| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/16/2006 10:57:42 PM | | The flaw with online dating is human nature...it's because everyone on here is looking for someone...it's because of the availability of potential matches...human nature is to look for the ideal...we compare our dates with the ideal in our head...even if we find one slightest flaw in our dates, (i am not talking about compromising on core values) we stop dating and go back into the pool looking for that perfect person for us...we always think that there is someone whose better for us in this pool...because of the availability and the search for that elusive perfect person for us, i am little skeptic about online dating...i know it's very generalized, but those are just my thoughts. | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/16/2006 11:00:00 PM | Right now, I'd just like to be able to look into my inbox, but I keep getting a message that PoF is a bad gateway. For some reason I can get into the Forums though. Anybody know anything about this? Thx.
sea | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/16/2006 11:59:39 PM | | Well I can get into my inbox, but all of the links to local events are giving me an invalid request message. It works now but it didn't when I first logged in, about 20 mins ago. I think there might some changes being made to the website. Try going in from a different location. Like view profile or search. Or try this link. http://www.plentyoffish.com/inbox.aspx | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 12:17:06 AM | | I think the problem is ppl. are looking for a quick fix everywhere - online or in the "real" world - and ppl. get together not because they really have figured out how to love each other, but becasue they use the accompany of another person to expel loneliness and boost up their own ego. duh. Of course, when the 15-min. heat is over, they find out that the person lying next to them is not what they are looking for; then they start to fish and repeat the cycle.. | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 12:21:31 AM | this venue makes it easy , keep searching for the ever elusive perfect profile and you're passing up on some great people - Initially I was guilty of this too.
the anonymity of the internet can make people braver than they normally would be and prompt them to message someone they might not have approached up close and in person - this is a good and bad thing.
I like to focus on one person at a time , the dating world these days doesn't make that easy. | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 2:17:09 AM | | Fantasy overtakes reality....yes I have been one of those gals that guys feel they fit every part of what they are looking for and guess what? They bail out...why? because they decide they don't deserve such a prize in ther life...they get used to those evil -cold hearted women stomping on their heart...they kind of miss the drama. I am at the point where I have taken a break from dating because of guys not wanting to get themself out of the drama fix. | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 7 | |
| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 3:12:00 AM | | It may be the result of too much political correctness or at least all the silly advice that you don't have to lower your standards and settle because someone will come along. The truth is average people and below and that includes most people must settle for someone with flaws because they themselves have flaws. Eventually most people learn this and accept someone with flaws that they can get. | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 3:58:45 AM |
The flaw with online dating is human nature...it's because everyone on here is looking for someone...it's because of the availability of potential matches...human nature is to look for the ideal...
A disadvantage is not a flaw. And you're right human beings do that, it is what they are innately designed to do.
we compare our dates with the ideal in our head...even if we find one slightest flaw in our dates, (i am not talking about compromising on core values) we stop dating and go back into the pool looking for that perfect person for us.
Yes, that is how I do it.
we always think that there is someone whose better for us in this pool...because of the availability and the search for that elusive perfect person for us, i am little skeptic about online dating...i know it's very generalized, but those are just my thoughts.
It is very generalized. There are certain traits I absolutely adore, and when I find a pattern I am pleased with, I will end my search. I do not require the worlds most beautiful woman, I only require that I court "One" of the best. There are so many fantastic women out there -- Millions, upon hundreds of millions -- do you really suppose I ought not go with the odds, and settle? I'll go with odds - I'm certain I'll find what I'm looking for. | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 7:52:09 AM | Wow talk about generalizing and lumping everyone together. I'm looking for a man who can challenge me during a conversation, make me laugh, is honest, trustworthy and accepts me for who I am. The rest doesn't matter that much. I don't think everyone on this or any other dating site is in a continuous search for "the perfect partner." If that were the case once they found them they'd no longer be perfect anymore because they would add to the list of "must haves."
Since there are people who have met on dating sites and married I don't think this generalization is legitament.
smjle I'd like to know where YOU rank yourself on a scale of below to above average. Considering your age and your "I know it all" attitude in your posts I have a pretty good idea. | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 9:28:31 AM | smjle I'd like to know where YOU rank yourself on a scale of below to above average.
You have good symmetry, an indicator of good genes. Also, you appear to have class and intelligence, so I rank myself where I believe I would rank you if you were twenty. | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 9:44:35 AM | the problem i've found so far, is that i don't think people really really read the profiles. if i stated unequivocally that i'm not looking for married men to contact me, why on earth would they be contacting me? to me that's an indication of total disrespect from a stranger, even. it makes me wonder what type of person they would be in real life.
or some person complaining about my picture when they haven't even bothered to put one in their profile. stuff like that makes me churlish and lose my patience.
funny enough, i've heard of so many success stories using internet dating. i know of a few women who met their husbands there. i think because of the availability of matches, people use it as either a medium for endless time wasting or casual encounters. i would be wrong on all counts and stand corrected if i am. | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 10:40:59 AM | Whether real life or online...human nature is involved. You can't get away from that of course.
The flaws with online dating are the speed at which it moves. In real life you gradually get to know someone, with online you find you are swapping pretty intimate details fairly quickly. It can become intense far too quickly before you have really had enough time to see some of the warning signs that you would have noticed in a real life meeting.
Secondly, the anonymity of it means that people can show you just the side they want to show you. And then there is also the candy store mentality for some folks who are always looking for something better.
