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| How do you take care of the kids, when they have just lost their mother, because of cancer?
Posted: 11/12/2006 6:18:15 AM | First let me say I am so sorry that you are going through this pain.
Truthfully, I'm not sure your kids are ready for you to introduce your children to anyone new in their lives. Of coure I'm not really sure when they lost their mother.
As for taking care of them, again not exactly sure what kind of answers are you looking for?
How do you take care of them emotionally? physically? day to day as you go to work.
Emotionally the only thing I am going to say is DON'T quit talking about their mother. Let them know she is still very much a part of their lives through you and through themselves.
Let them know that you hurt also and that it's just fine to cry and to miss her because you miss her too.
Physically, LOL....as you know they don't come with handbooks, so that is just a day to day thing, they are probably going to act out. They are angry that mom left them, they really can't see the logic in the fact that she had no choice. Now I do know when my children lost Grandparents early in life I was counseled to not tell them that Grandma and Grandpa were watching over them. Kids take things literally and they can end up being really paranoid about being watched all the time.
Seek good family counseling for all of you. I wish you luck and keep us updated on how things are going. | |
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| How do you take care of the kids, when they have just lost their mother, because of cancer?
Posted: 11/12/2006 6:52:43 AM | | I'm sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how painful that must be right now on you and your children. How do you take care of the kids? You love them, you be there to listen to them, you hold them when they cry and you laugh with them when they are ready. As for dating, I know you are probably lonely as well, but right now, I wouldn't suggest introducing women to them - your kids - and I suspect you - are still grieving and it is just too soon. | |
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| How do you take care of the kids, when they have just lost their mother, because of cancer?
Posted: 11/12/2006 9:20:19 AM | Welshman I'm truly sorry for your loss.
I would encourage you to get them invloved with a program called Big Brothers or Big Sisters it is an awesome mentoring program that could help your children immensly, also take some pressure of you.
I myself have been a Big Sister for 5 years now to a young girl who is now 14 soon to be 15 have been with her since she was 9. She comes from a single parent family(mother) with 2 other siblings who are also in the program. It is a very selfless act to do for your children. In my case the young girl I mentor does not come from a privileged back ground and her mother can not offer her children too much in the way of wordly experiences
( mother does not drive or own a car) My girl and I have an awesome friendship and she feels very safe with me and confides in me about her personal life and school that she could not talk to her mother about ( you know kids) We do activities together whether it just hanging out making supper watching movies, shop, fly kites at the beach we do all kinds of things.
I would encourage you to check out the program, I could go on about the positive sides to this program if you want to know more email me.
Cheers
Diane | |
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| How do you take care of the kids, when they have just lost their mother, because of cancer?
Posted: 11/12/2006 9:46:12 PM | | My son, he's almost 7, lost his father last summer. He did act up a bit... and I let him, he was testing boundaries in every way. Every time I saw him acting out I'd give him extra love and we'd talk lots about his Dad, we still do. I blew up and framed a picture of the two of them together for his room, and put one of the three of us on the fridge so he could see he's still in our hearts. I advised the school of our situation and they had the counselor check in on him every so often... there were a few bumps but he's dealt with it fine so far. I also got in touch with a local chapter of "rainbows" it helps children deal with loss in an age appropriate group. | |
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| How do you take care of the kids, when they have just lost their mother, because of cancer?
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:37:54 AM | | dude that really sucks, i feel for ya man. i have a cousin who is terminally ill and she has 3 kids, one is grown and a dad, the other two are very young, i dont know how they are going to respond to losing their mom. my kids lost their mom,, not to death but to drugs, just the same as death, they are coping with it, and i am there to support them for what ever they need, and my older boy sees a concilor at school and that really seems to be helping him. | |
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| How do you take care of the kids, when they have just lost their mother, because of cancer?
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:47:09 AM | I feel for you. I lost my dad to cancer in mar 06. Being a single mum, he acted as my sons father too. My son is 9 years old. The most important thing i have found is not to shut him down. He talks of the happy times with my dad and understands that it is ok to miss him and ok to cry. He has certain items from my dad that he keeps close (a hockey shirt, a watch etc..) no one will ever replace his grandpa. He also loves hearing stories of his grandpa. Your kids need you more than ever and it is ok to let them see thier mum is missed.
Good luck and god bless | |
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| How do you take care of the kids, when they have just lost their mother, because of cancer?
