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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 4:43:26 AM | Fess up now folks.
How many of you are now living alone? And for how long? What do you like about living alone? Dislikes? Would you rather be living with a partner?
As of this month, I have lived alone for 32 years, and am getting tired of it. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 4:55:04 AM | As of today I've been alone 15 months 12 days and 5 hours. For the first 6 months I experienced great joy and crippling lonliness. The kind of which I'd never imagined.
I expected the joy, and trust me I deserved it. The lonliness was a surprise. I had never been alone. I was married at 19 having left a family of 7. I needed to be alone so badly.
But now I'm settled in, I'm not sure I'd ever like to live with someone again. I've made this perfect space for myself. I'll let someone in for a few hours and get antsy to have my space back. That may change though.
One thing I've learned, a 50 something can change her mind just as easily as a teenager. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 5:24:40 AM | wow jadely got it down to hours! lol
I have been living alone for 5 years, divorced almost 8. I lived alone for 10 months after my divorce, then had a girl move in with me, who I met online and moved her here out of an abusive situation. She was 31 at the time and unmarried. She became my daughter (not legally) and I her mom. I was with her for over 2 years and she moved out. I was glad to have my "space" back, but we did spend a lot of time together, just her in her place, and I was in mine. She moved away 2 1/2 years ago, and it has been lonely. My son moved in for a month last year, and I loved having someone around, but I have a small place, and enjoy being by myself, although it does get lonely at times. I do have my "furry friends" lol
I'm not sure I would be able to share a home again, but that would depend on whether I met the right man. If he wins my heart, my home would be available and brighter! | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 5:27:39 AM | Totally alone, last kid left the house in 1995. They have moved back a few times between military and college and college and work but never permanently.
I have lived totally alone 5 years and without a companion 13 years. I find parts of living alone great. I sometimes think I am ready for something different, like having a partner live next door.
There is something about never having to consider someone in my day to day choices, that is addictive. The things I miss, having someone to talk to from a different perspective or to cuddle with on the spur of the moment, spontaneous stuff are the things that I miss the most.
I am ready now to at least consider the alternatives for a long time I wasn't. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 6:08:52 AM |  10 yrs for me, living without a partner, alone most of the time, except for children and the occassional guest, passing through. Not such a bad thing and much prefer it to living with the wrong person for me, and if I live alone for the rest of my life, so be it, if I find someone that can put up with living with me, that would be nice as well, but living alone does not have to mean lonely. Lots of independent people out there not looking to live with anyone just looking for people to do things, have friends I enjoy being with but glad I don't have to live with them. Mirbah, you referred to having a partner living next door, Katherine Hepburn had a quote about that, She said, "Men and women should live next door to each other and visit as often as necessary." .. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 6:27:48 AM | I've been 9+ years without a partner - and it certainly has it's good points, and I've really gotten to know myself well.
I have a fella who stays with me on the weekends, but if it was more - I'd be afraid of loosing touch with "me".
On consideration - if I was to live with a man again, it would have to be in "our" home, not mine or his - but "ours" | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 8:42:24 AM | ...I have been on my own for almost eleven years now comeand for the most part I have been enjoying my independance, I kinda like my space but......I do miss not having that special person in my life. There are times when I get damn lonely, especially when I see couples enjoying each others company...I feel envious. There is this lady who does our cleaning at our office and she is a lively vibrant woman close to turning 68....she met someone who moved here from her home town. They got together this summer and now they are planning a month long vacation in Mexico at Christmas....so maybe theres hope for me yet. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 8:51:55 AM | I have lived alone for 30 years now and I don't know if I could make the necessary adjustments that are required should I choose to cohabit with someone else. I have a tendency to be a solitary individual and I recognize that fact.
