| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 10/29/2006 1:36:39 AM | | High I am in the process of adopting a child with alcohol fetal sydrome, i have many concerns and am wondering if anyone else is dealing with this terrible disease. He has no fear and I have yet to find a punishment that gets to him, yet I love him dearly. He has been with me since he was two and is about to turn 5. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance for any advice. | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 10/29/2006 6:07:35 AM | | chritianmom... i believe what you're doing is one of the most selfless things a person could do for another human being. with that said... it sounds like you may consider giving the child back but i could be mistaken and hope i am. in any case... this child only knows you as his mommy so you now have a moral obligation to raise him the best you can. not knowing much about the long term affects of alcohol fetal syndrome, i can only say that you should raise him as you would any other child. most 5 year olds have no fear when it comes to certain things... without knowing more about what goes on in your home, i surely can't help you. | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 10/29/2006 6:46:50 AM | Christianmom~ You have had your (son) since he was two so you are already aware of the many effects of FAS. Your son may have mild to severe learning disabilities which will be life long...Do you already have a support group that you attend regularly? If not, you need to find one. Raising children is hard enough and when you add any disability, this compounds the pressure greatly. Do your homework and learn all you can about FAS. Good luck to you...You're AWESOME!!!! | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 10/29/2006 8:03:31 AM | I do not know your child in particular, but I do know of some generic strategies (NOT SOLUTIONS) to help children who have Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.
1. Always maintain a daily routine.
2. Consequences and rewards should be immediate, certain, predictable and unchanging.
3. Set routine for meals. Some children may not recognize normal body cues, therefor it may be up to you to set their meal patterns.
4. Ensure your child is supervised at all times, and not given much in way of "free time".
5. Use non-intrusive cues with your child, and as need be, increase cues until desired behaviour is reached, then lower your cues again. TRY TO BE LESS INTRUSIVE.
6. Don't generalize strengths (if your child succeeds at something at home doesn't necessarily mean they will succeed at the same thing in another environment).
7. Watch for chronic eye and ear infections as your child may not feel pain the same way we do.
8. Emotionally reward work.
9. If you feel you have to use time outs, ensure they are short periods of time, and in the same place every time. CONSISTANCY.
10. Don't get sucked into their tantrums, remember you are the adult - recognize the signs of the problem before the tantrum begins. Your child may also not know HOW to stop their own tantrums. Provide support by saying "Open your eyes", "Close your mouth".
11. Don't debate, negotiate or try to explain the rules, etc. Just set them, and expect they be met every time. CONSISTANTLY.
12. Limit their choices, and allow them extra time to make important decisions.
13. Always look the child in the eye, and exaggerate facial and body language. Use as many visual (remember non-intrusive) cues as possible.
14. When explaining people or things, be very specific. Don't use words like "them" or "they".
15. Use the same words every time you have to explain the same thing.
16. Don't interrupt chiuldren when they speak. Use as many open-ended questions as possible. This gives them a chance to practice their language skills.
17. Some children don't understand joking, kidding, or teasing. Be careful to explain when you are just joking with them.
18. Teach time by association.
19. If you are going to use a timer, use one of the sand timers. It makes it easier for the child to see how much time has passed, or how much time is left.
20. Remember, ownership may be an abstract concept for children with FASD. You may have to mark belongings to each person in the house with colours or symbols. It is actually easier to teach a child what IS his, not what is not his. If you do catch them stealing, don't ask them "WHY"; as how or where the item came from.
21. Only allow the child one toy or item at a time, and then insist it be put away before they get another one.
22. Make them a COMFORT CORNER.
23. Children with FASD need the least amount of distractions in ALL of their environments as possible. Less is more. Keep pictures on the walls to a minimum, use neutral colors (or allow them to pick the color). Cover windows. Allow for the least distractions as possible. Keep the furniture, etc in the same place. Provide them with a Thinking Chair. Additionally, keep all their clothes solid colors as well. No patterns.
24. Oral stimulations may help some children relax. Pretzels, Jello, Gum, etc.
25. LAUGH EVERY DAY. MAINTAIN A POSITIVE ATTITUDE ALWAYS. For yourself, and them.
I think I've typed enough. Now I need a nap lololol. | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 10/29/2006 8:36:33 PM | | Thank you all for your advice on this subject and am in the process of adopting him so I will never give up on him. The support group is a great thought never really thought of that and creehazy wow things that I never thought of. I really do appreciate it and I am coping and pasting so that I can try these things. YOu really know what you are talking about. Again thank you all and I will keep you posted on progress. | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 10/30/2006 4:12:43 AM | oh wow....i read a great book while in college on this subject, they even made a tv movie about it....starring jimmy smits
the book is a biography about a Native American male who was allowed to adopt a child with FAS....it is his trials and tribulations of the adoption and his son....he was actually the first single male to ever be allowed to adopt a child in the US. I am sorry i cannot remember the name of the book, but it might be a nice book for you to check into...for a more personal look at raising a child like this...i know he had many problems...his son's problems were very severe...