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:51:15 AM | | Im so sorry for your loss. Its never any easy thing to adjust to and there are never any words that can actually comfort a person.. But a word of advice just show them you love them and be there when they need you cause they will need you more now than ever.. I lost my dad when i was 13 and it was hard but my mom stood by us and showed us she was gonna be there no matter what..Yah i did act out mostly when she started to date someone else cause he wasnt my daddy but if you talk, show your love and listen to them you can always figure out an answer or some means of a middle ground..Good luck op it will be a bumpy journy but with major ups and downs a total emotional rollercoaster but love you will make through it.. | |
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| How do you take care of the kids, when they have just lost their mother, because of cancer?
Posted: 11/13/2006 12:33:04 PM | hi my mum died of cancer in oct 2005 aged 53 i was 32 and my brother an sister were 16 an 17 i know ur kids will prob b younger. I gave up my council house to look after them an moved into my mums it is hard but u will do it take every day as it comes it has been a year now and my sis has just had a baby and is now 18 and lives wi her boyfriend and my bro is now 17 and still lives wi me we also lost a brother 9yrs ago who commited suicide so i do know what u are going thru. My heary goes out to u and ur kids as it is tough bit each day gets easier my 6yr old saw a bereavment councillor this year due to the death of my mum and it helped him tremendously we go on day trips etc she helped him in a way i couldnt. But show your kids it ok to cry and y u crying and cry together. I wish my bro would cry but he hasnt. Also i find it helps when we go to cemetary my lil boy always sings a song to her and i talk to her. I told my son she is a star in sky and shine brightly down on him. U can do it for u and the kids. As for a new relationship take one day as it comes u loved ur partner dont replace her yet with anyone else take time for u and ur kids ti grieve good luck gope i ave helped a bit and i do no how u all feel i ave been there and i am still grieving a year later my heart goes out to you all xxxxxx donna xxxxxxxxxx | |
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*Em*
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Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 13 | |
| How do you take care of the kids, when they have just lost their mother, because of cancer?
Posted: 11/13/2006 12:42:03 PM | welshman im sorry for your lost.
first and foremost id be inclined to say take care of YOU. you are now the most important thing in your childrens life and in order to help them through this you must keep yourself strong and healthy. go speak to perhaps a counsellor or some good friends. dont bottle things up-talking is a healer in itself.
keep their mothers memory alive-speak freely about your feelings to them, their feelings etc and have photos of their mother around you. perhaps explain cancer as best you can to them because i know from being a child who lost a sister to cancer-i was petrified i would also die from that disease or anyone i loved would also leave too. the fear has stayed with me through out my life as ive never been taught to come to terms with grief and nothing was ever explained to me.
my heart goes out to you and your children.
em xx | |
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| How do you take care of the kids, when they have just lost their mother, because of cancer?
Posted: 11/17/2006 5:03:29 PM | | Thats a tough one to anwer. I'm sorry for your loss, and feel your pain. I'm a Mom and if I passed away...I'd want her Dad to talk about me...share memorys. One thing about kids is that they seem to bounce back quicker than adults....but I am not speaking from your experience....so forgive me if I am wrong on that. Be there for them, they'll probably be worried about loosing Dad...assure them your there for them, how much you love them, and let the healing process take its course....I can't imagine how hard this is for you, losing her...and having to console your children all at the same time...Dad needs to heals too. I guess maybe I'm a bit lost for words, this sure has made me think.. Good luck to you and your angels....thanks for your post, its really made me think & remind me of how precious life truely is. | |
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| How do you take care of the kids, when they have just lost their mother, because of cancer?
Posted: 11/18/2006 9:07:06 PM | Welshman, welcome to the club that no one wants to join. Let me give you a message board that has helped me out a lot. It is for young widows/ers and there is a widowed parents section where everyone seeks advise. www.ywbb.org
I lost my husband three years ago to a heart attack and it has been tough but getting easier. Message me anytime if you need someone to talk to. | |
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| How do you take care of the kids, when they have just lost their mother, because of cancer?
Posted: 11/18/2006 10:47:23 PM | | sat and thought on this one . My heart felt sympathies to you and your children .I lost my father at the age of 25 and can honestly say I am still dealing with it everyday.After reading the above replies would agree with most. Most of all just love them and let them take their time to grief.Talking to someone who deals with this on a professional level is a great idea. My father told me a week or so before he passed to celebrate his life, don't mourn my loss. | |
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