Tink, Calgary | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:13:18 AM | | 6 years with a year in the middle when my nephew lived with me. I don't really mind it but it has a way of making you not care about anything anymore. I have an electric drill on my kitchen counter that should have been back in the garage three weeks ago. I use one cup, one bowl and one spoon. Dust builds up on everything else in my cabinets. One of these days, I'm actually going to get dressed in the morning instead of wandering around draped in the same blanket I slept in. Been out of half and half for 4 days now. Ahhh... lots of people drink it black right? | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:53:26 AM | | OP, I started living on my own at 22, and except for some years where my father moved in with me before he passed away this year, I've always lived alone. I love living alone even though it has its' pros and cons, the cons usually being something large I can't or don't want to do house-wise...but anything I can't do or don't want to do, I can always hire someone else to do ;) Now, that doesn't mean I don't want to share my life with a special person, including being married and living in the same house; it doesn't mean that I'm so set in my ways that I can't compromise and enjoy living with someone. I would love to have that be part of my life...but not with just anyone. The hardest part is finding a guy that thinks and feels the same way...I see too many that are so set in their ways they'll never learn to compromise on anything...and I didn't enough 100% compromising when I was in my 20s; now it's either we both do it or I'll stay single. Also, I see too many guys that don't have a clue what they want, don't know what it takes to be in a relationship, can't or won't communicate, etc. It took dating a number of the wrong ones to figure out what I wanted the right one for me to be like, and I don't plan to settle for less than someone who's perfect for me and who I'm perfect for. Until then, I'll enjoy living alone ;) | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:56:03 AM | Its been around 11yrs living alone. it has its good and bad points. When I see something funny or sad on TV I look around my empty room and wish there was someone to share the laughter with.
I envy the couples I see together and wonder to myself how they met.
I can watch watch whatever I want to watch on TV. Thats good. I guess. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 10:32:53 AM | Alone doesn't mean being lonely. Many people can't handle it and absolutely can not live alone, they need someone, but a lot of people are adjusting very well.
We are in a society made for "couples", we pay more for "single's portion" compare to "family pack" and we pay more to travel. We've been brought up, at least in my generation, that you get married and have a family.
Time has changed, we sees the label of "family" is not the same anymore. Women in particular with the opportunities in the modern world have choices.
We are vulunerable when we're lonely,we will experience that time and time again, the question is what are we going to do about it. The things that you enjoy to do, if that someone is not there, do it anyway, don't miss out just because you're alone. Our attitude change the whole picture in front of us.
I love life, and I will experience it with or without that someone beside me. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 10:41:17 AM | me, 2 sons, & 2 cats. I'm the boss. If I want to fart, no one says boo. Maybe I like this life? it's almost 10 years....no one to nag me about squat, 'cept the boys & I OUTRANK THEM! | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 10:47:26 AM | | I have been alone with just my kids for a very long time now and i feel quite good ,i can do as i want when i want with who i want etc and don't have to answer to anyone .One day if it is meant to be i will be with someone again and if that does not happen no big deal really i was alone before i started dating and got by well ,so i guess it is like they saY you don't miss something you never had and when you do have it and it is gone you learn to live with yourself and love yourself more for what you really are ,we will all be alone when it comes time for the big dirt nap anyway ,so i guess i am prepared already for that lol.Everything happens for a reason and in time we will all understand what the reasons were ,just be prepared to accept them. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 10:57:07 AM | Wow Tink, we are alot alike, 21yrs this passed sept. I like it, come and go when I want, do what I want, but yet there are times where I get sick and tired of doing EVERYTHING alone.
Don't believe I could give it up completely. weekender once a month would be nice. LOL | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 11:02:11 AM | I've been on my own now for 6 years (hardly seems possible!) and for the most part I've learned to like my own company. I like the fact of being able to do anything I want without having to consult someone else. I can pick where I want to go on vacation and not have the fight about the golf clubs coming along! I can sleep when I want and have popcorn for dinner and not have the tv on the golf channel 24-7!
Having said all that, I do very much miss having someone to cuddle up to, someone to hold my hand on a walk, someone to talk to, someone to make love with, someone to adore and by adored by. Living alone is a good experience, but it's not all good.
I have a fella who stays with me on the weekends, but if it was more - I'd be afraid of loosing touch with "me".
I hear you! I did move in with someone about 2 years ago and I DID lose myself!! Being together 24-7 was the downfall to the relationship. It was a very controlled atmosphere. He once asked me if I missed my 'former life' and I said, "yes, I really did". Moved home shortly thereafter.
