| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 8:25:13 PM | When you think of past or present lovers, is there one that stands out among the rest?
What was it that made him/her unique in your eyes? Is it one thing or many that you simply cant or have not found yet in another? | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 8:42:34 PM | | Hmm... I think it's unproductive to think on that question. You can't move forward if you're stuck in the past, and if you constantly compare people, your perspective will get all screwed up. You'll start seeing things in people that aren't really there. We are all unique. There is no comparison. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 8:45:11 PM | I am of the realization that each and every lover is unique and I am not expecting them to be the same really, it's just sometimes two people are much more in tune with each other than norm. Know what I mean?
Truly I can appreciate the originality of all lovers but as I said some just simply stand out. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 8:57:00 PM | "Hmm... I think it's unproductive to think on that question. You can't move forward if you're stuck in the past, and if you constantly compare people, your perspective will get all screwed up. You'll start seeing things in people that aren't really there. We are all unique. There is no comparison."
I don't think that it's necessarily being stuck in the past. Experience is key. We tend to look for that someone based on previous experience. The better the past experience in a good relationship, the higher the bar is set. Even if someone had nothing but bad experiences, if that person was smart, they would know what NOT to look for. We use this "past" criteria in determining who may well be suitable (and even more) for each of us at thew present time.
belzer | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 9:05:20 PM | Oh yes... my first real relationship. The person he is today is not anyone I'd want to have a relationship with. But- the memories of the time we spent together are amazing.
I recently head a song by Sarah Buxton called "Innocence" and I think she said it well:
But comin' back to this place,
I realize it ain't him I miss,
It's that young girl, wide-eyed, first love, one time innocence
I'll always long for that simplicity again, though I know that we can never really get it back. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 9:11:18 PM | Oh there is one thing. He had the most amazing overall persona. He just emulated all sorts of amazing things at one time. He was definitely stare-at-material. And when he spoke, it was this calm, thoughtful, patient type of thing ~ he was just overall amazing. And sometimes, I can still almost smell him ~ it's a very nice thing to think about from time to time.  And no, I seriously doubt I will ever feel this way about another person, and I really don't want to, it's nice to keep him in the vault and I really don't want that memory replaced, altered or changed.  | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 9:18:11 PM |
Oh there is one thing. He had the most amazing overall persona. He just emulated all sorts of amazing things at one time. He was definitely stare-at-material. And when he spoke, it was this calm, thoughtful, patient type of thing ~ he was just overall amazing. And sometimes, I can still almost smell him ~ it's a very nice thing to think about from time to time. And no, I seriously doubt I will ever feel this way about another person, and I really don't want to, it's nice to keep him in the vault and I really don't want that memory replaced, altered or changed.
After reading this, you will have a hell of a time finding someone else that can measure up. I hope you can find that someone. If not, well..... | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 9:20:15 PM | digs through the lint, the car keys, and the couple of singles in my pocket for the 2 cents to add here.
My last relationship I was in 2 years ago.
With her, I was constantly in an uphill battle to prove to her that I'm not "most men" that she referred to.
I felt I was battling the "ghost of relationship past" with her, and had to prove myself daily.
Anybody I'm with, I make it clear that their past, no matter how good or bad, is water under the bridge. If she feels the need to share something of her past, it's 100% up to them. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 9:23:39 PM |
it's nice to keep him in the vault and I really don't want that memory replaced, altered or changed.
I believe that "verygreeneyes" by making that statement realizes that it is a thing of the past, but that it is also a precious memory to her.
We know for one reason or another if this is a past lover that it ended for a reason , that does not diminish the memory of the intimacy shared and the hope of finding it again for the possibility is quite real in my opinion.
When a new lover is found it is a clean slate, and the experiences are to be looked upon as unique............... | |
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Belzer
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Joined: 9/30/2006
Msg: 11 | |
| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 9:25:49 PM |
digs through the lint, the car keys, and the couple of singles in my pocket for the 2 cents to add here.
My last relationship I was in 2 years ago.
With her, I was constantly in an uphill battle to prove to her that I'm not "most men" that she referred to.
I felt I was battling the "ghost of relationship past" with her, and had to prove myself daily.
Anybody I'm with, I make it clear that their past, no matter how good or bad, is water under the bridge. If she feels the need to share something of her past, it's 100% up to them.
