| Old jokes that never die ...
Posted: 10/30/2006 2:53:46 PM | | ...or even fade away. What jokes can you think of that are old, bad...and never go away? One I heard today was in the can at work " So this is the place where all the d i c k s hang out..."...Terrible! or...."You'd be a good looking guy..........if it wasn't for your face" is another that never dissappears. What stinkers do you know of...that never seem to rot away? | |
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Avow
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Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 2 | |
| Old jokes that never die ...
Posted: 10/30/2006 3:07:03 PM | "Brrr!"
This guy walks into a pub with a gremlin sitting on his shoulder. He sits at the bar and orders a pint and a half of lager.
The gremlin downs his half-pint, runs long the bar, dips his head in a blokes beer and goes, "Brrr!".
The guy orders another pint and a half. The gremlin repeats the performance. The bloke grabs the gremlin by the neck, shakes him up a bit, and says, "Listen, if you ever do that again I'll cut yer balls off!"
The gremlin says, "Ain't got none!" "Well, I'll cut off yer prick!" "Ain't got one of them, neither." says the gremlin.
"Well, how do ya pee?"
The gremlin smiled and said, "Brrr!" | |
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| Old jokes that never die ...
Posted: 10/30/2006 4:27:40 PM | | When using the word "alert" ....."Thats what the world needs more of...lerts" Or at least my Dad wont let that one die.....*sigh* | |
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| Old jokes that never die ...
Posted: 10/30/2006 7:48:30 PM | I emailed this to my daughters last week....
There are fifteen people on a bus..
Four get on at one stop, eight get off.
Next stop, three get one, but one decides it is the wrong bus and gets off.
Take the total number of people now on the bus...
Multiply this number by your age and divide by three....
Your answer should be.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.you are a nerd.. get back to work.
They actually tried to figure this one out.
^^BG^^ | |
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| Old jokes that never die ...
Posted: 10/30/2006 8:12:25 PM | Callin ppl cry babys................BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......I guess thats only a joke that I get and it will never get old for me. I love watchin my stupid ex get all worked up when I call him that.......VERY FUNNY  | |
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| Old jokes that never die ...
Posted: 10/30/2006 8:15:13 PM | | A bear (fancy that) and a rabbit are taking a crap in the woods. Bear says to the rabbit "Hey, fella...you got trouble with sh!t stickin' to yer fur?" Rabbit says "Why no I don't...I seem to be quite lucky in that department." So the bear wiped his a$$ with the rabbit. | |
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| Old jokes that never die ...
Posted: 10/30/2006 9:50:36 PM | my mom says "tagers " instead of 'tigers" I think it is an easter thing...that and
real a tor instead of relator and fin ances instead of fiiinances...?
ok none of that made sense  | |
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| Old jokes that never die ...
Posted: 10/31/2006 5:18:54 AM | Yeah, you are a nerd. However, if you dusted off your slide rule, then you are a geek.
LOL
^^BG^^ | |
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| potentially and realistically
Posted: 11/21/2006 10:14:30 AM | Little Johnny went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So little Johnny went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"
He then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?"
Little Johnny then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"
He pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"
Little Johnny replied, "Yes. Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two hookers and a gay." | |
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| potentially and realistically
Posted: 11/21/2006 12:01:52 PM | Newfie 911
A couple newfies are out hunting one day, when one grabs his chest and falls to the ground, hes not breathing, and his friend starts to freak out, but pulls out the cell phone and calls 911
"What is your emergency"
Lord Tundering i think Jimmy is dead, what should i do?
"Ok calm down sir, first of lets make sure he's dead"
Theres a big ackward moment of silence, then a single rifle shot is heard!
The man comes back on the line and say's "OK, now what?" | |
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| potentially and realistically
Posted: 11/21/2006 12:39:59 PM | What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, one of the muffins says
"Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!!!"
omg i know 3 clean jokes LOL.....
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Tiny72
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Joined: 11/14/2006
Msg: 21 | |
| Old jokes that never die ...
Posted: 11/30/2006 12:17:10 PM | Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
**********
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I 've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
W hen we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
W e have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I 'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
C ongratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay | |
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| Old jokes that never die ...
Posted: 11/30/2006 3:20:27 PM | Why did the Snowman have a smile on his face?
He heard the Snow Blower was coming down the street!!!
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| Old jokes that never die ...
Posted: 1/17/2007 10:13:54 AM | Cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab and notices the very
handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is
staring. He replies,"I have a question to ask, but I don't want to
offend you."
She answers "my son, you cannot offend me, when you're as
old as I am and been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see
and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me".
She responds," well let's see what we can do about that, #1 you have to
be single and #2 you have to be catholic". The cab driver is very excited
and says yes I'm single and catholic.
"OK" the nun says, pull into the next alley". The nun
fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But
when they get back on the road the cab driver starts crying.
"My child", said the nun, "why are you crying".
"Forgive me but I've sinned, I lied and I must confess, I'm married and
I'm Jewish".
The nun says,"that's OK....my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween
party. | |
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| Old jokes that never die ...
Posted: 1/17/2007 10:52:17 AM | A drunk stumbles out of a bar, straight into a nun. He let's out a blood curdling shriek, and proceeds to beat and kick the nun in a most horrible way. Three bystanders eventually pull him off the good sister, screaming "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
The drunk finally gets disentangled and spits on the poor nun, " Not so tough now, are ya, Batman?" | |
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| Old jokes that never die ...
Posted: 1/17/2007 11:44:41 AM | A man has a stuttering problem, and the bar tender tells him that he once had the same problem. He tells the patron, in a very steady, un-stuttering voice that he cured it by getting his wife to give him a great blow-job. He suggests the same for the patron....the patron retuns a few days later, still stuttering like crazy, the bar tender asks him if he did what he had suggested.....stuttering the patron tell him yyyyyessss.....you have a vvvvery nnnniiice house"
Maybe not an oldie...but still good. | |
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