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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > why do woman get scared when you treat them so well      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mikeg7425
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 1
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
i was with this girl for a month, everything was perfect from us getting along to her two little girls liking me.. We didn't have to pretend to be someone we weren't we was just us, it was great. she broke it off.. a too good to be true kind of thing.. i do know some of it was cause she was afraid to fall in love
 Dragonffly
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 2
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/11/2006 10:38:13 AM
I would have to say I think it's an excuse for something not being quite right...surely there's no such thing as 'too good to be true'? Falling in love is scary but if it feels right you'd go with it?
 lake_chik_65
Joined: 1/30/2006
Msg: 3
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/11/2006 10:38:16 AM
Too young.......
Has baggage Im assuming......
Hasnt gotten over last love......
Doesnt know herself........
Too busy with kids to find herself....
Not being honest.......

All kinds of things could be happening....

Dont take it personally....

Like what you liked about her and carry it with you........

 mikeg7425
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 4
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/11/2006 10:43:08 AM
ty some of those i think that is what is wrong. she said she was going to go to some counseling and see what they can do for her
 ky_kitty
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 5
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/11/2006 10:43:27 AM
I've been in that situation..and been the one who broke it off. The reasoning? A guy saying everything is perfect, the kids loving him, all going very quickly towards perfection....and me feeling that while I'm enjoying it, I'm not as deep into it as he is. Anyone who can date a month, and be so perfectly happy dory happily ever after scares me. In one month, you can't know me well enough to be that happy, truly care about me that deeply, or know that it is IT. I always figure those are the guys who are so desperately looking for love, that they will immediately project the image onto any relationship.
 mikeg7425
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 6
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/11/2006 10:45:14 AM
we have known each other for 20 yrs but the thing is i meant that everything was right so why call something off that is going good... the chemistry was there too for the both of us she told me first that
 Katy_Kat
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 7
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/11/2006 11:37:40 AM
maybe you should start goin for girls without baggages.
 psssst
Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 8
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/11/2006 12:39:03 PM
Egads... a nice guy thread!!! Just what is the world coming to?
 Whitetigeress
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 9
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/11/2006 1:04:23 PM
when a girls afraid because the of "the too good to be true" thing and you really are true, theres only one thing to do



be patient!!!!! be there... and in the end .. she will finally believe you are true
 heeble
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 10
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/11/2006 1:24:48 PM
The problem is you're being too nice. MOST girls like guys because they are dominant.

Learn what's power and what's not. Make the decisions. Don't be afraid to say no.

This is also why girls complain about dating ***holes. Most ***holes have the dominant features of course they push it too far and a person can only take so much.

now before a control freak comes in here and says i am wrong:
-Many exceptions exist.
-Relationships can exist without this
-Many get married without the dominance bond
 wiley-coyotet
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 11
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 8:49:19 AM
That, Sir, is a million dollar question! I would imagine the girl you are reffering to has had previous relationships that went bad... I can relate to that. I can tell you from my own experience, and remember, this is only what has happened to me. If it helps then good, if not, keep seeking your answer.
I met a man, he was good to my kids, he made me feel safe, cherished, loved, he seemed to be just the kind of man I was looking for after a divorce. Before I even knew what was happening I was head over heals in love! He told me he loved me too, and for a while everything seemed to be perfect. Seemed to be but because I was so deeply in love with this guy I failed to see the real person, the faults that would eventually destroy everything I thought I had. Our relationship ended with me trying to get out for months and eventually with him throwing a heavy stainless steel pot at my head, he is now going through the courts for an assault charge, and I have a restraining order. Needless to say, I'm going to be very cautious with my next relationship, If it seems to be too good to be true then it probably is, how long till the "honey moon" is over and the real person emerges?
I will tell you this though, if you are sincere, honest and really truly too good to be true, and plan on staying that way then be patient with her. Let her go for the councelling, talk about it, let her know that this is the real you. Let her know that you accept her (faults and all) and are willing to wait for her to accept you. If you believe that this is the woman, family, for you then the wait will be well worth it. Be a friend, the best relationships are based on friendship! Be her best friend, let her feel free to tell you anything and everything, don't judge her, don't give up!
 Whitetigeress
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 12
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:23:01 AM

The problem is you're being too nice.



