iein
| | Joined: 4/17/2006
Msg: 1 | |
| | meeting the kids way to soon!Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | | I just want to know what you all think about someone you meet on line and you meet their kids the very first time you meet them. Think women with kids just want to meet a guy to help them with their kids, or are they really looken for someone true? | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/4/2006 6:23:11 PM | i find most of the women i've dated that have kids are only interested in whats best for
thier children.
it's a natural instinct to put the kids first.
so no most women with children that let you into there lives have put alot of thought
into letting you in.
so if she lets you in take it as a compliment, to your character as a man.
there are women that just wanna see how many trips they can get you to make through
the drive through and such but not a decent responsible one. | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/4/2006 6:48:24 PM | Ok. Whomever lets the man, or woman meet their kids on their first date is just insane... thats just disrespectful to your children to see a revolving door of men or women.
On the other hand, being a single mom, its very difficult to schedule dates due to visitation schedules with the other parent, so the other party has to be understanding and willing to be flexible with time or date restrictions...
I can only speak for myself and say, of course Im looking for someone true- but Id never EVER have a guy meet my son on the first date... or even second or third for that matter.
Some people just need common sense when it comes to the lives of their children. | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/4/2006 6:49:33 PM | | I would never let someone meet my daughter before I have met them. Thats sounds alittle irresponsible. I know that I am not looking for someone to take care of my daughter. But she is part of the package and I want someone to respect her as a child and know they will be playing a huge role in her life. They will be the main father figure as I have custody. I would love someone who will treat her as their own. I know I could treat someone elses kids as mine. | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/4/2006 7:08:15 PM | I think most single parents are going to do what's best for their kids first. If they don't, they're not being very good parents. That being said, none of the single mothers I've dated or known are looking for a nanny. They're looking for a partner. Sometimes being that partner is going to entail helping with their kids. Especially if she is the sole caregiver of the kids, you're going to eventually get the same duties that any husband would have for his or his wife's kids. If they have a dad that is in their lives, you will probably have a less of a responsibility with them, but you'll still have to be some amount of a father figure, even if you're not THE father figure.
My advice is, if you don't want to have anything to do with children, don't get involved with a single parent. They come as part of the deal. | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/4/2006 8:11:17 PM | | Well,it's like this...maybe she doesnt know anyone to just "dump" her kids with while she goes and meets someone. I can relate because I am not going to bring my kids 40miles to my mom's house to just meet someone. It could damper your chances of having a "quiet" conversation though,but at least you won't be left in the dark as to what you will be expected to deal with in the future. | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/5/2006 1:16:59 PM | See, this is why it's such a huge problem. I've been walking a fine line with this amazing girl I met. I'm only 23 and she knows I do not want to play daddy, and I admire the fact she came out and said "I will raise my kid, i do not need help, usually guys are all trying to butt into my life" etc.
I hate to say it but I prefer to be a lover/boyfriend for a very long time before becoming step-daddy to her daughter. However, I'd be more than willing to if she remains the same person I met (some people have this tendency to change a few months into a relationship) | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/5/2006 4:42:08 PM | | That is not a bad thing,you might be the only daddy that the girl ever has...so do your best and leave a good impression. | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/5/2006 4:47:41 PM | I am sorry but it is TOTALY wrong to bring your child on the first date with someone weather it be someone from the net or someone from a friend...
If you are going on a date you dont bring your children... if you can not find someone to watch your child/children then you plan it for another time.
If that person can not understand why you are re-booking if need be then they are not the person to be with as your children come before any date. If they are understanding and are fine with this then my thing is "they are a keeper". | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/6/2006 8:59:29 AM | | I think she was just playing it safe meeting you for the first time by bringing along her kids and maybe she wanted to see how you reacted to her children...why waste time going on dates with someone and getting to know that person and developing feelings only to find out you are not going to be a kid person and have to break it off. | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/6/2006 9:04:52 AM | Personally I would never let someone I JUST met meet my son. My son isn't to the age where he fully understands it but right now he's at the age where he needs consistency in his life. He is only 8 months old and I don't want him growing up thinking it's okay for a guy to come in and out of my life. I just got back into the "dating" scene recently so I haven't come across this problem YET but I am sure it will come up. I've "dated" a few people but none have ever been around my son though they are aware I have a son. I have read a few posts about this issue and the "right time" seems to be interpreted differently in each one. And about meeting off the internet I definitely wouldn't bring someone I just met offline around my son because you don't know how that person TRULY is. That's my two cents   | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/6/2006 9:14:36 AM | What disturbs me is the thought of some internet stranger showing up at this person's HOUSE the first time they meet, not to mention the fact there aree children in the house at the time. How stupid is this woman??? You NEVER meet some guy off the net and show him where you live. I'd like to slap some sense into this woman and put her into parenting classes. Why on earth would she want her kids to meet some stranger before she has even had a chance to know him? This pisses me off...
The point is the ADULTS are dating, NOT the kids, so until such time the relationship has become serious enough to consider the possibility of a future together as some sort of family unit, the kids should be kept out of the dating world. | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/6/2006 9:56:24 AM | Good Lord you do not introduce a person to your children the first time you yourself are meeting them.