good luck | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 10/30/2006 4:20:02 AM | Belly Dancer,
If you happen to remeber please let me knw what it is, until then I will look for it. Thank You! | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 10/30/2006 4:26:37 AM | | Goodluck and I admire your courage. Depending on the severity, try speech and occupational therapists maybe they can help your child to better communicate their true feelings. Ask your Dr. and see what she has to say. | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 1/20/2007 10:56:52 PM | | OP I am unable to message u do to your restrictions so hope that you see my reply. The name of the book that belly dancer is referring to is called "Fantastic Antone Succeeds" and the book after that is "Fantastic Antone Grows Up". In my opinion a must read is called "Damaged Angels" written by Bonnie Buxton. I have two adopted siblings with FASD and work with adults that have FASD so have resources and links coming out the ying yang. Feel free to email me and I will try the best I can to point you in some helpful directions. There are also many many e-support groups, a quick google search with find them and most are hosted via yahoogroups or topica. Your states adoption department may also be able to and should have already given you resources and support and there may be some post adoption assistance programs that you can access in order to pay for therapies such as an occupational therapist. Also if you google the name Theresa Kellerman with the keywords FASD you will find her website which is EXTREMELY good. Good luck to you and your son. | |
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amy+2
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Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 10 | |
| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 1/21/2007 6:33:28 AM | ChristianMom;
I spent 2 of my college years dating a man that was born with FAS.
He managed to graduate from a difficult program with advanced maths involved, but he did have to struggle and work harder than the other students.
He had memory problems. Two step instructions were difficult for him. I learned quickly if i was to ask him a favour that it needed to be limited to one instruction at a time. If I asked him to get something and then do something with that, he would come back and ask what it was he had to do with it.
The other issue he had was with drinking. He grew up with his mother, an alcoholic who went on to have 2 more children with FAS. He took to drinking and drugs at an early age. With just one or two drinks he would black out. Every time he drank he blacked out. It is my belief that this is a direct result of his FAS, although I am certainly no expert and I have no data to back up my observations of one sufferer.
I wish you and your child love and light. Good luck in your lives.
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 1/21/2007 8:27:18 AM | OP are you adopting through the county/state or a private agency? I work for a private children's home and we have many resources available for our parents who adopt medically fragile/special needs children. You may consider inquiring with your caseworker as to whats available. One would think that support and information would be automatically provided, but thats not always true.
Kudos to you for accepting and loving this little one despite the challenges that may be involved!! | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 4/6/2007 3:23:46 PM | | hello, everyone. i have a daughter that has FASD. at the time when i was pregant i never knew i was. i still got my monthy and everything. when i found out i really was shocked. i cried for days. i was thinking of all the drinking i did and what about the baby. after i found out i stopped drinking. just this past year im going to alot of support groups and learning more about it. on some days she can be so out of control that i don't know what to do, and the other days she can be good. also i am a single parent doing this. its really hard because a lot of pepole don't know about it or they dont want to. the most problem i have with her is meeting new friends at school. if anyone has any other suggestions please let me know. the more i know about this the better i feel. anywas thats all. cya. | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 6/3/2007 12:06:01 AM | | Hi Nessa, good for you that you are out there finding the supports you need. How old is your daughter and are you eligible for any respite services etc? If you google the name Teresa Kellerman and the keyword FASD you will come across one of the most informative sites out there, there are also several online support groups which can be super helpful in the day in and day out stuff. If her ability to make new friends is because of lack of social skills ask the special needs teacher about using social stories with her. Carol Gray has a couple of great books out with pre-made social stories but they are also very easy to make yourself and offer both visual and verbal prompts to help teach about social situations as well as any other things you wish to teach. Hope some of this helps. | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 6/3/2007 8:52:00 AM | Thank-you fairyeyez for giving me more information on FASD. My daghter is 5yrs old and still getting assessted in school to see if she is ready for grade one. I do get help from some of the agencies here in the city. I am scared though if my daughter does go to grade one, i hope that she doesnt get too overwelmed with all the work she has to do. I am really thinking on what i should do with her, leave her in kindergarten or put her in grade one. There is so much do look into what she does in her school work too. She also has a adie with her in the classroom and if wasnt for her my daughter would be struggling through the school year. If there is anymore information please let me know. Thank-you again. Nessa | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 6/3/2007 8:24:44 PM | | I dont mean to sound rude and i applaud you for taking on such a huge responsibility... you say he is 5 and u have had him since he was 2, thats 3 years ... because this is an adoption process have they not givin you the necessary education on a child was FASD? and why have you waited so long to seek advice... something just doesnt sound right here | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 6/4/2007 7:24:11 PM | | Nessa, most of the time I believe they don't hold children back. You are lucky (very lucky) that your daughter has an aide and a good one at that. Keep on advocating for continuance of this and also ensure that any new aides that support her are educated on supporting students with FASD. School will be an overwhelming experience as will life in general for both of you. It is important that the teachers have reasonable expectations of her. They should expect HER best not neccessarily what all the other students best is. Does she have an IEP? If not then it might be a good idea and as a parent you have a right to read it and if you don't agree with what is in it then insist on changes. FASD'ers tend to have very splintered skills that fall all over the map and almost always their verbal skills are very good so people assume they know more than they actually do. The other thing that you may or may not see is skills obtained and then lost. IE. when learning to read she may know some of the words one day and then not the next and then it might come back. If you want to PM me feel free and I can give you links that I have found good. A must read also is a book called "Damaged Angels" by Bonnie Buxton. Hugs to ya. | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 6/4/2007 7:59:17 PM | I work with many children that have FASD, they can be challenging yet really rewarding children to have in your life.