On consideration - if I was to live with a man again, it would have to be in "our" home, not mine or his - but "ours"
In response to this comment, I totally agree. When you move into someone else's home, it never becomes your home. No matter how hard you try, you don't have any power to make necessary changes. I moved into a batchelor's home. He always told me, "make any changes you want, put up anything you want", but in reality when I tried to do that, he'd take control of 'his house' and find an excuse why that shelf couldn't be put up there, or why we couldn't paint the wall with the greasy handprint on it, and the dusty mini blinds were fine, "why should we spend good money on draperies". You get the picture. His house, his control. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 11:16:31 AM | Claypot, the one downfall about living alone is you don't have someone or a group of people to "remind" you about the "me*s", right? LMAO
Tink, Calgary | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 11:46:27 AM | Eating alone means I can eat spaghetti 3 nights in a row. Take-out and doggie bags have become my new best friend. Single-servings in grocery stores taste like plastic or cardboard.YUM! Oh yeah, I can eat dinner while having internet relationships, or in front of my almost empty fridge or while watching re-runs on TV.
Sleeping alone means I can have the queen size bed all to myself, stretch out or be surrounded by 5 pillows for physical contact or comfort. So, why do I wake up in the morning in a fetal position on the edge of the bed?
Waking alone, watching TV alone, doing housework & yardwork alone, travelling alone, planning for the future alone, crying alone, laughing alone........
No one to share the important questions about life with. Did you hear what happened on the news today? Do you want a second cup of coffee? How was your day, hon?
Talking to myself has become second-nature.( I don't have any pets to talk too) When the dialogue within myself becomes too loud, I begin to wonder if I'm going slightly senile. Life sucks when the only person I have a difference of opinion with, is myself. The amount of time spent wondering and having conversations with myself has taken on a whole new slant.Small decisions require a major internal debate, over-analyzing and observing life. It's now possible to start, have and end an argument with myself....all by myself.So, one of the biggest problems for me is simply that there is no one to talk to, except myself. There isn't even anybody here, so I can tell them to " leave me alone!"
Oh yes there are occasions when I have guests over to visit.....loud, boisterous and fun times. But, after they leave, the silence in the house seems even more deafening.
I can come and go as I please too, be independent.....go out and socialize...but I come home to an empty house draped in a grey hue of silence.
What's wonderful about this?
Having time for yourself is good because everyone needs their own space from time to time to just veg-out.
But, when I do all these things alone, most of the time, I can't help but stop for a minute and ask " What the Hell kind of life is this? "
Of course, I would be wrong to deny that single living doesn't have some positive aspects. It builds character, self-reliance,resourcefulness, humility and wisdom. It certainly gives me time for self-reflection and personal growth.
Well, you know what? I had all these same opportunities when I had a partner to share my life with.
Now, if living alone is such a great thing, why doesn't everyone plan to do it for a lifetime? If living alone is such a great thing, why are people who live alone, dying sooner? Why if living alone gives you freedom, are people on the internet or social single settings looking for that special someone?
Bottom line......living alone for me, means I'm not participating fully in life. And, I want to live life to the fullest!
Muskoka | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 12:18:38 PM | | Hummm I enjoy "living" alone because it give me my space and my free time BUT being alone is something that's not fun, you can have them come and go but when they are there (choosing the right ones to be there is most important) it's like a little heaven on earth, until "we" start acting like "them old married people" then it time for our free space again, all in all the past 4 years have been very good. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 12:56:34 PM | | My son is living here but I rarely see him so I danged well am alone in the house.. What I like about being alone is I can listen to the music I like whenever I please, I can hog the remote control.. Cook just enough for one, laundry for one.. The bad thing, no one to laugh with, dance in the kitchen with.. no one to lay beside me.. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 1:35:50 PM | I have been alone with my kids for most of their lives. They are almost 21 and 22 now. I did live with a man for three years, about six years ago. But other than that , it has been just the three of us. Now they are grown, one is looking for an apartment now. The other moved out for about a year and moved back. Alone for so many-many years. And it is nice to know, I am not the only one that has spent most of her life without a permanant partner. This is why I love this site, and most especially the over 45 forums. Someday the last grown child will also move out. And then I will know what it is like to not have someone to talk to other than my dogs. I get tired of the clutter, and the mess of my young adults sometimes. But I know deep down, there will be times when it is lonely here, when my kids move out. I get glimpses of it now, as they arent home all that much. But they do pass through, long enough to grab a quick conversation from time to time. In the beginning , I may like the being organized , having space again. But I know ultimately I will miss them terribly when they do finally start their independant lives outside of my home.
