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| | Dating men who have never been marriedPage 1 of 23 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23) | I recently took a chance and went out with a man who was 39 and never been married. He also had never had any children. This was against my "morals" so to speak because of the old "forte" I was brought up with that men over 35 who have never been married are extremely selfish. This guy's reason was that he just hadnt met the right "one". He claimed he loved children as well. Needless to say, he was very selfish , and did not know how to relate to my daughter(shes 13), altho she did her best to make him feel comfortable and include him in alot of her daily activities (basketball, games, etc). He eventually told me that I needed to choose between him and my daughter....thus the "forte" I had heard was proven true...that he was selfish.
What are yalls thoughts on dating someone who has never been married? | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 8:48:41 AM | It's only one guy. He doesn't speak for all of them, not to mention being married and then divorced seems far more of a red flag, than someone who remained single and didn't marry when he knew better.
The logic seems more reasonable and more likely to ring true. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 8:55:38 AM | I have never been married or had kids, and it's because I know it's just not for me, but I wouldn't call it selfish. That man might have been, but I am sure his status wasn't the indicator - I think it was just that his personality wasn't the best.
Some want all that but just haven't had the right relationships, some wait longer due to a demanding career, and both men AND women do this. I would say chalk this guy up to a bad experience and give it another chance if you meet another man with the same status. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:05:52 AM | 1st of all: Thank~you very much for considering me to be extremely selfish. As I'm over 35 and never been married.
Shit, it's nice to know that a woman wouldn't date me, because my never being divorced or never fathering a bunch of bastard kids is against her "morals".
I would, selfishly like to think that my never being married, or have had children yet, may offer some possitive signs to a lady.
I never intended to marry, or father children, until I've hopefully found the right person. I don't know if you can easilly say that about the guy who's been divorced 3 times, and has children with 5 different mothers.
I'd also like to say that I've never settled for a woman. I'd hope that this would imply to a woman that if I'm interested in a serious relationship with her, she should consider it a sincere compliment to herself, and know that I really think highly of her.
Perhaps some single people my age are selfish. Others may not be. Maybe, rather than generalising an entire group of people, you should realise that everyone is different and you'll have to get to know a person.
I see this thread as another example of a person who's made their own bad choice, (allowing a person into her life, and then learning that he's selfish) and as a result, generalising an entire group (all unmarried men over 35 must be selfish.) | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:08:13 AM | I gotta admit, this is a new one. I’ve heard of folks not wanting to date someone who has been married before or has kids, but I have never heard of anyone who won’t date someone who hasn’t been married or have kids. I understand the logic f the former (‘cause I’m one of them), but to assume there’s something wrong with a guy because he doesn’t have a past seems a little closed-minded. It just add to this burden that society puts on people to get married and start a family. Not wanting one doesn’t make a guy selfish: he just wants different things out of life. Perhaps it’s different in your case because you do have kids and therefore need someone who is comfortable with children.
Failed marriages and children born out of wedlock are mistakes. They might be happy mistakes, but they’re definitely decisions that didn’t pan out they way you hoped. To automatically discount a guy because he didn’t make mistakes when he was younger probably isn’t the right way to go. Just because someone was smart enough to use a condom or patient enough not to marry the wrong girl doesn’t mean he’s selfish.
--siknerd-- | |
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ruth78
| | Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 6 | |
| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:20:24 AM | i would rather date someone who's never been married. yes you could question why he's never been married, but then again isn't that better than dating a man who's been married several times? because it's then that i'd start wondering why he's been divorced so many times.
i don't mind if a man's been married once and things didn't work out, it happens, but too many more times and i'd be wondering why!
so i'll definately prefer to stick to the men who have never been married.
i suppose then, if you start deciding on who you'd date and who you wouldn't date, aren't we then prejudging people just because they've been married or haven't been married?
we don't choose who we fall in love with and if i happened to fall for someone who'd been married 3 times, i wouldn't end it right away, maybe i would ask questions, and yes i'd prefer to date someone who's never been married, but we don't always get what we'd prefer to have. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:27:29 AM | Frankly,... if you think long enough you can claim ANYONE is selfish,... "she got pregnant when she was '-age-' because she "WANTED" to have a child. He got married 'cause he needed a heir to the throne. SIK got it right,... we are all individuals regardless to our age, gender and status. It may be human nature to pigeon-hole people and make generalisations.
