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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/11/2006 5:22:24 PM | Went with him to the recruiter's office today. He's been talking about this for awhile, off and on, and I talked with him seriously about this. I have a number of concerns, still want to be able to give him my 100% support in whatever he chooses to do. He is my baby, my youngest, but still a young man and just want to be sure he's making the best decision for him for the right reasons. We do have a good relationship, always have and he talks with me about everything. I know he listens to what I say, and I truly want what's best for him, I have no selfish motives, I want him to live his own life and be happy.
So if it were your son/nephew/friend's son, what advice would you give? What is it that he needs to know, and what information or questions do I need to ask the recruiter so we can help make sure he makes an informed decision?
Thanks in advance for any replies, I really feel at a loss and I have done my own research on this. | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/11/2006 5:27:04 PM | The mess in Iraq is not worth dying for. Please tell him to wait a few years.
There were never any WMD's, Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11, the Iraqis don't want us there, and there are more terrorists because of the war, not fewer.
Al queada (SP?) has accused Bush of being "the stupidest president in American history", and I'm afraid I cannot argue with them on that point. History will not remember him kindly. | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/11/2006 5:33:19 PM | smith That's what I feel entirely. I am glad to read that the democrats (yes I'm a somewhat at time embarrassed "closet" republican...UGH) are back in charge in Congress, and one of their objectives is getting the troops out of Iraq, and investigating Haliburton and any possible corruption. I'm not political, never have been, I do vote for the candidate, not the party. I think we've lost far too much and our "job" there is done.
Thanks for your post, I can't talk politics, as I'm far too uninformed.
Edit He's thinking Marines. My oldest brother was in the Marines, that was Vietnam era, and honestly he's never been the same. Long story, I was much younger, but just know he's not the same brother I knew before.
One of my concerns is, I've rented and watched with him all the recent war movies, and he tends to think war is "cool". He IS 19, grew up with an older brother 8 years older, and a mom working at times two jobs and put myself through grad school while the kids were growing up. I did what I thought I had to, that's water under the bridge. I have emphasized with him that war isn't a video game or a movie. This isn't paintball or lazer tag. On the positive side, seeing he's grown up with minimal male influence, two older sister and myself, I think the male discipline and bonding is what he's craving. If the military can provide that for him, I'd be totally thankful. I couldn't be a dad, even though I took him to Little League, threw ball with him on the weekends and went through the pitching and hitting drills. Still, I'm not a dad. | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/11/2006 5:51:22 PM | He had a friend who went into the Marines and went to Parris Island for his graduation. I have some email friends who've done tours in Iraq, Kosov and what they've told me I've shared with him.
I had a penpal buddy from here, wrote back and forth a bit. My profile got accidentally deleted, and I don't have his username. This was way before my son even mentioned this, I SO wish I still had contact with him. The things he told me were just surreal. Apparently, it's well over a hundred degrees every day, the troops go out, fully loaded, and
lose pounds in water loss. I've seen pictures of gigantic spiders and all sorts of poisonous creatures.
I did have an email buddy at MacDill when this first came up and I asked him. He said, well no, if he had it to do all over again he wouldn't, but he's sticking it out only because he wants a career in law enforcement. Again, lost contact with him.
Edit The air force is the hardest branch to get into, academically and my son dropped out of school to work. I knew that from my own limited research, the recruiter today told him that. My son has never been good in school, we've talked about that and never have put it down for it. He is smart, and when he's interested in something, will read and figure out how to do it. There are just some individuals who don't adapt well to the traditional classroom/books/learning type of education. I've taught him things myself, visual, hands on and he's learned and done things that amaze me.
I just know him well enough, that the air force is too heavily academic, and he's more hands on learning. | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/11/2006 5:55:54 PM | Well... since the relative safety of different branches have been discussed, here's my two cents. The military can be really good deal for people, there are benefits financially and educationally if you are motivated to pursue them. It also helps some people get their lives in order and motivates them to better achieve their potential. On the other hand you are basically gambling with your life, for a cause you may not agree with.
The pragmatical part of me would say to direct him towards the navy or air force, and to see if he'd be interested in waiting until something has been done with the current situation in Iraq.
