| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/7/2006 9:43:48 PM | Well I have been here for a few months so I thought I would finally add some my thoughts to a form. I thought I would share my observations and thoughts of what makes a great relationship.
I've noticed a lot of woman's profile say they want to be wow'd on the first date meaning that explosive chemistry. If its not wow... move over next. Well I guess if I believed in love at first sight, then I would be signing up for this wow'd thing too. However I don'tbelieve in love at first sight. Too me that would make love such a meanless thing as I can get that wow'd feeling watching women everyday...LOL With wow'd feeling is called lust!!! and Oh baby I want that too. For the folk the go for this alone I view them a lust junkies and as soon as the bubble breaks and it will, then on to the next relationship. They don't really understand what love is. Nothing wrong with this it is just not love.
A little back ground on thunderstorms. I have been truly maddly deeply passionately in love twice in my life. I lost both of them one to a car crash and the other is gone too.
The first I one I meet was that lust at first sight and it was a wow. Great sex , passion wow and some where along the way we fell in love. I would have married her if sh wouldn't have died in a crash. The second love of my life was different. I did not have that wow'd lust at first sight. It was luke warm at best, but she was interested in me and she was fun to talk with. She fit in looks of what I liked, but a really didn't feel the chemistry. We went out on a second date and that was fun and I felt a little more chemistry so we went out again and things started heating up. Then wow the chemistry started to build and it got hot. The sex was amazing the communication was great. Everytime we met it got better and better, I really mean it just kept getting better until the very end. The later realtionship was the best of my life. The point being it didn't start with a WOW. But we did fall in love big time. She was like the air that I breathe. So sometime you have to take the time to really check things out.
Know some folks woulf think this was a sad story. But I have been truly madly deeply in love twice. I have tasted heaven twice. Most don't taste it once. So I am blessed and I know that I will find it once more.
For me the most important thing in a relationsip is sex. Not the biggest thing, but just the most important thing. Sex is what drive a man and women together so it is logical.
Sex however is not love, but sex feeds love and sex feed intimacy. Intimacy feeds romance.
All of thes feed love. If the couple are not clicking in the bedroom the relationship will fail.
Love is built on moments.
there are sexual moments
intimate moments
romantic moments
laughing moments
respect moments
sad moments
moments of need
sharing moments
and the list goes on.. all these feed and build love. Eventally the love become unconditional.
However if the sex fails, then the moments start to fail. The moments of sex fail, then the moments of intimacy, then the moments of romance. Soon the other moments will stop too and then there is nothing.
Sex is the fire and the glue that holds it all together. Once the fire is started and roaring it is easy to keep going. If you let the fire die to a glowing ember you can still add fuel and with some tlc get the fire roaring again. But is you let the ember die, then it is very difficult to start the fire again and most folks are too worn out to put the effort into restart the fire.
My view is that if you're and love and things are good don't for get to keep adding the fuel. It doesn't matter would the fuel is as long as you keep the fire going. Like al parts of a relationship, it always takes two to tango.
There are other important things too like communication. This is also key. You should be able to talk to and share anything with your partner. If you can then you don't trust your partner, so why are you with them. Also the personalties must be similar and not opposites, as this would be a major communication problem.
I believe the lust thing can last forever if you both want it and know how to feed it. Just like athletes are trained to learn how to get themselves into the zone, so can coples learn to keep the lusy alive. I might not be there all the time, but you can always add the fuel to get it there.
For what it is worth these are my views. I would love to hear your or get your comments.
Best wishes for everyone in finding their fish.
Randall
ps there are probably a few typo's and spelling error in there somewhere, but am too tired to proof....LOL | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 6:27:46 AM | Simply I love unconditionaly and never try to change the person I am with - I love them for who they are - what they desire and how they meld into my life & I into thiers!!  | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 7:15:38 AM | I don't think the sex builds the love - the love builds the sex - the sex simply gets better the more you love your partner. It's more meaningful and more enjoyable because you have that mutual love, trust and understanding of one another. There is nothing comparable than having sex with someone who desires you not only for your body, but for the person you are!!! | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 7:18:27 AM | truckmaker... I trust the guy that works at the local coffee shop, I think he is a honest man, I respect him as a person... but I don't wanna have a relationship with him!!!  | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 7:18:30 AM | I think they are all tied together every one of them helps build the other.
