| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 11/16/2006 9:05:43 AM | Since we split "officially", my ex (with whom I have an excellent relationship) has only dated one guy. I, on the other hand, have gone out with 5 different women, and have a date with a 6th in a week. Some of them actually asked me out first.
My ex is a beautiful woman. Tall, curvy, and more brains than half of NASA combined. Really funny and witty, too. But every guy who contacts her online comes across as a complete sleaze or is as dumb as a bucket. One guy (she'd not even spoken on the phone with) began saying things like, "Tell my son (name deleted, but the son in question is mine and hers) that I love him." He'd never met her OR our son. This, of course, really creeped her out.
Any advice on how I can matchmake for my ex? I know this may be one of the strangest questions ever asked on POF.
Thanks in advance,
CR | |
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| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 11/16/2006 9:09:21 AM | Maybe at this moment she does NOT want to date. As i am sure if she is everything you say she is then she will have no problems finding someone without your help. | |
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| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 11/16/2006 9:26:29 AM | | I agree with the first post ,,does she really need your help,,sound like a control issue to me on both sides,,not sure though,,,I never dated for at least a year after my divorce,,,did she ask you for your help,,if not stay out of it is my advice. I also don't think she should be talking to you about her dating issues....just my opinion, Best of luck to the both of you ,you sound genuine in your concerns,,, | |
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| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 11/16/2006 9:39:46 AM | | maybe let her do it on her own.. she might not like that ur doing it 4 her & resent u later 4 doing so.. the person u were once married 2 might not be the same person today.. her preferences might have changed some in what she wants & doesn`t want from a man.. best 2 let her decide on her own & when she`s ready.. | |
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| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 11/16/2006 10:49:52 AM | I don't believe a word you're saying.
To whom are you addressing this question?
maybe let her do it on her own.. she might not like that ur doing it 4 her & resent u later 4 doing so.. the person u were once married 2 might not be the same person today.. her preferences might have changed some in what she wants & doesn`t want from a man.. best 2 let her decide on her own & when she`s ready..
She has no idea I've been thinking about this. But we were talking about it the other day, and she said, "I'm jealous. Not because you're dating, but because you're having the opportunity to date people!" | |
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| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 2/20/2007 1:50:00 PM | Don't you find it a little uncomfortable, discussing the women you're dating with your ex?
You obviously have an open relationship with her, but isn't it kind of like rubbing it in her face? Especially since she's told you it makes her feel jealous.
If dating is causing you to feel guilty. Wouldn't not telling her help? What she doesn't know can't hurt her.
I realize I'm not answering your question about finding her a new mate. I can't help you with that. I would shudder at the thought of being on a date that had anything to do with my ex.
But that's just me. | |
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| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 2/20/2007 2:02:10 PM | if she is everything you say I can't understand you still not being with her if you have such a good relationship.
Also if she is all you say she shouldn't have any trouble finding her self a man.
If dating is causing you a problem why don't you hold off for a while and spend time with her as a friend.
It sounds like you still have feelings for her, why are you in such a hurry to jump into another relationship. | |
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| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 2/20/2007 2:05:06 PM | my ex (with whom I have an excellent relationship) .......
My ex is a beautiful woman. Tall, curvy, and more brains than half of NASA combined. Really funny and witty, too.
so why did you split?
frankly, while i think your concern is genuine and heartfelt, its a little wierd, and maybe controlling. maybe that was part of your split?? is it your place to make her life better..now that you are split? the key here is that you feel guilty - thats the wierd part. why guilty? the guy who said "quit dating and the guilt will stop" had a valid point.... just how far and how long will you go with this, anyway? will your ceiling of happiness always have to match hers? one last thing - wil she reciprocate? if she finds love, will it grind to a halt til you catch up?
you seem like a nice guy - either go back with her or get on with your life and let her get on with hers. if you have a friend (male or female) who isnt your ex, do you feel guilty when you can date and they cant? | |
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| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 2/20/2007 2:08:56 PM | Maybe she is just encountering the fact that guys don't really want to date competent women who have it all together, even though they think and say that they do!
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| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 2/20/2007 2:20:22 PM | I have to wonder if you have such a great relationship why or why are you divorced ?
