| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/28/2006 10:51:34 PM | I notice over and over again that people say that their relationship failed if it didn't last a life time. I wonder why people don't look at what they gained from the experience and consider it a success? I know that whether I am looking at my 14 year marriage or dating relationships that have ended in my life, I view them all as highly successful as I garnered so much from them. They are actually partially responsible for my being the person that I am today, who I tend to think isn't such a bad person.....(I certainly don't mind living with me).
My opinion is we have experienced success if we find the "gift" in any experience or circumstance.
Wouldn't it be a less stressful approach to dating in general if we could maybe lower our expectations and just enjoy the journey regardless of how long it lasts? It may last a lifetime, it may last a season, the lesson will be eternal. It will enlighten us and be carried forward into any future endeavors, perhaps nurturing them for a lifetime. By spending so much time looking at our experiences as failures are we denying the gifts?
What are your thoughts? | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/28/2006 10:59:57 PM | Was Michael Jordan's career successful... even though he doesn't play in the NBA anymore?
Of course a relationship can be successful for a short period of time. Human beings normally do not mate for life. Generally humans have monogomous relationships that can last for years but today it is rare that they last longer than 20-30 years. Of course there are exceptions.
A good relationship is not judged by its duration but by its depth. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/28/2006 11:21:31 PM |
But I'd also have to say that failed relationships, can also serve as important methods of growing and learning, helping someone to grow into the person that they are.
That is my exact philosophy in life as well, for every person I meet whether it be a day, week, month, or years I have learned something from them and I take it with me as I continue on my path of life. Good or bad we have to look at it as growth, pure and simple. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/28/2006 11:48:43 PM | Yes:
I have two healthy, happy, well adjusted young adults out there building their own lives. Of course my relationships were a success. On a personal level I have shared love, laughter, friendship, loss and learning with the men I have been privileged to grow with.
LOL, the fairy tails end in , they all lived happily ever after, but I don't recall them specifying they did this with each other. Que sera, sera    | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/29/2006 12:06:07 AM | What a nice post, "Themaven". I always look at past relationships as to what I might have gained or what the other person might of gained. Not monetarily, but intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. If you look at life with that point of view, you will not have regrets and not be dissapointed if something was not everlasting. But then I believe in faith, Karma and destiny; being an optimist. I think if it was meant to be, so be it and if not, the Universe/God, whomever you may or may not believe in.... must have something better in mind.
I think we learn lessons in all our relationships whether they are friendships or love interests; however long or short in duration. Hopefully not sounding too corney, if we learn a little from each on this road, then we can really grow in our life time of travels; and not have to keep repeating the same patterns. I think it is not what you get at the destination, but what you learn on the trip. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/29/2006 12:30:02 AM | This is something I've thought a lot about as well. I always joke that my life has been one of "serial monogamy" rather than "the everlasting love"....
But I'm beginning to realize that - yes - every one has added to, enriched, educated, made me who I am today and like previous posters really believe that relationships haven't necessarily "failed", they just might not have been meant to be forever. If we learn and grow from them, in their own way they've succeeded.
Although I'm also really good at rationalization...lol | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/29/2006 1:09:03 AM | .
Have you ever shared a kind, loving and passionate meeting of the minds with someone? Forget making love right now, I’m talking about the real passionate love that is only experienced through a meeting of the minds, no matter if you touch or not.
Such relationships, to me, anyway, are the most successful. We think that the affection of touch, caress and holding makes the relationship even better, but does it really? Surely, sharing both would be the ultimate. But would you trade a passionate loving meeting of the minds just for instant sex?
Now that I’ve got that all confused, let’s back up a little. How often in life have you actually had a true loving and passionate relationship of the mind? How long did it last?
Sometimes we build strong physical relationships and we call them successful loving relationships. These can be comfortable and often lasting. But, later there comes a longing for something missing . . . something we just cannot define exactly.
Other times there comes a true loving and passionate mind relationship without the opportunity to touch at the time. I would accept that, whether it lasted an evening, a day, a week, a month, or long term. That’s because she would have won my mind and my heart would follow right along without question. So would the whole of my body, were the proper opportunity to arise.
To me, that would be a relationship of the highest order. Could that, then, also be classed as a successful relationship?