Even if he doesn't, someones got to join the marines, and I respect anyone who volunteers for their country with the highest stakes. I just assume you don't want it to be your son, which is natural :). Best of luck with this. | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/11/2006 6:08:41 PM | "Even if he doesn't, someones got to join the marines, and I respect anyone who volunteers for their country with the highest stakes. I just assume you don't want it to be your son, which is natural :). Best of luck with this."
I have the highest regard for anyone who volunteers to serve their country and defend our freedom. I am a mom, and naturally my son's or any mother's son's safety I could totally identify with.
My concern for my own son, I'm trying to keep my mothering instincts out of it. He's a young man, and I want to be able to give him my total support in whatever he wants. All I really want is for him to have a realistic idea of what he's wanting to do and the commitment he's thinking about making.
I've tried the best I can to keep my personal feelings to myself. And honestly if it were a friend of mine and it were her son/daughter, I'd be saying the same thing.
And my personal thoughts, the invasion (if that's the word) of Iraq was a knee jerk reaction to the terroists attacks. I think that's been proven, we had the intel, we had the chance to take out Bin Laden in the '90's.
Too much too little and way too late. I don't want this to be political, I'm way too uninformed for that. What I do know my gut says we didn't belong there, been there too long and shouldn't be there now. | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/11/2006 6:18:01 PM | I have a 19 year old son who has talked about going into one of the services. He goes back and forth on which one but leans toward Air Force.
As difficult as it is I told him I would support any decision he made if I saw he had researched it, given it thought, and followed his conscience.
As his father I can only be there to guide him not lead his life for him. I told him that even in politics I will respect his opinions even if they are opposite mine. I have taught him that is why USA is such a good place to live.
How could I tell him all I have said above and not respect his calls on what to do with his life? | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/11/2006 6:45:23 PM | I'm not sure if I'm misreading your question or not but it sounded to me like you are looking for advice on how to make sure he makes an informed decision and maybe that he gets the most out of his enlistment
my advice would be.
1. figure out the real reason you want to join. IE: opportunities for education, lifetime carreer choice, to support our country in a time when more volunteers are needed, just to get a way from home, chance to travel, to meet new peopple, because he wants to be like his uncle...
2. talk to recruters from all services. find out advantages of each from each service. Watch out for anyone telling you bad things about other service vs. good things about theirs
3. Decide what you would like to do in the service. Do you want a job in electronics, medical, trade work, cook, admin, infantry, mechanical trade, jump out of airplanes, be a diver, drive trucks, they need everything done I knew a guy that his job was to do laundry.
4. find out from each service what is guarenteed. some will give you choice of carreer feild, some will give a specific job, some just will put you where they need you once you are in.
5. When it is time to go to the MEPS center, remember you haven't joined yet. That is where your contract is done, if it isn't in writing it isn't real. Make sure you get any and all promises in writing. If going into a service that lets you pick your job this is where you do it, there may be many jobs you qualify for, check them all out, at least read the whole list and ask about them. THey have a book that describes each job and what it involves.
Maybe go the airport, they have a USO center at many, traveling service members spend much of their layover time there. Bring them some cookies they'll be honest.
Good luck, and don't rush | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/11/2006 8:13:42 PM | Tell him to come to Canada.
Seriously, it's impossible for me to comment further on this without statng my views on US policies and the current situation in Iraq (always a heated and politicized debate which would take away from yur question). I feel for you as his mother on that level, and know it must be really hard on you. A war that serves no greater good is a war not worth dying for.
Again, my heart goes out to you and I do not envy your situaton - you must love him a great deal, and I know as his mother you will give him advice from your heart.
Good luck to both you and your son. | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/11/2006 8:19:17 PM | Thanks so much for all the repiies, I read them all and appreciate every one. That's all I want for my son is an infromed decision.
He is being influenced by people he works with, and when I ask him about that, it's not a good or positive influence. NOT, when I ask him he admits what they chose is not the life he wants. He is young and vulnerable particularly to anything a male says. I know and it so totally breaks my heart that he hasn't had a dad, he is so needing and wanting that male inlfuence, his grandpa, my dad died eight years ago. He talked about that when we drove home today.
