| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/14/2006 11:48:48 AM | | Is it too much to ask a friend to take the reigns of a friendship? I've always been the one that has been the driving force. I would initiate the calls, set up the times to get together. There's been a lot going on in my life and I just needed him to be the one to initiate contact for a while, and he hasn't and he's let me down. I once had deep feelings for him but now I just love him dearly as a friend. He's well aware of my situation and is just not stepping up. When I wrote and talked to him about it he said, "Stop that" and seemingly put the whole thing back in my lap. What's the deal? I feel like he doesn't care about me at all. Is he just lazy or does his ego need some constant gratification? He's involved with someone else so I don't think the whole "chasing" mentality thing would come into play. I'm really hurt over this and pretty surprised. Input appreciated. | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/14/2006 11:57:07 AM |
He's involved with someone else
Hmmmm...maybe that's all it is. I'm guessing you aren't involved?
Maybe you need him more and he just doesn't have as much time to give back? | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/14/2006 11:59:24 AM | | Well, we have been friends for the past 2 years and he has been involved all along. I don't think it is that. He doesn't get to see her that often because she is "involved." He is a busy person (as am I) but I take that into account. We used to talk everyday. Since I have stopped initiating, we have not spoken in a week. This is why I'm feeling down about it. | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:03:21 PM | I know people like that too.
One day, when it's been about a month, he'll call you, acting all indignant and ask you why you've been ignoring him.
I know it sounds crazy but there are people like that out there. You realy like them a lot but when you 'test the waters' but not calling you suddenly realize you don't mean quite so much to them. EVEN THOUGH you have had these wonderul heart to heart talks. | |
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ruth78
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Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 5 | |
| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:04:30 PM | ^^^ i agree with this statement too, when you contact them they say "oh i haven't heard from you in ages" and you feel like replying "well why haven't you called me then", it's like you aren't on their minds at all until you call them. some people are very self centred and think the world revolves around them.
you're not alone in feeling this way. i'm always getting let down by friends and wondering sometimes why i bother at all.
if i don't contact certain friends first, i never hear from them, which i find really selfish. usually my friends and i talk via email or text (the one's who don't live near me)..they are quick enough to contact me when they have a problem and need advice, but once everything is ok, they don't get in touch again.
i consider myself to be a very good friend, sending a text message to ask how someone is only takes a matter of minutes, so i can't seem to understand why they can't do the same for me. so in the end i deleted a few numbers, and thought 'screw them all, they can text me from now on', a little selfish i know, but when it comes down to it, friends are meant to be there for each other, it should never be one sided.
sometimes we have high expectations of what a "true friend" should be, we sometimes expect our friends to be like us.
we understand they are busy or have their own problems, don't we all, but they still should be there for us too.
i don't think you should contact him for a while, i know it's already been a week and it'll feel like it's been much longer, but let him think about you for a change and contact you. it's not fair when friendships are all one sided, it's not how friendships should be. last as long as you can without contacting him, and when you really do want to get in touch, just ask him why it's always you who has to contact him first. | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:06:47 PM | Ruth, I think your advice is excellent and I'm doing just that. I wouldn't call him if I was on fire. He is selfish person. He has even told me that himself. Sometimes he's great and I guess this time he's not going to be. I tell you though, I hate people who make me cry. | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:07:02 PM | Me thinks the complications you are a part of are becoming complicated for you.
Simplify the problem to its essentials, decide which aspect needs solved, then execute.
If you let him down then he might let here down and so on and so on......Maybe all of you would be happier and less busy with someone else.
DS | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:09:59 PM | | In any relationship you need to be ready to walk if you're not getting what you need from it. Just being ready keeps you from being accepting of bad behavior and setting poor precedents in the relationship. Sometimes it takes you stepping back for someone to step up, as well. | |
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ruth78
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Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 9 | |
| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:14:32 PM | myremains: i'm actually past the crying stage. i once did, over many friends who couldn't care less about me and no matter how hard i tried not to contact them, i still did asking how they were, i'd get their life story then they'd say "well gotta go for now, ring you some other time" and they were gone without even asking how i was!! i used to think was i such a bad friend, had i done something wrong, but i realised in the end they were just selfish and i got rid of them.
the one's i've recently deleted are people who just go on about themselves too, if i end up friendless through this, i don't care because to be honest i'd rather have no friends than selfish ones. the odd thing is, the friends i have never met before (i've either got talking to on dating sites or epal world) are the more caring ones. they text or email asking how i am, but the friends that i know in real life are the more selfish ones!! very strange. it seems the further away my friends are the more they care about me lol!!! | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:15:41 PM | | then i say just leave him if he's being like that you seem to be a well minded person a jerik like him dosent deserve some one like you i would find that girl if i where you and confront her or bring his ass on a talk show like dr.phile that would be my choice. ps look what he's done to you already if you want to talk just send me an e-mail. | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:19:35 PM | Ruth it is sooo true. The people I've met on the net over the years are so much nicer than people who are close to me that I actually see often. If I had a pound (I think you are in the UK because you said "ring" lol I love that!) for every person that did the same thing to me (never asking how I was) I would be a rich woman! I think selfish is the new worldwide pandemic! The other strange thing here is that on November 1 it was my birthday. He made this big darned thing over the fact that I might be home spending the evening alone. He emailed me several times at work, and then he called me (rung me up!) in the evening and spent an hour on the phone. This whole thing is very confusing to me. I mean ya either luv me or ya don't! | |
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ruth78
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Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:25:27 PM | yeh it's very confusing, of course he might not been one of the selfish ones, he might just be really busy! who knows, and until you actually ask him i guess we won't know.
