| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 12:43:58 PM | Ok I'm not sure if any of you PoFer's have dated or been in a relationship with someone you found to be utterly boring but for those of you that have, maybe you can shed some light on my situation.
I'm new to this whole online dating scenario. I have found it to be extremely convenient for stacking dates (many of you may think dating is fun but I find it straining emotionally and physically, reminds me of a crazy warzone where your trying to find your lost loved one) and collectively meeting personality types you would normally never meet in everyday life. I've met some very interesting and intriguing people over the last month, but what happens when you meet some that you find to be sweet, physically attractive, and best of all honest but you find this person to be completely boring? For example: This person loves to call you (around 8 times a day), but when this person gets in contact with you she has nothing to say and it feels like your having a conversation by yourself with "giggles" and "one word responses" to do *minimum* to keep the conversation going. When you say you have to go (out of boredom) she says no.
I'm a very blunt person and while dating its easy for me to tell a person why I wont date them again because of X Y and Z. On the other hand telling a person they are boring is more profound then calling them a cheater! Atleast if the person is cheating on you there is some type of communication level taking place and you know how both parties feel. Someone thats boring wont have a thought for themself and communication will be at its low, they will just agree with your statement. I mean what is a woman without verbal abuse or disagreement sometimes, thats like someone saying they can defy the laws of physics. Well, the closest I've come to telling her shes boring is after I talked to her on the phone for an hour with her only giving one word responses the whole time. Out of fustration I told her if she was going to talk for once, and she laughed and thought it was a joke till I got quite for two minutes. Then all she had to say after I talked to her for an entire hour was "I made waffles this morning, they were pretty good"  . I'm thinking to myself WHAT THE... WHAT THE **** this girl cant be ****ing serious, a pre-med student that has a 0 conversation level .
Bottom Line:
How the **** do I tell her the reason I dont want to go on anymore dates with her is because she's extremely boring (but in a really nice way).
I'm a honest person, but I've really been considering making up some bull**** excuse.
Is there anything I can say or do to make her talk more?
Has this happened to any of you? How did you handle it?
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 12:47:00 PM | I don't explain things, I just end it. No explanation will ever appease someone you've just rejected. Being "nice" only serves to drive people towards bitterness, resentment or chronic confusion.
Her: Blah blah blah
Me: Listen, I'm not happy in this relationship
Her: Why?
Me: I enjoyed spending time with you however I no longer want to date.
Her: Why?
Me: Take care.
They may not like me for doing it, and they may not love me, but they do respect me. | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 12:50:19 PM | Ugh, Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Probably the most physically beautiful specimen I had ever seen, BUT lacked ANY and ALL kind of depth, excitement or otherwise. I'm all for lying around at times, but this dude, that was ALL he did. And for a semi pro athlete, smoking weed and having no want to do anything and no words to carry a conversation, I had to do the 'ole "introduce the foot to the ass to the curb".... ahhhh.. the most beautiful physical being became somewhat of a washed up, lame ass bore, to put it mildly.
In short, I'd just move on, tell her you don't feel a "connection". That's bout as honest as it gets, without coming right out and saying "you're boring".  | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 12:51:09 PM | Yes, I have dealt with it in the past. I once dated a surgeon. He was so dry and boring I wanted to kill myself with my steak knife right at the dinner table. The best thing to say is the truth. Simply say: "I like you very much but I am a very outgoing person and I like to talk alot. I'm sort of the life of the party. I'm concerned that we wouldn't be very compatable together as you are very quiet and shy." Simple as that. Wish her well. And, maybe you have a good looking friend who is also quiet that you could send her way, maybe they would make a nice match. Hard for us outgoing types to be with the introverts. Starts to feel like you're talking to yourself! | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 12:54:04 PM | | People are boring when they aren't stimulated. Try finding a way to stimulate her so she wakes up from her trance. | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 12:55:59 PM | | Perhaps you could tell her you want to talk about something serious, so that she knows its no joke... then tell her that you are uncomfortable that she doesn't express herself. She doesn't talk about her life, her ideas, her opinions. Tell her that you feel this is important, and see what she says. | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 1:23:50 PM |
a pre-med student that has a 0 conversation level
Uh, maybe there's a clue in this somewhere. Let's see. Your profile isn't scintillating and intellectual. Your posts? Ditto. You clearly are giving off shallow vibes and asking for the same.