I for one would not be happy in a sexless relationship,so Id have to disagree | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 7:25:50 AM | | I agree with Leanne! The sex is a reflection of what is going on in the relationship, but it is not what builds the relationship. | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 7:42:11 AM | Thunderstorm...I love your views, great post!
I was in a relationship for over 15 years, the sex was awful, but I was in love and figured love would conquer all. I figured the sex would get better...It didn't.
In my world, a relationship can't be built upon without placing high value on sex. It is what bonds and seals a relationship. For me...It is not the joining of souls, but the joining of bodies which connects the souls in this realm.
It is not the entire value of the relationship, but without it, there is no relationship for me.
Peace
Jo | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 8:14:33 AM |
It is not the entire value of the relationship, but without it, there is no relationship for me.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm....... truly Good for the Soul, eh?
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 9:41:33 AM | I see the trust honesty and respect thing a lot. I find that interesting. Not that I don't agree with that. BUt these are end result of other things.
These three things in my opinion come from effective communication, good non-judgemental
communication.
You should be able to talk to your partner about anything, goals, dreams, sexual fantasies, fears emotions etc.... without fear of rejection from your partner. I call this trust, honesty and respect as well as maturity.
If you can't share your thoughts or feelings openly with yor partner, why the hell are you there. I means you don't have trust.
If you share some intimate (or other thing) with your partner and the make fun of you or be little you. The there in no respect. Again why are you there???
If it bothers you that your partner is gaining weight and you say hunny I think we need to get to the gym and keep are bodies sexy and she goes away crying. The your partner is immature, lacks respect for you sharing your thought and inhibits honesty. I picked a sensitive on here on purpose to get the point across.
We may wonder why our partner can;t be honest of share their emotions. May be it is us that can't take the honesty and we are the ones that are inhibiting the very thing we want.
When things are communicated in a relationship, it has to be done tactfully, respectfully and with honesty. That takes maturity. It takes two to tango.
If you can communicate openly that is a big step to a successful relationship. However I still go back to my opening statment of what is important and put that a little ahead of this. However without the communication is will fail.
Randall | |
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mackz
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Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 18 | |
| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 9:51:52 AM | 1 Communication - you need to communicate, your feelings, yours fears, dreams, aspirations, what you want & don't want...create that bond.....wavelength
2 Trust - you have to be able to trust each other, when you are together, when you are apart, with each others lives, with the proverbial knife dangling....that trust further creates that bond....give you that feeling
3 Respect - establish a mutual respect for one another , hard to explain, but you'll know when it happens
- Affection -   thetie that binds, , it can make everything seem better, make the sun shine, or make it that much warmer. Affection brings a person that much closer ( just make sure you have your hand on the remote when the affection is going on  )
- the" shoulder" it is great to be the one to lean on, the one to be spoken to...to count one when a word is required....or just that moment of silence is needed...just the knowledge of another person being there is what is needed....it is also great to know you can lean as well, use their "shoulder" in the same way
- interests which are similar and different it is great to be similar to a person, to share common interests...more to talk about share in the experience etc. but when interests differ, you contrast eah other in some ways, "complete" each other,,,make up for what the other lacks. Make more of a rounded couple.
- chocolate....mmmmmm ....chocolate
- love...... the big one, the I's become a we, the cute "huns" are now routine ( in a great way), finishing each others thoughts...sometimes sentances, thinking about that person when they are not around...days revolving around them, the sweet nothings.....the flowers, etc, you get that doughie eyed look whenever you are together, , ( experiences may vary ) , start getting the same things on your pizza, gotta hang up the towels in the washroom now, the food that you swore was for an experiment in your fridge...haz ta go, and you happy happy 
( some details were altered for dramatic purposes ) | |
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Shaps
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 20 | |
| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 10:35:09 AM | | When all moments and feelings come together and you just look at them with so much feeling - that is what makes a great relationship and makes you excited to see where else it can go or how much more feeling you can gain for that person. | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 1:59:34 PM |
There is nothing comparable than having sex with someone who desires you not only for your body, but for the person you.
