what propels them to continue seeking out their self-perpetuating drama...it just is.
And believe me, the poor schmuck who'd treat her/him like gold would have ended up hating her once he saw what she/he was really about. Masochists/drama queens/kings have a way of driving people up a fecking wall.
When the universe offers you freedom, take it! You don't want to be with one of them. | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 9/6/2009 11:04:39 PM | The answer to your question is that there is no logical answer. Its just the way it is, Dude.
Most of the female profiles on this site reflect a desire for a "nice", or "good", or "genuine", or my favorite, a "real" guy. But those same women will throw away ten of these types to find one prick that will hold their attraction.
I am one of those "nice" guys. I have had women say "I'm in love with you, Gary" and then turn around the next day and drop me for a guy that treats them with less importance than beer.
Yah... I don’t get it either! | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 9/6/2009 11:39:49 PM | | You're not along dude. I dont drink, or smoke, or do drugs and have even wrote girls and told them I'd take a drug test at any clinic to prove it. How many Plentyoffish women have answered my ad? ZERO | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 9/7/2009 12:03:39 AM | It's neither..abuse like that takes a woman's self esteem, beats her down & makes her almost fade away..it also paralyzes you to an extreme..worse than that whole deer in the headlight analogy. Logic doesn't explain it. I left such a situation, as a very , very young woman, with the help of some good friends. I was so terrified by his threats that night, that I actually went back. Had nothing to do with drama or not wanting to be happy. Not really even my fear for my friends' safety..he never did find that house & I eventually stayed the for 5 months before I could move across the country. I did leave him for good the following morning, quite a bit worse for the wear. I don't know how to explain it exactly. It just feels like you're paralyzed.
lol, he cheated , too..I actually never count that as being cheated on ..I was always happy when he did..he left me alone more.
edit...looking back through the posts...yeah, there's a postive out of every negative. I absolutely do not deal with asshats. And I've had great relationships with men..and been around men of good character who would simply never even think of doing such a thing since. Well, after some time getting my crap together. But, it's because I'm lucky? Maybe a little..I've had some great guys in my life. That's also by design..I won't go out with sleezeballs - period. I personally do think women need to figure out what they want and get their realistic priorities in order (generally speaking). I guess you could say I was lucky-I had this done for me =) | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 9/7/2009 2:05:55 AM | It happens when you have low self-esteem. When you think that you are shit and don't deserve better, you accept a SO that treats you like shit. You think that's all you deserve, and he says he loves you, he will change, you mean the world to him, it will never happen again...he is charming and loving...until he gets drunk, or angry, or high, and you say the wrong thing, or don't move fast enough, and you get beaten again and end up on the floor crying with a black eye, or a broken rib, or a broken arm, or dislocated shoulder, or bruises all up and down your abdomen where it won't show as bad, and boot bruises on your legs and twist bruises on your arms. Then you get taken to a hospital miles and miles away where nobody knows you and you make up a story about how you fell down the stairs, or were clumsy or walked in your sleep, anything to keep him out of trouble...because the whole way there he went from threatening you with death and begging you not to tell.
You are ashamed of yourself for being weak and staying, so you don't tell anyone. You think you love him, because he is all you think you deserve. He tells you he loves you, and that no one else will have you, he's the only one in the world who will ever love you. And you believe it.
This is called Battered Woman's Syndrome. I know because I have been there. It took me almost two years to get away from this man who did this to me. He was really good at manipulating me. I am by no means a stupid woman, I am educated, bright, great with people, and a pretty popular woman. But I was vulnerable at the time I met him because I had just gotten divorced and had really low self-esteem. I got sucked into this madness and almost didn't escape.
Some women keep in this cycle of abuse, because they never heal from the pain and self-hatred. Thank the Lord I got counseling and I had a support system that carried me through and got me help.
This does not have to be the way it is. If you know someone in this type of relatonship, get them help...all the help you can give them. It is a horrible life, I know from experience. | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 9/7/2009 4:11:11 AM | have you thought you have not met the right person?
do you come acrooss as pushy or needy
i meet to man men online...they are pushy, needy or horny
it turns me off
we need our space...
just be their friend
accept what will happen will hapen | |
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| Why is it?
Posted: 9/7/2009 5:42:23 AM | | No one ever goes into a relationship to be used and abused! The negative aspect of most relationships happens through a process of slow erosion. It usually comes from someone who loves the chase yet does not want to keep the prize in the end - they simply want to move on to the next conquest! Usually happens when this person has the charisma pull it off and to disguise the uncaring clod underneath. The abuse comes when they want to turn the person away after that person has fallen head over heels - beyond wanting to move on so easily! It's a physicological mellow drama in action! In the begining this guy is 'Mr. Nice' - he usually comes off as the perfect guy - only revealing the beast when the head games have begun. | |
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