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 Serenity73157
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 1
FWB vs Bootie callsPage 1 of 1    
Okay guys I'm putting this question forward to find out how you would react to this situation. Someone I know has tried this on another site. Lets say you go out with a woman, eventually it leads to sex, afterward you ignore her for weeks and then all of a sudden make contact again to apologize for your behavior. The woman is SO ticked off at you and lets you know she is. You continue to make apologies, tell her you know you were wrong yada yada yada.... The next day the woman decides to turn the tables on you and sends you an email stating that she has yet to go on a date with anyone that interests her and proposes a FWB relationship. What would your response be? I should add this woman did date/have sex FOR YEARS and he was the first in all of those years.

In this case the man was FURIOUS with the woman and told her she wasn't thinking straight because of lack of sleep. (The woman has problems with insomnia.) He basically blew a gasket and continued to tell her he knew she was too good a person to even propose something like this and refused to go over and visit under those terms. He went on to add, "if I didn't have to work tomorrow I would come over and just hold you all night because I know you'd sleep like a baby." I'd also like to get your take on this reaction. Was this response because he really cares about the woman or is he furious HE would become the bootie call?

I can't wait to hear the replies on this one.
 icon
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 2
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 1:52:17 PM
My first impression is that he 'ultimately' wants a real relationship - and her responce was invalidating that desire, him and her self. He wants to believe she yearns for real connection and is therefore trying to create/manipulate that reality - though it doesn't sound like either one are really clear on what they want - too many desires and issues thrown into the mix.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 3
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FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 2:01:18 PM
I should add this woman did date/have sex FOR YEARS and he was the first in all of those years.
Okay ... she did or did not date/have sex FOR YEARS ... and he was the first in all of those years? Huh? That's confusing.


Was this response because he really cares about the woman or is he furious HE would become the bootie call?
If this is a true situation ... I would wager that the thrill of the chase was over the second he got the offer for the FWB ... therefore he was no longer interested.
 Serenity73157
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 4
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 2:01:43 PM
icon I don't have a clue as to what HIS intentsions are but I do know this woman cares about this man and did this to make a point. She'd like a relationship but not if he's going to bolt again. She thought it might make him think about his actions in the past. One of the things he said during the apology was he doesn't get close to anyone because of his divorce and he knows he has a problem and needs to change his behavior. To me that IS NOT a valid excuse because most everyone on these sites who are older have gone through messy divorces.
 Serenity73157
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 5
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 2:02:53 PM
sorry DID NOT date
 loneshoreman
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 6
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 2:08:40 PM
He thought he was saying something nice when he said he'd hold her all night..If he ignored her for three weeks and then apologized, he was probably just horny and hoping for a quick bang. After getting what he wants, you can be sure he'll split again.
 Serenity73157
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 7
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 2:15:48 PM
cotter the thrill of the chase was over the first time they had sex. loneshoreman if he just wanted to have sex then why not take her up on her offer? When she told me about this I couldn't believe his reaction because I thought he would definitely just go for it and leave again.
 s286
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 8
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 2:16:27 PM
what does FWB mean???????
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 9
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FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 2:34:19 PM
FWB == Friends With Benefits
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 10
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FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 3:24:25 PM
LOL ~OP~ She did the bait and switch. LMAO ~ good cop bad cop reversed. It's all fun and games until the tables get turned. He obviously wanted the sex, and then didn't feel the least bit receptive to another date. Turning the table and suggesting just sex, blew his MO. Poor guy is now suffering from "If it's not my idea, it's a bad idea." Good for your friend. Fair is fair. If he doesn't like the idea, he can move on.

One thing, however, my take on booty calls is that there is to be no emotional exchange, just sex. At least with FWB, there is the opportunity for both parties to have some sort of emotional bond to each other. I wouldn't be willing to be a booty call, but I might venture into a FWB.
 ksue44
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 11
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 3:40:05 PM
Ha ha ha, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Look folks, don't open your legs or your wallets if you aren't willing to "risk" losing more than you can afford. Make sure that the one you're with has all the right intentions and vice versa. He just didn't like having the tables turned. There's a toll free number: 1-800-WAAH
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 12
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 4:08:14 PM
Hey, I agree with loneshoreman on this one !!
 loneshoreman
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 13
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 5:15:13 PM
Ey Hottie, thanx for the back-up!