^^^ one of my BIGGEST pet peeve is people saying this!!!! You can NEVER be too nice, in fact this entire world need people to be more nicer so we do without all the crap that goes on!


How about re-phrasing to something that actually makes sense??

Just be yourself!

When people first meet, they tend to overly impress and this covers up the real person inside. Then it takes time for the true colors to come out and be dealt with.When the true colors clash is when a lot of fights occur for some couples. And for some, abuse comes out from it.

tip;because women are such emotionally based, we tend to have this wool over our eyes when overly impressed and miss out on the signs of an abusive person then they become too cynical. Petience wins out in the end for guys who not have any negative traits.


oh and with this in mind, I bet Prince Charming was actually an abusive man, we just didnt know it! Sleeping Beauty should have gone for the castle gardener
 JEEPDUDE
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 13
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:24:00 AM
I love the way you talk, " We didn't have to pretend to be someone we weren't we was just us, it was great.". Wish there were more to this story. I got to hear your views more.

To answer your question, certain people (women) get scared when you treat them well because they need to idolize certain attributes such as looks or confidence or money or behaviours and if they can't do that with you than they move on. You need to convince them they can idolize things about you even if you don't have those things. See they just need to idolize those things and lie to themselves you have them. EXAMPLE, wow, my boyfriend is handsome, wow, your boyfriend is hot, wow, your boyfriend is confident, etc. Some girlfriend of her sees you and tells her you are hot.

Then there is that miss you and the heart goes fonder stuff. ie. she hasn't seen you in a while and then she stumbles across a good photo of you and begins to idolize you and your looks and right then in the living room alone she cries that she let the best thing in the world go, ie you. It is an idolization game. YOU SAID, "we was just us.". You have to come into the next relationship conscious that you have to make her and her friends and family that you are more than just 'a real guy', but something idolizable. do you get it ? (I don't)
 JEEPDUDE
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 14
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:24:38 AM
I have done this. I met a girl, had a loving relationship but kept looking over my shoulder at other women. I hated that. I just hated that unsatisfied feeling so I kindly broke up, and than one day while on a date with someone else I was taking photos of something and going through my digital camera's pics and noticed her photo. I noticed how beautiful she was and it reminded me of how special she was. Than I began to cry. I was on another date with another woman and I cried and wanted to run home and phone her. Yep, that idolization stuff has lost me a few times and I lost women a few times. The trick is to know it and use it to your advantage. Your job at woooing a girl is not over till she is brain washed and all her siblings and children and family and friends. Wow, what a big job when you think about it. Then when she has to back out of the relationship she is left with this big task of over idolizing you and your attributes. She can't stop thinking you are not like other men.

You said it when you said, "we was just us.". As beautiful and special that is, it is also your demize.
 alexandria_gal
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 15
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History
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:34:18 AM
Not all women get scared when men treat them well. I married the last one who did. The only reason I'm not still with him is that he died three years ago.

There are women who appreciate the "nice guy". Just keep on looking.
 Metaphysicalman
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 16
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:48:52 AM
Read the billion or so "Nice Guy " threads,

Educate yourself! Please!

You couldn't sell me the "afraid to all in love"
thing in a million years!!!

One thing I did pick up on.

You said it was too good to be true. But she broke
it off. So I have to assume, there was a big difference
in how SHE felt, and in the end, that's what matters.