Oh... how i agree with this quote so much... | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 2:02:00 PM | So what comes first to build an ever lasting relationship, one where a person would be head over feet in love? I really don't know and I do find this thread educational.
I think Communication but I'm a rookie here.........great sex is a given, Sex is only as good as the two having it.
Trust......I have big issues myself in this catagory. I therefore would agree that without trust being infatuated or falling in love isn't available.
Honesty, I have this one. Sometimes I'm too honest or too much to the point. But I'm working on being a little more versed. I like honesty to be a two way street. However having trust issues I"m a little skeptical if they are being honest or feeding me some more gold shovelled bs.
Respect should be given always no matter what type of relationship. I always give respect right away. With that being said...........What is respect between two ppl ? how is it truely shown? Do actions really speak louder than words? Does having a label show respect? Dating more than one person is that disrespectful to myself and others? Does having and giving freedom of choice show respect or not?
Again I'm not always the nicest person here. If I'm not shown respect usually my sarcastic nature comes out and I don't show respect either. Immature but I just enjoy dishing it back so that the person than knows what it feels like to be disrespected in their same manner! ( two way street) Although I'm usually very respectful and well mannered.
Intimate moments....... I've learned is an extremely important factor in relationships when forming bonds.The Little things are what seem to count the most and what also seem to be the glue. Unexpected kisses, holding hands, glances at each other, body lingo between 2 , music and moments, events shared. Like Keith Urban sings Making memories of Us.
Emotions.....Developing intimate emotions requires someone to trust,being honest with yourself and the other person, letting your guard down, respecting them and respecting yourself.
With above said at which point would you or do you just give up? I was intrigued to read the OP's better lasting love was the one that developed. Although I do feel for you to lose both loves but I also like that your moving forward and believe you will fall in love again. Your a lucky man to have loved 2x and to have the faith you will be in love again.
I have alot to learn still so I do find this thread interesting and educational.
My 3c
HK | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 4:02:55 PM | Great answers and all people but you all haven't even touched on what makes for a GREAT relationship......it's not love and intimacy and all that....it's there or your wouldn't be together........
Now you want to know what makes a GREAT relationship? It's simple:
-------------------------) SEPARATE BATHROOMS (----------------------------------
Trust me | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 11/8/2006 4:48:49 PM | Great post HK and very honesty.
My view is a very high level view of what it takes, because there is a lot more to a relationship.
Most people don't who they are in life and keep making the same mistakes with out understanding why. I know who I am so it makes life easier for me. But I did not discover that until later in life. There is a great book call "postivie personality profiles" by robert rohm..
it would be a great book for you to read.
You see you usually don't start a relationship with trust.. it develops..Again it takes two to tango.
It is also important that you have self-confidence. If you don't like yourself how do you expect others too.
A great coach of mine send if your afraid of getting hurt, then don't entre the field of play because your fear will most likely get you hurt. If you accept that getting hurt is a possiblity than that is all the protection you need. You see is you are afraid you'll put out guards that may send out mixed messages and you'll scare away the very person you are looking for.
With all those guards up you'll find a guarded person and you will never likely find that good open communication that is so important.
As far a dishing it out goes I call that immature.. Trust me I can dish it out and oooh it can feel so good, But I prefer the higher road. Beside if I spout off they know they got to me.
As far a dating more than one person at a time. I think that is okay until you figure out that yes you want them or no you don't. That is that honesty thing.
I take the approach of trying to he as open as possible from the start. It seem to work for me.
There was a post here about completing each others sentences. This only happens when the personalties are very similar, which is why you should look for someone who is similar to your personality. It makes communication so much easier.
Thanks for you thought.. on my partners..
Randall
ps.. great post | |
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