OP-Maybe when he saw her again he realized why he disappeared in the first place..otherwise, I guess I'll have to go along with verygreeneyes. I also agree with her take on the booty call and FWB. FWBs ROCK!lol
 Serenity73157
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 14
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 5:51:29 PM
lol verygreen maybe this should be written up as a psych case study LMAO At the least it should be broadcast to women on all dating sites.

loneshoreman since he didn't see her I'm sure that isn't the problem and I know he found her attractive.

This really has me baffled because I really assumed a guy would jump at a chance like this one. It's hard to understand why he got mad when it was suggested. Anyone got an answer to that one? I don't think he's smart enough to figure out she was turning the table on him. LMAO I also don't understand why a man would be insulted by this proposition.
 MDNinja
Joined: 1/9/2005
Msg: 15
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 6:12:30 PM
He's mad because you settled for him. You basically said "Hi, remember me, I am (y), I haven't been able to meet or have sex with anyone else in YEARS, so I would just like to do it with you because I don't think you can get any either."


No one wants to be settled for, be it relationships or sex.
 Serenity73157
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 16
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 7:10:05 PM
MDNija first, I'm not the one that turned the tables it's a friend. Second it wasn't that she was unable to meet someone it was a choice on her part to not date for reasons I won't get into because she's my friend. Why do you have to assume the worst about this person?
 LisaWithAnA
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 17
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/7/2006 10:32:40 PM
First of all, I think any woman who says she just wants FWB is lying to herself and whoever the poential B is...we're just not made that way. I think many of us would like to think we are and can, but I'm telling you, emotions are our forte'.
The both sound a little screwed up if you ask me, which may mean if he does come over, hold her and all is right in their mutual Universe that maybe they're made for one another.
 MDNinja
Joined: 1/9/2005
Msg: 18
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/8/2006 5:54:16 AM

Second it wasn't that she was unable to meet someone it was a choice on her part to not date for reasons I won't get into because she's my friend.


You didn't type that in the original post. Am I supposed to be a mind reader?

Just place yourself(your "friend") in the persons shoes. There is your answer.
 Serenity73157
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 19
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/8/2006 5:59:42 PM
MDNinja lol it is a friend. I'm trying to figure out why you think the guy would feel like the woman "settled" for him. They went out, had sex and after that he cut off all contact with her for weeks. Then he popped up on her messenger and was all apologies. Don't you think she has the right to turn the tables on him so he realizes his behavior hurts others? He put this chain of events in motion not her. Personally I would have just blown him off completely.
 God of Mischief
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 20
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/8/2006 6:18:37 PM
FWB is an AMAZING concept but it's like a three legged ballerina - rare and oddly balanced. :)

Sex creates a connection on a few levels. One night stands work as intended because you're gone before things get complicated. Relationships work because they are more than just sex.
If two people can pull off repeated sexual encounters without a) becoming involved on a deeper level or b) being porn stars, then they are rare indeed.

There's a reason this guy shop lifted the pooty and then made a run for it - he got the sex but wanted to avoid the entanglement. I'd agree with a few others here and say he may be a nice guy but all he was after is another quick run through the candy department. If that's what she wants too, then aren't they both content!
 tig53
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 21
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FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 11/8/2006 6:41:05 PM
God the 2nd paragraph is dejavu. Actually the whole deal. I think the guy found someone he liked a little better, went through her, and now looking for that soft place again. I loved that she gave him a taste of his own medicine. I do think that bootie call/FWB-same thing. Who would go THERE with someone they didn't like at least a little?(hense friend). Got to tell ya that I love someone asking about FWB? When I first started this a couple months ago I thought lol was lots of luck. Oh yes my kids had a great time with that one. I was signing everything, lol tig or even Sincerely lol Tig. HA ha brats. Tell your friend good job and hes just mad cause shes not all into him. Let him grovel, at least until he finds the next one that he thinks is a little hotter and then the next and the next.... Is a bootie call any different than a quickie? It just says you might get 20 minutes out of me. Lets call it FWB, that at least gives ya an evening.
 IWontTellYou
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 22
FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:53:14 AM
Since it sounds like these two aren't really "friends", how could they have a "friends with benefits" relationship???? FWB is NOT about the sex without strings, it's about loving the person as a friend, respecting them as an equal, and enjoying time spent together whether or not you get laid. <<< which is the "benefits" part of the deal.

This is definitely a bootie call.
 TheOneWho_
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 23
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FWB vs Bootie calls
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:59:31 PM
That sounds like a dangerous proposition on her part. What if he said "Yes"?

That would be too soon to be friends, and the only interaction she had with the guy left her very angry. Maybe she was actually looking for grudge sex (I've heard of it...).

Anyway.... the guy sounds like a real winner
Probably best to avoid.
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