Too many guys are too concerned about their own
interest in a woman, not paying close attention to
what she is SAYING & DOING. Especially DOING!
 gottotreatmelikealady
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 17
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:54:25 AM
I think for me it would be the fact that no relationship is perfect. I also know that like quoted before is that in the beginning we put our best face forward. So to know this you wonder what the other person is covering up.
Me I do not run from a nice guy but I am leary of them all nice guy or bad boy. If you move to fast we get scared if you show disinterest we get scared. The only advice I can give you is keep the lines of communication open. Don't move to fast and don't get to possesive and controling men have a tendency to try to protect. In the process of protecting they become overbearing with out realizing it.
Everyone has been in bad relationships discuss them with each other make sure you are not doing something the others did wrong. I look at it like this the ex's and thier wrong doings are the enemy once you know what you are fighting it is alot easier.
Everyone will have diffrences we are not all the same person we will have fights and disagree on alot of things. Best advice is" If you love someone let them go if they return it was meant to be if they do not it was not" . Then let them go and if you truly loved them wish them love and happiness.
 sicilygirlgina
Joined: 10/4/2006
Msg: 18
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History
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 10:03:49 AM
(Killerdogs & OP) I wasn't always looking at others but I did push him away and we had a very special thing for almost 2 years and I blew it. I always hit the so-called "self destruct button" and he was the first I ever told about how my friends use to make fun of me for hitting that button (hell, they gave it that name). I know for me it's because of past hurtful relationships and I thought I was done doing that since it would be selfish of me to put my issues on someone else who is trusting me enough to put their heart out there for me. It was just to much for me I guess and with it being long distance I think it only scared me that much more. Knowing that it was the real thing and knowing that it was coming to relocating and such, was just to much for me at the time. We can only learn from our past experiences, i won't even call them mistakes anymore because if you think that way, then you learn nothing from it. Better to try and take the positive things & great memories from past relationships. Ciao ~ Gina
 mikeg7425
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 19
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 6:23:02 PM
yes no relationship is perfect but when you are able to talk and understand the other persons feelings and what they want and can meet in the middle.
 minkdumink
Joined: 9/21/2006
Msg: 20
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 6:27:46 PM
because they watch too much TV thats devoid of reality.you figure the rest out I gotta go
 doobee
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 21
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 7:55:26 PM
I like that part about `like what you like about her, and carry it with you'. Too many people get angry and bitter about their past, when there are always good things to take from a past relationship, and always things to learn.
 funnygirll
Joined: 5/10/2006
Msg: 22
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 8:15:06 PM
do you honestly believe that is the honest truth of her breaking up with you...

some girls like to be nice and don't know how to see the truth nicely so the choose something safe to say

that

or getting close to quickly can be creepy because girls tend to make stalker friends easily


JMOP OP... I do feel for you though... I know break ups are always hard.
 Heavensdevil
Joined: 2/20/2005
Msg: 23
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 11:35:41 PM
Some women are psychos.... while most people would find affectionate and caring men great and appreciate it.... some run and hide because it seems like a foreign object to them.... they become dependant on being treated poorly and expecting dissapointment....

you just have to let her figure her self out, trying to figure out women is about as easy as knowing whether god exists... but I hope she does realize she had it good and comes running back ...best of luck!

 Toronaga
Joined: 11/16/2005
Msg: 24
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/13/2006 11:56:16 PM
My ex told me things were too perfect too. We were doing so amazingly well, never fought. She started to try to provoke fights later on, just so i would tell her off, she told me i needed to do that from time to time. Ok, do something to piss me off and i will. But i honestly had no reason to be randomly angry at her. She made me happy.

Now she's back to her old ways and just having sex with random old men off the net. Being treated like garbage and loving it.
 mikeg7425
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 25
why do woman get scared when you treat them so well
Posted: 11/14/2006 4:45:44 AM
wow you guys/gals are awesome.. everyone of these replys have helped. i really like the idea, taking the great qualities of her with me. i do that.. its good for me now. the other day she called just out of the blue. i was shocked cause ive bene giving her space. well she told me that the only reason she called was that she ran into a ex of mine(which she feels im still in love with) (im not) at the store (they've known each other for a long time, just not what you would say friends) and my ex said she was going to go for a walk, well the new ex called cause she was assuring herself that my old ex wasnt' coming to my house... so for the most part i think she found assurance in one of many issues she has to figure out. or was she being psycho lol any how thank you all for the many replys and if any of you need someone to talk to ever as long as i am on here i will be here for ya thanks again
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