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Posted: 11/12/2006 11:52:46 AM | Its not as hard as you think because the people that won't date you because you are a mom and come as a package ARE NOT the ones you want anyways!!! TRUST ME!!! LOL
My advice to you don't hide the fact you are a mom but when getting to know someone first connect with them and figure out whether they are going to stick around for a signifigant period of time before you introduce them to your child....... don't rush bringing them into your home when your son's around....for two reasons A) children get attached way to easy and B) guys can freak out at that point as even though t hey know it's a package deal, introducing a guy to the "family dynamic" too soon can casue them to turn tail and run, if they have a good bond with you and want the relationship to go further it won't be a problem, BUT THAT takes time.
also I don't know how long ago your ex left, but I m wondering for the sounds of your post if you have taken enough time to get over it and really stand on your own two feet and feel comfortable as your role of "single mother", and I hope that your not rushing into the dating situation to fast before you ve come to terms with everything for fear of being a"single mom" or being "alone" or raising your son without a father becasue that won't work out, I tried dating right away after my realtionship ended becasue I had never been alone since I was 15 so 9 years I had a boyfriend/ lived with a guy...an I total freaked out when faced with the reality that I was now a single mother, AND it was a disaster, I was willing to settle again just to fill that void created by being single *SHAKES HEAD, in the end I took almost two years off to get to know myself again and too get to know my daughter and focus on us because that WAS the most important thing...and when I had my ducks in a row I jumped back into the dating pool and now I ve found a great guy, and couldn't be happier!!
just some thoughts.................. and things to consider | |
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| first time..........
Posted: 11/12/2006 11:57:58 AM | It sounds like you really need someone to talk to. Maybe a good friend, or even a therapist?
It's easy to feel lost when we are so overwhelmed by such brutal change and crisis in our lives. One needs to focus on what's most important, such as themselves and the ones who rely on us to care for them. You will develop a new routine and things will begin to seem "normal" once again.
As for finding a man who will love and accept both you and your child, I don't think that will be a problem. Just stay focused on taking care of yourself and your child, and everything will happen the way it's supposed to. I'm sure there are lots of great matches on this site for you, just keep looking.
I think time heals wounds, whether one chooses to believe it or not. I also strongly believe that everything happens for a reason, and it's not what happens in our lives but how we react to the situation that makes our lives what they are. Good luck, stay strong. | |
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| first time..........
Posted: 11/12/2006 12:04:49 PM | Firstly, registered..I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's certainly not an easy road and I know because I HAVE travelled it. My only words of advice for you are to work firstly on yourself...allow yourself to heal and recover your confidence and love for yourself. It WILL return in time... Secondly, never worry that there aren't wonderful men out there who would be more than happy to spend time with you and your son...there are! I had a few years when I thought I was doing absolutely everything wrong...but my kids are old enough now to thank me for all of the things they think I did right...and they do! Enjoy your son...when the time comes that you no longer look at your situation as an ending...but the potential for a new beginning...the fog will clear. Best of Luck! Years really do wipe away the tears.  | |
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