Simply put,... find a process of deciding who you will date, and go with it. Just remember that it is your future that you're dealing with and make sure that you can live with your own 'mistakes'. It is seldom that you can reverse a mistake so be carefull that you are not too extreme with this process. IE: Don't we all have a few regrets? | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:29:06 AM | | I have to admit that when I see a profile of a guy that is 40 + and he states he's never been married and has no children I kinda wonder. While I do wonder I make no snap judgements until I get to know they guy. Just because he's never been married or has no children doesn't mean he hasn't been in any long-term relationships. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:29:22 AM | I stayed single till 2000, at that time i was 42, met a girl on the internet, we got on great, things moved on she had children, i could never be the replacement father, but was a great uncle.
we married in 2004, then one year later, her mother died, and she told me the bombshell, she was gay, been gay through her 1st marriage, and had children just to hide it from her parents.
Being scottish, its still very hard to come out.
I didnt even know, but she still married me, why i've still not got a clue, i've given her my blessing, moved on with my life.
So the message is..../ staying single amd waiting, is just as difficult, as getting hitched younger.
I'm quite open minded, and can move on.
So we should all move on and not seek perfection, as perfection only exists in ur mind.
Bryan the giant. xx   : | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:30:20 AM | [I see this thread as another example of a person who's made their own bad choice, (allowing a person into her life, and then learning that he's selfish) and as a result, generalising an entire group (all unmarried men over 35 must be selfish]
Somewhere....I never said that I was basing dating someone who has never been married on this one man...actually I have dated several men who have never been married, this one was the icing on the cake. I know most men(and women) who have not been married are usually that way because of choices made in their life, whether it be yours (which is a good one) or a career, whatever. I was just curious as to what some of the others on this site felt about dating men who have never been married....
You also have to take into consideration [I would, selfishly like to think that my never being married, or have had children yet, may offer some possitive signs to a lady.
I never intended to marry, or father children, until I've hopefully found the right person.]
that some of us single moms CANNOT have anymore children, so therefore when dating someone who has not been married nor has any children, already theres that cliche' or "fear" of rejection since we cannot give YOU the children you want.... | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:31:03 AM | I think there is some kind of stereotype for men and women, but especially men over the age of 35. I heard someone say a guy that works in our office is gay. I said, "how do you know?" She said, "because he is over 35 and he's not married." So you can't win, you are either selfish or gay!
So what's that say about me??? I'm nearing 35, never been married and never had kids. Because I chose to get an education and not open my legs for every Tom****and Harry, I might be stereotyped into being selfish or gay! If by choosing to build my career and make a comfortable life for myself is selfish, then I'm selfish.  | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:36:11 AM | | There are a lot of men who wait until their 30s or 40s to marry for the first time in this day and age. I find this refreshing that they don't jump into marriage early. Nothing wrong with being single into your 40s, JMO | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:48:11 AM | Just because someone doesn't give you what you want, doesn't make them selfish.
Although, the guys attitude ( who you reference ) could definitely use some adjustment.
Personally, I would never presume to step between someone and their own kids.
But never being married after the age of 35 could be a sign of good taste rather than immaturity.
You have to take people as they come and judge from there.
There are really very few tell tale signs which apply across the board. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:52:30 AM | 1st of all: Thank~you very much for considering me to be extremely selfish. As I'm over 35 and never been married.
Shit, it's nice to know that a woman wouldn't date me, because my never being divorced or never fathering a bunch of **stard kids is against her "morals".
I would, selfishly like to think that my never being married, or have had children yet, may offer some possitive signs to a lady.
I never intended to marry, or father children, until I've hopefully found the right person. I don't know if you can easilly say that about the guy who's been divorced 3 times, and has children with 5 different mothers.
I'd also like to say that I've never settled for a woman. I'd hope that this would imply to a woman that if I'm interested in a serious relationship with her, she should consider it a sincere compliment to herself, and know that I really think highly of her.
Perhaps some single people my age are selfish. Others may not be. Maybe, rather than generalising an entire group of people, you should realise that everyone is different and you'll have to get to know a person.
I see this thread as another example of a person who's made their own bad choice, (allowing a person into her life, and then learning that he's selfish) and as a result, generalising an entire group (all unmarried men over 35 must be selfish.)
I can't exactly relate, because I am only 21, but I completely agree! Couldn't have said it better | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:07:19 AM | Once again, yall need to read more clearly...yes I made a mistake on this guy, but NO i dont judge other men by him...I was just curious as to what others thot....and Pratt, read up...I replied earlier on that I dont generalise all unmarried men as being selfish...you need to grow up hun! | |
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ya472
| | Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 16 | |
| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:07:38 AM | I am not dateable, according to a couple of women, because I am TOO HANDSOME and therefore prone to cheat !