It is hard sometimes , to not have a helpmate. But since I had such a short time with one, it is pretty normal to overcome some of the hurdles without a partner. And as another poster said, we learn alot about the upkeep of a house, repairs , remodeling. And anything I dont think I have the ability to do, then I hire someone to do it for me.
But I am sure none of us pictured life to be this way. I dont think any of us planned to spend the majority of our adult life alone.
But still, being alone is alot better than being with the wrong person, and feeling alone. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 2:34:46 PM | | I am adjusting to living alone (10 months now) and am not sure if I like it or not. It's nice not to have to cook dinner every night and you can do what you want but it is rather boring some weekends when your friends are busy with their families. A group of my single girlfriends have discussed that we need a "closet man". A great guy that we can pull out of the closet when needed to cook us dinner, play the guitar, go dancing etc. and then just put him back when we want to be alone.---- Any volunteers??? LOL | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 23 | |
| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 3:45:37 PM | OP - you're making me feel great! For a second, I thought I was the record holder. I hear what you're saying it does get old. I've been flying solo since my divorce in 1987. I'm not sure if I want to remarry, but I'd really love to have someone in my life that I can share the good times and the bad times with. One who I can explore the world with, and one who loves life to the fullest.
What my dislike about living alone is around the holidays. I don't have kids and my family is scattered throughout the country. I know I've spent 10+ Christmas's alone. Funny thing about Christmas Day, I sleep in late, then I love going to car lots and really browsing. Hardly any other people are there, its nice. I treat myself well on X-mas & Turkey Day, a great cup of coffee, good food (sometimes buffets), listen to music, and read or watch a good movie. I may be alone but not lonely on those days. I am grateful for what I do have, and if the "one" comes into my life, golly Ms. Molly, it's icing on the cake! | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 4:49:57 PM |  It is interesting you say living alone. I have been married to a person and often felt very alone, even when they were there. I have been 3 years alone now. Grown up children, and become very involved with friends, courses, my church group, volunteering all over the place, going out with friends from work, get invited to all kinds of events, people's homes etc.
Sometimes those few hours with real friends, and families who really enjoy my company and I genuinely laugh and exchange are the warmest happiest moments in my life.
As for being alone sometimes, yea I would love to have a strong (caring) person to cuddle up with and plan adventures with, but most of that kind of relationship was with boyfriends, not husbands, necessarily.
Maybe at the beginning of the relationship but when things got strained due to life circumstances that kind of intimacy can wear a bit thin.
I think 32 years, you should be asking yourself just how much you honestly wanted to partake in the give and take of a real living together experience. You have to bend and them too.
Hope you find someone soon. Maybe you should try having a real close friendship before moving in and spend weekends with someone for a while first.
I think loneliness is a choice sometimes. I think I split from my husband because I did not want to feel lonely any more. I felt more cared for with my friends and acquaintances, so I chose that. It was a wise choice.
I have not given up on having something great again, but I will take time to know them for a while first. Never say never, that is my motto.
Get out and mingle, you won't feel so lonely all the time. Invite friends over to your place.
BFJRLADY | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 4:50:25 PM | I have been alone for 13 years, and I am satisfied with that. No kids, no family, two rottweilers that think I am a Goddess.........how can I go wrong.
I so prefer spending Christmas alone. Every so many years a well meaning new friends thinks that they need to rescue me and invite me to their family gathering. It is happening again this year. Have already told her that I don't want to come, but she is insisting that no one should be alone at Christmas. She will learn when I don't show up. | |
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