It's just so hard, I don't want my baby boy to be my baby boy forever. I've always enouraged my children being their own independent persons and having their own lives.
I do want to give him like all my children in whatever they've chosen my 100% suport.
I want to support him, encourage him, and whatever he does, he knows that Mom will be his biggest cheerleader.
I just can't be insincere or fake it. If that's what he wants and does decide to do it, I will be there for him, suppport him and enourage him. I believe in my son, totally and whatever he chooses, he has ME with him 100%.
No matter what, I've gone and done what I thought was right, and it did't turn out like I thought it would. So common in the human experience. and those that have loved me and stuck with me, I've never heard the words...I told you so.
Made a big imspression on me, and I've stuck wtih many that I loved, and never would ever think to say I told you.
My son will never hear those words from me, none of his siblings have.
My deepest thanks for all who replied.
I am trying not to be a mom, and am struggling with that. I AM his mom, and just want what most parents want for their children. To be happy and have a good life. | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/11/2006 10:46:19 PM | really, get him to be a desk jock if you're worried about him... he'd have paperwork for most of the day, and desk jocks are in every arm of every military...
Really, most units won't see overseas active duty, no matter what he joins... because they are in the "pulling out" mindset, he wouldn't be fully through all the training for pretty much any specialist position, and you need not fear that happening.
oh, and for all who are considering the marines as purely ground, they're far from it... they are mostly replacing the army over time, yes, but they have pilots, for air support, they have naval specialists, they have divers... they have most things, with the focus being on amphibious combat specialists... | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 17 | |
| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/11/2006 11:30:17 PM | Many Marines were stationed in Canada during the vietnam war  ...just kidding.
I joined at 19 in the Canadian Forces...I had the same attitude as your
son and my mistake was to that I did not learn anything that
could be transplanted into civilian life. Your son has to understand
that not too many people plan on staying on the Forces beyond their
first contract. If all you've learned was how to kill, then that's all good
stuff if you plan to work for the postal service. | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/12/2006 3:20:40 AM | Basically, I know three common, misleading things in recruitment.
What he signs up to do rarely has much in common with what he does. The "needs of service" clause kicks in and the guy who signes up to fix helicoptors is working infantry.
Don't join the reserves right now. Pretty much guarenteed deployment without the job security after and while on leave.
Stop-loss. Hate that program. | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/12/2006 3:28:04 AM | OP, I come from four generations of Marines. I joined the Navy instead. Knowing what the Marine Corps was about I knew I couldn't fit in.
To get the most out of the Marines, you really really have to want it. The Marines are more formal than the other services when it comes to structure. In the Navy a SN and SA are peers. In the Marines a LCPL and PFC are not. The Marines try to live the image 24/7. All of the services promote discipline, but the Marines make it a way of life. If your son is the kind of guy who wants to live that, then he will do well.
The Marines is not a machismo paradise. The public reputation is for being tough. It is way more than that. They don't expect you to be smart -- they demand it. You are always studying. You are always training and you had better learn fast. It is not a good place for the high school tough guy. They don't last.
The Marines are not very good at seeing to the comfort of the troops. Marine barracks tend to be more run down than in the other services. The recreational services are not quite as good. I have a theory that it is because the Marines are under the Navy Dept and the priority is to maintain the fleet rather than the Marine bases. I am not sure.
OP, you mention that your son might be drawn to male comradarie and a masculine environment. The Marines certainly will provide that. That usually develops at 3AM in a freezing rain while standing sentry or when trying to get one last coat of paint up on a Sunday night before the Colonel comes to inspect at 6AM Monday morning or, unfortunately, combat. It is adversity that is the catalyst for comradarie. This is a good thing because nobody should face adversity alone. The Marines don't.
Wish him luck and give him a sloppy mother's kiss when he goes. If he is going to be sorry about going in, don't let it be because you were sorry first. The last thing he needs in his 4th week at the Island is to be thinking "why didn't I listen to Mom?". Don't worry about him being puched around. They haven't done that for decades. He will be in good hands. Just keep the letters comming -- that is the most important thing. | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/12/2006 3:33:40 AM | I'm not sure how it works in the states but up here you have to take an aptitude test and that determines where you can go. Apparantly being a soldier isn't for everyone. You have to score really high in certain areas.