There are support groups, strategies, experts and professionals that make it their life works to assist foster parents/caregivers/parents etc in raising their child with FASD.
Not that you don't already know but:
-Children with FASD can have a difficult time making connections between right and wrong, the consequence thing just doesn't connect sometimes. The idea that what they are doing has effect on those around them isn't something that always natural with these children.
-A lot of kids with FAS don't do well with abstract thought. They are concrete thinkers, take you for 100% of what you say. For example a young person with FAS was in the back yard and overheard their father yelling about the ditch he was trying to dig; "this would be f*&^king easier if I had a freakin' sledgehammer!" The next day the mother spots this young man in the back yard attempting to dig with his father's sledge hammer.
-The idea of right and wrong isn't something that comes naturally or through observation/modeling for a lot of these kids. You really need to sit down and do social stories, social skills etc with them.
Keep in mind that these are just some of the aspects of children with FAS, there are varying degrees and vast differences for every child.
Good luck to you, you are a very brave and strong women and that little one is lucky to have you! Please remember though that there is no weakness in asking or seeking out for help. Early intervention, therapy, working with specialist can benefit your child greatly. On top of his FAS there may also be emotional/abandonment issues that he may be dealing with or will deal with throughout his life.
This is a challenging road that you have chosen to walk down, I wish you the best of luck and send loads of compassionate, loving, accepting energy your way! | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 6/5/2007 2:17:44 PM | raising kids with FAS,FAE and FASD can be a challenge . i recently adopted my 2 step daughters after my ex and i split ( thier mother passed away when the were quite young she was an alcoholic and a heroin user ) and both girls have thier own special challenges they go through .the oldest is 12 (but mentally about 7) she has no short term memory .,speach problems and she is extremely insecure ( she is aware that she is different and jelouse because she isnt like everyone else her age or able to have the responsibilities and freedoms that her 13 yr old step sister gets )but she is also sweet ,caring , helpfull and considerate she loves horses and talks a mile a minit . you couldnt ask for a more pleasent little girl .
her sister on the other hand is her polar opposite at at 10 yrs old she has enough anger in her to last a lifetime she is extremely sharp minded but her social development is lacking .he views the world as if everyone is out to get her and there are constant problems with her bullying her siblings most of the time she does not realise she is behaving this way she dosent understand why she is angry all the time she has very few friends . but shes not a bad kid dont get me wrong i wouldnt trade her for the world . shes cute as a button and when she does smile its contageouse no matter how upset you are you cant help but smile . if you contact your local school, public health nurse , healthcare facilityor mental health center . they can direct you to variouse programs and support groups to help you along the way . dont limit yourself to one option explore as many venues as you can . if you cant find a support group in your area try starting one of your own . anger management has help out my little one but it is a program that must be ongoing with her . make sure you talk with the local school before you register your little one for kindergarten , find out if they have any programs that may help or if the teachers have any kind of special training to cope with the extra challenges your lil one will face . most of all what these kids need is a lot of love and TONNES of patience. best of luck to you hope this helps  | |
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| Children with Alcohol Fetal Sydrome
Posted: 6/7/2007 2:18:54 PM | I looked up online for some resources and there is a book called "Living with FASD: A Guide for Parents" by Sara Graefe. You might want to check this book out, it might give you some insite. You might also contact an organization that specializes in research for FASD and see if they have some resources for you.
God will bless you for being so self-less. | |
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