Maybe you need some time apart ( no Contact) for a while, then once she is "dating" and
meeting men that she likes you both can decide if you still want a close relationship.
Divorce is not really divorce until you are actually Divorced from each other, this means not holding hands and working out "her dates" . | |
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| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 2/20/2007 2:25:50 PM | I just had an epiphany!
Why don't you tell your ex to sign up for her own profile here. Let POF work its magic.
That way you can monitor. If she's so fabulous and you're so concerned, I'm sure
you'll feel very proud as you watch her favorites list grow. | |
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| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 2/20/2007 2:35:09 PM | Thanks to all who've posted. Obviously, there are things I've not mentioned here concerning our relationship and the reasons we split, and I'd like to just keep it that way. She's not jealous of any of the women I've gone out with, just the fact I've met people at all.
She does have a dinner date tonight, so she's pretty excited about that. I've also mentioned POF to her a couple of times, but she's pretty fed up with internet dating. | |
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| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 2/20/2007 5:31:43 PM | | my ex dumped me, then started to get upset when she saw me on a dating website. who knows why women think the way they do. but since you seem like such a wonderful person, i will gladly take tall, sexy smart wife on a dinner date, or just for coffee. I am sure she needs an understanding ear, and i would be doing both of you a favor. please, no need to nominate me for any nobel prize, or other rewards. I would do this just out of the kindness of my heart | |
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| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 2/20/2007 5:39:41 PM | It's not uncommon for men to date and re-settle down first. In fact its been proven that most single men settle down within 6 months to two years.
While single women are taking longer and not even thinking of settling down again for 2 to 4 years.
Will you still be concerned and feeling guilty for her at the 2 year or the 4 year mark?
Cause if the statistics are correct, you'll be long settled down before she decides to stop fumbling around and get on with it!!!
Or are you keeping score? Still competing? Are you forgetting the X - factor?
I'm sure your New partner will have something to say about that.... I think I'll leave that for her to handle but I'm sure something about a NASA astronaut in diapers will be in there!!!
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lmnop
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Joined: 12/11/2006
Msg: 21 | |
| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 2/20/2007 5:54:59 PM | You are still in love with her...let it go already!
It took me three years of unhappiness to stop loving a man that didn't love me.
He was all about bedding the ones that came on to him....and did not give me a second thought the last years of the relationship. You cannot worry about your ex's future and you should not worry about your ex's future.
Let go and create a life for YOU already. Continue to date and enjoy meeting people already! | |
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idioms
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Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 23 | |
| I feel guilty dating while my exwife isn't.....
Posted: 2/20/2007 6:17:34 PM |
Any advice on how I can matchmake for my ex? I know this may be one of the strangest questions ever asked on POF.
Yes, stay out of it. It's not a strange question, the better question would be why you feel the need to get involved in her love life when you are divorced. It seems to me that you are a little too interested in her personal business. Getting her hooked up isn't going to make the guilt go away, you are obviously still dealing with emotional fallout from the divorce. Your guilt is probably more over the fact the marriage didn't work out.
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| YOU feel guilty dating while YOUR exwife isn't..... Maybe YOU should DATE her . . .
Posted: 2/20/2007 6:33:01 PM | Never heard of anything so crazy . . . I'll bet when she meets some guy she won't feel bad about that . . . What a compassionate guy you are ! ? ! Hmmm, if you really feel guilty, FIX HER UP- if she's as beautiful as you say, I wouldn't lose any sleep, especially if you've got FIVE other babes keeping you busy . . . I guess you do need to be concerned though about creeps that might bother your son . . . Best of luck  | |
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| I feel guilty ....
Posted: 2/20/2007 6:36:46 PM | Did you inititate the break up,or did she? Perhaps she is in pain over the break up and doesn't want anyone but you? My divorce counselor said people in pain feel pain, and want to be left alone, and are not ready to date. People who have dumped the Ex, and feel no pain, just want "To be friends" and to be let off the hook,so they can feel no guilt. Could it be that your need to find her a mate is based in guilt?
You need to accept that she may never re-marry. And even if she does, it may be someone you do not like. These are no longer your problems-they are hers to deal with. "Distancing" is a natural and normal part of the divorce process, and you have to give up control now. | |
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