Pre-med's are generally very intellectually serious people more than capable of holding up their end of interesting conversations. She isn't doing so. Why not?
Possibility: You keep being a shallow guy and she's amused by it. She likes to shag you so she keeps you around.
Possibility: You are competing with a brain that's actually thinking about things that aren't between your legs or coming out of your mouth. And you're not saying anything interesting enough to get her attention. She likes to shag you so she keeps you around.
Possibility: Like many intelligent women, she's been burned by guys that want dumb women. She's learned her lesson too well and is trying her best to not intimidate you with her superior intelligence and greater knowledge of... well... almost everything. She likes to shag you so she keeps you around.
Ringing any bells?
Cheers,
Mike (put an ex-wife through med school thanks) | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 2:27:38 PM | I can really relate to this problem. You can't put her on the spot to talk more, she still won't know what to say. If you still want to try, then ask her questions. Ask her about the med school maybe. But don't tell her she's boring, that's too cruel; just say that you have nothing in common. If she won't accept that, avoid her. Be nice in your brush offs though. But then again, some people can't take a hint, and you might have to tell her a lie, like you found somebody else.
You can't change her personality. (Ive tried to make people less boring, it doesnt work)
Good luck | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 3:06:06 PM | | Just do like I do, when the boring person calls you 50 times a day, don't answer. She'll get the picture. I don't know how you can get someone to talk more, maybe ask her about school. If you're really not interested in her anymore, don't talk to her, that's just leading her on. Send a nice email if you can't do it on the phone or in person. If she's a medical student then she may know how to use a scalpal, be careful!! | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 3:20:24 PM | This isn't an attention seeking post. Its a real problem, one that many of us have run into. I find that with some of my friends, I have to work to make conversation flow..but once it hits a good topic that both find interesting, it can really be quite enjoyable.
The situation is: you *may* have run into a habitual cell phone user. She is connected to others by it, and has become dependent on it for mental stimulation of a nonchallenging sort. Viewed as a stress reliever, it can also be a stress promoter for call recipients.
If she has nothing to say, you find ways to cut the conversation short, or..don't take every call. OTOH, she may also be wanting to feel connected to you (infatuation) and she has an able means of doing so.
If the problem persists in person, it maybe that she isn't very good at making conversation and perhaps has never been expected to carry her side. You know the scenario: one side blah blah blah and the other side just listens, sort of contented to be talked at..
Might give it a chance, and try to draw her bright side out..if there is one. If she can't carry on a conversation and its important to you that an SO be an able conversationalist, find someone else. | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 3:32:25 PM | The first thing the jumps out here is "pre-med" student. As far as I know there are no pre-med faculties in Canada or the US. I've dated a few medical student and Dr.'s in my life and I don't think pre-med exists in North America.
Secondly you are so not compatible. Just tell her that. | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 3:44:47 PM | Possibility: You keep being a shallow guy and she's amused by it. She likes to shag you so she keeps you around.
Possibility: You are competing with a brain that's actually thinking about things that aren't between your legs or coming out of your mouth. And you're not saying anything interesting enough to get her attention. She likes to shag you so she keeps you around.
Possibility: Like many intelligent women, she's been burned by guys that want dumb women. She's learned her lesson too well and is trying her best to not intimidate you with her superior intelligence and greater knowledge of... well... almost everything. She likes to shag you so she keeps you around.
Ringing any bells?
smart man ^^^
Even people with not much to say can be fun when they get excited about whatever it is they do care about. This idea that people are either boring or not is itself boring. It's like saying people are sleepy or not.
^^^another smart man
So yes, you're bored by her. Sounds like she might be feeling the same... | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 4:14:26 PM | I agree with chaos....no connection and just move on.