Shakes head. | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/6/2006 10:07:17 AM | | Why subject your kids to the confusion of the dating world before they need to enter it? If they are old enough to question what is going on, they will. I am a firm believer in keeping my kids separate from my "dates" until it gets serious... breaking it off with someone is usually painful enough without having to explain it all to your kids. Plus, how can you truly create a bond with someone if little Sally and Johnny are running around? | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/6/2006 12:48:05 PM | | Im a single mum. im not looking for someone to help in that aspect.. its about me.. just because im a single parent doesnt mean im a alien, im the same as everyone else in the search for some thing special. im independent and happy with my life, just missing that special someone... single parent doesnt have to mean (gold digger), well not in my case! | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/6/2006 12:52:01 PM | Im a single mum. im not looking for someone to help in that aspect.. its about me.. just because im a single parent doesnt mean im a alien, im the same as everyone else in the search for some thing special. im independent and happy with my life, just missing that special someone... single parent doesnt have to mean (gold digger), well not in my case!
there's a time and place for everything.. no child should someone your interested in untill you feel it is going some where.. why cofuse them..?! | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/6/2006 12:52:20 PM | Im a single mum. im not looking for someone to help in that aspect.. its about me.. just because im a single parent doesnt mean im a alien, im the same as everyone else in the search for some thing special. im independent and happy with my life, just missing that special someone... single parent doesnt have to mean (gold digger), well not in my case!
there's a time and place for everything.. no child should someone your interested in untill you feel it is going some where.. why confuse them..?! | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/6/2006 12:55:32 PM | First off for me, in my experience, it takes one hell of a man to date a woman with children. i have tried to date men without kids, and it is super hard. For the most part there is no realy understanding, or patience. I make it very clear in the begining i am not about to ditch my kids off any where to go romping around with anyone. I am always willing to make time for someone special. i am not looking for anyone to take the spot of their father, they only have one dad and thats it... anyone in the picture would be a friend, buddy... As I would be to their kids. I have carried my own this long, and continue to do so. The part I am missing in my life, is my best friend... have nice candle light sdinners with, wine, go to hockey games, watch UFC with... go for walks... there are still some genuine ladies out there... we are just misslabled by the bad out there.  | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/6/2006 1:01:22 PM | | I agree with Miss petit, I need to know that a man is going to be compatible with ME first, before I enter the kids into the scenario. Plus, then the kids see that dating is special time for adults, not inundated by a bunch of different men. | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/7/2006 12:01:27 PM | Dating with kids is difficult at anytime. I for one will allow someone to meet the kids but spending quality time with them is an entirely different matter.
I want my children to know that I have a life, friends, and responsiblities. Now it might be different as I have my kids every week but not full time. But I can not allow my children to think that they can dominate all of my time. Somewhere in all of this you have to strike a balance between your children's needs and your own. As well if you try and protect your children too much from the world of relationships you are simply not allowing them to expereince some of the social interaction that they need to see and learn to develope.
I don't think that dating should be hidden but it should be private. The children do not need to see you are your other courting each other until it becomes a time when both parties agree to include the children into thier relationship. Until then ... Adult time is just that adult time ... lol
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/18/2006 8:52:46 PM | | First,if it is possible to meet someone without them having your kids there,great...but if they have kids of their own,might actually work better to meet them with their kids...a good time to learn alot about their parenting skills which might a qualify or disqualify them for a repeat date. | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/18/2006 9:41:30 PM | I think it is irresponsible and totally disrespectful to children to allow them to see a revolving door of dates in their parent's life. I have to know and trust someone before I will allow them to interact with my children.
Children need stability.
Children learn what they live so parents should be very careful what they are teaching their children about relationships. | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/18/2006 11:37:01 PM | iamtheone...seems I'm going to be the only one in agreement with you. It is not always possible to have someone watch your children. If you have no one to watch your children...does this mean you have to stop living and forgo any attempts at finding someone to be in a relationship with ? I think not !!
It's easy for someone that has mommy, daddy, sister etc etc. living near them to judge others that don't have that luxury. I'm sure those that don't have anyone to watch their children isn't meeting someone after talking to them for a day or two. I'm more than certain they are taking the time to get to know the person as well as possible before making that meet happen.
It's also beyond me how anyone can assume that the parents have a revolving dating door going on in their lives. | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/18/2006 11:48:05 PM | | Any woman or man who allows their children to meet anyone they are dating before they themselves have had ample time to really "get to know the person" which takes at least a year or two of dating should get their head examined. Especially a woman because they run the higher risk of bringing a abusive man or even a sexual devient into the lives of their children. One more thing........Dude if you did go andmeet her kids then you are no better. You should have told her that its not time and you feel uncomfortable. Would you feel bad if they became attatched and then you walked away? | |
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| meeting the kids way to soon!
Posted: 11/19/2006 1:37:00 AM | Let's examine this a bit closer. A very high percentage of those that abuse children in any way shape or from is a relative. Whether it's 2 months or 2 years...you just don't know. I'm sure nobody in their right mind is going to jeapordize their childrens safety. At the same time you can't live a life of fear. You just have to be extra cautious and move slow when it comes to dating. Nobody is saying...meet online one day and meet in person the next.
Everyone has different circumstances in their lives and I'm more than certain they are doing the best that they can. It's not easy being a single parent...but, a single parent also deserves the opportunity to live and hopefully find that one in their life.
Personally..I have never gone on a first date with my lil one. But, I'm not going to sit here and judge those that have. Unless you know what their circumstances are...again...how can you judge ?? | |
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