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/29/2006 1:19:12 AM | Yes I do. I say it myself all the time. Ive had quite a few. They broke up amicably enough, ie little sad and nostalgia but in agreeance that we just outgrew each other [ most cases] There were nice people, we had great times, sad times, passionate times, boring times, fun times, I learned something about myself in each one and I learnt something about them and I try to take a little bit away to hopefully improve the next relationship. That and the fact I can still call them friend without baggage or inappropriate agenda, makes me classify the time with them as a successful relationship that just ran its course.
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/29/2006 1:21:22 AM |
Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
This is a question of perspective. Some people choose to see their past relationships as successful.
It's the same sentiment as the statement "things work out for the best." Well, they only do work out for the best if you choose for your situation to work out for the best. That's perspective--hope, grace, patience and faith. Everyone has these traits, but it's sometimes difficult for a time to find these characteristics after a relationship ends. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/29/2006 1:39:53 AM | I usually don't like sitting on the fence, so excuse me for a sec while I pull the splinters out of my ass ...... *OUCH!* .... but ....
Yes AND no.
No -- because, if you're talking of a marriage, obviously you went into it with the plan of sticking it out through rough times, and to grow deeper as the years rolled on.
Yes -- because it's tested your character, given you a deeper sense of meaning and soulful union, and given you experiences, in love and communion, that'll more than likely help you in future relationships.
At least that's how I see my former marriage and other significant pairings. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/29/2006 1:45:03 AM | Absolutely it is perspective. I agree sometimes it takes awhile to sort out what the purpose of the exercise was when we are wounded and disappointed. Sure, when we enter into a relationship with the idea of sharing our future and build a life and share dreams it can be difficult to accept that it has come to an end. Especially when we may not have been the one that decided it was over.
All that is true and I understand how sometimes people take that experience and call it a failure. The truth is that everyone learns something from their experience, no matter how minute or how deep they have to dig to find it. We learn about ourselves and how we handle heartache. We learn about our expectations. We learn how we relate.........and we sometimes find things about ourselves that we choose to change or modify or develop. It might be, regardless of our intent, that the sole purpose of that relationship was so we could learn those very things. So......that relationship is a success. Or it served it's purpose.
So, if the wounds are fresh, or the scars are so thick that you don't think a knife could cut through them again, no matter where someone is in the process, look for the pearl that you can hold on to....even if it is merely the fact that you didn't commit a homicide......(LOL) and carry on. There is always something else down the road......if not......there are the forums on POF.....just so long as we remember that the relationship didn't fail.....it just didn't last. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/29/2006 1:55:24 AM |
No -- because, if you're talking of a marriage, obviously you went into it with the plan of sticking it out through rough times, and to grow deeper as the years rolled on.
I view my defunct marriage as both a Yes and a No as far as this question. I see what you're saying as well as I see the OP's.
There are people, however, who will not see the positive in their past relationships no matter what. These people exist. So--OP--yes, people should find the good (in a could'a, should'a, would'a kind of way that's annoying yet I subcribe to), but not everyone does. And even if they don't find the good, maybe it's just as well that they can recognize the bad--and avoid it. Avoidance itself can be thought of in positive terms. At least these people won't make the same mistakes.
I subscribe to your Dr. Feelgood mentality most of the time concerning ended relationships, but not everyone does. Just because a person doesn't view them in a positive light, however, doesn't mean he or she is wrong.
It's just perspective. Is there a wrong perspective concerning dead relationships as long as you don't apply them to all future relationships? No, not in my opinion. As long as you learn something, then fine. Now you could say that learning something is always positive (as I alluded to earlier), but there are some things people are better off not learning.
The candle does not need to burn your hand in order to learn. But if it does, learn anyway. Education is not always positive. But you can always rationalize that it is. And rationalization can be positive or negative, depending on the motivation. Ain't perspective a b*tch? | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/29/2006 4:44:38 AM | | Just because a relationship doesn't last doesn't mean it's a failure. During the relationship you build precious memories, share lifetime experiences and hopefully grow and become a better people. I know my marriage made me a better person even though it did not last and I know for sure the last relationship I had made me an even better person and made me believe in love again. I think too many people walk away from their relationships with bitter feelings and focus on everything that went wrong instead of remember what was good and using that good to build more positive relationships going forward. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/29/2006 4:50:13 AM | | As you go thru life you have different wants, needs and desires and sometimes you meet a partner that is right for that particular time but as you change (as we all do) that person may no longer be right for you. Sometimes they evolve with you and you can stay together but most times they evolve and want something different just as the same happens with you. | |
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