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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?      Home login  
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 athletic2222
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 1
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
A friend of mine is being used by a guy. Yet she stays with him.

One display of disrespect and I am gone for good. No second chance.

Can anyone explain why you would stay with someone who disrespects you. These examples don't apply to my friend but to anyone as in:
Doesn't call when they say they will,
Makes plans and doesn't show up,
Makes excuses about commitment (just lies),
Hits you,
Mental abuse,
Cheating,
Lies,
Steals,

Why would you stay with anyone who does any of that?
 Dog Mommy
Joined: 7/11/2005
Msg: 2
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 6:05:24 PM
errrr....perhaps low self esteem?
 Sassy911
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 3
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 6:09:21 PM
I have asked that very same question many times...........I would rather be by myself........than to be disrespected...........and like you will not tolerate it........
 JulietJuliet
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 4
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 6:16:12 PM
I knew my ex was around here somewhere......


Doesn't call when they say they will
......this can be excused, because something may have come up beyond their control, and they may have been unable to call at that particular time.


Makes plans and doesn't show up
......this too can be excused....they may have been hit by a bus.

The other traits cannot be excused however, so NO second chances there i'm afraid.
 athletic2222
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 5
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 6:20:10 PM
That's true Juliet, but I'm talking about the guy who has no excuse. Or makes obvious lies about why he didn't call or show up.

 Charla13
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 6
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 6:22:59 PM
Yeah exactly, very low self esteem, and they stay in them because; at first its love, then its for the love you've felt that you may have never felt before, the companionship of someone to be with, and then finally its because they think they have nowhere else to go, literally, they feel comfortable nowhere else. They have practically brainwashed themselves into believein that they need the person.
 tig53
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 7
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Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 6:31:25 PM
Even though its unhealthy, theres comfort in familiarity.
 athletic2222
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 8
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 6:44:45 PM
tig... I'd love you to elaborate.... I'm working on a book.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 9
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Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 6:49:59 PM
because we feel that we are the woman who can change them. we think that, deep down, they really do mean well, they just have problems expressing it. we think that if we can reach a level of understanding with them, we can rind the chink in the armor that no other woman could find.

we think that, of all the women in the world, they picked us to help them heal whatever scars they carry.
 Star_Burst
Joined: 9/22/2006
Msg: 10
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 7:21:55 PM
reason is...some people would rather be in a bad relationship than no relationship..It's actually a sickness called no self respect, no self esteem and no self worth. Your friend needs to come and hang out with me for a weekend..I can teach all of the above in 24 hours or less guaranteed or your money back. .......I am getting paid for this right?
 jenny~dee
Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 11
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Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 7:24:46 PM
why you ask, because it is called emotion ebuse. it is a nasty cycle, that i learned long ago. when a man breaks you down to nothing, you feel only he can give you the affection you crave so much- because that is how he makes you feel. Abusive relationships are so common now a days, and women putting up with the sh*t needs to stop!, women stick up for yourselves- he wont change for anyone if he wont change for himselve- look at the bigger picture, pro's and con's. weigh em, know em, master them.

women stay with them because sometimes that is all they have ever known, is disrespect and untraditional unhealty ways in a realtionship.

 jenny~dee
Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 12
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Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 7:25:06 PM
why you ask, because it is called emotion ebuse. it is a nasty cycle, that i learned long ago. when a man breaks you down to nothing, you feel only he can give you the affection you crave so much- because that is how he makes you feel. Abusive relationships are so common now a days, and women putting up with the sh*t needs to stop!, women stick up for yourselves- he wont change for anyone if he wont change for himselve- look at the bigger picture, pro's and con's. weigh em, know em, master them.

women stay with them because sometimes that is all they have ever known, is disrespect and untraditional unhealty ways in a realtionship.

 sharabi_23
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 13
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 7:31:58 PM
I am in this sort of relationship right now.......he does all the things that I cannot stand...like says he'll call and doesn't, makes plans, doesn't show, etc...on and on....Yet I stay with him???? Maybe it is low self-esteem.....I think I have that, yeah. Guess what??? I am going to start showing myself the respect that he can't seem to. He called tonight way later than we planned and I will not call him back....When he calls again I will tell him that I deserve better.........Now that I have that in writing maybe I will be able to do it this time......