My friend got back from his tour in Afganistan about 3 months ago. His tour consisted of working in the storage facility loading crates and supplies. There was danger and he was at risk but it was safer than soldiering. He's entitled to benefits and people still buy him drinks whereever he goes.
There are non-soldier jobs in the military. Good luck. | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/12/2006 8:04:54 AM | We live in the Tampa area, so MacDill AFB is across the bay from us. Maybe I can find a USO center there, thanks for whoever suggested that. And just go let him hang out with the guys and talk. I think something like that would do him a lot more good than talking to a recruiter or his buddies at work.
Thanks for all the great suggestions and input, it's much appreciated. | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/12/2006 8:22:12 AM | I enlisted during the Vietnam era and did a tou r over there, when I came home I was spit on and called a baby killer, but I served with some o the best and bravest men I have ever met and sent a few of them home to their parents in body bags. I would not change the friendships that I made for the world or most of theexperiences.
Even through the bad times it helped me to become who I am today.
Like you said he is a man, you have to, as a mother let him make his own decisions, stand behind him in what ever he decides, whether right or wrong, just be there for him.
My youngest is talking about joining too, I told him I was against it, but it is his decision to make, not mine.
Him talking to arecruiter is no good they are there to get kids to enlist, they paint a pretty picture of all the great things, travel schooling, stuff like that, they fail to tell them about seeing their friends go down with half their faces gone, or having to hold your best friend in your arms while he passes away. .
I was in the Marines and it wasn't until after being out a couple of years that I finally let loose of all the gung ho crap they fill you with, and brain wash you with, so be careful about who he talks to at the USo also, some will make it sound fun | |
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elnik
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Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 24 | |
| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/12/2006 9:47:52 AM | Boy i'd get flammed here if I told you about what i really think.
That being said I spent 10 yrs in the army I went into the army at age 20.
I had 7 yrs active and 3 reserves . I have done more in those yrs then most
will do in a life time.
My advice is tell him to wait 1 yr and he needs to work out. Tell him to get the school
of his choice in writing. I wanted to be a mechanic and thats what I did. I was in
during 87 to 91 and then from 93 to 96 . The military is way different now then when
I was in. I'm not talking about the war either. I'm talking about houseing and other
opertunies ( sp ) .
Email me if you'd like to get more . Yes i've been to war and yes it did change me.
Some for the better and some for the worst.
I hope that helped bucsgirl | |
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| Looking for advice. Youngest son is considering joining the military.
Posted: 11/12/2006 7:19:57 PM |
I have a number of concerns, still want to be able to give him my 100% support in whatever he chooses to do. He is my baby, my youngest, but still a young man and just want to be sure he's making the best decision for him for the right reasons.
As to the “informed decisions/questions” the guys in this thread have done a great job in covering that.
As one mother to another, my heart goes out to you. The bottom line is your son wants to apply for a job that is dangerous indeed!! If it helps any there are other positions that envolves danger . . .such policemen, firemen, prison guards, doctors, nurses, and any other service that is exposed to danger on a daily basis. But I'm sure that doesn't help.
Again as one mother to another, I'll share something that has helped at times being a parent. . . . that being . . . God has given me a diamond freshly mined. Mind you that a freshly mined diamond is a big black rock, more like lava crust . . .far from looking beautiful.
I believe my job as a parent was to go about day after day and chisel the crust off the diamond, ever so slowing exposing a raw unshaped diamond . . . . then expose that rock to the world for it to gain its shape.
Each facet is an experience in life . . . good (a perfect cut) or bad (“a flaw”). Our child can allow the cut to be a “flaw” or he can allow the cut to be perfect and only in time as each facet is cut will we see what type of diamond he will be . . . for only he can decide which cut is the one he wants . . . .
I have also learned that I can listen, I can cheer, I can support, I can cry my heart out, but ultimately the only thing that counts is his outlook in life . . . . .
So with all this said, I hope and pray that your son is blessed with a positive outlook in life and FAITH for ONLY that will help him survive whatever lies ahead for him.
Sincerely,
Shyla
P.S. . . My baby brother is in the service and my older served in Vietnam. | |
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