I believe most of us understand we are flawed and imperfect and know enough that others are the same. You see it fairly often on profiles that people are not looking for perfection but rather someone who is perfect for them meaning that they are attracted to the person's physical appearance and personality.
Like pieces in a puzzle. You start fitting together the big picture of who this person is. You click them together and perhaps you don't like the picture. There is nothing saying you have to settle, its just that that picture isn't one you want to live with. Someone else may like the picture. No need to take offence that it doesn't totally appeal. You maybe lucky and find someone quickly but chances are you won't. It takes time. | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 2:46:32 PM |
The flaw with online dating is human nature...it's because everyone on here is looking for someone...it's because of the availability of potential matches...human nature is to look for the ideal...we compare our dates with the ideal in our head...even if we find one slightest flaw in our dates, (i am not talking about compromising on core values) we stop dating and go back into the pool looking for that perfect person for us...we always think that there is someone whose better for us in this pool...because of the availability and the search for that elusive perfect person for us, i am little skeptic about online dating...i know it's very generalized, but those are just my thoughts.
You have a good point, but dont we do this in real life too ? | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 2:55:53 PM | | Problem is that it's like picking someone to talk to that is passing you by on the street. And that street happens to be 5th Avenue in New York. You can't just talk to them all cause there are too many. So a lot of people go by looks and then they see if the person has personality. Sometimes it's the other way around but not often enough it seems. | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 2:59:57 PM | The flaw with online dating...is human nature
I'll just take this one line and ignore the rest. So what you're saying is that there's nothing wrong with online dating, but instead it's human nature that's flawed?
Man, I love optimism! | |
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~Joy~
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Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 3:07:12 PM | Internet dating is more like Lets Make A Deal! Shall I take what is behind door # 1, 2, or 3? Nope, I'll hold out to see what comes along next. There is no room for chemistry, unless you get the intitial meet.
Oh well, I'm here mostly for the forums...they are pretty cool. I've met some really reat people on the forums, who have written me and vice versa. Too bad they are too far away to meet. | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 3:13:21 PM | | The problem with on-line dating is: In the real world, if you find someone that you have "chemistry" with, you get to know more about them. With on-line dating...You get to know everything about a person AND THEN you meet them....and too often, there is NO chemistry. Also. we give "qualities" to the person that we are talking to and when we meet them those "qualities" aren't a part of them and we are disappointed. | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 5:18:53 PM | i love how the term dating in online dating has become a euphemism for getting laid and the words long term relationship have really encompassed everything else. so essentially, if someone writes me an email from any site i have been on and i see the words Dating and not Serious Relationship i am willing to bet you 9 times out of 10 the guy is trying to get laid without strings attached. there is a new set of rules in online "dating" and if you are not careful you will get run over like a daisy with a truck. most people are into the quick hookups and not truly looking for substance and sometimes i don't blame them. but, watch out. you get what you ask for...and as always, the cream rises to the top.
xx | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 5:28:33 PM | Hmm, I beg to differ on your assumption of other peoples intentions, that 'everyone' is here looking for someone. I came here with nary an idea of what I was looking for, wasnt really lookin for anything, just tried it out to see what may happen.
Turns out as in everyday life that the woman I fell for was nothing what I imagined, but that takes nothing away from the feeling that remains, or her beauty as a person, both of mind & body............Sometimes life has a strange tendency to throw you a curve ball, love can creep up on you with no fair warning & 'b*tch slap' the crap outta ya. The 'type' of person you always thought was what you 'wanted' may indeed turn out to be the very opposite of what you actually 'needed'....life is a funny sob. | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 6:36:01 PM | You can always tell if your online interest has found greener pastures.. It starts with shorter and fewer emails or calls, maybe they stop all together.. maybe the greener pasture he or she went to graze in turned out to be full of milk weed.. All of the sudden you're interesting again.. That's why I'm just looking for friends and trying to fill the lonely evening hours by visiting the forums.. sad so sad ~sigh~
online dating is the flea market of love.. the next stall down might have a better model | |
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mybad
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 24 | |
| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/17/2006 7:20:11 PM | The outcome of online dating is very dependent on the motives involved. It leaves a lot of room for human nature. The need to reach out, the need to sqelch, the need to have sex, the need for communication, the list is endless.
These are unique to each person's virtues, values and needs. If we all had the same, life would be boring. The picture, description, email, IM paper trail offers a certain safety "net" in order to sift the people out which we may have never sifted out had we met them in person and/or worked beside them. Unfortunate.
This "net" also allows a facade to be taken as sincere for those we wouldn't normally interact with due to instinct and notice of body language and vibe, if you will, however we do because of the facade and may regret it. It's a risk we all take on these sites. | |
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| The flaw with online dating...is human nature
Posted: 11/22/2006 11:57:39 PM | OP: Just an opinion ,,,,, I think in our society not many people have time for real dating and I think alot of people online are fake as hell because they just pretend to be some fantasy online that they know in real life they cant pull off. As for love online ,,,,LOL,,,, I love the forums but I would be willing to bet if we were to meet most of the people that we chat with and try the romance thing it would not be at all what they said in their profiles. I'm not saying all people but I do think their is alot of writing going on while the hubby, or wifey lies in the next room or perhaps is at work. Just how I see it........GEORGIA GURL | |
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