And not because it is my choice, but women who are attracted to me, would 'force me' to cheat.
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:17:02 AM | | Hmmm....well, I suppose everyone has their reasons for not marrying or having kids. This guy's only 39, so he's relatively young, at least from where I'm looking. Now, guys my age who've never been married I kinda wonder about because most people my age have been married at least one time. Not making any sweeping generalizations here, cause I realize maybe the right one hasn't come along, they were busy with a career, whatever. I suppose if they've had several long-term relationships, there's likely nothing to worry about. But since my kids are grown, I doubt I'd discount even a guy my age who'd never been married. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:19:06 AM | At my age ... it's not necessarily about a man who has never been married or even fathered a child ...
I'm discovering that a lot of men my age have been alone for a while now ... and while I don't think I can say they are "selfish", they do seem to be pretty set in their ways. I suppose to some that could be classified as "selfish" though.
They have specific schedules they follow and it is very routine ... almost carved in stone. They appear to really want a woman in their life but just can't seem to let that routine go enough to make time or room for a woman ... occasionally yes, but not for a true full-time relationship. They appear to be able to commit to a woman, but only to a certain extent ...
For example:
*there will never be any hanging space in their closet for any of her clothes ...
*no small space in the bathroom for her deoderant and "what nots" ...
*no shelf space in the living room for even a couple of her nick-nacks ...
*no available floor space next to the couch for her cute little sewing basket with the unfinished cross stitch that can be done while comfortably sharing time watching a movie ...
*no space in the kitchen cabinets for her favorite cooking pot or favorite pancake turner ...
In a way, it's really kind of sad because these men really want female companionship ... and we ladies really want their companionship as well.
It's just so hard to let people in sometimes.
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:29:11 AM | | I have to agree with the OP here... I have found that dating men who have never been married (especially if they are 35 or older) are not a good bet for relationships... ( barring any extreme circumstances)... it shows me that they are not committment material... at the very least not marriagable... I do not date men any longer who have never been married. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:33:14 AM | I am divorced with an 8 year old daughter. I have dated men who have no children and never married......My thought is, I have nothing in common with men who have not walked in my shoes and can understand my values as a mother and ex-wife.
Don't get me wrong, I will date a man who has not been married before, but he will not consider him for a longterm relationship. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:40:21 AM |
I recently took a chance and went out with a man who was 39 and never been married. He also had never had any children.
This was against my "morals" so to speak because of the old "forte" I was brought up with that men over 35 who have never been married are extremely selfish.
First point: what exactly does not being married or having kids and being 35 + have to do with morals? I would think, if anything, that not having kids or being married until you are sure you are with the right person is an indication of strength of character. Silly me.
Secondly, in the words of Inigo Montoya: ”You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Forte - a strong point, as of a person; that in which one excels.
Geesh, if you are going to generalize a gender because of bad dating choices that you have made at LEAST get the words right! Perhaps you meant that men who are 35+, never married and have no kids: “have a forte for not making bad decisions that will affect the rest of their lives”.
I just recently attended the wedding of two of my best friends. They are both 35 +, no kids, never married. They have both had long-term relationships in the past. They waited to get married until they were sure that they were with someone they could spend the rest of their lives with. That, to me, indicates good judgment.
My mister is 41, never married and hasn’t had kids. He simply never met the women he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and didn’t want to bring children into the world outside of marriage. That makes him a grown-up. Sometimes it takes a person a long time to find that person. Why is that so inconceivable? I can also tell you from personal experience that there isn't a selfish bone in that mans body. It's been my experience with the other men I've dated that are 35+, unmarried and childless that they've been really awesome, loving, unselfish men. They just didn't want those things until they were absolutely sure. They also treated my daughter well; I'd never have dated anyone who wouldn't.
Methinks that perhaps the OP might be the person who needs to “grow up”. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:48:58 AM | Selfish is......... hogging a whole plate of brownies
What OP is doing is stereotyping.
The only that seperates a person who has been married from a person who hasn't is the experiences. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:50:39 AM | You let one bad apple spoil the whole barrel! I am 53 and if you think I am selfish you couldn't be more wrong! I am here in calif and I live in arizona all because I have a friend that need help with her 11 year old daughter. She needed a mans influence around and someone to do things with her.I went to the father-daughter dance just last night and I am having the time of my life. Check back after Christmas and see what kind of christmas she has!!! Nothing is more imoprtant to me than this girls well being and state of mind!!
Tanfastyic! | |
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