| New Twist on BWB
Posted: 11/7/2006 6:01:13 AM | Hi Guys: I'd like to pose a question: If you supposedly have a BWB situation, do you spend an extended period of time with that person? I.E. having them over, sitting and talking for hours, drinking wine, listening to music, then the F*** part and spending the night. The man the next morning fixes coffee and then you sit out on the deck with them and read the morning paper? This "arrangement" is going on two years. Also we live pretty far apart, so it's hardly convenient for me, but I actually like being at his house that is big compared to my studio apartment anyways, so that's not really an issue.
This doesn't sound like the typical BWB situation to me, but I wanted a man's take on it. Seems a little too involved for BWB actually. We also email almost every day and we do text and call each other occasionally.
He is involved with another woman and supposedly "loves her more than a friend, but not in love with her."
Just wanted your expert opinions.
Thanks!
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| New Twist on BWB
Posted: 11/7/2006 6:49:40 AM | Expert opinions? Hardly!
honestly, how can you tolerate having sex with this man knowing he is involved with another woman?
Not slamming you, to each her/his own.
Sounds like what you to have is truly a "friend with benefits" scenario. You both seem to get what each of you needs from the other, with absolutely no expectations for anything more.
Only negative you mention is the distance factor?
Do some serious soul-searching and decide for yourself if this is how you want to continue to live your life, or find someone to settle down with (or not).
cheers~~ | |
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| New Twist on BWB
Posted: 11/7/2006 7:56:24 AM | Unless she has something ENTIRELY different going on, a "bwb" is actually an "Fwb", better known as "friend with benefits".
You know, a f*ck buddy. | |
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| New Twist on BWB
Posted: 11/7/2006 8:00:26 AM |
He is involved with another woman and supposedly "loves her more than a friend, but not in love with her."
Repeat this over and over to yourself, and then look in the mirror. If you're ok with this, then that's fine.
but I actually like being at his house that is big compared to my studio apartment anyways, so that's not really an issue.
Aha! | |
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| New Twist on BWB
Posted: 11/7/2006 8:04:24 AM | | I personally don't see the point in a FWB.... I want a loving respectful relationship with someone,if I can't have sex until I find him then so be it,but that is just me,I know it is popular,but knowing your FWB is sleeping with someone else and he(supposedly)likes her more,why do you do this?you should have more respect for yourself as he certainly isn't respecting you | |
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| New Twist on BWB
Posted: 11/7/2006 8:35:53 AM | Actually, it's my arrangement with him. I asked him if he would consider it. I don't want a full time partner and I really don't have many male friends. I've known him for a while and trust him as far as feeling safe and knowing I'm not meeting some freak in a bar or otherwise. I'm actually kind of scared of that thing. I kind of laugh, all I can say is, the only person he actually loves is himself. He's a nice guy and all, but even the woman he's with (who's married) knows he's not the "faithful" type. He's more the "variety is the spice of life" kinda of guy. It's all safe, so I think that's why I don't even consider her in the equation. He's a nice romp, if ya know what I mean. I have self-respect, I just don't want a man around buggin' me. I like to live my own life and make my own rules. He's an alternative to a LTR.
I just asked because from what I have been told the usual FWB doesn't really include all the hoopla he goes through. It's usually pretty basic and there's no overnight stuff and certainly no "let's sit out on the deck stuff." And, all the phone calling, flirting, etc., just seems like more than FWB. I don't flirt with my male friends, I call them to move stuff and provide a pizza and a beer. That's about it!  As stated, I was just curious and thought maybe the guys would have a better feel for the issue. It's nice to get a male perspective. | |
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| New Twist on BWB
Posted: 11/7/2006 8:41:34 AM | It's fallen out of vogue in recent years, but the Euros among us will know the score.
You are lovers. Do you really need more of a label for it than that? | |
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| New Twist on BWB
Posted: 11/7/2006 8:45:59 AM | No, your FWB is typical of long-distance FWBs. Same-city FWB are not so involved but that's because travel and all its hassles are not involved.
It sounds like both of you have commitment issues and have found each other fitting into what both of you can handle. That the other woman is married makes the chances of him dumping you for her less likely so you could be looking at this lasting a long time. To each their own. | |
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| New Twist on BWB
Posted: 11/7/2006 9:37:23 AM | I have never had a Friends With Benefits relationship, but if BWB means the same thing (Buddies With Benefits?), then I would assume that because you are basically hanging together a bit (what friends do) and having sex (the benefit part), that your relationship seems typical of what the term FWB denotes. Would you "sit out on the deck" with friends? Yep. Would you call them? Yep. Flirt? Well, that's part of the benefit thing, I guess, or is it???
You do state that he is an alternative to an LTR, but I am curious as to why your profile states that you are seeking "Long Term". Perhaps you are starting to re-think your relationship with this man? He flirts and wants you to hang around a bit, and your wondering if is this typical of the FWB scenario, or could these be signs of something more? If you've been in this relationship a while, and he's always treated you this way, then I would say his actions are typical for what he deems a FWB relationship to be. If not, maybe he is changing his tune. How you pursue it depends entirely on what you are truly seeking. | |
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holdmy
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Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 11 | |
| New Twist on BWB
Posted: 11/7/2006 9:59:43 AM | | sometimes it's just nice to have a solid guaranteed hole to pound and not be bound by the BS of a 'relationship.' | |
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| New Twist on BWB
Posted: 11/7/2006 10:04:24 AM | Dearest Frau Blucher:
I liked your response. I guess, in my mind, I thought Friends with Benefits or BWB was more like a wham bam thank you mam thing. I guess it never occurred to me that the other stuff could be deemed as FWB. I think to a certain extent you may be right, perhaps we are both commitment phobic.
I have also taken into account that at one time he had pursued me in a romantic way (2 years ago) but I managed to screw it up and then it seemed to turn into this. Over the two years we've had some terrible rows, and even went through a short period when we didn't speak to each other, but we always seem to end up back together.
Sometimes, I just think the whole thing is wierd. Humorous, but wierd. | |
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| New Twist on BWB
Posted: 11/7/2006 10:30:44 AM | | you sure the two of you aren't really married??? | |
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| New Twist on BWB
Posted: 11/7/2006 10:33:04 AM | Sometimes we certainly act like we are, and boy do I wish that were true! But no, we're just friends.  | |
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