I've recently met a man in which I'm experiencing the same thing. I'm a talker...and can usually immerse anyone in conversation for hours....but it takes participation...and I'm exhausting myself trying to sustain a conversation with someone who only knows "LOL, yep, nope and BRB"....and that's all with the use of icons in MSN  And yet...he has asked when are we going to meet? NOT! | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 4:16:05 PM | Some people thrive off of having drama (or at least some sort of excitement) in their life all the time. Had my share of both lifestyle's & to be quite honest, I'm finding that "boring" (or quiet) is not such a bad thing.  | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 4:16:11 PM | No need to explain. Honestly say, I don't believe we'd be compatible and just that. Giving an explanation only leads to more questions, arguments and hurt feelings. Spare both of you and just say that.  | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 4:22:00 PM | | I usually try to stimulate their mind as slapdash mentioned in an earlier post. You would really be surprised sometimes how people change when you get their mind going and get them to open up and relax. You at least have to try that first. Could be many reasons they appear/are boring. Get their motor running and see what kind of performance it has before assuming it just idles. They just may need a jump start. | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 4:53:01 PM |
Uh, maybe there's a clue in this somewhere. Let's see. Your profile isn't scintillating and intellectual. Your posts? Ditto. You clearly are giving off shallow vibes and asking for the same.
Pre-med's are generally very intellectually serious people more than capable of holding up their end of interesting conversations. She isn't doing so. Why not?
Possibility: You keep being a shallow guy and she's amused by it. She likes to shag you so she keeps you around.
Possibility: You are competing with a brain that's actually thinking about things that aren't between your legs or coming out of your mouth. And you're not saying anything interesting enough to get her attention. She likes to shag you so she keeps you around.
Possibility: Like many intelligent women, she's been burned by guys that want dumb women. She's learned her lesson too well and is trying her best to not intimidate you with her superior intelligence and greater knowledge of... well... almost everything. She likes to shag you so she keeps you around.
Ringing any bells?
Cheers,
Mike (put an ex-wife through med school thanks)
Its intriguing that you inspect all of my posts and even my profile being male. Your wife is an ex-wife for a reason my guess is different sexual orientation on your part, but hey man do whatever floats your boat even if its another guy. If it was even all about the "shag" then why would this person even bother calling or meeting up when "shag" isnt involved? Yes, for some finding your sexual orientation may be a difficult path but I'm sure everything will work out for you  .
Cheers,
Jon (was smart enough to put myself through college first, thanks) | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 4:59:59 PM |
was smart enough to put myself through college first, thanks
Coulda fooled me. Sounds like you're not fooling her either.
Cheers,
Mike (and doncha love how idjits like this leap for the gay insult?) | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 5:24:32 PM | | This girl is not boring, she's just immature. If you don't want to see her, just be straight and tell her this isn't working. There's no way you can't hurt her feelings, but there is way for her to move on and not be bitter. If she doesn't understand that you don't want to see her, that's just another indication of her imaturity. | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 5:54:18 PM | I think nitasgirl nailed it.
People are boring when they aren't stimulated. Try finding a way to stimulate her so she wakes up from her trance.
Some people are just dullards. They might be smart, but they have no spunk. She's just smitten with you and has no interest in speaking. Sounds like she just wants to lull in the flighty feelings of her new crush and "waffles" is the best she's going to be able to do for a few years. I'd put it to her straight if I were you, not say she is boring per se, just that you don't feel the same way as she does... Don't you hate that sore ear you get from talking to yourself on the phone so long? I've been there, it's not fun. | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 6:01:50 PM | okay to answer this posters message, basically she is either really really shy, or shes is just not very communicative.
basically what this leaves you with is two roads to take
1- try to get her to get over her shyness
2- if u see road one has failed then she must be dumped
that is all | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 6:05:55 PM | | Everyone has the ability to be boring. I guarantee I can likely make you laugh til you pizz yourself or make you want to stick a spoon in your eye to dull the pain, if I talked about my profession/job. BLEK! Boring like many things is relative. And some just need a spark of interest to get them to talk about something that interests them. Conversation is a two way street, and a lively interchange when both are so inclined. I'm a fairly patient person, but I'm sure those I've thought boring I've just lost patience with trying to find something interesting for them to talk to me about. Just a different perspective, I suppose. | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 6:06:09 PM | | You could maybe try finding out what she's interested in and try talking to her about it if you haven't done so already. If that doesn't work (which it probably won't) set her free. She probably is just too young and doesn't give a damn about anything intellectual. Just be honest with her. Tell her things aren't working out. You're going to hurt her feelings no matter what. | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 6:07:28 PM | Trying to figure out how a pre=med student has that kind of time..... to hang out on the phone like that.
You sure she isn't multitasking?????
There is nothing much worse than a bore. | |
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| Boring People
Posted: 11/15/2006 6:08:38 PM | | HA - you should have asked a nurse - we could have warned you and spared you all of that pain - lol | |
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