Sorry to hear that it was a battle, it really shouldn't be like that (if it is RED FLAG). All men share some traits, anyone who thinks differently is fooling themselves. | |
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Belzer
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Joined: 9/30/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 9:32:41 PM |
We know for one reason or another if this is a past lover that it ended for a reason , that does not diminish the memory of the intimacy shared and the hope of finding it again for the possibility is quite real in my opinion.
When a new lover is found it is a clean slate, and the experiences are to be looked upon as unique...............
Every circumstance is different, so we cannot measure each by the same criteria. But due to collective past experience and documented human behavior, in general these experiences have a very good chance of being determined beforehand. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 9:36:49 PM |
When you think of past or present lovers
Yeah, out of my 154 current lovers, one does really stand out . . . 
To verygreeneyez . . . ain't it nice that memories can't be replaced, altered or changed? Kind of stating of the obvious, aren't you? How do you replace, alter or change the past? You can't--unless you want to lie to yourself. So I guess it's good you feel that way.
It is never just one thing or a few things that makes someone stand out. It is an experience of the entire individual collectively, something that you can't quite express into words or narrow down to one thing. And you should feel this way about any lover.
This question is a bit voyeuristic if you ask me . . . I don't understand the motivation for it. If you're searching others' thoughts for how they picked their lovers, then you're in trouble. You have to have your own standards and reasons, not someone else's. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 9:44:02 PM | | i do have one that stands out. he was amazing and bigger than life. it's impossible to put it into words but i can still feel it in my heart when i think of him. an incredible man. he passed away, and so i will always feel this way about him, no matter who else comes along. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 10:00:47 PM | There certain girls who were exceptional in some areas, some not in areas. You'll always have the girl that was amazing in bed. Maybe it was the one you really had intellectual conversations with.
Maybe it was the one that was amazing in bed, AND you had intellectual conversations with?
Maybe one was your first girlfriend.
Who knows. But the fact is that there was one single person in your life that stands out over the rest, then you probably stil have feelings for him/her. | |
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Belzer
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Joined: 9/30/2006
Msg: 16 | |
| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 11:05:37 PM |
i do have one that stands out. he was amazing and bigger than life. it's impossible to put it into words but i can still feel it in my heart when i think of him. an incredible man. he passed away, and so i will always feel this way about him, no matter who else comes along.
There is usually one who stands out. For me, it was the woman I dated about a year after I was divorced. I loved her like I never loved any other woman. We became involved in a relationship that would be best described as a roller-coaster, ups and downs, to severity. Ahhh... but the passion was always there, whether it be in love-making, or arguing, there was that certain something between two people that only those two people can understand. It ended because she turned out to be a nymph (no joke), and I am totally a one woman guy.
But the one thing I have realized, and this is where I think you are wrong. You can reach that height of intimacy again. There's no guarantee, but the possibility is ALWAYS there. Never count out the present person from experiences with the past person. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 11:51:47 PM | | belzer, msg 16: i do agree that i could meet someone else that is as important again in my life, but i will always have a love for this man, no matter who comes along, and even if the new love should be grander. he will always be there. i'm not pining and comparing. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/28/2006 11:55:31 PM | Yes, I believe that is where people may be getting a little side tracked here in that I am referring to not being able to move on or simply put comparing others to this "one." That is definitely not the case for I look for all the uniqueness in a new partner that is shown to me, it is that with one particular person is was shall we say "mind blowing" and "total connection" and although I am very well aware that it is completely over, I hope to find it again.
Never the same ......for once it is gone to a distant memory..........but new and more exhilarating is my wish. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/29/2006 1:14:36 AM | | This actuually go's out to everyone in here. I truly believe there is a "special" someone we all think about, but in reality believe it or not everyone we encounter has bin with us for one reason or another. I am not a spiritualist but I have had my horizons broadened by those that I fealt meant something to me, and I know we've impactacted eachother in one way or another. Plain and simply People you let in grow from your expieriences together and you grow from them, it's just a preparation for the "one"the one you will spend the rest of your life with. Face it we nevere really stop learning!! J. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 10/29/2006 6:07:48 AM | Geez..this is like asking....how many lovers have you had and can you catagorize each one?...LADY this is a posting for ALL to see..and can and probably be used against the poster....come on.................................................. | |
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