Help all those out there who have been here......I need support!
 grrmrgal75
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 14
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 7:39:08 PM
perhaps its that whole womanly thing of trying to be the one to "fix" the said dude thats jerking her around.
I have been there while my friends made back handed comments and I was feeling like I had to defend his behaviour.
I felt like less of a woman after every jerk like that, I can only hope i have been through enough of those to realize it now when/if it happens again.
 blue sunshine
Joined: 12/23/2005
Msg: 15
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 7:41:25 PM
Not sure Athletic.....my story is this.....short and sweet of course.....I was 20 when I left my husband (no gasps, lol) and it was because he couldn't keep his thing in his pants and because he was physically and emotionally abusive. When we (finally) had a civil conversation as to the reason of my leaving him.....I said....I can't stay in a relationship where a man can hit his wife....his reply.....women stay in these kinds of relationships all the time....my reply....I'm not on of those women....and I got in my car, turned on the key, and drove off (feeling empowered and free). I'd never even had a spanking from my own father growing up; I was so confused and surprised and then got tired of it after my husband decided to take his hate out on me physically; it took me about one year to "smarten" up and cut myself loose of a doomed relationship. It was the best thing I've ever done for myself!!
 angelab
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 16
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 7:41:46 PM
They have low self esteem.

They think they can fix the guy's lack of respect for them.

They can't stand to be single and will take whatever they can get.
 Brizo
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 17
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Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 7:55:50 PM
Many evasive men are quite smooth and charming. Their words make a woman feel as if they are important, and the woman doesn't examine the fact their behavior seldom matches their promises. Those kind of men can be very intense, and pay a high level of attention to the woman if and when they do call or show up. This confuses the woman, because the actions and the words don't match....but they stick around trying to figure it out.....
 Calibre
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 18
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 8:54:57 PM


A friend of mine is being used by a guy. Yet she stays with him.

One display of disrespect and I am gone for good. No second chance.

Can anyone explain why you would stay with someone who disrespects you. These examples don't apply to my friend but to anyone as in:
Doesn't call when they say they will,
Makes plans and doesn't show up,
Makes excuses about commitment (just lies),
Hits you,
Mental abuse,
Cheating,
Lies,
Steals,

Why would you stay with anyone who does any of that?


I'd say it's an odd combination of intrigue (why doesn't call, doesn't show up, doesn't commit?) and a disconnect with reality (abusive). Men are attracted to different elements of women, while women can be largely focused on how the guy makes them *feel*. It also sounds like she has a bit of the "Mother Teresa" complex going on too. She may be in the relationship still because she believes she can change him.
 Pink Rose Lady
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 19
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 9:04:33 PM
If you're writing a book about abusive men and why women tolerate it, send me an email and I'll give you my point of view. There are a lot of reasons, but when the woman is ready to put an end to it, she will, one way or the other. Unfortunately, some of these cases end up badly as they don't get better without intervention, they only get worse over time.
 athletic2222
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 20
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 9:08:49 PM
Hey Pink Rose.. Yes I want your story.. I tried to email but your restrictions block me. Please send your story. Nothing is too long or short.

The answers are giving me the insight I was looking for. Every answer tells a different story that represents a group, I'm sure. Thank you all for sharing your difficult experience and opinions.
 gentleoldsoul
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 21
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 9:08:56 PM
This can apply to both men and women, there are plenty of abusive women out there too.

A relationship never starts out as abusive....most abusive people won't show their capacity for it right off, they have learned to hide it because if they don't, most people would never give them a second chance. The abuse usually begins after a honeymoon period. Abusive people tend to be charming to people that meet them. People who aren't intimately involved with them think they are wonderful people. Why do people stay in these kinds of relationships? Having been in a relationship like this, I can only tell you why I let it go on as long as I did and it may not apply to all situations. I was in denial. It wasn't like one day he was Mr. Wonderful and Mr. ***hole the next.....the change was slow and quite incidious. I accepted his explanations and I excused his behaviour because I cared for him and it was not easy to walk away....I fell for a facade and it took some time to accept the "real" him was an abusive man, not the charmer I fell for.

Here's a thought....people who abuse other people should have to have "I am an abusive person" tattooed on their forehead....lol. It is a pattern of behaviour that I don't really think ever changes...once an abuser, always an abuser.
 Detritus
Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 22
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 9:31:44 PM
Show me your friends and you show me who you are. Time to cut her loose unless you both have these same low-esteem issues.
 LadySunDevil
Joined: 10/1/2005
Msg: 23
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 9:54:10 PM
I can't understand it either.......if you don't respect yourself how will you ever get respect from a man? Yet I see women who seem to be desperate for a little attention allowing them to be used by men all the time. It just makes no sense......if a man really cares for you and respects you, he will show it!
 JustaGuy06
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 24
Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 9:55:56 PM
Since I don't date men, whether they respect me or not is irrelevent.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 25
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Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 11/18/2006 10:46:32 PM
LOVE,
first love?
First real boyfriend?

Boyfriend probably degrades her value as an attractive female. So she does not think anyone else will find her desirable.

Those are my guesses. Seen it happen...or had it happen...
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