i said "ring" how do you say it?? lol!!! yes i'm english hehehe, but always creeping into these forums..
maybe the friends we have living closer are the one's who assume we're ok and don't feel the need to ask, maybe they think if we needed them we'd call them, but the people we've never met off the net before, are more concerned about us because we have never met them and they always like to know we're ok.
i promised myself that now i've learnt who the selfish ones are, i'd get rid of them (or just not contact them first anymore) and the true friends i had, i would make more time for. i certainly know who my truest friends are and they are the ones i'll be concentrating on from now on.
talking of which i have to call my friend lol (one i've never met before, she needs me and i would always be there for her because she's always there for me)
have a good night and i hope you get things sorted out with him, let us all know how things go xxx | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/15/2006 8:40:32 AM | No one's that damned busy. Ring me up when your driving. I can't believe he's hasn't contacted me in a week. I ask him to do one damned thing in 2 years and the horses a*** can't do it. So, he's turned it into a game. He'll turn around and say, "Well I didn't hear from you." After I explicitly told him that I would like him to make contact for a while. I really want to just give him one. | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/15/2006 10:48:32 AM | | OP, there really aren't rules for friendship...one either is a friend or they're not...and I believe we all know the difference between what makes one a good friend, a bad one, or just an acquaintance. There are some good friends who talk every day and some who don't, though in my experience men aren't ones for talking a lot on the phone to begin with, lol. If he knows that you'd like him to call more often and he isn't doing it, then he's not being the type of friend you'd like him to be, and I don't know that there's much you can do to change that if he's not willing to make more of an effort. | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/15/2006 11:12:17 AM | | I guess he's not. How discouraging. I had such a horrible summer and am just recouperating now. I sincerely thought he wouldn't mind taking the reigns for a while. I guess I know now I cannot depend on him at all. Talk about a broken heart. Ouch. | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/15/2006 1:21:58 PM | OP, not sure why this would break a heart if it's just a friend...or were you hoping he would become more than a friend and that's why your heart is broken? Though I will admit it can hurt even when it's only a good friend who lets you down...regardless of their gender. I'm sorry this happened to you. One thing I've learned though, sad as it is, is that the only person one can truly depend on is themself - and their family if they're lucky to have a good one...and I give thanks for my family every say ;) Best of luck to you  | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/15/2006 1:22:50 PM | | He is in the temporary mindset of not being friendly right now. Too bad because now you could use him. Time to find a new friend or two. Don't give up on him, but just realize he can change his mindset later and come find you. | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/15/2006 5:25:56 PM | | "He's involved with someone else" .................your chasing a guy that is with someone else...what a desperate thing to do....like your so great you think you can take him away from the one he is with...he thinks of you as a friend and nothing else BUT a friend...quit daydreaming and look for reality..... | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/16/2006 5:21:13 AM | | So are you on POF because your such a **** you can't get a date. He's a friend. I said he was with someone else to make it clear that there was no romantic interest. Um, did you graduate from high school or are you a natural born moron. I'm not chasing anyone. What an ***hole. Go back into the sewer you crawled out of. | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/16/2006 6:56:00 AM | Leave the man alone, he is sending you messages just by his
selfish actions, find someone worth your time! | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/16/2006 7:18:42 AM | | Okay, so when your best friend stops talking to you overnight, make sure you leave it alone. Don't ask him or her for an explanation and certainly don't bother to even wonder why they are behaving that way. Just walk away. And don't you dare feel bad because someone like yourself might give you a rude response. Now remember, just leave them alone. You are so enlightened. Shame on me for feeling bad a friend walked away with no explantion. | |
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mogrl
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Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 22 | |
| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/16/2006 7:30:05 AM | | Some people are always so needy it`s annoying after a while. | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/16/2006 7:41:45 AM | Ya, I guess you're right....sick people in the hospital due tend to be needy. It would be so much better if they just died, then their phony friends could go on with their lives and not have to be bothered with their sick friends. You are so right. It's amazing. This thread has brought out two kinds of people....really terrific people who make wonderful friends and people who I wouldn't put out if they were standing next to me on fire. It's been quite the experience. I bet the jerks are from the U.S./Northeast.
So, if any of you jerks get sick and end up in the hospital, I hope you don't get upset when your superficial, uncaring, jackass friends don't bother with you. Of course, they told you they cared. But, please don't feel bad that they actually don't. They are just out having mimosas while you're lying there. And remember, Get Over It. It's awful because you're just NEEDY. | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/16/2006 7:59:12 AM | I used to have a friend like this also. USED TO.
Once I realized I was doing all the initiating, I stopped calling out of curiosity to see how long it'd take for this "friend" to call ME. Answer : 4 weeks !
Well, it's ok if it's not a close friend but IMO this is way too long for a close friendship. This person was self-centered.
Eventually, I decided it wasn't working for me and moved on. NO REGRETS !
You have to realize what your expectations/boundaries are and stay true to them. | |
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| He's Letting Me Down
Posted: 11/16/2006 8:02:11 AM | That's exactly my point. We can't be around each other 24/7, but in order to maintain our friendships (like any other relationship) you have to put something into it. Thanks so much for your input.
Interestingly, he sent me a joke over the internet this morning. No "how ya doing" or anything, just the joke. Guess, the proof is in the pudding? | |
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