| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 8:05:19 AM | In the dating minefield has anyone figured out a formula for deciding when you truly know someone as the person they really are and not the one they purport to be?
I find it difficult that after 9 months I'm discovering facets of someone that I never would have believed existed. In the past I've been deeply in a relationship after much less time and never been shocked by anything, and yet in this one I keep finding out things that make me wonder what is going to be around the next corner. Of course this is all in the past and I guess its the person in the present that I need to be worried about - but his behaviour earlier in our relationship that were unknown to me really are rocking my confidence about keeping this going.
You don't have to tell me - its probably time to end it. | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 8:10:50 AM |
In the dating minefield has anyone figured out a formula for deciding when you truly know someone as the person they really are and not the one they purport to be?
I stealthily make my way into their bathroom, and then I snoop around in their medicine cabinet.
Never fails.
Really though, I'm sorry you're having a hard time of it, and I hope everything works out for you. | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 8:11:55 AM | I don't think you truly know anyone until you've seen their butthole.
Luckily, I've never truly known anyone. | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 8:54:51 AM | | I figure that by the time they start passing gas in your presence they've pretty much dropped any pretenses they may have had. | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 9:15:10 AM | | If you truely want to know someone, marry them , then file for a divorce, then the real person shows up, and I you stand in shock wondering what happen to the person you fell in love with remember that nothing brings out the real person in us like a divorce | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 9:26:11 AM | | I been told that "everyone puts the cap back on the toothpaste for the first 6 months". But I thinkt that there are some things that you NEVER really get to know about OURSELVES, much less someone else. | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 9:31:18 AM | Do we truely know even ourselves........let alone another human beeing.
We constantly evolve and change...................hopefully for the better, but not exclusivelly. | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 9:35:45 AM | Curiousone
In the dating minefield has anyone figured out a formula for deciding when you truly know someone as the person they really are and not the one they purport to be?
This might not sound like practical advice, but I rely heavily on intuition. It is a skill that can be strengthened the more you use it. Always trust your gut about people and if things keep popping up that you feel they were hiding I would run the other way! | |
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RJB888
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Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 9:39:54 AM | | You can spend years, and I do mean years and still never know everything about a person. We all keep little tid bits to ourselves, nothing wrong with that. Whats in someone past is the past, unless they have been convicted several times, anger issues things like that whats the problem. You have a past to, was it perfect and have you told him everything? | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:02:02 AM | | You can really learn what someone is made of during times of duress or high stress, this is not condoning anyone to go knock off a bank or sever one's leg, but the curveballs life throws at us and how someone handles the situation. | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:05:51 AM | curiousone msg 1:
I find it difficult that after 9 months I'm discovering facets of someone that I never would have believed existed. The purpose of dating is for each person to learn more and more about the other one. If you are finding out about things that are not acceptable to you, then it is up to you to decide whether it is something you want to live with or not. If the answer is no, then you ought to end it and not drag it out.
Just my 98 cents  | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:08:05 AM | | I will have to agree with the rest that you will never truly know the other person and people change but if they start saying or doing things that bothers you all of a sudden then maybe it is their true nature stepping forward in your relationship. If it is something bad that you cant live with I would say cut your losses now as you dont know what else they may be hiding until a future time. | |
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ousu
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Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 14 | |
| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:16:41 AM | Msg #9, Serendipityone:
This might not sound like practical advice, but I rely heavily on intuition.
Perhaps there is no other way to know?
The intuition... listen how you feel and act when with a certain person. If you find yourself being not_yourself (too careful, not totally relaxed, trying to modify yourself and your re/actions, etc.), obviously there is something wrong. We "feel" more than we "know", I guess. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 15 | |
| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:21:04 AM | OP - would you like some cheese with that whine?
People are complex. You can either approach it with open mind and enjoy yourself ... or treat it like shopping for a used car. | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:24:54 AM | | ^^ ousu Exactly! Thanks for more clarification. I have actually participated in intuition classes. They were very intense. I was truly amazed at what I learned in those classes. | |
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ousu
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Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 17 | |
| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:42:16 AM | Serendipity, in fact, yes, one can learn intuition (listening to oneself). Had never thought it that way. - I learnt "my lesson" via a pleasent experience. Funnily, I had never listened myself in "love affairs", even though it has been my strong field in other fields. So, it is existing, and what we can learn is allowing us to listen ourselves?
Arri :p
You can either approach it with open mind and enjoy yourself ...
Translation: possible short term fun - you really do not need to learn to know the other one.
or treat it like shopping for a used car.
Translation: Never buy without test driving. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 18 | |
| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:51:03 AM | @ ousu 
Not exactly.
The really great thing about relationships is the getting to know the person part and having fun. Isn't it ???? Open mind means, trust your feelings ... shopping for used car thing means, if you over analyze things and make the buying decision difficult, you either fall for a fast talking used car salesman ... or the guy with that great used car sells it someone else ...
Test drive is a given  | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:51:23 AM | Its not the question you truly know someone its the question whats there past take it from there...another point, i believe things happen for a reasom so i don`t care  | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:52:52 AM |
Of course this is all in the past and I guess its the person in the present that I need to be worried about - but his behaviour earlier in our relationship that were unknown to me really are rocking my confidence about keeping this going.
You don't have to tell me - its probably time to end it.
I would be less concerned with the past *before* your relationship, unless it involved criminal convictions, abusive behaviour, cheating, etc (ie, *serious* stuff, not how many women he's been with in his life, or the fact that he "partied hard" in college for a few years, 20+ years ago, got arrested at a political protest in the 70's, etc).
However I *would* be concerned with what you said was "his behaviour earlier in our relationship that were unknown to me". From the sounds of the way you put that, it sounds like you feel he wasn't honest with you, and that would be troubling to me... most people who aren't honest early on will continue to be dishonest about other things in the future. Honesty and trust are very important in a relationship. | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:58:44 AM |
The really great thing about relationships is the getting to know the person part and having fun. Isn't it ???? Open mind means, trust your feelings ... shopping for used car thing means, if you over analyze things and make the buying decision difficult, you either fall for a fast talking used car salesman ... or the guy with that great used car sells it someone else ...
Yep , that's the way I approach it to.........it's just plain FUN getting to know someone.........if you don't like the car or it's not running right, have fun looking! | |
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ousu
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Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 22 | |
| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 11:09:08 AM |
it's just plain FUN getting to know someone.........if you don't like the car or it's not running right, have fun looking!
The problem is.... hmmmm, was the OP talking about serious relationships? I suppose so... so, the problem is that we have fun even when getting married and a bit after that but then the reality hits, aka fun is over. And we realize we are in deep s**t with a stranger whom we do not understand, and who does not understand us.
Ah, I will leave the cars to you, guys :p and go for public transportation. | |
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| When do you truly know someone?
Posted: 11/20/2006 11:09:35 AM | I would agree with msg 9 & 14.
Well OP, although I do trust my 'sixth' sense (and believe you me, many times I challenged it and ) someone's headline has an answer and recipy in one to you. It says:
"Nothing is that bloody serious.. SMILE" . Yep, do not analyse over and over.
When do you truly know someone? I don't think so you would ever know someone 100% IMO. One of my friends took a mile step => after 2 months knowing each other and 'love was in the air' they moved in together only seven months later they parted. | |
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